Can an adult partner be Punished ?

[Mrs. John Adams]

Is it possible for the two of you to go to marriage therapy together?

 

Or do you have a relative or friend that maybe could mediate between the two of you...perhaps her mother?

 

If i were you....and clearly i am not....but if i found myself in your situation....I would do everything within my power to make things easier and more peaceful.

 

I would hire a housekeeper....who would at least make things bearable.

 

If it all falls on you...the strain may be too much. SO whatever you have to do to take the pressure off of you...DO IT.

 

Be very careful how you approach her....dont try to force her or punish her or manipulate her. Love her for who she is.

 

Concentrate on her good attributes and try not to dwell on the bad ones.

 

you clearly are not going to change her...and you are not going to leave her.

 

So do your best to make harmony with her....and the way to do that is to love her in spite of her flaws and accept her for who she is.

[Phoenician]

Is it possible for the two of you to go to marriage therapy together?

 

-she refused , I went alone 4 times ...

Or do you have a relative or friend that maybe could mediate between the two of you...perhaps her mother?

-when I tried to get help , her sis and friend made everything to make her more comfortable by doing her responsibilities, and I ended up being in the picture that her image was affected .

 

If i were you....and clearly i am not....but if i found myself in your situation....I would do everything within my power to make things easier and more peaceful.

-Agree , that's why I will start IC sessions tommorrow

 

I would hire a housekeeper....who would at least make things bearable.

-She has a housekeeper , she wants to keep her and not change it , I gave her the freedom on this decision .

 

If it all falls on you...the strain may be too much. SO whatever you have to do to take the pressure off of you...DO IT.

 

Be very careful how you approach her....dont try to force her or punish her or manipulate her. Love her for who she is.

 

Concentrate on her good attributes and try not to dwell on the bad ones.

 

I am depressed , I will do nothing frankly , but I will make sure to be supportive when she really needs me , not when her laziness needs me .

 

you clearly are not going to change her...and you are not going to leave her.

Not sure about second one anymore , but definetly not for the time being .

 

So do your best to make harmony with her....and the way to do that is to love her in spite of her flaws and accept her for who she is.

 

 

 

Thanks for your advises ,

 

Damn it I wish I had LS 15 yrs back , it would have been a lot easier .

[wmacbride]

A husband or wife is not a child. If you feel your relationship has devolved to a place where you need to "punish" your spouse, then it's time to pull the plug. Pull the plug and then make a beeline for the nearest therapists office to find out why one allowed this to happen in their life.