45 and working thru breakup...

[Spartakooty]

Oh, and yes, I am a lovely guy:p

[JJNY]

Thank you for the support. Her daughter died in her arms Christmas eve 2014...if you can imagine. Professionally she is a funeral director and is around grieving people all the time. Not that that means she can easily deal with the loss of a child. I know she grieves, but always has this tough outer shell, like she's unaffected and can deal with whatever life throws at her. She is strong, but to a point where no one gets in...my opinion of course. She also gives to and nurtures everyone else without much thought to herself. A good trait usually, but that can be at a cost when one isn't looking after themselves. I know she needs to do a lot of emotional work on herself, but she's the type who will NEVER go to therapy. I hope she finds what she is looking for in her new relationship, it's new, it's free and easy...but I know how it will end.

 

Man Spartakooty, our stories (and approaches) are far too similar. While my ex didn't go through trauma of that nature, she went through a much different trauma and never took the time to properly heal and cope before jumping into something with me. When the pressure got to her, when it started becoming too "real", she bounced, and now I have a very strong reason to believe she is already on to the next relationship not even a month later.

 

Yes, her new relationship is free and easy, it's a distraction, it lets her hide from what her real issues are. And it will likely end the same way.

 

Meanwhile, I am taking this time to do a TON of reflecting and self-improvement. I have not yet gone on any dates and will probably continue taking time off from that. I'm working out more, trying to focus on work more, and have been hanging out with friends more. Been to a few counseling sessions to try to improve my self-worth which she stomped all over.

 

At the end of the day, it's me and you (and others in our situation taking our approach) who will come out on top. Stay strong brother!

[Spartakooty]

Been since May when last email contact with my ex gf. Yesterday, I get a text from her out of the blue asking if I want concert tickets back that I got her for Christmas last year. The show is this month.

 

I told her she can keep them and that was it. No other response from her.

 

Is this an olive branch? Just wondering what people think. I'm dating someone new and not interested in getting back to together with her...at least right now lol!

[SevenCity]

Been since May when last email contact with my ex gf. Yesterday, I get a text from her out of the blue asking if I want concert tickets back that I got her for Christmas last year. The show is this month.

 

I told her she can keep them and that was it. No other response from her.

 

Is this an olive branch? Just wondering what people think. I'm dating someone new and not interested in getting back to together with her...at least right now lol!

 

It could be, it could be a breadcrumb, it could be her just being polite.

 

The important thing is you don't want to date her so you handled it well.

 

People here often say if dumpers want back in they beat down your front door on hands and knees. Real world is they will often stick a toe in the water to gauge your reaction.

 

Sadly, they will often reach out just to see if you are on the hook for an ego boost.

 

Fact is the only way you will know is if they flat out say they want you back and made a mistake.

 

Good deal on the new chick!!!

[SixxChick]

And yes, my wisdom even knew the red flags were there, but I figured, meh, give it shot.

 

Bet that won't happen again. I know it won't for me. I am sorry for the pain that you are going through. Been there, done that. Every day gets a little bit better though. And there is something to be said for being older and wiser.

[Bromeo]

Been since May when last email contact with my ex gf. Yesterday, I get a text from her out of the blue asking if I want concert tickets back that I got her for Christmas last year. The show is this month.

 

I told her she can keep them and that was it. No other response from her.

 

Is this an olive branch? Just wondering what people think. I'm dating someone new and not interested in getting back to together with her...at least right now lol!

 

In my experience, ladies rarely beat your door down for any reason, and never to apologize. Admittedly, probably the ones I've been dealing with.

 

I love this thread, it's an informal collection of experiences from men with similarly confused women. Anecdotal, empirical testimonies. Lol

 

Roughly two months ago, mine liked my selfies on FB. First contact since late January when I called her on her games. I chose to ignore her. In my case, she was clearly toe tipping, as someone doesn't accidentally like multiple posts.

 

Whether it was an olive branch, game playing, toe tipping, breadcrumbing, or ego boosting, what matters is you staying centered, not spinning about it, and communicating directly and clearly - which contrasts the indirect way most women communicate.

 

Your ex, like mine, has had every opportunity to reach out, and make things right, or even begin working on things between the two of you. They have not.

 

So continue gathering your self respect, and focus on what you have, not what you had. Godspeed.

[Spartakooty]

So anyway...the new girl I'm dating is very lovely. Together, dealt with her stuff/divorce, happy, funny, engaging, sexy, talented (makes amazing custom cakes), literally lives 2 minutes walk from my place, kids have boundaries, ex isn't an issue. There is literally nothing wrong and am happy to keep moving forward.

 

However, having trouble NOT thinking about the ex. She shows up in dreams and the feelings are pretty strong. She's not right for me so why do I keep thinking about her and posting stuff here!!???

 

Do I just want what I can't have? Maybe I need to grow up...you know...at 45.

[SevenCity]

So anyway...the new girl I'm dating is very lovely. Together, dealt with her stuff/divorce, happy, funny, engaging, sexy, talented (makes amazing custom cakes), literally lives 2 minutes walk from my place, kids have boundaries, ex isn't an issue. There is literally nothing wrong and am happy to keep moving forward.

 

However, having trouble NOT thinking about the ex. She shows up in dreams and the feelings are pretty strong. She's not right for me so why do I keep thinking about her and posting stuff here!!???

 

Do I just want what I can't have? Maybe I need to grow up...you know...at 45.

 

It's gonna take a while to get over her completely - that's normal. How long has it been now since the BU?

 

Don't be emotional with the new one - be logical. She's a good chick (so far) and you should realize they are in short supply. I'm not saying to stay with her if you aren't happy, but residual feelings about the ex are going to happen until you are over it.

 

That said, if a new one is much better she can completely eliminate feelings of an ex. Be patient and don't make any rash decisions. Your ex was a big part of your life and it will take a while to cleanse her from your system.

 

I broke up with that girl I was dating as she turned into an extremely immature nut - or more correctly just let her facade down. I tell you I haven't been this happy in a while . Got a few in the hopper now so we'll see where they go.

 

Memories of my ex still linger (1 year post) but I'm not letting it ruin any potential happiness I can have in the future. Don't do it either dude.

[Goodguy05]

Do I just want what I can't have?

 

 

That's it dude in a nutshell...it could be ur connection, was ur connection wth ur gf deeper? That cld be it too.