Can you recover from drunken "I love you" text?

[Hopeless.heartbroken]

I feel like such an idiot. How could I be such a horrible judge of character? I thought I knew him. I thought he was my friend. Why would he say those mean things about me, and behind my back? I'm so embarrassed. This is the most humiliating thing I've ever been through

[Art_Critic]

We have all done something in love and dating that could be considered on some level crazy or unstable.. even if we were young when we did it..

 

All is good though, learn from this and stop all contact with him..

[mortensorchid]

Someone sent me a dick pic once. THROUGH FACEBOOK I would like to add on a Saturday night of partying (on his part not mine). He texted me a few days later (he had my phone number - we had met through OLD but never actually met in the flesh, we just drifted over time) that he was sorry he was drunk that weekend.

 

I accepted the apology but did not respond to him after that. It's broken and can't be fixed. On your part, I think you like a lot of others, have been watching too many TV shows and movies and think that doing something like that is going to lead to happiness. It doesn't, it leads to dramatics and awkward feelings. Of course, you could say to him on your part "I'm sorry I was drunk when I sent that". He may accept the apology, but don't expect that he'll fall down before you and say he feels the same way and let's ride off into the sunset and get married. Be ready for his reaction to walk away from you for that. Fact.

 

I do sound old and cranky when I say that ... Ha ha ha ...

[Hopeless.heartbroken]

Are all guys this mean? Do you need to be pretty to get a guy to give you the time of day? I really thought he was nice. This is the worse pain I've ever felt.

 

I'm sorry but I don't understand how someone who claimed to be my friend could want to hurt me so badly.

[Hopeless.heartbroken]

Should I try calling him again? Or maybe an email? I could leave him a voicemail explaining what had happened. I could tell him that I was really drunk and emotional. I don't know what to do and I feel like I'm on the verge of a major meltdown.

[lana-banana]

You MUST let this go. Block his number, block his email, block any way you have of making contact, and set your mind on forgetting. It doesn't matter what you do at this point; the damage is done and by incessantly calling you've made it much worse. He doesn't want to be friends with someone pursuing him in this way and it has nothing to do with him being mean.

 

You should also be kind to yourself. You mentioned you didn't have a lot of experience with guys, and this entire situation (girl fails with crush and overreacts disproportionately in a last-ditch effort to save face long after any hope is gone) is really common with women in their late teens and early twenties. The upside is you haven't done anything illegal and no one's been hurt except you. If you walk away now, this will just be a small affair that is nothing but a cringe five years later. If you don't, you risk long-term harm to your self-esteem and ability to form healthy relationships.

[Hopeless.heartbroken]

Illegal? What could I do that would be considered a crime? Lol

 

And the "upside" being that I'm the only one hurting? That doesn't sound very up-ish to me

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Try not to be too hard on yourself. You were just being honest about the way you feel. Unfortunately it was just wasted on this particular guy.

 

Most guys would be flattered knowing that someone thought so highly of them, even if they weren't interested in dating her. They would also politely tell her that they weren't interested in being more than friends. However, for some (less experienced) guys, they don't know how to handle it very well so they try to ignore it.

 

Perhaps all the calls and texts trying to fix it were a bit of an overkill, but we learn from our mistakes. Most of us are familiar with the feelings you are experiencing right now, but thankfully those feelings of hurt and embarrassment do pass in time.

 

The real test of a good friendship is how each person handles things during the bad or awkward times. Clearly his idea of friendship with you was just superficial. Now you have conclusive proof that this guy is neither good friend or boyfriend material.

 

Do not let this one guy make you feel less than worthy. You are beautiful just as you are, and you will find someone else.

 

You might not realize it now, but he actually did you a favor. Now you know he deals with things passive aggressively and talks about you behind your back. He was never going to be good boyfriend material.

 

Keep you head held high.

[lana-banana]

I said you hadn't done anything illegal. Please read. And yes, it's a good thing you haven't had a meltdown yet and you're the one who's hurting, because you're the only one with control over your feelings.

 

You can't salvage the friendship at this point. It's over. Take some deep breaths, step back, and focus on yourself.

[Hopeless.heartbroken]

I said you hadn't done anything illegal. Please read. And yes, it's a good thing you haven't had a meltdown yet and you're the one who's hurting, because you're the only one with control over your feelings.

 

You can't salvage the friendship at this point. It's over. Take some deep breaths, step back, and focus on yourself.

 

I don't want to blow it out of proportion but I feel like it's already there. I don't know. I don't feel like I can just let this go. I'm hurt, angry, and embarrassed. I don't know how to forget about this. I wish I could but it's all I can think of. I feel so sick to my stomach. I have been crying nonstop. I have work in the morning and I can't go in if I am feeling this way.

[lana-banana]

You have to let this go; he's already made that choice for you.

 

You're not going to forget for a long time, but trust me, you will someday. It's okay to be devastated. That's normal when you're hurting. Right now you need to focus on your job and yourself, and have faith that this isn't the end of the world. Treat yourself to some soothing rituals, a nice bath, and a healthy meal.

[coolheadal]

I don't want to feel like this. But I can't help but think it's true. If it isn't, why has no other guy ever given me the time of day?

 

That's a good question? Only you can answer that one.. Do you live in a small town do you open yourself more like you did with that message to him. Never call him when you sent him that message. For me if you did call me I would be happy. I don't know what type of guy he really is. But he should have contacted you already with his answer. I guess he hasn't and the would suggest he's not interested if there is someone else he's seeing and your not aware of it. Or you come across as being hard to get. Trying to say this nice but I don't know what type of woman you are. How would you describe yourself to me?

[coolheadal]

I don't want to blow it out of proportion but I feel like it's already there. I don't know. I don't feel like I can just let this go. I'm hurt, angry, and embarrassed. I don't know how to forget about this. I wish I could but it's all I can think of. I feel so sick to my stomach. I have been crying nonstop. I have work in the morning and I can't go in if I am feeling this way.

 

It's called Love (your in love deeply for years with a man who doesn't even know this until now) Sure you can get hurt we all can too. That's why you need to understand the real picture here. Please don't call him, you'll get hurt if he doesn't say the right words you want to hear back.. I sent you another message about how you would describe yourself so can figure out why other men haven't gone after you.. In this world the women have the upper edge and the men have to do the chasing. That's how it always been. But there are a few women who rather chase after the men, that's what your doing!

[niji]

I don't want to blow it out of proportion but I feel like it's already there. I don't know. I don't feel like I can just let this go. I'm hurt, angry, and embarrassed. I don't know how to forget about this. I wish I could but it's all I can think of. I feel so sick to my stomach. I have been crying nonstop. I have work in the morning and I can't go in if I am feeling this way.

 

The only way to "not let it go" is to stop all contact with him, and work on improving yourself so you can prove him wrong. Honestly when you become a better person (in whichever way you desire tobe), you won't give a damn about what he thinks, but if it makes it easier to get there, then you can think that way to yourself. Whatever gives you the motivation.

 

Most of us were not born with a naturally hot body/face, perfect teeth, and impossible IQs. In fact most of us need to improve on a lot of things, be it appearance, social skills, empathy, or knowledge (the last one being something you constantly have to improve on no matter how smart you are). We get to where we are by, mostly, hard work. I won't lie and tell you that if I, or you, work hard enough, we'll look like Miranda Kerr or Adriana Lima. But the point is, you DO NOT need to look like a model to find happiness. Be the best of yourself that you can be, as cliche as it sounds, because, well, that's the only thing you could realistically do while still retaining a sense of self-identity. Most people I know look significantly better if they have a healthy weight and healthy skin/teeth. There are very, very few people with unfortunate facial features that need surgical intervention. What I'm trying to say is, you CAN be more attractive (if you feel that you're unattractive right now) with hard work and dedication.

 

Do not contact this dude again. His action has just shown you what he really thinks about you. I can guarantee you, any other contact from you - phone calls, texts, etc will continue to emphasize his image of you as the "drama queen". If you send an apology text, "drama queen is trying to rectify the situation and connnect with me again." If you send an angry text, "Here she goes again".

 

Do you see how you CANNOT win if you contact him?

Edited June 26, 2017 by niji

[stillafool]

One more thing. Sorry for spamming. But how should I approach this with messing up again? I like him sooooooo much but the two times I've tried letting him know, he freezes up. Should I just try flirting and being cutesy with him? How can I let him know I like him without him running for his life? Why does he keep running from me?

 

Please help

 

He freezes up because he knows he doesn't feel the same way about you and only sees you as a friend. It more than likely will not turn into more and he knows it. Don't lie to him. Tell him you meant what you said, because you do, and then leave the poor guy alone.

[stillafool]

I'm thinking of calling him to say I still do want to be friends. Having him in my life, even if as just a friend, is better than not having him at all. I'll swallow my feelings for him. I'll forget about it. I can't lose him again. He's really important to me.

 

If he let you become his friend what will you do when your friend meets the girl he wants to be with? Will you be okay with him introducing her to you? Can you hang out with them without your feelings getting hurt? Because that is what true platonic friends do when they have a new gf or bf? If you answered no to any of those questions, you cannot be his friend.

[Hopeless.heartbroken]

We're not dating but I didn't know where to post this.

 

I've known him for around 6 years, have been crazy crazy crazy about him the whole time. We've never dated. He's had a off and on again gf for the longest time. He's currently single.

 

I recently told him in a stupid drunk text that I want more than his friendship, to which he flipped his lid and shut me out for around 2 weeks. He finally broke the silence and told me he wants to take it slow and see where it goes. I was great with that. Haven't pressured him at all!

 

Last night, he calls me at like 7pm asking if I wanted to hang out. I said sure and got dressed. We went out and ended up drinking. (I'm not a big drinker, I promise I'm not. I rarely drink it's just that dumb stuff happens when I do lol).

 

So I'm s#!+ faced drunk, so much so, that he insists on taking me home instead of us getting separate cabs. On the cab ride, we are literally ALL over each other. His hands were all over me to the point that I had to make him stop. I'm talking like, bad. Really bad and I'm drunk and in love with this guy so for me to say it was bad, trust me. His hands were in my underwear.

 

So we get to my place and he comes up. I'm great with that. After a few minutes of fooling around, he jumps up, makes an excuse about having jury duty in the morning and without saying much more, just leaves.

 

He texted me this morning saying sorry but he doesn't think he can do this.I asked him what he meant and he said we will talk later, that he's still in the court house.

 

I'm so fed up with this. He's always building me up then shutting me out.

I want to get over this. I want to over him but I can't. I keep thinking of him and I can't stay away. I try not to call him or answer his calls but I can't stay away for more than 5 minutes. I feel like I'm going insane. No guy has ever had this affect on me.

[Zahara]

There is no such thing as "can't" -- it's always a choice. Right now the choice to stay tormented is much more tolerable than cutting him off. At some point you'll hit rock bottom and you'll decide enough is enough.

 

Or you can hold on to your self-respect and move on from him. He likely went out for with you to get in your pants but couldn't go through with it likely due to guilt.

[stillafool]

Why does it seem lately that nothing is as big a turn on to women as rejection? OP, it's the fact that he is playing hard to get and rejecting you that makes you want him. You ego is bruised.

[Cookiesandough]

I don't think he's playing hard to get at all. I think he isn't interested in anything more than friendship, though he tried. I don't think OP is turned on by rejection either...she has probably had a crush on him for a long time, friend of 6 years ... I dont know if you should remain in this person's life for now, OP. It is a case of unrequited love and very painful. Then you can fall in love with another man who appreciates you and doesn't build you up /knock you down.

[Hopeless.heartbroken]

So he's not ready to talk apparently. I will not pressure him in anyway.

 

The only thing I can think of is that maybe he got like, scared or turned off by me.

 

We were making out and touching was happening and it didn't take a lot to send me over the edge...twice. I was very aroused by him and I couldn't help how my body was responding to him.

 

It was after that he just upped and left.

Edited July 19, 2017 by Hopeless.heartbroken

[spiderowl]

I'm sorry but my feeling is that he'd happily have sex but that he does not see you as a long-term prospect for some reason. I'm sure you don't want to be a casual girl he sleeps with when he feels like it. It would be more of the same on/off friendszone situation.

 

I think you are better extricating yourself from this relationship altogether and shutting him down. You will meet someone else if you are emotionally open to it. As long as you are hankering after this useless guy, you will remain stuck in never-never land.

 

This guy is only interested in casual encounters with you. He does not love you the way you want him to feel. I know it hurts but it is reality. Do not let him invade your life any more. You can do so much better.

[Redhead14]

A guy turns down the opportunity for sex because he has jury duty??? That's equivalent to a woman turning a guy down for a date because she has to wash her hair.

 

But, if nothing else, the guy at least knows he's can't or doesn't want to get too far down a road with you and didn't take advantage of the situation. The way he did it was a little, let's say, off putting, but the message is the same.

 

No guy has ever had this affect on me.-- What affect is that? -- Leaving you a confused/stressed mess? That's what I've always wanted in a man.

 

By the way, you're confused because HE's confused and he's been that way with you for a while. When a man isn't sure about a woman -- he's sure -- sure that he doesn't want what she wants but can't do what's necessary to end it so he waits for her to do it.

 

Have you ever observed a person who gets poop on their shoe? They will scrape off as much as they can in the grass or on the curb and let the rest wear itself off over time.

Edited July 20, 2017 by Redhead14

[BaileyB]

It seems pretty clear to me...

 

He's on again-off again with his girlfriend. He's on again-off again with you. He doesn't commit to anything...

 

But really, he's not "on again" with you. You told him you liked him and he "flipped his lid and shut you out for two weeks." That tells you how he feels right there...

 

And with all due respect, you say in one sentence that you don't drink. And in the next sentence you got "$&/@ face drunk." Not cool. And, not going to help. He groped you in the car because you were both drunk - nothing more. Don't take it as a romantic overture...

 

I say, you need to walk away from this guy. It is a choice, a decision you can make. Find something else to do and someone else to date. This, in not going anywhere and it's not very healthy for you.

[BaileyB]

I do love the excuse though... he gets points for creativity. I can't have sex because I have jury duty... That's even better than "the dog ate my homework" or as Redhead said, "I can't go out tonight because I need to wash my hair."