Author sarahssarah Posted June 22, 2017 Author Share Posted June 22, 2017 I have to stop thinking about the past.. What's done is done. & it is what it is ... Our life together is over & now he will make a new one with his new family. The betrayal is just so eerie .. feels like a Nightmare for me that I'm going to wake up From any day now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarahssarah Posted June 22, 2017 Author Share Posted June 22, 2017 Let me tell you guys something else He's actually upset because I refused to name our child a junior.. Why would I name our son after someone who broke my heart AND had a baby on me!? He's delusional. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 I completely agree. Name your child whatever you like because you will be the one spending the most time with them. Your hormones are also making you more emotional. You have to treat yourself fairly and stand up for yourself even if he doesn't. You are pregnant and need him, she is pregnant and needs him too; but he has chosen to be with her. Is that fair? Does that sound like a man who loves you? Why can't she be the one alone and him with you? What does that tell you Sarah? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarahssarah Posted June 22, 2017 Author Share Posted June 22, 2017 I completely agree. Name your child whatever you like because you will be the one spending the most time with them. Your hormones are also making you more emotional. You have to treat yourself fairly and stand up for yourself even if he doesn't. You are pregnant and need him, she is pregnant and needs him too; but he has chosen to be with her. Is that fair? Does that sound like a man who loves you? Why can't she be the one alone and him with you? What does that tell you Sarah? Youre right.. it tells me that I deserve better & have to move on And file for divorce. I don't feel ready.. I feel scared to File for divorce .. but it needs to be done. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 Youre right.. it tells me that I deserve better & have to move on And file for divorce. I don't feel ready.. I feel scared to File for divorce .. but it needs to be done. What are you afraid of Sarah? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarahssarah Posted June 22, 2017 Author Share Posted June 22, 2017 What are you afraid of Sarah? I really don't know what I'm afraid of. I think it's the thought of not being attached to him in some way.. Maybe it's just the thought of ending something that used to be so sacred and special to me. I looked at it like a spiritual thing between us and God.. & it feels scary to think about signing. I really need to go talk to a lawyer. If I take that first step then I think I will be okay with the rest.. Someone told me that it's not always good to rush divorce if you're not healed. But It really doesn't even matter at this point, does it.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 You know Sarah he really is a piece of shyt if I've ever seen one. He leaves his pregnant wife and kid and goes off and impregnates another woman. All the begging you did plus the threats and he still stayed away from home. Now he has the audacity to tell you he loves you? Honey this is not love but selfish manipulation at it's highest degree. Please be aware that a lot of no good men keep both of the baby mamas (and some men have more than 2) on the sweet side. Why? Because if they keep you in love with them you won't file for child support. These guys end up scott free and look for more women who are not tied down with kids. Please talk to your family about this and seek their help. He is now tied to this woman for the rest of his life as he is you. Do you want to live like this? THIS. Sarah...I know it's hard but you need to pull yourself together and be strong for your KIDS. FIGHT. Get a lawyer. Get free legal help. FILE FOR AN EMERGENCY ORDER OF SUPPORT. YOU need to secure child support for your two children before the OW does it too. This isn't about love or marriage or divorce or sadness or jealousy. it's about money. GET YOUR AFFAIRS IN ORDER. NOW. worry about the other stuff later. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarahssarah Posted June 22, 2017 Author Share Posted June 22, 2017 THIS. Sarah...I know it's hard but you need to pull yourself together and be strong for your KIDS. FIGHT. Get a lawyer. Get free legal help. FILE FOR AN EMERGENCY ORDER OF SUPPORT. YOU need to secure child support for your two children before the OW does it too. This isn't about love or marriage or divorce or sadness or jealousy. it's about money. GET YOUR AFFAIRS IN ORDER. NOW. worry about the other stuff later. He's paying me child support on a weekly basis. Should I go to court and get it in writing or something? No clue how this works but that's why I need a lawyer.. Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 He's paying me child support on a weekly basis. Should I go to court and get it in writing or something? No clue how this works but that's why I need a lawyer.. YES...you need it legal...deducted from his paycheck. Right now he controls you because he can stop that payment at any time. I'm not sure how it is where you live but in my state they take his income and do all the calculations and come up with a figure. If his OW files, they will take his income AFTER deducting YOUR child support and then she gets an amount calculated after that. So you do have an advantage because your kids came first. But you will lose that if you trust him to just write you a check each week. At least consult a lawyer. Not sure if you can pay for one, but they may be able to give you some self service options. You may be able to do some of the paperwork yourself. He's controlling everything right now because if he gets pissed at you or if the OW cries "OUR kid needs that money!" your'e going to be in for much more of a fight. STOP YOUR ALLEGIANCE TO HIM .....dont' feel bad. you are divorcing...This isn't being mean or anything...it's what people do in a divorce....and if he gets mad,.....just tell him that "this is what being divorced means....since we are divorcing, We need to do it by the books and truly separate our lives and I need to protect myself and our children since i will be their main caregiver". YOU OWE HIM NOTHING ...he left you...he got someone else pregnant. Stop worrying about him. Take care of YOU. Get the financial/custody stuff out of the way then cry for a month if you need to....Just PROTECT YOURSELF. please...I just can't stress this enough. He's having a kid with someone else. All bets are off. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
deadsoul Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 I'm so sorry you're going through this. Don't fight your feelings. Of course you love him, despite all this. The emotions take awhile to fade. But you need to let your logic take hold right now and protect you and those babies. Go see a lawyer, find out your rights and do what you need to do to protect yourself. It hurts a lot, but right now, your only focus is you and your babies. Nothing else. Take care, OP and keep us posted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarahssarah Posted June 24, 2017 Author Share Posted June 24, 2017 I'm so sorry you're going through this. Don't fight your feelings. Of course you love him, despite all this. The emotions take awhile to fade. But you need to let your logic take hold right now and protect you and those babies. Go see a lawyer, find out your rights and do what you need to do to protect yourself. It hurts a lot, but right now, your only focus is you and your babies. Nothing else. Take care, OP and keep us posted. Yea despite everything he's done.. how he's proved he has no love for me. I'm still sitting here caring about him & his life. I'm too nice .. I texted him & told him I am doing cs legally ..& how I don't want him in the room when i deliver our child. Told him that I don't owe him anything . I think he wants to mosey on through life acting like what he did with her was a mistake.. he's not with her.. he feels lonely at night like I do.. But in reality he's living a whole new life that does not include me and I have to remember that. He doesn't care. It drives me crazy that I will never get enough closure when it comes to this situation. It's just: ok youve been ****ed over to the extreme.. now move on with life because the love of your life is a sham! Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 Yea despite everything he's done.. how he's proved he has no love for me. I'm still sitting here caring about him & his life. I'm too nice .. I texted him & told him I am doing cs legally ..& how I don't want him in the room when i deliver our child. Told him that I don't owe him anything . I think he wants to mosey on through life acting like what he did with her was a mistake.. he's not with her.. he feels lonely at night like I do.. But in reality he's living a whole new life that does not include me and I have to remember that. He doesn't care. It drives me crazy that I will never get enough closure when it comes to this situation. It's just: ok youve been ****ed over to the extreme.. now move on with life because the love of your life is a sham! I know that it feels like that... and frankly it sucks in every way. I have and do feel that. The woman that I loved with all my heart screwed me over for 26 years. All you can do is just move forward. Cry when you need to cry, rage when you need to rage, and just move forward. It sucks, but luckily, it will not kill you. Even though half, at least, of my life is gone and a huge portion of that wasted, I know that I will get through it. Overall, I am just so much happier than I have been for years. You just have to work through it. Eventually, your love will turn to hatred, and I am hoping that with more time it will turn to indifference. One day the pain will die down and I will not even think of her on a daily basis. Be strong... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarahssarah Posted June 25, 2017 Author Share Posted June 25, 2017 Btw guys I've been feeling angry and empowered all day. I saw a fb comment and the girl said she was taking MY daughter somewhere. I almost died. I was about to call him & curse him out but I had to stop myself. I have no control over this anymore. I have to take the power I DO have ******If you guys have any advice on dealing with Ow and her doing things with my child taking her places, please let me know. I haven't met her and I really don't want to meet her. I'm not ready for that & idk if I'll ever be ready for that. I'm doing the child support thing asap. Part of me wants to be petty and drag the divorce out until she has her baby LOL take him and HER for everything they've taken from me. Alimony, child support .. have fun raising your new baby with the left over money you have. I'm a single mom. He has himself AND his new girlfriend to depend on. This is what he gets. I don't owe him anything. He decided to leave me and I hope he is punished. I shouldn't have to deal with him every week for a few dollars. He can blame me and curse me... it doesn't matter because I will ignore him. I'm ignoring any negativity that comes from him from now on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
rcdan001 Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 Hi Sarah I don't really have any solid advice for you... I'm struggling to make it through my situation too. But I wanted to say my heart goes out to you. I know exactly the pain and feelings you're experiencing. I'm glad you felt angry and empowered yesterday. I hope for you that those days begin to outnumber the bad ones! May we both find peace. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarahssarah Posted June 25, 2017 Author Share Posted June 25, 2017 Hi Sarah I don't really have any solid advice for you... I'm struggling to make it through my situation too. But I wanted to say my heart goes out to you. I know exactly the pain and feelings you're experiencing. I'm glad you felt angry and empowered yesterday. I hope for you that those days begin to outnumber the bad ones! May we both find peace. Thank you .. my heart goes out you too. It's such a struggle Every single day to go through the feeling of being Rejected and betrayed. I just hope there is a light at the end of the Tunnel and SOON. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 Tell your stupid husband that under no circumstances is he to let OW watch your baby or take her anywhere. He is the one who is supposed to take care of her when you give him visitation or there won't be anymore until the court orders it. I would blow sky high if another woman put her hands on my child. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 give it ten years and he will still be messing women about, he is sooo the type, fickle Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarahssarah Posted June 25, 2017 Author Share Posted June 25, 2017 I don't even want to call him and talk to him about it Bc he will ask how I know. & I will look like a stalker. My daughter says they didn't go. I hate this so much. I just wish everything Was normal & he wanted to be mine again.but he just ruined us. I need a therapist. I just feel distracted by him & his actions the entire day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 Unfortunately for you this is the new normal so get used to it. This woman and baby are not going anywhere. You have to detach from him because if he wanted you he would be there. You need to keep remembering that. Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted June 26, 2017 Share Posted June 26, 2017 I don't even want to call him and talk to him about it Bc he will ask how I know. & I will look like a stalker. My daughter says they didn't go. I hate this so much. I just wish everything Was normal & he wanted to be mine again.but he just ruined us. I need a therapist. I just feel distracted by him & his actions the entire day. So either she is lying to **** with you or they made your child lie to you. Print that **** out and bring it to a lawyer. Stat. You're not a stalker if she posted it publicly 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lostgirl87 Posted June 26, 2017 Share Posted June 26, 2017 Sorry but you have no legal way of keeping your child from spending time with your husband's new partner. Unless this woman has a criminal record, is a drunk/drug addict or is in some way a danger or could cause harm to the children, there's nothing an attorney or a court can do to keep her out of the kids' lives. When the kids are in his care and in his household, he can legally choose who gets to be around the kids or watch the kids if he can't. While you likely don't have any legal recourse, you are the children's mother and if you're that uncomfortable with her being around them, then you'll have to find a way to calmly express that to your former spouse and hopefully he will respect your wishes. I know you despise this woman for the role she played in the demise of your marriage and that's your right. Nobody can blame you for feeling that way. However, it may not be worth it to fight over this. At least for the time being, it doesn't appear that she's going anywhere so for the sake of your kids, maybe it'll be worth it to try and keep the peace. Yes, express your concerns to your husband but don't threaten to keep your kids from seeing him if the new gf is around b/c that will only hurt you legally and of course it would hurt the kids to not see their dad. I am sorry you're going through this. It can't be easy to watch your husband living a life with someone else. I understand and I wish you the best. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarahssarah Posted June 26, 2017 Author Share Posted June 26, 2017 Sorry but you have no legal way of keeping your child from spending time with your husband's new partner. Unless this woman has a criminal record, is a drunk/drug addict or is in some way a danger or could cause harm to the children, there's nothing an attorney or a court can do to keep her out of the kids' lives. When the kids are in his care and in his household, he can legally choose who gets to be around the kids or watch the kids if he can't. While you likely don't have any legal recourse, you are the children's mother and if you're that uncomfortable with her being around them, then you'll have to find a way to calmly express that to your former spouse and hopefully he will respect your wishes. I know you despise this woman for the role she played in the demise of your marriage and that's your right. Nobody can blame you for feeling that way. However, it may not be worth it to fight over this. At least for the time being, it doesn't appear that she's going anywhere so for the sake of your kids, maybe it'll be worth it to try and keep the peace. Yes, express your concerns to your husband but don't threaten to keep your kids from seeing him if the new gf is around b/c that will only hurt you legally and of course it would hurt the kids to not see their dad. I am sorry you're going through this. It can't be easy to watch your husband living a life with someone else. I understand and I wish you the best. You're right.. & that's why I'm just not gonna say anything because I can't control who she's with or around unless I go to court and try to take Full custody and take all of his rights. I don't want to do that to him because He needs time with kids too. I'm not gonna do any creeping. I told myself I need to just really pick myself up AGAIN & make my new life. Stop caring about what they have going on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Love2015 Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 (edited) Hello, Your post breaks my heart. I didn't read all the messages but beginnings. I was there in 2015. You can read my posts. Fast forward 2017. I still have a joint property with ex and he still is not communicating but I am 110% better I can advice the following: *You gave control of your life and he took advantage of it and did not take care of your heart. You must regain your control * Go counselling ALONE so you can become stronger. Try to focus your energy and attention within not outside. And above all not based on your husband. * Go NO contact. Don't bother to tell him you are doing so. If you need to communicate due to kids. do so via email. Best is hire a lawyer and draft a separation agreement. You may not want to but this is best. * DO things with family and friends and travel. Keep on moving forward. Trust me you will be at a better place future. * Seek spirituality (in whatever form) - know there is a reason all is happening. Try to dettach yourself. Sleep well, exercise, eat well * Don't date but think of how it would feel to be loved truly loved. ONce ready, start dating * Let him go. It's his loss * Don't forget we come as nothing, and leave with nothing. Life is a journey and travellers we meet in the way are there for our own evolution and growth. With this in mind seek people around you who give you positivity. * Love yourself. I used to buy myself flowers and still do. * Something that helped me was what a friend asked me to do. Take a photo of something beautiful every day. You will see life is beautiful. LET HIM GO. * Forgive him and Forgive yourself for not see it coming. Cheating is on him...no you. Forgive forgive so you can be happy ah...also read about Narcissistic Abuse and stages. Read ...read Keep on posting here. It helps. Edited July 16, 2017 by Love2015 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ItStartsFromWithin Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 Hey Sarah, Hope you are doing well, you are in my prayers. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts