Guys perception of women and their weight

[No_Go]

I have exactly the same body type as you.

 

When I reached size 4 my ex kept complaining I'm too big. Which, TBH, was true - I wasn't fitting in some of my pants anymore. It is also not an illusion because weight wise I was quite in the middle of BMI healthy range - if I am to gain to size 8 I'd definitely pass the BMI of 25- i.e. go to the overweight range.

 

I have a friend that was size 8 and was lighter than me, same height. I was size 2. I think it had to do with her having much wider hip bones and shoulders, size is not just determined by weight but very much by the bone frame.

 

 

I think each person has a different standard. My height is slightly above average in the US standard, and my natural size is 2 (was 0 when I was younger); whenever I have to go up to size 4, it's a warning sign for me to get fitter. I can definitely call myself "fat" if I ever have to go up to size 8.

Edited July 20, 2017 by No_Go

[MonkeyLogic]

OP it doesn't matter. Either people will be attracted or they won't. You can't control that. Are you happy with your body? If not, change it. If so, let whatever will happen, happen.

[bebe23]

OK, Truly Fat Woman here!

 

I'm a size 14 and my BMI last doctor's appointment was 30 (borderline obese.) I still have men smiling and staring at me quite often, and my husband likes what he sees even if I don't believe him.

 

One time, I will always remember this- some guy (married to a thin woman) I found out had said about me 'I usually don't like bigger girls, but she's an exception, she's cute.' I think it's because of how I carry it. No matter how much I've gained (I've managed to stay below 200 though, the most I've ever weighed was 195 and that was pregnant) I've always had an "hourglass" figure and I have a very feminine walk. Plus I'm on the short side, which translates to 'little' in most guys' minds.

[meta.morphate]

I've gained about 15 pounds in the last year, and honestly I have never felt sexier ... but also, this is not the first time I've been this weight, and it IS the first time I've appreciated my thick thighs and butt and thicker waist and not having a thigh gap and all. I'm not super thick compared to some other women (I weight 133 right now) but compared to when I was super skinny (like 115-116) I am MUCH bigger and thicker and I'm loving and appreciating it.

 

 

Your mindset makes all the difference. It sounds like you have a really dysfunctional relationship with your weight and your body and I hope you're able to work through that, because let me tell you girl - there are tons of guys who like thicker women and don't want a skinny little thing. When I was less than 120 pounds, I felt good wearing smaller clothes and being in a bathing suit and whatnot ...but when it came to sex and feeling sexy, I felt a little inadequate and like I was lacking something because I didn't have any juice.

 

 

I'm sure that once you get right with yourself about your body, you'll feel better in sexual/dating relationships. I feel like your insecurity about your body is probably obvious, and is a turn off to guys. However, I second what many others have said - I don't think his ghosting has anything to do with your weight. It might have to do with your insecurity. It might have to do with he's in a relationship or whatever the case may be, or it might have to do with he was just looking for casual sex and will hit you up again at some point ... that's dating in 2017, especially online. Work on yourself girl, this is all about you right now.

[OatsAndHall]

I have dated women of all shapes and sizes. I am only turned off by seriously obese women and I won't quantify that statement on this thread as I don't feel like getting axe-murdered.

 

I can almost always find a few things that I find physically appealing about a woman and that certainly helps in that department. A pretty set of eyes go a LONG way for me, regardless of body frame, weight, etc..

 

I have two female friends from college on Facebook that are flat-out gorgeous. They are both die hard gym rats and really work to take care of themselves. They are both nice gals but I would never date them because they post far too many "narcissi-selfies". Gym pics, bikini pics, skimpy-outfit-of-the-day pic, etc..etc.. They can't even take a picture of themselves going grocery shopping without having the angle showing a ton of cleavage. I get it, they work hard on to stay trim and fit and they want to flaunt it a bit. But, three pics of those kinds of pics a day is just too much.

 

So, ladies, understand that it goes both ways for a lot of guys. That tight, trim frame may be stunning but the personality behind it may not be quite so appealing. And, in the end, it's the personality that counts..

[OatsAndHall]

I have exactly the same body type as you.

 

When I reached size 4 my ex kept complaining I'm too big. Which, TBH, was true - I wasn't fitting in some of my pants anymore. It is also not an illusion because weight wise I was quite in the middle of BMI healthy range - if I am to gain to size 8 I'd definitely pass the BMI of 25- i.e. go to the overweight range.

 

I have a friend that was size 8 and was lighter than me, same height. I was size 2. I think it had to do with her having much wider hip bones and shoulders, size is not just determined by weight but very much by the bone frame.

 

Word of advice; ignore the BMI. It's a flawed method of measurement that was actually developed by insurance companies to help set premiums.. It doesn't take actual body composition into account (muscle mass, bone density, body fat, etc..) which skews it in the wrong direction.

 

In fact, I would suggest that you ignore all of the body composition tests. Even the most accurate method (underwater submersion) is still off by 3%, up or down. Caliper tests (the ones most fitness trainers use) can be off by nearly 10%..

 

In all reality, there's no accurate, statistically viable correlation between weight/body fat and morbidity/health. There's a strong tie between a person's daily activity levels and life span but that's about it. A sedentary person has a much higher chance of developing a metabolic disorder or heart issues compared to someone who makes sure they walk 10,000 steps per day.

 

More importantly, you just need to be comfortable in your own skin and don't let anyone judge you on your physical appearance. I was big into bodybuilding and powerlifting when I was in my teens and early-mid twenties and I was miserable most of the time. I obsessed over the gym and my strict diet and I was miserable most of the time. God forbid I didn't have a six pack and bench 315lbs!!! It got to the point where it was seriously unhealthy for me emotionally as I would get anxious if I didn't get my six+ workouts in per week or splurged on junk food here and there. It's an easy trap to fall into though.

 

I am much happier now that I just focus on being able to fit in a size 34 waist jeans. And, that's not even about appearance; it's about comfort. Smaller than a 34 don't fit my legs well and a size 36 falls off my ass. I still work out; I lift two to three days per week and make sure I get 10,000+ steps in every day. I eat a balanced diet that is still a little bland but I'm okay with it as I'm pretty busy and the nutrient dense foods keep me from crashing and burning half way through the day..

[The411]

So I am out trying to date. On some sites, been on some dates with people. Was dating someone steady until it fizzled out.

 

I am a bit self conscious. I struggled with weight all my life. I would be heavy, then medium, then skinny, and then back again. I feel myself now as medium average. I have a decent sized chest, which men don't mind, but I always wonder if they look at my stomach and legs. I have some hefty thighs, and a little squishy softness around my middle. I'm about a size 8 women/medium in clothing.

 

When I go out on a date with someone new, I am always paranoid they will criticize my size. Its just the bit of mold left over in my brain from my past weight issues and fluctuations. If we start dating after the first date, I start stalking their ex's on social media and see if they are skinnier than me, and question if they are comparing me to a skinnier past girl.

 

Recently, I was dating someone steady, and we got intimate. I was so scared for him to see me naked. I felt good, but compared to this guy, I was a beached whale. He was an avid daily gym goer. He had a 6 pack with abs you just want to lick. His abdomen was perfect. I'd never seen anything like it. And then here was me, naked with some small rolls and squishy thunder thighs. I was so scared of what he thought of me. I work out. I love walking and exercising. I also just love eating too.

 

This guy ended up ghosting me, and though circumstances point to his own personal issues as the reason, that poison in my brain had me questioning if he liked how I looked naked. He kept saying I had the most amazing boobs, but I questioned if he thought my stomach was flabby.

 

Deep down I know it wasn't me, it was him, but I was curious as to what guys think about women, sizes, and being naked with women? On dates, first time intimacy, etc...

 

Being naked with women is great. Personally, I find it hypocritical to be judgemental about a woman unless I'm in immaculate shape. Even then it's not about shape per se. Just like women guys have different preferences. Personally I'm a face and boobs guy.

 

The best tip I can give you is control what you can. You can't control how someone perceives you, but you can control your diet and the amount of exercise you get. If a woman smells nice and takes care of herself (hygiene) most guys aren't going to make an issue about her weight/shape, and if they do why would you want to be with them?

[aurelius99]

A guys perception of women and their weight is about the same as a woman's perspective of a men and their salary/status. It's just how it is. It's a dictation of biology. Some people may judge slightly more or less than others in this regard but it's always there.

[Bastile]

There is no other way to guard yourself against flattery than by making men understand that telling the truth will not offend you.

 

Niccolo Machiavelli - The Prince.

[knabe]

A guys perception of women and their weight is about the same as a woman's perspective of a men and their salary/status. It's just how it is. It's a dictation of biology. Some people may judge slightly more or less than others in this regard but it's always there.

 

Wrong. Nope. Bitter men like to think this.....but no.

[aurelius99]

Wrong. Nope. Bitter men like to think this.....but no.

 

It's okay. I already have become enlightened to the fact that what women say is far different than what they instinctively feel. I don't expect you to admit. Perhaps you are a woman who falls on the less extreme side of spectrum in regard to this, but it's still a true phenomenon across human race. Men don't like fat women (unless they have no options) and women don't like poor or low status men (unless they have no options).

 

I used to get angry over this, myself, since I've previously been low income. But now I've accepted it. Too bad now that I'm making good money I've lost interest in relationships with women and I'm very happy solo...because my options with women now is much higher.

Edited August 5, 2017 by aurelius99

[Bastile]

It's okay. I already have become enlightened to the fact that what women say is far different than what they instinctively feel. I don't expect you to admit. Perhaps you are a woman who falls on the less extreme side of spectrum in regard to this, but it's still a true phenomenon across human race. Men don't like fat women (unless they have no options) and women don't like poor or low status men (unless they have no options).

 

I used to get angry over this, myself, since I've previously been low income. But now I've accepted it. Too bad now that I'm making good money I've lost interest in relationships with women and I'm very happy solo...because my options with women now is much higher.

 

You're about as enlightened as Joseph Smith, sticking his head in a hat and plagiarizing nonsense.

 

Field test, sir. There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

[aurelius99]

You're about as enlightened as Joseph Smith, sticking his head in a hat and plagiarizing nonsense.

 

Field test, sir. There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

 

Lol, very poetic but cmon buddy just take a look around you and see how the world operates. There's a reason why the classic couple is a rich man with a stunning wife. If you can't even admit this then I suppose you'll argue against the sky being blue. Out.

[knabe]

Lol, very poetic but cmon buddy just take a look around you and see how the world operates. There's a reason why the classic couple is a rich man with a stunning wife. If you can't even admit this then I suppose you'll argue against the sky being blue. Out.

 

Well, you're just like Jesus aren't you

[aurelius99]

Well, you're just like Jesus aren't you

 

Nope. Nobody can be.

 

And you're supporting my point even more. The Bible says that humans, in the natural, are sons of Adam, not sons of God. Translation: we are basically animals unless god supernaturally transforms us by his spirit. This is why women love to say "men are animals", usually in reference to how they want sex so much. Well they're right. Unfortunately women are animals too. They just are suckers for power and status.

[jay1983]

It's an ugly truth, but it's real. Rich men often have thin wives. Even amongst African American men, who tend to be the most tolerant of heavy set women. That may be because there are more poor black men than rich. Most pro athletes and entertainers have thin wives.

[aurelius99]

It's an ugly truth, but it's real. Rich men often have thin wives. Even amongst African American men, who tend to be the most tolerant of heavy set women. That may be because there are more poor black men than rich. Most pro athletes and entertainers have thin wives.

 

Exactly.

 

If you want to use an evolutionary perspective (even though I don't believe in macro-evolution), you can say that healthy, thin, young and fertile women who procreate with men who have the most resources (i.e., money) have the most viable offspring with highest chance of survival.

[Bastile]

Exactly.

 

If you want to use an evolutionary perspective (even though I don't believe in macro-evolution), you can say that healthy, thin, young and fertile women who procreate with men who have the most resources (i.e., money) have the most viable offspring with highest chance of survival.

 

Is that right, Professor?

 

Is that why I have slept with women that you would cut your arm off for one night with, spending under £100 - and not even inviting them into my social circle (therefore using no status as a crutch)?. And no, I'm not a male 10. I'm a bit above average in looks. You can't accuse me of "good looking guy game" anyway.

 

Your frame is just lame. Provider game. And I can tell full well that you haven't tested your theories sufficiently in-field...

 

Most women do not "procreate with men who have the most resources". They acquire alpha dna, and beta provisioning.

 

Me being the alpha dna, and (maybe) you being the beta provisioning when I upset her, or she needs some security.

 

You realize that about 20% of Australian men (could be far higher) are unknowingly raising children that aren't theirs? Secure cuckolds.

 

The behaviour is so common that it was a completely mainstream topic during the Renaissance. So much so that plays were written on it for amusement (Cure for a cuckold - Middleton and Webster).

 

I suppose that can be seen in more modern tropes of the trophy wife getting with her personal trainer, pool boy, or whatever to get her alpha dna there.

 

I have no real problem with you playing a weak "save your pennies and hope a girl fancies you one day" game. But I do have a problem with you spitting your limiting beliefs at other people who might not know any better.

 

Insecurity can be like a plague that transmits from one person to another.

Edited August 6, 2017 by Bastile

[William]

Since the thread starter hasn't posted here in over a month and the thread was about their weight situation in dating and the topic has now apparently morphed into arguments over alpaha/beta males and thin women and isn't addressing the starter at all, well put a fork in it we're done.