45 and working thru breakup...

[Spartakooty]

As long as you didn't freak out and get angry (like I did) or beg and plead (like most do) you are in the top 1% of dumpees lol.

 

No nothing like that. Even the couple of emails I sent were more about explaining my position rather than being accusatory or anything. Like I've said, there's not really anything I could have said to change the outcome. That last email was sent May 28th so NC really hasn't been all that long I guess.

 

I did respond to the text about the car accident...just said thanks basically. If someone reaches out to me I don't mind responding. I think ignoring that is bad form, especially since in today's day and age of communication you can't really pretend you didn't get the message!

 

And thankfully it's not so bad that I feel like doing something stupid. At 45 I can still deal with it. But your situation sounded bad...that would be tough to deal with. Glad you're back in the saddle so to speak.

 

What did you do that pushed her away ultimately?

[SevenCity]

No nothing like that. Even the couple of emails I sent were more about explaining my position rather than being accusatory or anything. Like I've said, there's not really anything I could have said to change the outcome. That last email was sent May 28th so NC really hasn't been all that long I guess.

 

I did respond to the text about the car accident...just said thanks basically. If someone reaches out to me I don't mind responding. I think ignoring that is bad form, especially since in today's day and age of communication you can't really pretend you didn't get the message!

 

And thankfully it's not so bad that I feel like doing something stupid. At 45 I can still deal with it. But your situation sounded bad...that would be tough to deal with. Glad you're back in the saddle so to speak.

 

What did you do that pushed her away ultimately?

 

That's all you can do. But the end result is the same so the only difference is keeping your dignity (though begging will kill any chances of reconciliation for a guy if that is what he wants).

 

I agree with you on the responding. I caved to pressure from a friend around the holidays (3 months post) and sent her a text and she never responded. The other day (10 months post) she sent me a logistical email about my dog's microchip subscription expiring (it was on her account) and I responded. She never wrote back. Personally I find it immature especially since she was the one who ended things and reached out to me this time. My ex wife (who hates me) would respond within minutes.

 

It's not one thing that pushed her away. The best way I could describe it is I didn't push to get to the bottom of things when I knew something was wrong. I would ask and all I would get is 'nothing'. And due to the wild emotional swings characteristic of most women, a day or two later everything would be fine. At times I would get upset she wouldn't share and huffed away to the man cave.

 

Little did I know "nothing" means "everything" and all that emotional trauma gets put into a "hurt bank" that was not opened until it was too late and there was nothing I could do.

 

As guys we like to face issues head on and move past them. Women will use relational examples and bring up stuff from years past you thought had been resolved. Often what they say they are mad about has nothing to do with what is upsetting them at the time. It's the catalyst for their hurt and you often have to dig deep to find the real issue.

 

She went as far as accusing me of sleeping with a neighbor (whom I had never even met) when she first moved in 3 years ago. Even though I never cheated on her she was hurt over this for 3 years. The event was imagined, but the pain was real. That's her issue and not mine but the damage could not be undone. This is whow women are. Like if I knocked on your door and said I just hit your car you would be upset. When you came out to look and realized it was not your car I hit you would be relieved. In her case she was still upset about it. Crazy.

 

I've learned to address issues as they happen and not walk away in frustration (which is difficult when you are right and logical and they are wrong and emotional). It works wonders. In 3 months my current gf has had some meltdowns and i bite my tongue and work through it until resolved. It's hard because I just want to tell her to STFU but then I realize how much I like banging her and understand the emotional outburst is likely caused by something I said that hurt her. Within 10-20 minutes she is all over me again with "I love yous". Like I said, it's like programming a computer. Give correct input and get the desired output.

 

As a result I get all the "I can't wait to see you" "you are the best bf I've ever had" "I love you so much". Again, all BS as that is what she feels at that moment but it beats 3 days of silence and no sex lol.

 

Sad thing is, had I been aware of this dynamic my ex would have never left.

 

Make a woman feel safe, loved, and do things that are fun and she'll stick around. Most guys (like me) get complacent and never think she will leave. They will.

[Spartakooty]

Most guys (like me) get complacent and never think she will leave. They will.

 

Thing is, I didn't get complacent...didn't even get a chance to. Especially since she backed away the first time. I was there for her. I did lots of nice things, not overbearing, was good to her kid. Best thing that ever happened to her etc. You're right, will take that all as BS from now on. So Still feels like an odd dream. Appreciate the support and insight.

[Bromeo]

That's all you can do. But the end result is the same so the only difference is keeping your dignity (though begging will kill any chances of reconciliation for a guy if that is what he wants).

 

I agree with you on the responding. I caved to pressure from a friend around the holidays (3 months post) and sent her a text and she never responded. The other day (10 months post) she sent me a logistical email about my dog's microchip subscription expiring (it was on her account) and I responded. She never wrote back. Personally I find it immature especially since she was the one who ended things and reached out to me this time. My ex wife (who hates me) would respond within minutes.

 

It's not one thing that pushed her away. The best way I could describe it is I didn't push to get to the bottom of things when I knew something was wrong. I would ask and all I would get is 'nothing'. And due to the wild emotional swings characteristic of most women, a day or two later everything would be fine. At times I would get upset she wouldn't share and huffed away to the man cave.

 

Little did I know "nothing" means "everything" and all that emotional trauma gets put into a "hurt bank" that was not opened until it was too late and there was nothing I could do.

 

As guys we like to face issues head on and move past them. Women will use relational examples and bring up stuff from years past you thought had been resolved. Often what they say they are mad about has nothing to do with what is upsetting them at the time. It's the catalyst for their hurt and you often have to dig deep to find the real issue.

 

She went as far as accusing me of sleeping with a neighbor (whom I had never even met) when she first moved in 3 years ago. Even though I never cheated on her she was hurt over this for 3 years. The event was imagined, but the pain was real. That's her issue and not mine but the damage could not be undone. This is whow women are. Like if I knocked on your door and said I just hit your car you would be upset. When you came out to look and realized it was not your car I hit you would be relieved. In her case she was still upset about it. Crazy.

 

I've learned to address issues as they happen and not walk away in frustration (which is difficult when you are right and logical and they are wrong and emotional). It works wonders. In 3 months my current gf has had some meltdowns and i bite my tongue and work through it until resolved. It's hard because I just want to tell her to STFU but then I realize how much I like banging her and understand the emotional outburst is likely caused by something I said that hurt her. Within 10-20 minutes she is all over me again with "I love yous". Like I said, it's like programming a computer. Give correct input and get the desired output.

 

As a result I get all the "I can't wait to see you" "you are the best bf I've ever had" "I love you so much". Again, all BS as that is what she feels at that moment but it beats 3 days of silence and no sex lol.

 

Sad thing is, had I been aware of this dynamic my ex would have never left.

 

Make a woman feel safe, loved, and do things that are fun and she'll stick around. Most guys (like me) get complacent and never think she will leave. They will.

 

No. The simple fact that the current gf thinks you are the bees knees means you were the same with the previous. I highly doubt you were complacent.

 

During my debacle, I received one awesome piece of advice. A brilliant analyst asked me if my current gf was aware of my flaws like my booger-faced ex was. Of course she was.

 

"The fact that she chooses to stay, communicate, and work through issues is a testament to how awful booger-face was."

 

I did the same, I wallowed in guilt for months over mine. I accepted the finger pointing, blaming, and disrespectful behavior, which drove my self esteem into a hole.

 

You are not, as I was not, all to blame. Breakups are rarely one person.

 

There are tons of threads about how men internalize the hurt and blame, while chick, who left, moves on to backup chad without a second thought.

 

Simply put, we absolutely have to learn the same. But putting "you" first, we cease to self-immolate after one of these r/s with the insecure, immature, red flag waving types goes south.

 

And better yet, we have enough self respect, have learned enough, and have had our feelings flash fried that we won't go through it again. Which, in turn, leads to a better selection process and healthier relationships overall.

 

Be proud of you. If you won't no one will.

[SevenCity]

Thing is, I didn't get complacent...didn't even get a chance to. Especially since she backed away the first time. I was there for her. I did lots of nice things, not overbearing, was good to her kid. Best thing that ever happened to her etc. You're right, will take that all as BS from now on. So Still feels like an odd dream. Appreciate the support and insight.

 

That sucks man. And you now she took her kids out of your life as well. It's like a double whammy.

 

The thing is even if you do everything right they might be emotionally f'ed up and ruin it anyway. All you can do is see the red flags and run (which will become clear as time goes on).

 

But yes, realizing all the platitudes are bs is a great place to start.

 

You sound like you are doing well - more power to you bro. I was an utter mess when I was at your point in the timeline.

[Spartakooty]

No. The simple fact that the current gf thinks you are the bees knees means you were the same with the previous. I highly doubt you were complacent.

 

"The fact that she chooses to stay, communicate, and work through issues is a testament to how awful booger-face was."

 

Be proud of you. If you won't no one will.

 

That's the thing. If they say "You're the best thing yadda yadda..." there is no way they didn't say that to others before.

 

And no, she clearly didn't accept my flaws. If they were bad I would not expect anyone to accept them...but they're not, lol!

[SevenCity]

No. The simple fact that the current gf thinks you are the bees knees means you were the same with the previous. I highly doubt you were complacent.

 

During my debacle, I received one awesome piece of advice. A brilliant analyst asked me if my current gf was aware of my flaws like my booger-faced ex was. Of course she was.

 

"The fact that she chooses to stay, communicate, and work through issues is a testament to how awful booger-face was."

 

I did the same, I wallowed in guilt for months over mine. I accepted the finger pointing, blaming, and disrespectful behavior, which drove my self esteem into a hole.

 

You are not, as I was not, all to blame. Breakups are rarely one person.

 

There are tons of threads about how men internalize the hurt and blame, while chick, who left, moves on to backup chad without a second thought.

 

Simply put, we absolutely have to learn the same. But putting "you" first, we cease to self-immolate after one of these r/s with the insecure, immature, red flag waving types goes south.

 

And better yet, we have enough self respect, have learned enough, and have had our feelings flash fried that we won't go through it again. Which, in turn, leads to a better selection process and healthier relationships overall.

 

Be proud of you. If you won't no one will.

 

I have to take fault where it is due. It's easy to be mr cool in a 3 month RL but after 7 years you are going to get complacent from time to time. I was guilty of that.

 

What I'm not guilty of is running away when things got tough and not speaking about it. That's all on her. It's a common issue with women - look at all the posts here where the guy is dumped out of the blue. Rarely does a girl sit you down and let you know she is unhappy and things have to change. Instead they expect you to recognize the small clues and when you don't they let the resentment build up until it's too late to repair. Any why not? There is another guy right around the corner waiting for them. There is no incentive to work things out. Of course, they later realize that everyone has problems.

 

Being a great communicator is a huge plus so good for you. My gf is a little too good at it like she will say everything that bothers her but reacts with emotion. It's like I went the opposite way.

 

My ex knew all my flaws and "loved" me anyway. This new RL is, well, new so there is more to learn about each other.

 

Despite the fact we've been dating three months she's already making references to marriage. I guess I'm doing something right lol.

 

And I do have respect for myself and don't accept all the blame for my last RL failure. But, I'm big enough to admit when I was wrong and now have a thirst for knowledge and self improvement.

 

But your advice is sound and should be heeded by all men.

[Stephen44]

Well I had a similar situation. 2-yr relationship. Ex took breaks from me 3-4 times. Was working 55 hrs week with a FT and PT job (partially to afford stuff like trips with her) and helping with her kid, groceries, etc. You know--the things guys who love their partners will do, bc guys take the provider role seriously.

 

Everything of course was my fault. The nitpicks started, which were really about commitment -phobia, and the relationship was no longer fun for her (probably heightening commitment -phobia). Then there was some emotional stuff with her family that affected her (and I was there to support her, but she expected me to solve her head!)

 

So, instead of agreeing to work on things, voila!! The end.

 

Funny thing was, she once asked "What value do you bring to my life?"

 

She probably wanted more financial support, my being the source of fun, psychologist -- everything. Too much you know?

[Spartakooty]

I know I mentioned the commitment phobia as being an issue. Just dug this up online, not that's it's necessarily pulled from some peer-reviewed psych paper. But the points did hit home:

 

Common Signs That Your Ex Has Commitment Issues

 

1.At the beginning, your ex pursued you earnestly, even though you might not be as interested in them as they are in you. They could make all those sweet and romantic gestures, compliment you, shower you with attention and affection. It gives you the impression that they come on pretty strong and would not give up until they win your heart. Finally, you cannot help but fall very hard for them.

 

2.Your ex would openly talk to you about a future together and always use the word ‘we’ at the early stage of your relationship. It makes you feel that your ex is looking for a serious relationship and you are the one that they have been waiting for.

 

3.Typically, your ex would have a history of short term relationship or they have divorced quite a few times and each of their relationships was rather short-lived. Most of the time, they are the ones who initiated the breakup.

As your relationship progresses, there is pressure for your ex to be more committed to the relationship such as moving in together, getting married or having children. You can feel that your ex is pulling away and their attitude has also changed.

 

4.Your ex would avoid meeting your parents or going to your family gathering. Your ex might also keep you from meeting their friends or take you to meet their family. It feels like your ex is trying to hide you and not wanting to make your relationship official.

 

5.You are no longer a priority in their life. They call or text less often than before. It is also taking your ex very long to reply to you. Sometimes, you might not even get a reply. When you make plans to hang out together, your ex would cancel last minute and give you some lame excuses.

 

6.When you two are getting closer and it is time to take things to the next level, your ex starts to find faults with you and get easily annoyed by some of your habits or even try to agitate you on purpose. You are confused by this sudden change in attitude because your ex didn’t seem to have a problem with these habits of yours before. This is a classic case of your ex trying to sabotage the relationship and looking for a way out.

 

7.You might also receive mixed signals from your ex. One minute they could be telling you that you are the love of their life. The next minute, they could be ignoring you and giving you the cold shoulder. This hot and cold treatment from your ex is a result of their conflicted emotions.

 

8.The breakup would mostly likely not be a clean breakup. Your ex would dump you when they feel pressured and anxious by the looming commitment, then come running back to you when they start to miss you and feel lonely. However, the pattern would just repeat itself again because their commitment issue was never addressed and dealt with. So, you probably would go through the cycle of breaking up and getting back together a couple of times.

[la74219]

I know I mentioned the commitment phobia as being an issue. Just dug this up online, not that's it's necessarily pulled from some peer-reviewed psych paper. But the points did hit home:

 

Common Signs That Your Ex Has Commitment Issues

 

1.At the beginning, your ex pursued you earnestly, even though you might not be as interested in them as they are in you. They could make all those sweet and romantic gestures, compliment you, shower you with attention and affection. It gives you the impression that they come on pretty strong and would not give up until they win your heart. Finally, you cannot help but fall very hard for them.

 

2.Your ex would openly talk to you about a future together and always use the word ‘we’ at the early stage of your relationship. It makes you feel that your ex is looking for a serious relationship and you are the one that they have been waiting for.

 

3.Typically, your ex would have a history of short term relationship or they have divorced quite a few times and each of their relationships was rather short-lived. Most of the time, they are the ones who initiated the breakup.

As your relationship progresses, there is pressure for your ex to be more committed to the relationship such as moving in together, getting married or having children. You can feel that your ex is pulling away and their attitude has also changed.

 

4.Your ex would avoid meeting your parents or going to your family gathering. Your ex might also keep you from meeting their friends or take you to meet their family. It feels like your ex is trying to hide you and not wanting to make your relationship official.

 

5.You are no longer a priority in their life. They call or text less often than before. It is also taking your ex very long to reply to you. Sometimes, you might not even get a reply. When you make plans to hang out together, your ex would cancel last minute and give you some lame excuses.

 

6.When you two are getting closer and it is time to take things to the next level, your ex starts to find faults with you and get easily annoyed by some of your habits or even try to agitate you on purpose. You are confused by this sudden change in attitude because your ex didn’t seem to have a problem with these habits of yours before. This is a classic case of your ex trying to sabotage the relationship and looking for a way out.

 

7.You might also receive mixed signals from your ex. One minute they could be telling you that you are the love of their life. The next minute, they could be ignoring you and giving you the cold shoulder. This hot and cold treatment from your ex is a result of their conflicted emotions.

 

8.The breakup would mostly likely not be a clean breakup. Your ex would dump you when they feel pressured and anxious by the looming commitment, then come running back to you when they start to miss you and feel lonely. However, the pattern would just repeat itself again because their commitment issue was never addressed and dealt with. So, you probably would go through the cycle of breaking up and getting back together a couple of times.

 

8/8 for my situation lol

[Goodguy05]

Well I had a similar situation. 2-yr relationship. Ex took breaks from me 3-4 times. Was working 55 hrs week with a FT and PT job (partially to afford stuff like trips with her) and helping with her kid, groceries, etc. You know--the things guys who love their partners will do, bc guys take the provider role seriously.

 

Everything of course was my fault. The nitpicks started, which were really about commitment -phobia, and the relationship was no longer fun for her (probably heightening commitment -phobia). Then there was some emotional stuff with her family that affected her (and I was there to support her, but she expected me to solve her head!)

 

So, instead of agreeing to work on things, voila!! The end.

 

Funny thing was, she once asked "What value do you bring to my life?"

 

She probably wanted more financial support, my being the source of fun, psychologist -- everything. Too much you know?

 

 

I agree with this

 

My experience with woman in my relationships is that wen they're not happy they expect u to already know why and give small clues and I mean small...they also are the ones to bail wen theres issues and usually it's because they can just get another dude or ones already lined up.

 

They have high expectations we're expected to provide, entertain them otherwise were boring or cheap lol I think there's a lot of men out there who can relate to this.

I must admit I'm single now but don't feel a big need to go into another relationship. mainly because of the above points.

I think about it and I miss companionship and sharing then I remember how it can be.

I don't know about the other men here but I always felt this niggling in the back of my mind it was kind of expected to entertain them arrange everything days out take the initiative God it's exhausting it's not so bad being single. Then there's those issues where if u dont stay out late dancing all night then they start to and get hit on wth there girlfriends lol boy im kinda ok being single

 

Having said all that, the woman on these boards who've been on the opposite end and dumped are different. Although they tend to take the breakup much better than us men in the sense that they are better at acceptance.

And they don't beg as much

Edited June 24, 2017 by Goodguy05

[Popsicle]

My recommendation to you is not date women with young kids. (say under 13 yo?). I'm in my 40's too with older kids and I don't date men with young kids for this reason. It's not easy and too much of their focus needs to be on the kids (rightfully so!). It can be a challenge sometimes since more and more people nowadays choose to have kids at an older age, but you just have to be selective.

[Spartakooty]

My recommendation to you is not date women with young kids. (say under 13 yo?). I'm in my 40's too with older kids and I don't date men with young kids for this reason. It's not easy and too much of their focus needs to be on the kids (rightfully so!). It can be a challenge sometimes since more and more people nowadays choose to have kids at an older age, but you just have to be selective.

 

I agree the focus is on the kids for the most part, partly why I am back being single I guess. It is a challenge I understand, so it doesn't scare me off. If you read my OP, you would see she blamed me for not being engaged enough with her kid. She figured I, a father of 2 awesome boys, didn't genuinely like kids. I disagreed of course, my track record says otherwise.

 

But to me, adults need to look after themselves first...physically and emotionally. My kids are part of my life, not my whole life. If I am not happy, fed and watered, then my kids won't be either. I find some mothers find this counterintuitive, especially when trying to build a new relationship. Early on she said that if her son had a problem it would be tough to stay together. He's 4, of course it's going to be a problem because he doesn't know me nor does he understand relationships apart from his parents.

[Popsicle]

If you read my OP, you would see she blamed me for not being engaged enough with her kid.

 

She's not ready to date and she shouldn't date. She should just focus on her kids and date when they are older.

 

Stop blaming yourself or thinking that she might have a point. You're not her kids father and shouldn't have to be. If her kids were grown this would not be an issue.

[Spartakooty]

She's not ready to date and she shouldn't date. She should just focus on her kids and date when they are older.

 

Stop blaming yourself or thinking that she might have a point. You're not her kids father and shouldn't have to be. If her kids were grown this would not be an issue.

 

Thanks for understanding. I don't blame myself. It's all on her, even her other points. All her anxiety. But....still tough missing her.

[Stephen44]

I agree with this

 

My experience with woman in my relationships is that wen they're not happy they expect u to already know why and give small clues and I mean small...they also are the ones to bail wen theres issues and usually it's because they can just get another dude or ones already lined up.

 

They have high expectations we're expected to provide, entertain them otherwise were boring or cheap lol I think there's a lot of men out there who can relate to this.

I must admit I'm single now but don't feel a big need to go into another relationship. mainly because of the above points.

I think about it and I miss companionship and sharing then I remember how it can be.

I don't know about the other men here but I always felt this niggling in the back of my mind it was kind of expected to entertain them arrange everything days out take the initiative God it's exhausting it's not so bad being single. Then there's those issues where if u dont stay out late dancing all night then they start to and get hit on wth there girlfriends lol boy im kinda ok being single

 

Having said all that, the woman on these boards who've been on the opposite end and dumped are different. Although they tend to take the breakup much better than us men in the sense that they are better at acceptance.

And they don't beg as much

 

Yeah it got nuts. I was expected to pick up on small cues she wanted to do something; arrange all the trips(usually paying for them too); helped around the house and with the kids; and when I'm exhausted from 2 jobs and just want to relax, I can't do that bc I'm supposed to make sure her household needs are met while simultaneously being the source of fun and convo all the time. Can't get a break!

[Spartakooty]

Update:

 

It appears my ex is already in another relationship. Not sure how I feel about that. She posted a pic with her, the guy and her kid in a new profile pic. (we aren't friends on FB but that I can see.) Maybe they're just friends? Dunno really...doesn't matter I guess. At the end of the day it's good if she can find someone that works better for her I guess. But so quickly?? I have been dating a little too, but nothing remotely close to a relationship I would post about. She never posted pics of us during our relationship...hmm. Never thought much of it. I tend not to post relationshippy stuff..

 

This would have started almost two months ago nearly right after our breakup.The thing that bothers me more is she continually thrusts new guys into her kid's life without establishing a real relationship...did that with me too (red flag or to each their own?). The further away I am, the more irresponsible she seems. I dunno, some parents are ok with that I guess. I would not want a revolving door of women coming into my boy's lives when they don't get to establish their own connection.

 

Whatever floats her boat. At least I can now look at this pragmatically...I think. In terms of coping, she is starting to feel like a more distant memory which is good I guess.

 

And life goes on.

[SevenCity]

Update:

 

It appears my ex is already in another relationship. Not sure how I feel about that. She posted a pic with her, the guy and her kid in a new profile pic. (we aren't friends on FB but that I can see.) Maybe they're just friends? Dunno really...doesn't matter I guess. At the end of the day it's good if she can find someone that works better for her I guess. But so quickly?? I have been dating a little too, but nothing remotely close to a relationship I would post about. She never posted pics of us during our relationship...hmm. Never thought much of it. I tend not to post relationshippy stuff..

 

This would have started almost two months ago nearly right after our breakup.The thing that bothers me more is she continually thrusts new guys into her kid's life without establishing a real relationship...did that with me too (red flag or to each their own?). The further away I am, the more irresponsible she seems. I dunno, some parents are ok with that I guess. I would not want a revolving door of women coming into my boy's lives when they don't get to establish their own connection.

 

Whatever floats her boat. At least I can now look at this pragmatically...I think. In terms of coping, she is starting to feel like a more distant memory which is good I guess.

 

And life goes on.

 

Ouch. Sorry you had to see that. Unless she was cheating on you this will likely be a rebound. Sometimes it's good to see them with someone else as it forces you to close the door. Either way it sucks.

[staggerlee71]

Brolove!!!! Bump

 

I swear we all dated the same person

 

Thanks for the smile gents

[JJNY]

Sorry to hear that man. Hang in there. Sending good vibes your way.

[Spartakooty]

Ouch. Sorry you had to see that. Unless she was cheating on you this will likely be a rebound. Sometimes it's good to see them with someone else as it forces you to close the door. Either way it sucks.

 

No, I don't think this was about cheating. She isn't the type....I think...not that it matters. The guy is a friend of a friend, or maybe she already knew him, I don't really know. He showed up in pics from a trip to Mexico she went on shortly after breaking up. She went to meet friends; a trip I was gonna go on. I thought he was her friend's husband as they were there before she joined them...turns out he lives here and now in her FB pics. No idea really. Timing good for her I guess.

[Seth0194]

Thanks for the great read, good to see some Brolove on here. I am not going to get to much into my current break up. But it was all of a sudden and the reason left me scratching my head. When the relationship has been great for almost a year and half, some hick-ups but who doesn't.

 

But seeing some of you lay it out. The something is wrong and she's not just saying what is bothering her. I cant help or fix it if I don't know, but she never disclosed anything until dropping the bomb about three weeks ago.

 

So starting my healing process and investing in myself. Keep the faith my brothers, better days are always coming.

[Spartakooty]

Thanks for the great read, good to see some Brolove on here. I am not going to get to much into my current break up. But it was all of a sudden and the reason left me scratching my head. When the relationship has been great for almost a year and half, some hick-ups but who doesn't.

 

But seeing some of you lay it out. The something is wrong and she's not just saying what is bothering her. I cant help or fix it if I don't know, but she never disclosed anything until dropping the bomb about three weeks ago.

 

So starting my healing process and investing in myself. Keep the faith my brothers, better days are always coming.

 

Fear of commitment, relationship anxiety, daddy issues, who knows. We gave our best and that's pretty much all we can do. If they wanted to stay they would.

[TheWoman]

Losing a child is a level of grief I cannot comprehend and I pray I never have to. The damage that must be done to the psyche is enormous. It sounds like this was only 2 years ago? So she is still fully in the stages of grief. It will take many years, and probably therapy for her to move beyond this. You sound like a lovely guy and I am sorry you got caught up in it. You did your best, its not about you at all. There are plenty of women out there who are ready for a real relationship, she is just not one of them, she cant be.

[Spartakooty]

Losing a child is a level of grief I cannot comprehend and I pray I never have to. The damage that must be done to the psyche is enormous. It sounds like this was only 2 years ago? So she is still fully in the stages of grief. It will take many years, and probably therapy for her to move beyond this. You sound like a lovely guy and I am sorry you got caught up in it. You did your best, its not about you at all. There are plenty of women out there who are ready for a real relationship, she is just not one of them, she cant be.

 

Thank you for the support. Her daughter died in her arms Christmas eve 2014...if you can imagine. Professionally she is a funeral director and is around grieving people all the time. Not that that means she can easily deal with the loss of a child. I know she grieves, but always has this tough outer shell, like she's unaffected and can deal with whatever life throws at her. She is strong, but to a point where no one gets in...my opinion of course. She also gives to and nurtures everyone else without much thought to herself. A good trait usually, but that can be at a cost when one isn't looking after themselves. I know she needs to do a lot of emotional work on herself, but she's the type who will NEVER go to therapy. I hope she finds what she is looking for in her new relationship, it's new, it's free and easy...but I know how it will end.