Is my wife hiding something?

[Mz. Pixie]

By the way-I'm truly not attacking you.

 

This happened three years ago.

 

Here is some advice I haven't seen.

 

Tonight bring her computer down or bring her up to it and say

"In the interest of transparency please give me your Skype password and your email password right now".

 

Make her do it in front of you and right then. I don't believe this is tipping your hand. This has been going on long enough.

 

Log on in front of her and look.

 

I've been here a very long time. She could be cheating of course and I'm not siding with her. I'm just pointing out a few things other posters have not.

 

Do it tonight. It's crazy to live like this.

 

You'll be able to tell from her immediate reaction. If she's guilty. If she hesitates at all that's the deal.

[suspiciousH]

So it's okay for you to have these fantasy affairs with these women? Have you told your wife about this? After all she's not supposed to flip her hair but you're doing this behind her back?

 

This is emotional infidelity too. I'm sure you don't see it that way I'm just pointing out that you have done some things as well.

 

You have got to be kidding me. You mean to tell me that everyone who has occasional sexual fantasies (in my case followed by the "whole fantasy") that have never translated into any form of action (including pursuit) is guilty of emotional infidelity? That would effectively mean that everyone on Earth is a cheater. Listen, I've read some of your posts and your background and experiences are radically different from my own and so I would fully expect our philosophies to be equally different and unlikely to ever be reconciled.

 

Have I told my wife? Absolutely. She is well aware of the reasons for my visualization and meditation practice and has been for nearly two decades. She also knows about everyone woman who has expressed strong interest in me. She knows about the financial analyst 15 years my junior who kept sending me unsolicited personal emails in an attempt to build an emotional bridge. She knows about the CMO who repeatedly tried to convince me to attend a conference alone with her. She knows about the HR analyst and who made (unreturned) sexual comments to me. And so on and so forth. Like I said, transparency has been a hallmark of our marriage.

[suspiciousH]

Your number one job is to make her believe you have absolutely no worries. The last thing you need is for her to become more careful.

 

Regarding the Facebook and texting. Look into finding deleted Facebook messages . It used to be possible but I'm not sure if that has changed. She mayhave been coached into something harder to catch. Particularly since she visited his locale soon afterward.

 

There are many ways to text and send pictures without getting caught now. Snapchat for example and many games. Check her app purchases to see if any have been bought and deleted or if any that are on her phone can be used for texting with out leaving a trail.

 

What was the context of her odd remark about her always loving you who matter what? Sorry, can't remember if that's how it was phrased. My first thought was that she was afraid you would be told something. My second thought was she suspected you of cheating.

 

Thanks, Chap. Unfortunately I don't remember the exact context of the "always with you" comment. But I think it followed a discussion of my worries last October.

[suspiciousH]

Have you attempted to log into her skype account? Has she ever stated who she skypes with?

 

I've logged into her Skype using her email address but found nothing. My concern is that she could be using an account I don't know about, and that why I asked my earlier question about how I might find a list of accounts used to login to Skype on a given PC. I think ActivTrak (thanks guys!) will answer that question.

[Maraud3r]

Regardless if it's a means to express interest or not- or ifs guy begins to gain interest after that- she can still say no.

 

You ever heard the term "it doesn't matter where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home?"

Sorry but, what? There is a HUGE difference between looking at people and possible mental cinema and actually engaging with another person. Feeling someone up, flirting with them and opening a door that should be firmly closed is a red flag. And not to be explained with "getting appetite somewhere else" anymore.

 

My H is flirted with all the time. Doesn't bother me. He's not interested in anyone else. I compliment him but sometimes it gets the juices flowing to hear it from someone else.

It's not about her being flirted with, it's about HER FLIRTING WITH OTHERS. Being chat up and talked to is one thing, however not closing that door and giving a firm rejection to it, instead inviting further advances and flirting back is an entirely different one.

No harm in that to me.

This might be shocking to you but not everyone is you! I know, astonishing concept that.

 

To me it says "keep yourself in check honey". And I'm grown!

Well apparently not grown enough to understand that not everyone is you and that other people have different boundaries and that flirting with other people, feeling them up etc might be stepping over the line for some.

 

It's him giving her the benefit of the doubt that her behaviour was indeed unintentional and not meant to convey what it did.

 

If you want to be grown, flirt with people, feel them up and possibly escalate further you are indeed free to do that. However you will find that many partners will not take you violating their boundaries and the integrity of your relationship lying down. This is not a case of someone banning you from doing something but merely telling you that if you do, it will have consequences such as them walking out on your or throwing you out.

 

I've logged into her Skype using her email address but found nothing. My concern is that she could be using an account I don't know about, and that why I asked my earlier question about how I might find a list of accounts used to login to Skype on a given PC. I think ActivTrak (thanks guys!) will answer that question.

Did you use her computer? It often has logs for each account one logged into. And when logged out it will display "accounts" which were logged into using it unless all of it was purged.

[stillafool]

It is a possible that your wife is fantasizing about other men as well and maybe flirting back a little but not engaged in an affair. Like you she is a red blooded woman and is capable of being attracted to other men but that is where it ends.

[suspiciousH]

 

Did you use her computer? It often has logs for each account one logged into. And when logged out it will display "accounts" which were logged into using it unless all of it was purged.

 

Hey Maraud3r -- I don't see a list of accounts when I start-up Skype on her PC (or mine, which she uses sometimes). I don't know how to find such a list in PC logs and wasn't able to find a way to do so on Google.

 

By the way, I agree completely with your precious comments.

[suspiciousH]

It is a possible that your wife is fantasizing about other men as well and maybe flirting back a little but not engaged in an affair. Like you she is a red blooded woman and is capable of being attracted to other men but that is where it ends.

 

That's my hope.

[Jersey born raised]

Stillafool, like zombiehead's wife?

 

This thread and his seem intertwined at some level. Suspicious, you should read Zombie's thread (it's up to over a thousand comments) and post your thoughts here if your wife is acting the same as your's.

Edited July 1, 2017 by Jersey born raised

[suspiciousH]

Hey Maraud3r -- I don't see a list of accounts when I start-up Skype on her PC (or mine, which she uses sometimes). I don't know how to find such a list in PC logs and wasn't able to find a way to do so on Google.

 

By the way, I agree completely with your precious comments.

 

Sorry, "previous" not "precious" comments. (Thanks, iPhone auto spell...)

[Maraud3r]

It is a possible that your wife is fantasizing about other men as well and maybe flirting back a little but not engaged in an affair. Like you she is a red blooded woman and is capable of being attracted to other men but that is where it ends.

This is contradictory. Finding someone attractive is the first step, FLIRTING with them is already the second, physical contact the third. It only goes downhill from there.

 

Opening the door a bit, pretty much invites someone wrenching it open. It leaves an opening others can exploit and that might lead to further acts that should not exist in the first place. People cry slippery slope fallacy, ignoring that not every slippery slope is in fact a fallacy.

 

Hey Maraud3r -- I don't see a list of accounts when I start-up Skype on her PC (or mine, which she uses sometimes). I don't know how to find such a list in PC logs and wasn't able to find a way to do so on Google.

 

By the way, I agree completely with your precious comments.

Logs older than 30 days should usually be saved on the hard drive somewhere unless the person in case changed/deleted them. Where it is depends on the windows version being used and some other factors. You should google it.

 

As for other accounts. The small blue arrow on the right side of the name on the login screen can be clicked upon. It shows other names with whom one has logged in on said account, unless they have been deleted from the history.

[Mz. Pixie]

Sorry but, what? There is a HUGE difference between looking at people and possible mental cinema and actually engaging with another person. Feeling someone up, flirting with them and opening a door that should be firmly closed is a red flag. And not to be explained with "getting appetite somewhere else" anymore.

 

 

It's not about her being flirted with, it's about HER FLIRTING WITH OTHERS. Being chat up and talked to is one thing, however not closing that door and giving a firm rejection to it, instead inviting further advances and flirting back is an entirely different one.

 

This might be shocking to you but not everyone is you! I know, astonishing concept that.

 

 

Well apparently not grown enough to understand that not everyone is you and that other people have different boundaries and that flirting with other people, feeling them up etc might be stepping over the line for some.

 

It's him giving her the benefit of the doubt that her behaviour was indeed unintentional and not meant to convey what it did.

 

If you want to be grown, flirt with people, feel them up and possibly escalate further you are indeed free to do that. However you will find that many partners will not take you violating their boundaries and the integrity of your relationship lying down. This is not a case of someone banning you from doing something but merely telling you that if you do, it will have consequences such as them walking out on your or throwing you out.

 

 

Did you use her computer? It often has logs for each account one logged into. And when logged out it will display "accounts" which were logged into using it unless all of it was purged.

 

First of all, I wasn't assuming that everyone is me. I stated to me, as in my opinion, which you know kinda is the basis of this forum.

 

Secondly, the time that OP has taken to fantasize regarding these other relationships he could have been focusing on his wife. While I'm glad that he has told her about these sessions- could it be possibly that she would like his full attention and not for it to be dreaming up fantasies of other women he actually knows in real life.

 

So- it's ok for him to do those things but not okay for her to touch her hair in conversation with a man? Okay, big double standard.

 

Nothing was mentioned about feeling anyone up so I am not sure where that factored in at any point. I clearly said that her FB conversations were inappropriate. It has however been three years.

 

They have been married a very long time and other than that in all those years he has never had a cause to worry or be concerned- that's a great track record.

 

I'm simply giving her the benefit of the doubt.

[suspiciousH]

Totally unrelated but I've been playing with the kids this morning. We have a pitching machine and batting cage on the property and I am so proud that my eight year old son is now hitting 40 mph curve balls and sliders consistently! Love my family!

[Mz. Pixie]

Totally unrelated but I've been playing with the kids this morning. We have a pitching machine and batting cage on the property and I am so proud that my eight year old son is now hitting 40 mph curve balls and sliders consistently! Love my family!

 

That's great and glad to hear.

 

I think if you read some of my posts you'll see that I'm pretty hard on true cheating situations. It's just that some of the posters here are colored by what has happened to them in the past, understandably but immediately they think a woman is cheating.

 

I just hate to see a long great marriage be torn apart by stuff like this.

[SoulStorm]

I personally do not think a married woman should be flipping her hair and touching other males in conversation. regardless of what she may be thinking by doing this, she is sending signals to the gentlemen she is doing this to as she is interested. In truth she may not be, but that is not what the guy she is touching is thinking. The guy she is touching is thinking, 9 times out of 10, that she is flirting and interested in me.

 

That's just how in general men think. You can't make us think like women, because we are not.Most women are use to being flirted with. Most guys are not. The guys that are flirted with will try to take it to the next level in most cases.

 

There is a huge difference between fantasizing and actively pursuing. If my wife was grabbing mens arms, smiling at them and flipping her hair, that would be a huge disrespectful move to me. That guy will be thinking..I can take this guys wife because she is all over me, especially if she is DOING IT IN FRONT OF ME. Much worse also if she does it behind my back.

 

 

I guess if your husband was to talk to a woman, look in her eyes and smile while he runs his fingers gently across the nape of her neck would be acceptable. Well that may be good for your marriage..but my wife would not approve of me doing that. As I do not approve of her grabbing another man's arm and flipping her hair and smiling at him. She accepts that and that's why we will be celebrating our 31 year anniversary this month.

[Superchicken]

Nothing was mentioned about feeling anyone up so I am not sure where that factored in at any point..

 

Actually, he did say she places her hands on their arms..

So there is touching.

 

 

I would love your mentality to be the same for everyone else.

But, its not, and further, people these days are more devious, and sneaky.

Red flags are harder to spot, and when you do, its better to side on caution, rather than "Hope"...

 

 

You need to read so many guys, and girls, on this Forum, who had nothing but a stupidly dumb suspicion, but, yet, after some digging, Wallah..

Cheater caught, and all efforts proved well worth it.

 

 

Do I hope she's not cheating, yeah, and I hope we all look like idiots.

But, Red flags have been observed, and rather than feeling unsure, it would be better to prove it one way or the other.

 

 

Please don't say to "Talk to her about it".

That is the worst thing to do. Who in their right mind would fess up ?.

Get serious.. I mean, they are ALREADY lying to you about the affair, so you think that they will say "Oh well, she's suspicious, might as well give up the ball game.. Shucks golly gee"..

Or "WHAT, cheating, no way honey.. I love you so much, I couldn't do that to you.. Schnookems..".

 

 

Its too bad, there isn't more people like you, and be honest, but, we live in this world with liars and cheats..

 

 

Ted.

[Mrs. John Adams]

i just have a question...does your wife also touch women when she talks to them? Because some folks are just touchers...just like some folks are huggers....it may just be who she is and she doesn't even think about it.

 

yes...I am still giving her the benefit of the doubt...

[Mz. Pixie]

 

 

You need to read so many guys, and girls, on this Forum, who had nothing but a stupidly dumb suspicion, but, yet, after some digging, Wallah..

Cheater caught, and all efforts proved well worth it.

 

 

 

 

 

Ted.

 

Yeah-I've been here since 2005-and I've read plenty of stories, thanks

 

Of course I know if she's cheating she won't admit it.

 

I wanted for him to ask for access to her email. Before she had a chance to delete anything.

[suspiciousH]

i just have a question...does your wife also touch women when she talks to them? Because some folks are just touchers...just like some folks are huggers....it may just be who she is and she doesn't even think about it.

 

yes...I am still giving her the benefit of the doubt...

 

Good question. I haven't paid attention to whether or not she interacts with women in the same way. I'll pay more attention over the next week.

 

I speak fluent Spanish and have lots of Latino friends and so by extension so does my wife. One of her Latina amigas, wife of a buddy of mine, is very touchy with everyone. But I recognize the cultural differences between Latinos and North Americans. Still, I've told my wife that it bugs me when she touches me when we talk.

[SoulStorm]

i just have a question...does your wife also touch women when she talks to them? Because some folks are just touchers...just like some folks are huggers....it may just be who she is and she doesn't even think about it.

 

yes...I am still giving her the benefit of the doubt...

 

Yes and does she flip her hair when touching these women as well....

[Mrs. John Adams]

Yes and does she flip her hair when touching these women as well....

 

“The hair flip is an unconscious message sender. It tells the world that you want to be noticed: As animals, we are attracted to movement; when we flip our hair, we draw attention to ourselves. Often this is done in order to gain attention from the opposite sex, however, it can also be done in an aggressive manner to make an individual appear larger and more threatening.”

 

Does she have a hair style that her hair falls across her eyes or face so she tosses her head to get the hair out of her view?

 

I am a hair twister....I twist it subconsciously...I dont even realize i am doing it.

[S2B]

Yes and does she flip her hair when touching these women as well....

 

Is soulstorm the same poster as suspiciousH?

[suspiciousH]

Is soulstorm the same poster as suspiciousH?

 

Are you an idiot?

 

I just looked at some of his posts. Do the same and you'll see that there are dramatic differences in writing style.

[SoulStorm]

Is soulstorm the same poster as suspiciousH?

 

ummm no...

[suspiciousH]

[quote name=

Does she have a hair style that her hair falls across her eyes or face so she tosses her head to get the hair out of her view?

 

[/quote]

 

No, she doesn't have that type of hairstyle.