Crossing the line or not?

[Mrs. John Adams]

Yea of course, sorry. All contact has been open, I never thought anything of it really as we've been friends so long and my bf has never had an issue with it previously. My ex text me saying he was thinking of me that day (I went in for a scan to determine whether I am eligible for brain surgery) and hopes to see me soon. My bf went quiet and eventually when I kept asking what was up he said it was crossing a line and we shouldn't speak. So naturally I asked why now, and had I done something to upset him, what was he worried about etc all whilst making it clear I would end the friendship if it makes him uncomfortable, but he's never said why or explained any of the sudden change of heart at all. Th only possible thing I can think of is what I mentioned earlier, that we ran into an old friend of his who slept with his ex girlfriend, perhaps this was a trigger for him and I'm trying to be mindful of it but at the same time it's difficult to move forward without that communication.

 

ok...thank you that clarifies it.

 

This is the bottom line My bf went quiet and eventually when I kept asking what was up he said it was crossing a line and we shouldn't speak.

 

He told you that the text...crossed his line. It made him feel unsafe. Truly this is all the reason he needs...all the explanation he feels he has to give. He is telling you... this is my line....now it is up to you as to how you want to approach it.

 

you can do as i said before...pick what is most important to you...your friendship...or your boyfriend.

 

I can tell you that when my husband tells me it's the principle...that's all the answer i am going to get. It doesn't matter if i agree...so I either go against his wishes...or i respect them. There are only two choices.

 

Our children always knew when dad said...it's the principle....the discussion was over and begging was not going to get them anywhere.

 

I am not saying this is what your boyfriend is doing...because i dont know him...but if i were making an educated guess....I am betting it is.

 

Good luck to you...I hope you make the best decision for you.

[LilyViolet]

And his ex-gfs tried to kiss him after they were no longer together?

 

Your ex still has feelings for you. That text you quoted if his, that's clearly from a guy that's been friendzoned that I is keeping contract in the hopes that you'll see that he's such a nice guy that he is the one you should be with.

 

Yeah I really don't think so. That was a couple of years ago. I've known him a long time and he really is a good person, one of those people who no one has ever had a problem with. And yeah, like I said he rekindled things as a one off with an ex a couple weeks before we got together she came onto him. They're friends and it's not an issue for me. My ex has a new partner who I also talk with. We mainly talk about illness and the unpleasant sides to it - it's certainly not flirtatious. I don't think saying you're thinking of someone when it's the day they're having a potentially life-altering brain scan is inappropriate either. But hey, I've already said I'm going to quit the friendship. I just feel without the communication this is probably not a good outcome for anyone involved including my bf.

[LilyViolet]

ok...thank you that clarifies it.

 

This is the bottom line My bf went quiet and eventually when I kept asking what was up he said it was crossing a line and we shouldn't speak.

 

He told you that the text...crossed his line. It made him feel unsafe. Truly this is all the reason he needs...all the explanation he feels he has to give. He is telling you... this is my line....now it is up to you as to how you want to approach it.

 

you can do as i said before...pick what is most important to you...your friendship...or your boyfriend.

 

I can tell you that when my husband tells me it's the principle...that's all the answer i am going to get. It doesn't matter if i agree...so I either go against his wishes...or i respect them. There are only two choices.

 

Our children always knew when dad said...it's the principle....the discussion was over and begging was not going to get them anywhere.

 

I am not saying this is what your boyfriend is doing...because i dont know him...but if i were making an educated guess....I am betting it is.

 

Good luck to you...I hope you make the best decision for you.

 

Thanks. As I've said I already made the decision to end the friendship. I just don't think it's necessarily a healthy one for my bf either without honest communication about it. I'm hoping that after a few months he may feel more comfortable in discussing the issue. I don't feel able to talk to him about it now which is a shame. If I bring it up he shuts down and is defensive so I think I have to just do it and give him time to open up to me about it.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Thanks. As I've said I already made the decision to end the friendship. I just don't think it's necessarily a healthy one for my bf either without honest communication about it. I'm hoping that after a few months he may feel more comfortable in discussing the issue. I don't feel able to talk to him about it now which is a shame. If I bring it up he shuts down and is defensive so I think I have to just do it and give him time to open up to me about it.

 

Very smart move! Obviously...your relationship is important to you...he will know you chose him....and thats most likely what he is asking.....he just wants to know you love him.

[dichotomy]

Firstly there is no chance of me ever cheating and I'm so sure the same goes for my ex who has way too much on his mind as a 30 year old battling cancer to be thinking of this, plus I really think the support we provide each other is valuable to us both.

 

 

Actually its when alot of cheating happens - around life battles, losses, pain, death etc. Especially when both people might be facing tough challenges. The need to seek comfort and relief is so strong. Been there.

 

and all people are "capable" of cheating. Don't think you are superhuman. Its safer to think you could - and watch out for it.

 

Its a touch call. How serious are you with your BF? Living together? thinking he might be a future husband ?

[knabe]

Rudeness is extremely unnecessary. I am 29. I don't think I have been anything other than open and reasonable, thanks for calling me petulant when I'm seeking advice.

 

'It's called empathy' - indeed, which is why I have not made further contact but are you really suggesting I have no empathy for feeling sadness at the end of a decade log friendship that is totally innocent, that my boyfriend hasn't explained his reasons for wanting to end whilst he has many friendships with women including exes? And yes exes he's had sex with, we're all adults and have moved on, we're happy together so I have no issue with this.

 

I am trying to be considerate here, please do point out how I have been at all petulant about it. I haven't had any argument with my partner about it at all. I've pushed for communication which I am struggling with, but I don't blame him for because I know it is difficult for him. At the same time ending something innocent without reasons why seems like I'm not helping him, only justifying insecurities that I don't even really know the root of so therefore at the moment can't reassure him about.

 

Sorry I was harsh. You're older than I thought, but still young compared to my droopy old self ( )

 

If you think you have the potential for a permanent future with your boyfriend, then let the ex go. You don't have to be mean and all dramatically "no contact" (some people would say you do, but extremes are rarely healthy). Because twenty years from now, you may have a history and children with the man who becomes you husband, and compared to that, an ex will be peripheral at best. Weigh the long game. That might make the decision for you.

[Try]

We were attracted to each other intensely and tried an on-off thing for a few years here and there but it never worked and with maturity we realized this spark we had was better suited to friendship, and we remained friends since. What this looked like was the occasional long email catch ups a couple times a year, a drink if we were in the same city etc. We both went on to date other people, sometimes would meet with them too etc. Now slight blip - I met with him while seeing my ex boyfriend and at the end of the meeting he tried to kiss me.

You and your ex "were attracted to each other intensely" and tried to make it work many times over a number of years, and although you claimed that you both "realized this spark we had was better suited to friendship", the fact that "he tried to kiss" you the last time that you saw him shows that it may have been only you that wanted to keep it only a friendship. As your boyfriend and most males know, your ex is probably an orbiter that will use friendship so that he will know when your boyfriend and you are having troubles in your relationship to make another move. Your ex gives you a backup plan, whereas your boyfriend has no such option in reserve.

[central]

I agree that it's smart to end the friendship with the ex, out of consideration for your bf and your relationship. However, there appears to be a double standard involved, in that it's okay for him to remain friendly with exes, but you can't. What is the difference? If there isn't any difference, then even if it does not bother you, I'd ask for reciprocity, out of simple respect and balance. If there is a difference, is it sufficient to justify the differing standards?

[LilyViolet]

I am also dreading explaining this to my ex. But my bf comes first, so I will do it. Just seems very cruel to tell my friend I'm no longer going to speak to him when I feel he's done nothing wrong and is battling cancer. I'm also not going to mention this was my bf's idea because I feel that puts my bf in a bad light. I will be honest and say if he sent me a text saying we can no longer be friends cos it crossed the line id be like 'wtf?!' because I have a boyfriend and no interest in him, and would be sad to lose that support system. His girlfriend is absolutely lovely as well. The first time I met her she said to me not to feel awkward and she was so glad he had me to talk to about stuff and asked me about my own illness etc. We don't see each other really because they live in the city but we have a similar sense of humour and post stuff to each other on Facebook, silly really but it would be a shame to lose her as well. We've been able to offer each other support too because obviously my ex's illness effects her heavily too. I don't know it's just a bit of a mess. But I'm going to respect my boyfriend's feelings, just wish I understood them a bit better.

[DKT3]

Thanks. As I've said I already made the decision to end the friendship. I just don't think it's necessarily a healthy one for my bf either without honest communication about it. I'm hoping that after a few months he may feel more comfortable in discussing the issue. I don't feel able to talk to him about it now which is a shame. If I bring it up he shuts down and is defensive so I think I have to just do it and give him time to open up to me about it.

 

It's done, he told you you crossed his comfort level, but he doesn't want to come off as controlling. What you're really looking for is a platform to change his mind and move his boundaries.

[dichotomy]

Also be aware of crossing over into an Emotional Affair - even without sex. Different people define cheating differently, For instance sharing details of your BF or your relationship with BF, or recalling fondly times with your ex, etc... could be considered a betrayal.

 

Tough spot.

[knabe]

I am also dreading explaining this to my ex. But my bf comes first, so I will do it. Just seems very cruel to tell my friend I'm no longer going to speak to him when I feel he's done nothing wrong and is battling cancer. I'm also not going to mention this was my bf's idea because I feel that puts my bf in a bad light. I will be honest and say if he sent me a text saying we can no longer be friends cos it crossed the line id be like 'wtf?!' because I have a boyfriend and no interest in him, and would be sad to lose that support system. His girlfriend is absolutely lovely as well. The first time I met her she said to me not to feel awkward and she was so glad he had me to talk to about stuff and asked me about my own illness etc. We don't see each other really because they live in the city but we have a similar sense of humour and post stuff to each other on Facebook, silly really but it would be a shame to lose her as well. We've been able to offer each other support too because obviously my ex's illness effects her heavily too. I don't know it's just a bit of a mess. But I'm going to respect my boyfriend's feelings, just wish I understood them a bit better.

 

Is not speaking to him at all what is required, or is that a bit of a knee-jerk reaction? We humans tend to do that a lot, especially when we are defensive or don't like something. I've done it: "fine! I just won't go see my friends AT ALL then!!" Did your boyfriend say wipe him from the face of the earth, or is he uncomfortable that you can spend hours alone together and have deep, personal conversation?

 

When you do talk to your ex, please don't make it a "my boyfriend is jealous so I can't talk to you" thing.

[LilyViolet]

I agree that it's smart to end the friendship with the ex, out of consideration for your bf and your relationship. However, there appears to be a double standard involved, in that it's okay for him to remain friendly with exes, but you can't. What is the difference? If there isn't any difference, then even if it does not bother you, I'd ask for reciprocity, out of simple respect and balance. If there is a difference, is it sufficient to justify the differing standards?

 

Well I suppose I've only just realised the difference, because another poster brought it up. I am not jealous in the relationship, but he is. I make allowances because his friendships don't bother me, and he has had that horrible experience and never had any help dealing with it.

 

It's different for me. I went through an extremely bad time with my ex. Before I was diagnosed, I began having random episodes of being very ill. I would constantly have no energy and terrible memory problems. Then I began feeling faint, being sick and passing out regularly, even at work. Doctors didn't know what was wrong. My ex constantly shouted at me and berated me for being lazy and putting in the illness, I felt so useless and just lost because I was ill and no one knew what was wrong with me. I was afraid to go out because of these attacks and one time I had one whilst out and my ex said I embarrassed him. One time I went to work and was sent home, they suspected me of being under the influence because my speech was slurred. I was upset and terrified, my ex picked me up and screamed at me all the way home. Eventually I had a tonic clonic seizure and woke up in hospital - my ex left me whilst I was there and gave me a week to leave the house. So I was homeless, unable to work, then found out my job was being made to one role (there were two of us doing the one role) and I was unlikely to get the job seeing as I was off sick, dealing with a diagnosis that was going to change my life forever, and I had a lot of issues for a long time with pushing myself too hard because I was so used to not being believed about my illness. Around this time my family were dealing with the substance use of a family member, which I felt a lot of guilt about as I was too ill too get involved (I am a drugs counsellor) and also a sudden bereavement. It was all a bit much for me. So for me, I ended up having counselling to deal with a lot of this stuff. I have now made peace with my past, moving forward with my illness, and managed to stay on at work going for a promotion for a role I've always wanted and getting it. I really feel my bf might benefit from this too, but I don't think he'd go for it. It hurts me so much when he tells me things about his previous relationship or when he's so touched by me doing things for him that I consider normal. I shower him with love and affection that he deserves but at the back of my mind I don't think he has come to terms with the fact he was in an abusive relationship. He's over his ex but is angry that he didn't leave sooner. Sorry I have rambled. I really do love him so much.

 

But yes there is a double standard but it's not like he is demanding generally, he is reasonable. He just finds this hard to talk about. It's like if I mention his friendships he dismisses it and says I know he'd never cheat. Which offends me a bit because it's like he's saying he thinks I might one day. I've never given him any reason to think this, I'm so open with him and he goes on my phone all the time. Sometimes he says he feels insecure when other men look at me because he thinks I'm so beautiful (I really don't think I'm beautiful I have A LOT of insecurities but I've always had a lot of attention i guess) but he knows it's his issue and nothing I'm doing. So it's just strange this has come out of nowhere. I wish I could get into his head a bit.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Is not speaking to him at all what is required, or is that a bit of a knee-jerk reaction? We humans tend to do that a lot, especially when we are defensive or don't like something. I've done it: "fine! I just won't go see my friends AT ALL then!!" Did your boyfriend say wipe him from the face of the earth, or is he uncomfortable that you can spend hours alone together and have deep, personal conversation?

 

When you do talk to your ex, please don't make it a "my boyfriend is jealous so I can't talk to you" thing.

 

OR ....tell him the truth. I respect my boyfriends wishes because i love him...and i think it is in the best interest of all of us for me to have no contact with you at this time. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

 

Understanding...compassionate...truthful and respectful

[LilyViolet]

Is not speaking to him at all what is required, or is that a bit of a knee-jerk reaction? We humans tend to do that a lot, especially when we are defensive or don't like something. I've done it: "fine! I just won't go see my friends AT ALL then!!" Did your boyfriend say wipe him from the face of the earth, or is he uncomfortable that you can spend hours alone together and have deep, personal conversation?

 

When you do talk to your ex, please don't make it a "my boyfriend is jealous so I can't talk to you" thing.

 

No I totally agree, as I said I would not say my bf isn't comfortable, I don't think that's fair on my bf at all. Basically all my boyfriend has said was that it crossed the line and I shouldn't speak to him any more, full stop. We wouldn't really be able to reduce the talking much because we really don't talk much anyway, just a few emails over the year catching up and sharing our experiences with illness, then meeting very occasionally which my bf has been invited to and my ex's partner has attended. These personal conversations are not hidden from my boyfriend and I've had a few with ex's partner too, we've had chats about managing things like fatigue and stuff. I guess that's what I'm driving at in posting to begin with - I don't really know whether I'm crossing the line because my bf hasn't really explained it to me. I feel like in ending the friendship I must say something to my ex, as wouldn't it be crueller to just disappear, especially when he's going through so much? I don't know. I don't want to hurt anybody.

[whichwayisup]

 

'It's called empathy' - indeed, which is why I have not made further contact but are you really suggesting I have no empathy for feeling sadness at the end of a decade log friendship that is totally innocent, that my boyfriend hasn't explained his reasons for wanting to end whilst he has many friendships with women including exes? And yes exes he's had sex with, we're all adults and have moved on, we're happy together so I have no issue with this.

 

I am trying to be considerate here, please do point out how I have been at all petulant about it. I haven't had any argument with my partner about it at all. I've pushed for communication which I am struggling with, but I don't blame him for because I know it is difficult for him. At the same time ending something innocent without reasons why seems like I'm not helping him, only justifying insecurities that I don't even really know the root of so therefore at the moment can't reassure him about.

 

I wish you had mentioned this in your opening post..

 

My suggestion is, get your boyfriend and your male friend (exbf) to get together one on one. Let them get to know one another alone and maybe they can get to know each other without you there.

 

Obviously your bf has insecurities and trust issues from his past, he needs to work on those and understand that you're not going to cheat on him nor is your ex more important that him.

 

with that said, how often are you talking to your ex? Daily and a lot of texting or is it once a week or once every month? The frequency of it all could be bothering him and together you two can compromise, limited involvement with your ex. Does that seem fair?

[LilyViolet]

OR ....tell him the truth. I respect my boyfriends wishes because i love him...and i think it is in the best interest of all of us for me to have no contact with you at this time. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

 

Understanding...compassionate...truthful and respectful

 

Yea I do agree and that sounds really good, but at the same time I do wonder if I should mention the bf. I don't want my bf to seem crazy jealous, or to undermine the decision by basically saying it's not me its my bf. I also don't want my ex to feel he's done something wrong. I really don't want to upset him either but my bf is my priority. Or maybe you're right and there's a way to say it without it making my bf look unreasonable, which o don't think he is but it's hard to know without him talking to me.

 

Do you think it might be ok to just soften the blow a bit and say I feel that I should be sharing more of these things with my bf and that perhaps we can catch up at some point in the future? Or is that unfair to my bf? Argh I'm not good at this am I, sorry to keep asking you questions it's just your advice really speaks to me.

[kgcolonel]

LV, here's what i am seeing as you progress through this discussion, everyone it seems has told you that if your BF is uncomfortable with this or that it is your place as his GF to "make him feel safe". Your attitude, continued questioning etc belabors this direction.

 

You are seeking ways to get what YOU want, not what is good for your relationship with your BF. It's not necessarily about whether or not you're capable of cheating, trust me, everyone is capable. It's about what your either bring into the relationship or draining the relationship. If you're bring into the R, it would look like, "I get that your uncomfortable with my continued contact with ex, therefore, I (sincerely) think it is best for me to wish him well and off we go. If your draining from the R, it would look like, "But why can't i do this or that, why don't you feel comfortable with me hanging our with an ex who once tried to kiss me knowing full well in was in another R" How can i coerce your to agreeing with me so that i can get what i want here?????

 

I hope you take a step back and think about your BF a little more that yourself and your ex.

[LilyViolet]

I wish you had mentioned this in your opening post..

 

My suggestion is, get your boyfriend and your male friend (exbf) to get together one on one. Let them get to know one another alone and maybe they can get to know each other without you there.

 

Obviously your bf has insecurities and trust issues from his past, he needs to work on those and understand that you're not going to cheat on him nor is your ex more important that him.

 

with that said, how often are you talking to your ex? Daily and a lot of texting or is it once a week or once every month? The frequency of it all could be bothering him and together you two can compromise, limited involvement with your ex. Does that seem fair?

 

Hi thanks for your reply. Sorry if I missed anything out, I already felt my post was way too long! I totally agree, however my ex and I were only speaking via email every few months or so and meeting perhaps once or twice a year, with his current partner present usually. I could cut this down I suppose but we're already not speaking a great deal, I have found support from them both really useful. When you have a long term illness people often mean well but don't know what to say. I have invited my bf to meetings with my ex but he's always declined. I guess maybe I could suggest they meet again? But I don't want my bf to feel I'm not listening and really valuing the friendship more than him. I'm in a bit of a muddle, clearly.

 

And yes he's friends with exes but I guess it's different because for me, that's not a problem.

[LilyViolet]

LV, here's what i am seeing as you progress through this discussion, everyone it seems has told you that if your BF is uncomfortable with this or that it is your place as his GF to "make him feel safe". Your attitude, continued questioning etc belabors this direction.

 

You are seeking ways to get what YOU want, not what is good for your relationship with your BF. It's not necessarily about whether or not you're capable of cheating, trust me, everyone is capable. It's about what your either bring into the relationship or draining the relationship. If you're bring into the R, it would look like, "I get that your uncomfortable with my continued contact with ex, therefore, I (sincerely) think it is best for me to wish him well and off we go. If your draining from the R, it would look like, "But why can't i do this or that, why don't you feel comfortable with me hanging our with an ex who once tried to kiss me knowing full well in was in another R" How can i coerce your to agreeing with me so that i can get what i want here?????

 

I hope you take a step back and think about your BF a little more that yourself and your ex.

 

With all due respect I have to disagree. I have accepted I need to let the friendship go. However I don't know if I feel I crossed the line and in this feeling, I wonder if terminating the friendship without working through the issues is actually healthy for my relationship and my boyfriend, not just me. I would agree that it's all about me if my boyfriend had laid out his reasons but he hasn't. He was totally fine with this before and out of nowhere is suddenly not. Nothing has changed in the friendship with my ex. Let me say again, I have not made contact since and I'm going to actively end the friendship. I want opinions on whether it's crossing the line and whether I should attempt to talk with my bf more about this. However seeing as many people think that despite him not telling me it's clear he feels unsafe, this isn't really justified but I respect it so my plan is to terminate the friendship and give it a few months and hopefully have him open up to me later. I don't want it to be that I justify his insecurities and he later decides out of the blue that other friendships are not ok as well. I'm not angling to get anything here, obviously I'd like to continue the friendship. But it's give and take isn't it. It would just be easier if my boyfriend felt able to communicate with me. I have always prefaced talking about it by saying he's my priority and I will end the relationship I just want to know where he's coming from but he shuts down and just says 'if you want to do it do it' and I say it's not about that and we go round in circles.

[LilyViolet]

Also be aware of crossing over into an Emotional Affair - even without sex. Different people define cheating differently, For instance sharing details of your BF or your relationship with BF, or recalling fondly times with your ex, etc... could be considered a betrayal.

 

Tough spot.

 

Yes I totally agree thanks for bringing this up. I don't think I'm in danger of this just as I talk about this stuff with others too, my bf sees the emails and the only time we talk about our partners is just general how are they and mentioning them as part of our catching up stuff. I would never discuss any relationship stuff with him, the very idea seems weird! We don't talk fondly about our romantic past either, it was so long ago and we were so young that it's almost like a past life, certainly not something I think about until times like now.

[LilyViolet]

Also be aware of crossing over into an Emotional Affair - even without sex. Different people define cheating differently, For instance sharing details of your BF or your relationship with BF, or recalling fondly times with your ex, etc... could be considered a betrayal.

 

Tough spot.

 

You and your ex "were attracted to each other intensely" and tried to make it work many times over a number of years, and although you claimed that you both "realized this spark we had was better suited to friendship", the fact that "he tried to kiss" you the last time that you saw him shows that it may have been only you that wanted to keep it only a friendship. As your boyfriend and most males know, your ex is probably an orbiter that will use friendship so that he will know when your boyfriend and you are having troubles in your relationship to make another move. Your ex gives you a backup plan, whereas your boyfriend has no such option in reserve.

 

Yes we had the attraction but God we were so young and it was like ten years ago now. The kiss thing was totally out of the blue but he had been diagnosed with cancer the week before and to be fair he didn't know much about my relationship at the time, this was also years ago and nothing happened since, even when we were both single. My ex is certainly not a backup plan, I have no attraction to him at all, I see my life with my bf, my ex is in a relationship also.

 

And I get what you're saying and I agree! However, my bf knew all about this anyway as we were friends for years, and he has never had a problem with me speaking to him before and out of nowhere he does, that's what's confusing as he wont communicate with me about it. As I've said if he feels the way you do, I'm very ready to hear it and I'm going to end the friendship, I would just like to know his reasoning and boundaries. I don't want to unwittingly find myself in this situation again. Also he has friendships with exes also that followed similar patterns and I'm cool with this - I'm certain if I suddenly decided I wasn't he'd respect that but want to talk about my sudden change of heart.

[GoldenR]

Just like females, males have a radar when it comes to their SO interacting with other males. I'm pretty sure that's what's going on with your bf, and that will answer the question of why he cares so much about just this one ex. His radar may be getting set off by the guy, or it may actually be getting set off by you. And if it's you, it doesn't mean that you're purposely doing anything. It could be the way you smile when you talk about the ex,or the tone of your voice when you talk to him. It could be anything.

 

The last thing I'll say about this is that it sounds like your bf is a quiet, doesn't like to show his emotions,kind of guy. If that's the case,think long and hard about how far you want to take this relationship. Guys love to set their engine on autopilot, and just let things keep going the way they are. It will be hard to get him to open up, and if he never opens up, it will eventually take its toll on you.

 

I wish you luck.

[LilyViolet]

It's done, he told you you crossed his comfort level, but he doesn't want to come off as controlling. What you're really looking for is a platform to change his mind and move his boundaries.

 

No, I'm trying to learn what his boundaries actually are. He was totally ok with it before, now suddenly not. I'm not trying to change his mind I'm trying to understand. I'm going to give up the friendship, I think it's normal to fear that doing this without discussion sets a precedent for justifying insecurity and he may want me to end other friendships. I don't really want that. I am happy to end anything that is out of line in his mind but he won't talk about what's upset him or the boundaries so I feel ambivalent about it.

[LilyViolet]

Sorry I was harsh. You're older than I thought, but still young compared to my droopy old self ( )

 

If you think you have the potential for a permanent future with your boyfriend, then let the ex go. You don't have to be mean and all dramatically "no contact" (some people would say you do, but extremes are rarely healthy). Because twenty years from now, you may have a history and children with the man who becomes you husband, and compared to that, an ex will be peripheral at best. Weigh the long game. That might make the decision for you.

 

It's ok. I have already made the decision to end the friendship. It just isn't sitting right with me at present as I don't know what triggered the sudden change of heart. I'm hoping he may be able to talk about it more at some point.