I cannot trust my wife anymore

[Friskyone4u]

John,

 

I hope by now you have spoken to an attorney and are doing what he or she told you to do. My first reaction would be to get back in the house. You cannot stop her from having sex with someone else but you sure can make it difficult for her to do it in your house.

 

Get yourself a couple of VAR's ( voice activated recorders) and keep one on you at all times and put one in your bedroom high up where she will not see it.

 

The get to divorce papers in her hands like yesterday. It's obvious she is not going to stop this behavior and at your young age you are nuts if you spend years trying to figure it out and hope it stops.

[ahmed8xm]

Good luck

Dude

 

Think about the happy and peaceful future without her

 

These types of women do not deserve a good husband

[John Moriarty]

Thank you to everyone who has been supportive and constructive, it has helped immensely

[wmacbride]

op,

 

It's good to see you have a positive attitude. Please forgive me if you have already mentioned it, but have you gotten some counseling for yourself? I'm asking because you've been put through the wringer by all of this.

 

I do hope that, if some time passes,you soon to be ex will realize that you two are better off apart than together.

[Superchicken]

You need to remove her from your thoughts by occupying your time with friends, or family.

Posting here helps, as we are basically on your side, and understand your pain.

You need to read posts from people that have had betrayal by their spouse, and how well they are doing now.

Compare it to those still going through your troubles month after month, with no end in site.

 

 

Yours new life is just ahead, and in a few months, it will be a ugly memory.

 

 

She is evil, and extremely vindictive, be please you uncovered her true colours so early..

 

 

Never show her your sadness. When ever you see her, or speak to her, don't raise your voice, and don't use foul language.

Treat it as a failed business venture (Tell her this to piss her off), and time to cut your losses.

 

 

Good luck.

 

 

Ted.

[John Moriarty]

Thanks Ted. It's only been a week now since i left her. I was so upset this time last week, and now I can't wipe the smile off my face. I'm so much happier now that she is only a small admin part of my life for the house. My friends and family have been so incredibly supportive, and I have already slept with someone else and met another girl last night who was so cool and ridiculously hot! Both girls said that my dates with them were the best they have ever had and said that I'm such a nice guy, follow up dates locked in!

 

I now have respect for myself and I'm confident that my ex is not even an option to go back to. Meanwhile, she's been messaging me telling me she's upset, doesn't want to throw away 10 years and wants to be single for three months then get back together. It's sad that someone can be so unhinged.

 

So far; best thing that's happened to me, my life is now mine and no one else's!

[Marc878]

Thanks Ted. It's only been a week now since i left her. I was so upset this time last week, and now I can't wipe the smile off my face. I'm so much happier now that she is only a small admin part of my life for the house. My friends and family have been so incredibly supportive, and I have already slept with someone else and met another girl last night who was so cool and ridiculously hot! Both girls said that my dates with them were the best they have ever had and said that I'm such a nice guy, follow up dates locked in!

 

Like you've been told. There are better out there.

 

I now have respect for myself and I'm confident that my ex is not even an option to go back to. Meanwhile, she's been messaging me telling me she's upset, doesn't want to throw away 10 years and wants to be single for three months then get back together. It's sad that someone can be so unhinged.

 

Ok, so she wants to screw around a little while longer then come back to plan B??

 

So far; best thing that's happened to me, my life is now mine and no one else's!

 

Silence is golden. Talk gets you zero. She went her way and you opened your eyes and went yours.

 

Poor muffin, you gave her freedom but she wasn't planning on you going your own way. Be careful of what you ask for you might get I.

 

Move on the faster the better.

[sandylee1]

Your wife is really something. She doesn't want to throw away 10 years of marry, but wants 3 months on her own to bed hop and then have you back!!!

 

Ignore her. Don't bother acknowledging her.

 

As you've seen, there are nice enough ladies out there. Meanwhile, I can't see any of the men your STBXW is sleeping with, having one bit of respect for her.

 

Just proceed on the path to divorce.

[Buckeye2]

Meanwhile, she's been messaging me telling me she's upset, doesn't want to throw away 10 years and wants to be single for three months then get back together.

 

She wants a division of labor. You for stability, security and companionship and other men for fun. She envisions herself growing old with you.

[aliveagain]

Tell her your being generous, why only take a 3 month break, she can have the rest of her life off. Let her know that you have no interest in pursuing some 17 year old's leftovers. Schools out for the summer.

[Superchicken]

Great news !.

Nothing new here.

These type of bad people normally size up their spouse, and determine exactly how to control them.

You then get a stamp on your forehead that say's "Doormat", up until you say ENOUGH.

 

 

The normal response for the evil doers, is to try and reclaim their lost property. Your not a person to them but their property.

Once control is lost, they drop ALL other interactions (Cheating or whatever) and concentrate on regaining control.

Until they realize this, they themselves will be miserable in life.

 

 

I'm glad I wasn't as bad as this person, an I learnt my lesson quick smart to regarding your spouse as "Property".

It only took once for me, but seems some just keep going and don't learn.

 

 

This is a great "Lift me up" story for others in the same position, or those comparing their relationships.

 

 

Get up, get out, and get refreshed ..

 

 

Good on you, and man, you scored already.. Throw some details to us poor guys !!.. PM if you want

 

 

Ted.

Edited May 15, 2017 by Superchicken

[WilyWill]

Wow! What an offer! She might be willing to get back together with you after screwing other guys for 3 more months! How could you refuse that buffet of STDs?

 

I agree with aliveagain's counter-offer: Instead of just 3 months off, let's make it 3000!

[spanz1]

john sorry it will not let me edit that post at this time.

I know this stuff is hard, you had your guts ripped out by her. hang tough, it WILL get better.

 

DO expect her to come back begging you to come back, that she is all sorry it happened, blah blah blah. It is a trap, do not trust her.

[John Moriarty]

It's been over three months now since the split. I have been on top of the world for much of that time, saw a lot of girls and landed a great new job. I also have the house all to myself which I've loved.

 

However, of late I have been struggling so much with it all. I NEVER cry, and had an absolute breakdown yesterday. I have been seeing another girl exclusively for the past six weeks and I was so happy at first. But now I find myself comparing her to my ex and keep remembering all of the good times I had with her, how good we were as friends, and the strong affection, both physically and emotionally, that we had with each other. The girl I'm currently seeing is great, but cold emotionally which I am struggling with big time. I feel like I'm completely breaking down, and considering getting back with her.

 

At times I've loved being alone, but now it aches and I'm feeling lonely, despite having good friends around me.

 

I think I know what the response will be on here, but I just needed to post out of desperation for help. I'm booking in counselling soon.

[bluefeather]

Hi John,

 

I remember reading your story but didn't catch if you ended up going through a divorce process or what. When you say ex, do you mean it has already been done? or are you in the process and separated? You missing her is very normal, but I think you know deep down that she is not the right person for you.

[BluesPower]

John, when you start feeling this way, why don't you think about all of the men she screwed while you were married.

 

Why not think about how evil she is as a person. How horribly she treated you.

 

These feelings that you thought you had with her and for her are a delusion.

 

This women never loved you, ever. You don't even know how many men she screwed while you were married.

 

You are feeling and remembering a delusion that was never real.

 

This woman was never faithful, and she never loved you at all. You were her stooge.

 

Do you remember all of that????

[usa1ah]

It's been over three months now since the split. I have been on top of the world for much of that time, saw a lot of girls and landed a great new job. I also have the house all to myself which I've loved.

 

However, of late I have been struggling so much with it all. I NEVER cry, and had an absolute breakdown yesterday. I have been seeing another girl exclusively for the past six weeks and I was so happy at first. But now I find myself comparing her to my ex and keep remembering all of the good times I had with her, how good we were as friends, and the strong affection, both physically and emotionally, that we had with each other. The girl I'm currently seeing is great, but cold emotionally which I am struggling with big time. I feel like I'm completely breaking down, and considering getting back with her.

 

At times I've loved being alone, but now it aches and I'm feeling lonely, despite having good friends around me.

 

I think I know what the response will be on here, but I just needed to post out of desperation for help. I'm booking in counselling soon.

 

Your do what you need to. Would not recommend getting back together. Would split with the girl you are with and find someone more suitable to you.

[usa1ah]

Just reread your thread. Do not get back with your ex. Do not do it.

[sandylee1]

Why would you want to get back into a relationship with no trust and her constant infidelity?

 

That ship has sailed... Let it keep sailing.

 

If your current girlfriend is cold... Be done with her and stop wasting time.

[John Moriarty]

This new girl is only cold with affection, like not into PDA and doesn't feel the need to cuddle or anything. I sound like a pussy saying that, but I like having that in a relationship.

 

I haven't talked to my ex wife in around two weeks as well... she was my best friend and I'm missing talking to her. I can't be with her again, but her being out of my life is really hard to deal with. Maybe I am only thinking that now because she gave me that physical closeness and now I miss it

[John Moriarty]

This new girl is so caring and has so many great qualities though. So supportive with everything and even suggested counselling, went on holiday and bought me a gift back , a really sweet girl. But I keep flip flopping between being really keen on her to not so much. She lives ages away so I only really see her once a week as well. Just venting now, I just have no idea what the **** to do with other my life

[usa1ah]

I understand stand that you are missing companionship.

 

No its not being a wimp because you need time holding one another.

 

You have to get one thing clear, your ex is not your bf. To put it another way, you are not hers. She would never had done what she did if it were so.

 

Did she follow thru with the threat to bring all those guys to your home when you separated? That's some loving best friend you have.

 

Talk about what you need with your gf. If the two of you can't get on the same page then it would be better for the two of you to move on.

[BluesPower]

Also on the affection...

 

John, Like USA said, talk to the new GF. There is nothing wrong in any way for a man or woman needing affection.

 

I am an affectionate guy, I love to cuddle in bed with whoever I am with. I love PDA if I am in a relationship. It really is something that I need when I am in love with someone.

 

But understand that some woman are not use to affection or have not had an affectionate relationship before. They don't understand it. Many guys as well.

 

But it is something that you can talk to her about. If that is just not the way that she is, then dump her nicely and move on. The is the great part about dating, no divorce to go through when you want to break up...

[stillafool]

......keep remembering all of the good times I had with her, how good we were as friends, and the strong affection, both physically and emotionally, that we had with each other.

 

I'm sure many men could say the same thing about your ex. She knows how to create those feelings in a man but unfortunately they are not exclusive to one.

 

You would be wise to distance yourself from your ex wife and not rely on her friendship just because you miss it. You have to move on to others for support or you will want your ex back. If your current gf doesn't like to cuddle or show enough affection break it off. There are thousands or more other women who love to shower their man with affection in all ways. Your ex isn't the only one. It's good it's been 2 weeks since you've talked to your ex so don't give up now. Keep NC.

[Cephalopod]

This new girl is so caring and has so many great qualities though. So supportive with everything and even suggested counselling, went on holiday and bought me a gift back , a really sweet girl. But I keep flip flopping between being really keen on her to not so much. She lives ages away so I only really see her once a week as well. Just venting now, I just have no idea what the **** to do with other my life

 

 

 

Counseling?

 

 

How do you teach a cold person to be warm? It doesn't work that way my friend. ...Same as trying to teach a serial cheater like your xWW to be monogamous. It is just not in her to be that way. She never will be that way.

 

 

You jumped into a relationship way too fast. You should not be singling yourself down to one woman right now. You are a long way off from being healed enough from the trauma of what your xWW did to you to start getting serious with anybody. The "coldness" you feel that this current lady friend exhibits is really your gut screaming at you to break it off with her ASAP.

 

 

Tell this lady friend you want to back off for a while. Learn to be by yourself and okay with yourself before getting serious with anyone again.