My fiancé broke up with me 3 months before our wedding. [UPDATED]

[Purepony]

Oh and I don't think there's anything serious as online dating hahha

 

I've been on it for a while and I find nothing but people who just want to mess around. Don't get me wrong it's cool for the moment but afterwords you're bored

[Purepony]

i feel like this about my ex now, how cold he was before and in the break up email. really distant. not totally surprising he was always an avoidant and had issues.

but after the break up he looks and seems so different (from what i have seen on social media or heard, since i havent seen him since before it)

his look has changed and he seems to be regressing back in age.

it is so bizarre and makes you feel a bit crazy, like who did i spend the last few years with? or in your case, who did you almost marry?

it messes with your head.

 

 

 

I firmly believe with man it's just the security of having someone but then as it gets closer and closer and they realize that it is finally becoming serious and it's real that's when they just flip because they're not ready for it or at least not with that particular person but that's my idea

[Tiga]

Oh and I don't think there's anything serious as online dating hahha

 

I've been on it for a while and I find nothing but people who just want to mess around. Don't get me wrong it's cool for the moment but afterwords you're bored

 

I feel like that too that is why I never did it. But people keep telling me I should give it a try when I am ready. I on the other hand feel like the right person will just come into my life. Idk how since I am not that socail, but I truly feel like everything happens for a reason and what is meant for me wont miss me.

 

Maybe that is a little cliche but you gotta believe something right?

[Tiga]

i feel like this about my ex now, how cold he was before and in the break up email. really distant. not totally surprising he was always an avoidant and had issues.

but after the break up he looks and seems so different (from what i have seen on social media or heard, since i havent seen him since before it)

his look has changed and he seems to be regressing back in age.

it is so bizarre and makes you feel a bit crazy, like who did i spend the last few years with? or in your case, who did you almost marry?

it messes with your head.

 

Yes omg it is a shock tonyour whole system or should I say world. It feels like this person never was who you thought he was and that it was all a lie. I can't explain it but I am glad at least someone understands.

[Goodguy05]

Unfortunately, I don't plan on dating anyone at work. I have my personal reasons. Things go wrong and then your reputation is on the line. There are some great guys don't get me wrong but I don't plan on to. There are plenty of them wanting to jump ship but I just don't want to date someone at work.

 

I just feel like I won't have time to find someone since all I do is work, workout, grocery shop and sometimes go out with friends. I am thinking about joining a more serious online dating site in the near future. Maybe match or eharmony or something. Def. no Tinder.

 

I have never done the online dating and kind of see it as desperate but people tell me it's the new way people date because of busy lives. I might give it a try.

 

Wow Tiga u honestly sound like me lol thats wat i do at the moment. Ye i joined a cpl dating sites not really good especially that eHarmony. U hav to pay. And from my experience u r definatly doing the right thing and not dating someone in ur office. Look at wats happened to me. Don't do it because if things don't work out and go pear shape u have to then deal wth the fact of working wth them unless u get transfered I wouldn't do it again. Every days a challenge for me till I find some other solution or place.

There's one i got from fb called pof it's free but to be honest I haven't had much luck wth dating sites I've never been on em before but it might be different in ur case. Giv it a go if u like.

Hope u had a good day today and ur feeling better

[Tiga]

My heart dropped,

 

I signed up for match for the heck of it. The possible matches came up, my ex fiancé is on there as a match.

 

I knew he signed up for Tinder, but now Match. I am not sure if I should delete mine?

 

Idk if I should stay? What do you guys think?

 

He surprises me every freaking day!

[preraph]

Unfortunately, I don't plan on dating anyone at work. I have my personal reasons. Things go wrong and then your reputation is on the line. There are some great guys don't get me wrong but I don't plan on to. There are plenty of them wanting to jump ship but I just don't want to date someone at work.

 

I just feel like I won't have time to find someone since all I do is work, workout, grocery shop and sometimes go out with friends. I am thinking about joining a more serious online dating site in the near future. Maybe match or eharmony or something. Def. no Tinder.

 

I have never done the online dating and kind of see it as desperate but people tell me it's the new way people date because of busy lives. I might give it a try.

 

Even if you don't date someone in the department, you will be coming into contact with other law enforcement from other departments. Like today in Dallas there's a big memorial for our fallen officers and law enforcement from all over. You will be in a position to meet new guys in that arena.

[preraph]

My heart dropped,

 

I signed up for match for the heck of it. The possible matches came up, my ex fiancé is on there as a match.

 

I knew he signed up for Tinder, but now Match. I am not sure if I should delete mine?

 

Idk if I should stay? What do you guys think?

 

He surprises me every freaking day!

 

Can you block him on Match? Hope so.

[Tiga]

Can you block him on Match? Hope so.

 

Yes but you have to go on their profile first, but a person can see if you were viewing their profile.

[Blanco]

I don't understand the urgency to date so soon after such a devastating life change.

[Tiga]

I don't understand the urgency to date so soon after such a devastating life change.

 

I kind of feel like I have done enough crying, and for what and why will I sit here and beat myself up over it anymore. It is over. He is not worth anymore tears or hope. I at least had the decency to wait 3 months to join, plus I don't have many friends here and getting to know someone can't hurt.

 

It doesn't mean that I will jump into dating, maybe just to go on a date and be friends at first.

 

I wasted the best years of my life dedicated to someone. Why should I wait?

 

He joined tinder 3-4 weeks after our break up and I didn't even mov out the house completely.

 

He is a monster. But this is my journey and I feel like if I find someone I might be interested in then why not try to get to know each other.

[Purepony]

Hi tyga

How are you today ?

You okay ?

[Purepony]

Yes but you have to go on their profile first, but a person can see if you were viewing their profile.

 

 

Just block him

He's doing his best to move because he's probably getting desperate, I'm sure he's getting pressure from everyone as to why no kids no marriage no commitments etc.... I feel that way sometimes

[Tiga]

Hi tyga

How are you today ?

You okay ?

 

Hi,

 

I am good. I feel relieved, I realized some things about my relationship. I asked myself what was so special about my ex that is making me feel like this.

 

I realized that the only thing I liked about him was that he was kind, before the break up. Kind as in checking in on me, saying I love you and was somewhat caring. He would make me coffee and pick up clothes from the cleaners for me. Other then that he didn't do much.

 

I realized that I had done more in the relationship then him. I would buy groceries and carry them all in, I would ask him to assist me in grocery shopping and he would make up that he has something to do around the house. (Cut grass) this was all the time.

 

I cooked and cleaned. I paid for half of mostly everything and for going out while he was saving money.

 

Our sex was nothing special, basically he couldn't ****, me for a minute without stopping. He wasn't good in bed, I was never satisfied. I faked orgasms. I know that sounds bad but I did not want to hurt his feelings. He bought me little things here and there like headphones, a bracelet, paid half for a LV purse which he split with my sister for my birthday. But he never surprised me. He never bought me flowers because he said it's a waste of money because they die.

 

When we go on vacation I would pay for myself, he never surprised me with a short trip anywhere, he was not spontaneous at all. He never wanted to do anything or have fun. He was always a loner, lived a boring life.

 

I need to do stuff from time to time. I like to go on vacation and enjoy myself. I like sex and being pleased would have been nice.

 

 

Sorry I had to vent, but I realized that this was a blessing. This guy wasn't for me. I need a real man, not a b***. A man that will protect me, treat me well and be spontaneous. A man that will put me first!

 

HE WAS NOT THAT MAN.

 

God gave me a blessing in disguise.

[Blanco]

I kind of feel like I have done enough crying, and for what and why will I sit here and beat myself up over it anymore. It is over. He is not worth anymore tears or hope. I at least had the decency to wait 3 months to join, plus I don't have many friends here and getting to know someone can't hurt.

 

Getting to know people as friends can't hurt, but that's not what those dating sites are for. I absolutely encourage you to seek new friendships. And not necessarily friendships you think should turn into potential relationships.

 

It doesn't mean that I will jump into dating, maybe just to go on a date and be friends at first.

 

Again, that's not what these sites are for. If you're looking for chances to make friends, try something like Meet Up or whatever it's called. I've got some buddies who had to relocate and they found some success with that.

 

I wasted the best years of my life dedicated to someone. Why should I wait?

 

Because you aren't in a place emotionally to be getting involved in a possible relationship. There's no shame in that. You've got some things to deal with in the coming months and again, there's no shame in that.

 

But getting involved with another guy is only going to serve as a distraction. What would likely end up happening is that you'll either delay your healing or you'll carry the baggage of this relationship into the next.

 

Better to properly heal and carve out a new individual life before you go seeking your next boyfriend.

 

He joined tinder 3-4 weeks after our break up and I didn't even mov out the house completely.

 

What he does is no longer your concern. You don't like the way he handled the breakup, so why are you using his actions post-breakup as some sort of pathway to follow yourself?

 

He is a monster. But this is my journey and I feel like if I find someone I might be interested in then why not try to get to know each other.

 

Because guys don't wanna hear about ex-boyfriends or fiances who are "monsters" and I guarantee that you aren't in a place right now where you'd be able to avoid talking about your ex and his flaws to the new guy. Once again, there's no shame in feeling how you are. But don't drag that into another potential relationship. That's poison.

[Tiga]

Just block him

He's doing his best to move because he's probably getting desperate, I'm sure he's getting pressure from everyone as to why no kids no marriage no commitments etc.... I feel that way sometimes

 

I see your point, well he ruined it for himself though. He is probably trying to mask the pain now or distract himself.

 

But I am sick of trying to understand his actions, I never will. I need to move on and start going out on dates. If I stare at the wall I am not getting anywhere. I am 27 and should live my best years happy not depressed.

 

I was concerned once he comes across my profile will he think negative about me, but who cares? I did nothing wrong, he did this. I have the right to live my life and move on.

[Purepony]

See I told you

It's normal to feel bad because there's rejection involved but the truth is long term it would have only gotten worse

 

I think you are so far ahead and better off, it sounds like my last relationship so much it makes me look back.

 

Eventually he will check in just be ready to ignore it and be happy with yourself

 

What city are you in btw ?

[Tiga]

See I told you

It's normal to feel bad because there's rejection involved but the truth is long term it would have only gotten worse

 

I think you are so far ahead and better off, it sounds like my last relationship so much it makes me look back.

 

Eventually he will check in just be ready to ignore it and be happy with yourself

 

What city are you in btw ?

 

True, I overlooked a lot and gave a lot of myself.

 

I am in SF

[Purepony]

I see your point, well he ruined it for himself though. He is probably trying to mask the pain now or distract himself.

 

But I am sick of trying to understand his actions, I never will. I need to move on and start going out on dates. If I stare at the wall I am not getting anywhere. I am 27 and should live my best years happy not depressed.

 

I was concerned once he comes across my profile will he think negative about me, but who cares? I did nothing wrong, he did this. I have the right to live my life and move on.

 

 

I agree you've already invested a lot just keep yourself distracted

Going in circles tryinging to figure it out will only drive you mad and most likely aggravate you more

 

I still look back at mine and I've been into this 6 months

[Tiga]

Getting to know people as friends can't hurt, but that's not what those dating sites are for. I absolutely encourage you to seek new friendships. And not necessarily friendships you think should turn into potential relationships.

 

 

 

Again, that's not what these sites are for. If you're looking for chances to make friends, try something like Meet Up or whatever it's called. I've got some buddies who had to relocate and they found some success with that.

 

 

 

Because you aren't in a place emotionally to be getting involved in a possible relationship. There's no shame in that. You've got some things to deal with in the coming months and again, there's no shame in that.

 

But getting involved with another guy is only going to serve as a distraction. What would likely end up happening is that you'll either delay your healing or you'll carry the baggage of this relationship into the next.

 

Better to properly heal and carve out a new individual life before you go seeking your next boyfriend.

 

 

 

What he does is no longer your concern. You don't like the way he handled the breakup, so why are you using his actions post-breakup as some sort of pathway to follow yourself?

 

 

 

Because guys don't wanna hear about ex-boyfriends or fiances who are "monsters" and I guarantee that you aren't in a place right now where you'd be able to avoid talking about your ex and his flaws to the new guy. Once again, there's no shame in feeling how you are. But don't drag that into another potential relationship. That's poison.

 

I totally get what you are saying and that is how I felt initially. It has been 3 months now and I just feel like I dont have much to reflect on my end because I had nothing to do with his decision and his parents decision. I realized that I will necer understand his actions and I think what was bothering me is the actual event, I lost feelings for him because of the event and the pain. It is gone now, I dont love him anymore at least that is how I feel now. Maybe the hurt is covering up the love but I dont love him. I feel empty for him.

[SammySammy]

My last relationship fell apart a month or so before the wedding.

 

I feel we did each other a favor.

 

Never spent much time wondering why. We both knew and admitted to each other things we could have done better. Just learn from it and move on.

[Blanco]

I totally get what you are saying and that is how I felt initially. It has been 3 months now and I just feel like I dont have much to reflect on my end because I had nothing to do with his decision and his parents decision. I realized that I will necer understand his actions and I think what was bothering me is the actual event, I lost feelings for him because of the event and the pain. It is gone now, I dont love him anymore at least that is how I feel now. Maybe the hurt is covering up the love but I dont love him. I feel empty for him.

 

People who get hurt by a loved one are so often looking for any way to fast-track the healing. It's just not usually that simple. Three months is barely enough time to shake the feeling of shock and devastation from the breakup itself, let alone enough time to find your way back to stable ground.

 

It's quite likely that if you got involved with someone right now, you would be overwhelmed by feelings of distrust and emotional unavailability, even if objectively, you knew that you can't project what your ex did to you onto a new person.

[preraph]

Yes but you have to go on their profile first, but a person can see if you were viewing their profile.

 

he already knows you matched so blocking him there would be the logical step.

 

And don't beat yourself up for faking it. They get mad when you do, but they get even more aggravated when you don't and make them finish you all the time.

Edited May 18, 2017 by preraph

[Tiga]

My last relationship fell apart a month or so before the wedding.

 

I feel we did each other a favor.

 

Never spent much time wondering why. We both knew and admitted to each other things we could have done better. Just learn from it and move on.

 

 

Ours was traimatic, for both but he still went with it. He lost 15 lbs within 2-3 weeks of the break up. It hit me extremely hard.

 

But now all I am doing is focusing on the nevative things, I guess it is easier like that to justify that he wasn't for me.

[Tiga]

he already knows you matched so blocking him there would be the logical step.

 

And don't beat yourself up for faking it. They get mad when you do, but they get even more aggravated when you don't and make them finish you all the time.

 

I will definetly block him, but he popped up on like page 4 of possible matches he wasnt a daily match.

 

Thanks, here I am still apologizing for the little things I did even after the major move he made. I guess I am just that type if person.

I feel bad and have a huge heart.