Author sarahssarah Posted June 14, 2017 Author Share Posted June 14, 2017 Maybe you should start letting the kids answer your phone when you know it is him so you don't have to hear his voice. Since he is primarily calling for them anyway that should take some of the stress off of you. It is obvious he wants this OW and if I were you I would go ahead and file for divorce to let him know you are serious. I wouldn't let him come back home because all he is going to do is run back to her and continue hurting you. You have to realize that the man you fell in love with is gone. All you can do is make sure the children have access to their father and he pays child support. I know you don't want to hear this now but there are really good men out there who would value a woman like you. I feel way better now. It's crazy how my morning might start off with tears and then a few hours later I'm okay. You're right.. that's exactly what I was thinking. I'll step out of the room when he calls because now I see that it isn't going to work for me right now. yes.. the man I knew and loved is gone & I have to remember that! He's not the same guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarahssarah Posted June 16, 2017 Author Share Posted June 16, 2017 (edited) Last 2 days have been tough.. Dropped my daughter off to go with him and afterward I couldn't stop crying for at least an hour. I couldn't even look at him.. he told me to "have a good time" and I couldn't think of what to say.. how can I have a good time when my family has fallen apart. How can I have a good time when I know that you & the OW will be doing things that I'm supposed to be doing with you and our child. He told me he was so sorry for putting me through this and we would talk about it later.. I just feel so empty because he's probably so happy right now and I'm still pretty much miserable and alone. How do I accept that it's done and over. How do I accept that he is with someone else and no longer views me as important in his life? Is that something that comes with time? Kind words would be appreciated Edited June 16, 2017 by sarahssarah Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 Hugs to you babe... Listen, him leaving and breaking up your family is not about you. It is not about you not being pretty enough, or sexy enough or anything else. It is about him. You have to just keep moving forward and keep your head up. You can exist without him and you will. Even though you cannot think this way yet, there is someone out there for you. He will be kind, and gentle and loving to you and your child. You just need to grieve this loss and move on when your ready. I fully believe that at some point Karma catches up with people like him. One day he will regret what he has done, but by that time, you will have a wonderful new man in your life that will not cheat on you... Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 Last 2 days have been tough.. Dropped my daughter off to go with him and afterward I couldn't stop crying for at least an hour. I couldn't even look at him.. he told me to "have a good time" and I couldn't think of what to say.. how can I have a good time when my family has fallen apart. How can I have a good time when I know that you & the OW will be doing things that I'm supposed to be doing with you and our child. He told me he was so sorry for putting me through this and we would talk about it later.. I just feel so empty because he's probably so happy right now and I'm still pretty much miserable and alone. How do I accept that it's done and over. How do I accept that he is with someone else and no longer views me as important in his life? Is that something that comes with time? Kind words would be appreciated Oh, I can so remember those feelings. I felt like I was plucked out of line and she was put in. I was totally replaced. She did not see my son much - he was NOT interested in that, but after all I had done for my XH, and believe me, nursing him through illness and transplant was just a part of it as there was much more, he acted as if he could not have cared less about me. He would email me (I would not answer calls) and it was all business. He never asked me if I needed anything, if I was OK - oh man, it was so hard. I could not believe it and it stuck with me. I did end up telling him this when he and she broke up and he was beginning to have some kind of idea of what he had done, and he apologized. Not that it meant anything by then. I'm sorry. It is so hard and I know how it feels. The positive thing I can tell you is that I just related that to you and I didn't hurt, I did not cry and while I remember that I felt that way, I do not feel that way anymore. You can't do anything but go through it and then you will come out on the other side. Keep as busy as you can, cry when you want - it is cathartic and exercise. I walked the dogs every day and it was good for them and for me. You will get through it. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I wish you peace. {{HUGS}} Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarahssarah Posted June 16, 2017 Author Share Posted June 16, 2017 Oh, I can so remember those feelings. I felt like I was plucked out of line and she was put in. I was totally replaced. She did not see my son much - he was NOT interested in that, but after all I had done for my XH, and believe me, nursing him through illness and transplant was just a part of it as there was much more, he acted as if he could not have cared less about me. He would email me (I would not answer calls) and it was all business. He never asked me if I needed anything, if I was OK - oh man, it was so hard. I could not believe it and it stuck with me. I did end up telling him this when he and she broke up and he was beginning to have some kind of idea of what he had done, and he apologized. Not that it meant anything by then. I'm sorry. It is so hard and I know how it feels. The positive thing I can tell you is that I just related that to you and I didn't hurt, I did not cry and while I remember that I felt that way, I do not feel that way anymore. You can't do anything but go through it and then you will come out on the other side. Keep as busy as you can, cry when you want - it is cathartic and exercise. I walked the dogs every day and it was good for them and for me. You will get through it. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I wish you peace. {{HUGS}} Thanks @bluespower and @steen719 I think this would be easier if I was told the truth.. he lies about everything .. Says him and her aren't in a relationship and she doesn't live there.. Just lies about the most obvious things and it is literally driving me insane... He said again today that "we would talk about it later" bc business came up and we ended up talking on the phone .. saying "we will talk about it later" is probably another way for him to string me along. when I see him I expect nothing.. he won't care.. he won't show remorse.. he will just run back.. I know I shouldn't WANT him but I'm in love with him and Deep inside I still crave him . I can't help it. I feel like I keep taking 2 steps forward and 2 steps backward. I love being able to vent to ppl that actually understand my pain. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 If tomorrow he turned around and said " I want move back home, I've made an awful mistake" would you allow him back in and forgive him? Could you trust him again after everything he's done to you? Be honest with yourself. You're still grieving this loss and you never thought he'd walk out on you and you family. It sucks and it hurts but some day you WILL get through this be over over him and stop feeling so much pain. It just takes time. Allow yourself to be okay with having sad or bad moments or down times. It won't last long and as time goes on it'll hurt less. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Springsummer Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 Just curious, as I have no experience...isn't crying and being very sad not good for the development of a fetus? now that you are pregnant...the health of the baby, please try to be calm about this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Springsummer Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 I think this is not a good man and not a responsible person. How can anyone just left their PREGNANT wife and make her very sad and a daughter and go living with another person? That's like a monster to me (I am an inexperienced person, so maybe I don't really know life and people) Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 Just curious, as I have no experience...isn't crying and being very sad not good for the development of a fetus? now that you are pregnant...the health of the baby, please try to be calm about this. It is bad for the baby. My parents were in the middle of a bitter divorce when my she was pregnant with me and I believe that is why I'm a nervous wreck to this day. I think OP needs to go full NC with him in order to calm her nerves and have a healthy, happy baby. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarahssarah Posted June 17, 2017 Author Share Posted June 17, 2017 I think this is not a good man and not a responsible person. How can anyone just left their PREGNANT wife and make her very sad and a daughter and go living with another person? That's like a monster to me (I am an inexperienced person, so maybe I don't really know life and people) You're right.. but in a situation like this I can flip a switch and stop crying or being upset. I haven't been upset to the point where it would stress my pregnancy.. about 4-6 weeks ago I was stressed. But now I'm just sad here and there. Idk what HE is .. but he's not the man I fell in love with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarahssarah Posted June 17, 2017 Author Share Posted June 17, 2017 It is bad for the baby. My parents were in the middle of a bitter divorce when my she was pregnant with me and I believe that is why I'm a nervous wreck to this day. I think OP needs to go full NC with him in order to calm her nerves and have a healthy, happy baby. My nerves aren't that bad all the time anymore lol About 4-6 weeks ago my nerves were shot and I was a wreck .. but now I'm Doing a little better. I hope my baby is fine through all of this stress that I've been through. I've never had to deal with anything so horrible in my life. & I can't do complete "No contact" because we also have a toddler.. she's always bringing him up in conversation .. & he wants to get her on weekends. I can't avoid speaking to him as much as I would if I had no kids. I hate the fact that I still have to see him bc it makes things harder. Seeing him ride off into the sunset in OUR car.. with OUR child to the OW house. That's devastating . Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 Where does he take the toddler on weekends if he has no home? Does your baby spend time with the OW too? I think it would be better for you to go complete NC with him and have someone else drop off and pick up the toddler. You should be in NC if you want to heal. He is not going to change. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarahssarah Posted June 17, 2017 Author Share Posted June 17, 2017 Where does he take the toddler on weekends if he has no home? Does your baby spend time with the OW too? I think it would be better for you to go complete NC with him and have someone else drop off and pick up the toddler. You should be in NC if you want to heal. He is not going to change. This is the 2nd time and I'm 100% sure they are with the OW house . So I have that to look forward to when I get my daughter back (I just know she will mention it) So you think I should just start having someone else drop her off.. Good idea.. Idk who that could be .. bc my family hates him after all of this. Or maybe I will let him pick her up from my house & just not walk outside.. I just don't want him near my house either.. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 Do you trust any or his relatives to pick up your baby? If not, at least if one of your family members handles it they will feel like they are helping you to distance yourself from him so they may not mind. Also by not seeing you he may miss you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarahssarah Posted June 17, 2017 Author Share Posted June 17, 2017 Do you trust any or his relatives to pick up your baby? If not, at least if one of your family members handles it they will feel like they are helping you to distance yourself from him so they may not mind. Also by not seeing you he may miss you. Yeah his family wouldn't do that. My family probably would. it would be best.. because I can't deal with this. I know he is with the OW &I everything.. he sent me a text accidentally saying "yea we can" & id bet money he was texting her back about plans..if I even see them doing things together or see things like texts and hear calls.. idt I can handle it. I know what's going on between them...... but is it unhealthy to avoid it .. bc that's what I want. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 No you do need to avoid finding out what is going on between them. You are only human and the stress is not good for you or the baby. You need to stay calm. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
phoenix_7 Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 Last 2 days have been tough.. Dropped my daughter off to go with him and afterward I couldn't stop crying for at least an hour. I couldn't even look at him.. he told me to "have a good time" and I couldn't think of what to say.. how can I have a good time when my family has fallen apart. How can I have a good time when I know that you & the OW will be doing things that I'm supposed to be doing with you and our child. He told me he was so sorry for putting me through this and we would talk about it later.. I just feel so empty because he's probably so happy right now and I'm still pretty much miserable and alone. How do I accept that it's done and over. How do I accept that he is with someone else and no longer views me as important in his life? Is that something that comes with time? Kind words would be appreciated yes. time is your friend. and read books about no contact, narcissism, and grass is greener syndrome. this was my coping strategy since i am an introvert. i know it feels unfair but...these are the cards that life handed to you now. how will you handle it? i read somewhere that the strength of a woman is like a teabag; it is tested once placed in hot water. depression will hit you once in a while but learn to rise above it. think of your kids. be an example to them. focus on you. train yourself to stop obsessing about your husband and his ow. you are not alone. we were also once in your situation and now we are doing better. you'll get here. you will gain a different perspective of your situation after a few months and you'll gain back your self respect. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarahssarah Posted June 22, 2017 Author Share Posted June 22, 2017 Hey everybody! Just wanted to update My husband told me he got the OW pregnant. I am beyond devastated... It's like I have been pushed back 5 steps.. I started to make progress and accept that it was over ..& then I get this horrible news. He told me he still loved me and didn't want to let go but look at this crap ...I ended up writing the OW & telling & asking her some things .. Wish I wouldn't have done that but I can't take it back now. I'm sure my husband will be calling to tell me off about it and I will hang up on him. I wish I could just blink my eyes.. wake up in a new time where I feel more secure and happy.. I know that eventually I won't love him.. but unfortunately I still love him and that's why this news is so hard to take in. I keep including him in my life .. it's like a subconscious thing that I do.. but I need to break that. Please help me. Any kind words would be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 I'm so sorry Sarah. Did the OW confirm that she is pregnant? What are you going to do? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 You know Sarah he really is a piece of shyt if I've ever seen one. He leaves his pregnant wife and kid and goes off and impregnates another woman. All the begging you did plus the threats and he still stayed away from home. Now he has the audacity to tell you he loves you? Honey this is not love but selfish manipulation at it's highest degree. Please be aware that a lot of no good men keep both of the baby mamas (and some men have more than 2) on the sweet side. Why? Because if they keep you in love with them you won't file for child support. These guys end up scott free and look for more women who are not tied down with kids. Please talk to your family about this and seek their help. He is now tied to this woman for the rest of his life as he is you. Do you want to live like this? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 Sarah I know you are hurt but get yourself together. You have to think now really hard about you and your kids future. You need to consult an attorney about your rights and those of your kids. Be the first to get your kids child support before shyt hits the fan. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarahssarah Posted June 22, 2017 Author Share Posted June 22, 2017 Sarah I know you are hurt but get yourself together. You have to think now really hard about you and your kids future. You need to consult an attorney about your rights and those of your kids. Be the first to get your kids child support before shyt hits the fan. He told me she goes to the dr this week. It's his and he's sure about it I feel disgusted and in shock all over again. I was just starting to come To grips with reality and I was done with him. Now this crap ... I guess it doesn't matter because I am not with him anyway. But for some reason it STILL hurts like hell. I took a week off of work so I could focus on getting myself in a good place, pamper myself, redecorate my room and things like that. It'd be one thing to sleep around with multiple women on me.. but you got a girl pregnant WHILE I'm still pregnant .. I just can't .. I was done before but I'm so tired of feeling hurt from this man. I WISH I could wake up tomorrow and have 0 feelings or thoughts about him. That would be great. My next goal is to stop thinking about him and what he has done. I think about it all day ..& idk how to stop thinking about something but I will sure try . Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 Sarah, I am so sorry babe... Unfortunately it is what it is. This is the reason that he did not want to fix it with you. She is pregnant and he figures it is to divorce you and just live with her. She probably got pregnant on purpose so she could keep him. It does not make you feel better but it does explain things. For what it is worth, I hate my ExW with a passion. But I loved her with a passion as well. I have been through several woman and have a new GF and I still think I should tell her I going to do this or ask her if she needs anything and she had been out of the house for a while. I don't know what it is but I think it takes a long time not to think about them at all. You hang in there... Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 He told me she goes to the dr this week. It's his and he's sure about it I feel disgusted and in shock all over again. I was just starting to come To grips with reality and I was done with him. Now this crap ... I guess it doesn't matter because I am not with him anyway. But for some reason it STILL hurts like hell. I took a week off of work so I could focus on getting myself in a good place, pamper myself, redecorate my room and things like that. It'd be one thing to sleep around with multiple women on me.. but you got a girl pregnant WHILE I'm still pregnant .. I just can't .. I was done before but I'm so tired of feeling hurt from this man. I WISH I could wake up tomorrow and have 0 feelings or thoughts about him. That would be great. My next goal is to stop thinking about him and what he has done. I think about it all day ..& idk how to stop thinking about something but I will sure try . Of course you are in shock and this hurts like hell. What you feel is normal and you don't have to apologize. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarahssarah Posted June 22, 2017 Author Share Posted June 22, 2017 Sarah, I am so sorry babe... Unfortunately it is what it is. This is the reason that he did not want to fix it with you. She is pregnant and he figures it is to divorce you and just live with her. She probably got pregnant on purpose so she could keep him. It does not make you feel better but it does explain things. For what it is worth, I hate my ExW with a passion. But I loved her with a passion as well. I have been through several woman and have a new GF and I still think I should tell her I going to do this or ask her if she needs anything and she had been out of the house for a while. I don't know what it is but I think it takes a long time not to think about them at all. You hang in there... Thank you! I hate the fact that I think about him all day and want to tell him Things that happen. It's going to take so much to let him go and get over him completely All of this pain & I still love him. I don't want to! Link to post Share on other sites
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