Girlfriend wants a break but sees up together in the future

[ExpatInItaly]

Going to this concert together is a really, really bad idea at this point.

 

You are going to walk away heartbroken when you leave and realize she still doesn't want to be with you.

[Blanco]

All of this for someone you dated for four months. I think my license plate tabs are expired by a longer period of time than that.

 

Do what ya gotta do, man, but I agree with Expat: You're going to leave that trip feeling crushed after "Waiting on the World to Change" fails to trigger your ex into thinking about all of the fun you two had at the malt shop while that song was playing.

 

If anything, she'll probably be checking out all of the hot guys and feel reaffirmed in her decision to play the field while you gladly wait on the backburner willing to throw free trips her way.

[Cookiesandough]

It's sad to see someone who should let go but just refuses

[BryanSmiley]

To echo most others advice OP, I would implore you to take a step back for a week, distance yourself, less contact, and then assess things as it it were one of your friends being treated like this by a girl. If you are really honest with yourself you'll admit that you wouldn't be so optimistic for the friend, and would warn him against pursuing as he'll likely get very hurt.

 

You've taken the time to get advice here so you obviously already have strong doubts about her behaviour and how you are handling this. Yet in the face of strong advice to do what you have a background inclination you know you need to do - you are resisting.

 

You are only delaying the hurt in my view.

 

You have a girl that if she doesn't already have her eye on someone else, she wants to be with other people.

 

That is a serious red flag and her actions and intended actions - say a heck of a lot about how much she supposedly "loves" you. She's not cruel but she's emotionally immature. Even if she doesn't know it herself, sadly her feelings for you are not strong enough that she's willing to sacrifice her urges - and thus is putting you as a potential fallback position and is willing to jeapordise losing you.

[Chi townD]

Why in the blue hell would you want to hang around someone that doesn't want you? That is probably (hell, most likely) seeing someone else?

 

Dude, let this one go. There are plenty of girls out there that would love to spend time with you because there's no other place they would rather be.

[doglover98]

Seems as though I've experienced a very similar situation as what you are going through. This might be long, but I want to give you my perspective as the girl, since it seems as though your "ex" is experiencing very similar feelings? I met my ex in high school, we dated 4 months before I went away to school (9hours away) and he still had another year left of high school. LDRs suck. And I knew that going into it, so I let him know that I wanted to take a break when I went away. He was the only guy I'd ever been with, so going to a new place with new people made me want to try new things. He'd been with several other girls before me, and I never had any of that experience, I wanted to be sure that what I had with him was the only thing I wanted. Anyways, we took a "break" but continuously talked every single day, while I saw other guys. I realize now how horrible of a person I am to do this, and I constantly regret how I treated him. But he loved me, and continued to put himself through the pain. About a month into the "break", I slept with another guy and regretfully told him. He actually slept with someone else too. When I found that out, it broke my heart. Both of our experiences made us realize we only wanted to be with each other, so after we decided to get back together. But the whole ordeal really messed up the trust I had for him - and it took me over a year to regain it. Fast forward, outside circumstances forced me to transfer back home after my first semester. We were a really great couple together and things were good until he went away to school last fall. He only went an hour away, so luckily we got to see each other every other weekend, but it was still LD. I still hadn't exactly fully trusted him (based on my own actions when I first went away to school), so I was jealous a lot and caused many small arguments. Like you said with your gf, things were always amazing when we were together, but whenever we weren't, there was always some fighting. Last spring he decided to join a frat, the pledging process and hazing was really really tough on him but I was there every step of the way. We really connected during that process, also because he wasn't going out and drinking every night and he was leaning on me a lot. After he got in though, school and his new friends became his new life and I fell into his past. I became less important to him, and the distance ultimately pulled us apart.

 

I know in your situation that the distance isn't long term. But at the same time, if you can't be successful/fully committed for only a few months, there's no way you'll be successful, as a couple, in the future. "If you want to live together, you first need to learn how to live apart". That quote got me through much of my LDR. So if you cannot live apart, you cannot live together. I'm only 2 months into my breakup, but I'm still in the same boat as you where I still have so much hope. My breakup was basically mutual, so I still have hope that maybe after we finish school, we can reconnect and things will work out. I think it's ok to have some hope, but don't let it consume you. In my scenario, I have hope that he will want to get back together or at least talk before he leaves for school. Even though I know it's unlikely, I'm also strong enough to tell myself that even if he wanted to reconcile, I wouldn't because I don't want to ruin our chances of being together in a few years.

 

Our situations aren't exactly the same, but I'm telling you now that there's a really strong chance she's not the one for you. Most relationships don't work out through LD, and I thought mine would be the exception. But I wish I would've broke things off sooner to go through less pain. I really hope for the best for you. Life will work itself out, whether or not you and her end up together. You don't have to listen to my advice, but I don't think she's the one for you. I'm still trying to accept things, but there are tons of people out there and I'm sure you'll find someone even better. You just have to let her go first. Good luck

[jjb117]

You all were right, but in the end I won't regret my decision with taking her to the concert.

 

Even though she told me a week earlier that this other girl wasn't going to last, apparently only three days ago they decided they would become an official couple. Within only a mere 3 weeks since she's met her, she has decided to take it seriously with this girl, but when she was with me, it took her almost two and a half months? I feel a bit offended by that. Her reason being is because this other girl is going through a lot & she feels obligated to be there and when she met me she was broken (but I helped her piece her back together) so I shouldn't compare the two, but how can I not?

 

Apparently they have already said I love you to each other when it took us almost 4 months to say it. How can you say that in such a short amount of time? And apparently she's going to try to make it work long distance with her, even though she only lasted 5 days with me. 5 days!

 

I'm appalled, because I know within my heart I would do a lot more for her. **** It, I have done more for her. This other may be great, but no one compares me me. Nobody. I gave my all to this person. It just doesn't make sense. It just confuses me because she still says she loves me, but how could you say that if you're with someone else?

 

In the end I told her I had to let her go. For my own sake, my own sanity. I can't wait any longer. I can't be friends. I just can't. I kept the door open though by saying, "If you ever want to start again, you know where to find me." But I'm moving on. I deleted all the photos I have from her on my phone. All of our texts. I'm not sure if I'll delete the photos off of Instagram but this is thr end and I'm not looking back. If she truly loves me, she'll be back. But now at this point I need to stop going for what I want, and start going after someone I deserve. I know I can move on. I always look back at the girls I thought I'd never get over, and realize there will always be someone else in the future. I truly did love this girl. And it saddens me that this all had to happen. I promised I wouldn't be the one to leave her life since everyone in the past has come and gone - but i have to always remember....she was the one who let go first.

 

Thank you for all your replies. Honestly thank you. I live with no regrets. No what ifs. I'm young, I'm 20, I'm learning, I'm growing. It'll take some time but I always look back and tell myself I gave her my best, and that's all I could ever do.