Mrs. John Adams Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 No revenge porn, emails or bill boards. I am going to show her the video, pack a bag and leave. I am done and will move on. What she will do is anyone's guess, it will not be my immediate concern. I would tell her parents, however they are just as bad as her. I should have listen to my friends before we were married and should have run like the wind in the opposite direction. Like I said, she has always had this spell on me, however the spell is now broken and she is gone. Good choice.... just get her done Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 If your set on divorce why confront. You know your only going to hear lies until you show her the tape. Once you do that your right its going to change and it will next be your fault. I wouldn't talk to her on the phone. I would text her. I have to stay out of town longer than I thought. I would then come home and stay with a friend or a hotel and start getting things in order for the divorce. I would have her served and move everything around while I could. This includes all financial accounts. You cant take all the money but you can take half. I would remove her name or yours off any credit cards. The less you talk to her the better off your going to be in the long run. Confronting her is only going to give her a chance to say you physically abused her and to get a restraining order put on you. Cheaters will do anything to make themselves look great. Less contact the better off you are. I would not entertain and type of communication that could not be recorded or witnessed. C 5 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 I understand the temptation, I really do. "Hey honey, check out the new movie I found! You're really going to get a kick out of it!" But you need to set this temptation aside. Your best bet is to approach this in as dignified manner as is possible under the circumstances. That's how you're going to be able to look back on this and know you did the right thing, even if she didn't. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 Quick question and I am betting you know this but what are the laws where you live on spy cameras and who needs to know that they are present? This may be a sticky wicket upon 'how did you know" other than a surprise confrontation to confirm to her you know what is happening. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
lostgirl87 Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 Oh Elaine you are probably right ... sick What's "sick" is what is being done this to man! And your judgment for how someone else is handling betrayal and humiliation from the one person he trusted the most. Is he in the right? From an outside, non-emotional perspective, probably not. But you can't sit there and say you wouldn't want your spouse to feel even an ounce of the shame and hurt that OP must be feeling. He JUST found out. Not only that, he had to HEAR AND SEE the betrayal in his own effing HOME! That would make anyone completely crazy. We should be trying to support and console OP not calling him or his actions "sick". We should be trying to help find healthier and more rational approaches instead of name calling and shaming him while he tries to process this enormous shlt storm. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Akheron Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 Here's an idea. Invite Dr Dick's wife AND your lawyer to dinner Friday night. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Doorstopper Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 Going right to video recordings without first doing the simple things like checking cell phone records, has had me wondering from the start. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 What's "sick" is what is being done this to man! And your judgment for how someone else is handling betrayal and humiliation from the one person he trusted the most. Is he in the right? From an outside, non-emotional perspective, probably not. But you can't sit there and say you wouldn't want your spouse to feel even an ounce of the shame and hurt that OP must be feeling. He JUST found out. Not only that, he had to HEAR AND SEE the betrayal in his own effing HOME! That would make anyone completely crazy. We should be trying to support and console OP not calling him or his actions "sick". We should be trying to help find healthier and more rational approaches instead of name calling and shaming him while he tries to process this enormous shlt storm. Seriously? Girl you are preaching to the choir here... Did you even read my other posts? Please tell me who has shamed or name called this man? All I can say is wow Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 What clinched it for me after thinking it over more was how the wife said, on the sex tape, that she could never leave her husband because of the great life he's given her. Just seems like an illogical conversation to have while screwing another man. Affairs are 95% illogical. Nothing said or done by a WS shocks me...Sad but true. Watch ID discovery channel sometimes...after nothing will sound illogical when an affair is going on. Link to post Share on other sites
Buckeye2 Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 (edited) All of your surveillance methods place you in a very unique position. You already have the goods on her. Confronting her with all your proof and methods may feel good but all it does is her know what you know and how you found out. Dumping all your evidence on her does her a favour. She will know the exact hand she has to play. Don’t show your cards. Let her have sleepless nights worrying about how much you know. Think about it. She’s having a great time with you for security and Dick for fun. Then instantly it's 100% “the jig is up.” Let her think the jig is 5% up for a bit and that she can handle you. She knows what you do for a living. Let her stew for a bit wondering what you have. "Does he have video?" I would do what I call a soft confront. Use things that she can explain away or just say that you have a gut feeling. Then watch her dance. Listen to her communications with Dick when she tells him that you think something is up. Listen to her tell him not to worry because, as you said, she has always had a spell on you. Find out what she really thinks of you and the marriage when she talks to friends. Don’t reveal your methods and know her plans during the divorce. Edited June 15, 2017 by Buckeye2 Link to post Share on other sites
MickeyBill Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 You know...by re-arranging the spark plug wires on the distributor cap basically makes a car impossible to start or drive. Maybe his car will still be there when I get home. I am not sure modern cars even have distributor caps...just let the air out of 2 of his tires. Link to post Share on other sites
wmacbride Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 No, not yet. I think she is seeing a doctor at the hospital that she works at. She has changed her routine dramatically over the past several months (i.e. death grip on her phone; working different shifts; going to more "staff" meetings; working more overtime (but the pay checks are still the same). She also has not been talking about her day with me, which is really out of the ordinary. She is a social worker at the hospital in question, and the doctor is some mutt that has been sniffing around her for months. I come from a law enforcement background where doing criminal investigations was my main job description. So I have learned that once you have the upper hand, you never give it up. In this case, I think she is cheating, so I am not going to confront her till I get more information. You're smart to wait, but eventually, you will need to talk to her about it, painful as that may be. If you don't, you may well spend the rest of your life wondering if your suspicions were correct. If you have been cheated on, welcome to the club. it's one of the suckiest groups in the world, and one no one wants to be a member of. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lostgirl87 Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 Seriously? Girl you are preaching to the choir here... Did you even read my other posts? Please tell me who has shamed or name called this man? All I can say is wow "Girl"? Not cool. And I quoted you. You said "sick". Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 "Girl"? Not cool. And I quoted you. You said "sick". The thought of viewing a video of his wife screwing her boyfriend is sick. And your name is "lostgirl"....isn't it? I can't then refer to you as "girl"? People call me mja or Mrs. JA all the time... We are allowed to shorten titles. I know you are new around here....so maybe you do not know people do this...it is not offensive to most of us. and you did not answer my question...who here called this man any names or shamed him? No one...not one single person 5 Link to post Share on other sites
knabe Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 No revenge porn, emails or bill boards. I am going to show her the video, pack a bag and leave. I am done and will move on. What she will do is anyone's guess, it will not be my immediate concern. I would tell her parents, however they are just as bad as her. I should have listen to my friends before we were married and should have run like the wind in the opposite direction. Like I said, she has always had this spell on me, however the spell is now broken and she is gone. I have respect for this. This is what a mature, rational person does. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 Hold on guys and girls... I cannot say how much I disagree with the don't do it crew. Let's review. Here is a man that is working his butt off, building a company making a good living for everyone. I will bet $1000 that his wife does not have to work. He is a retired cop if I am not mistaken, so dangerous job, served his community. Now, has to travel for business. His wife is banging a doctor, in their home. Does not even have the decency to go pick him up and go in through the garage so no one would know that she is screwing another man in the marital home. And the marital bed. Is and has been having sex in their marital bed for who knows how long. She is having best friend (AKA: Co conspirator in the affair) over for Pizza. She her and her BFF and maybe her husband can laugh at BS because they know what has been going on... I mean how much worse could it get. How could anyone blame him for the thing he is about to do? I have no idea... Let's see how this might unfold. Everyone has their pop corn and drink. Just before they start the movie, OP interrupts with, "Oh, BTW, I asked Nancy (Dr's wife) to join us tonight. Then the movie starts. Wife and BFF understand immediately what is happening. And we all watch the best parts of the movie... How could it get better than that? I ask you. BFF's husband may not know what his wife has been aiding and abetting, imagine the look of understanding about his own wife. She is probably screwing around on him as well. The whole scene is priceless... This woman deserves to be humiliated for what she is and has been doing. OP, Carry on... Oh Elaine you are probably right ... sick Nothing sick about telling the OMW/OBS. And his evidence will be hard for the BW to deny her WH cheated on her. No not sick just facing the consequences of their actions. Sick is a WW cheating on her BH. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Silveron Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 Sorry you are going through this. Good chance she has done this before. You should get yourself checked for STDs. Link to post Share on other sites
Trtroles Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 You are over thinking this. Mind games or what ever you call it. Just "surprise" her with divorce papers. Tell your family and close friends what is going on. You said her family is just like her. No mater what let them know why you are divorcing their daughter. Her best friend is supporting her and I can bet she is cheating on her husband too. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 So where is the OP with his update? For a person who seems as decisive as him he should have made his move by now. I agree though, with those who say he should handle it with decency. There is no need to lower oneself to the level of a cheater. Whatever happens I wish him the best. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 You should definitely investigate. Total trust? That's an ideal. Not your current situation. But I'm not sure how far you need to go in invasion of her privacy, in order to find your answer. I think snooping or tailing will probably give you the answer without the surveillance technology, although I understand why you'd reach for the big guns. You could never get your hands on her mobile phone? How about just verifying what hours she worked at the hospital? I think hidden cameras are a bit too much. There is no privacy in marriage. You want privacy, get a divorce. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 He said he already met with the lawyer & has a plan. Now he's just toying with his wife. . . looking for what I'm not sure. He's not toying with his wife. He's biding his time and preparing his exit, and he is smart to do so. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 The thought of viewing a video of his wife screwing her boyfriend is sick. And your name is "lostgirl"....isn't it? I can't then refer to you as "girl"? People call me mja or Mrs. JA all the time... We are allowed to shorten titles. I know you are new around here....so maybe you do not know people do this...it is not offensive to most of us. and you did not answer my question...who here called this man any names or shamed him? No one...not one single person Yes, but your attitude towards the OP has been a bit condescending Mrs A. I'm used to you being a lot more understanding. I'm calling you on this one. How can a man watch his wife having sex with another man? A man who spent a career as a cop...that's who. I have some friends who are cops and it is amazing the stuff they are able to stomach. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 So where is the OP with his update? For a person who seems as decisive as him he should have made his move by now. I agree though, with those who say he should handle it with decency. There is no need to lower oneself to the level of a cheater. Whatever happens I wish him the best. He should be getting "home from his trip" today and confronting his WW. I would imagine that at right about this moment all hell is breaking loose. We may not hear from him until tomorrow. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 Yes, but your attitude towards the OP has been a bit condescending Mrs A. I'm used to you being a lot more understanding. I'm calling you on this one. How can a man watch his wife having sex with another man? A man who spent a career as a cop...that's who. I have some friends who are cops and it is amazing the stuff they are able to stomach. My son is a cop and has been for 20 years....I am well aware of a cops life. This thread was not about the video...it BECAME about the video when he decided he was going to show it to others. Before he decided to do that...the thread was about his suspicions about a cheating wife. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 My son is a cop and has been for 20 years....I am well aware of a cops life. This thread was not about the video...it BECAME about the video when he decided he was going to show it to others. Before he decided to do that...the thread was about his suspicions about a cheating wife. No thread stays in one spot. First suspicion, evidence gathering, confrontation strategy, then D day. Then all the stuff to come post D day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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