Eternal Sunshine Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 I have met men that earn the same income as me but live very frugally. They choose to rent with 3 roommates, in very run down places and count every cent. Despite the same income, we are not compatible. I like to enjoy life: travel, eat out, live in a decent place. I have a budget and I have "fun money" account. Sure, I could pay off my mortgage faster if the "fun money" didn't exist but we could all drop dead tomorrow. But I won't lie, there is something that really turns me off about the idea that a man earns a lot less. Also the idea of paying for a man 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hawk88 Posted April 28, 2017 Author Share Posted April 28, 2017 Wow! A lot of input. Thanks for the responses. I do support myself and live on my own. And I make around the median income for the area I live in. I'm very smart with money and am good at saving but I think I project that I am wealthy because I do have a very nice wardrobe and dress very nicely and take care of myself. I have had more than a few coworkers compliment me on how I look...almost always women And one male coworker asked how I afford all the clothes I wear. But truth be told I don't spend frivolously...I spend money on the things like my wardrobe or classes to further my education because it helps in my career and things like that are investments in myself...as corny as that may sound. It just makes me nervous because I do ok but not great. But more than a few times I have overheard women say things like..."He only makes 70k a year and I don't know if that's something I want to live with " or " He works hard but, he's just a mechanic and that's kinda embarrassing " So I'm just trying to get a timeline on when I can start approaching women without worrying about embarrassing myself because of this Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 Financial compatibility is more important than income level. If you are looking to have a long-term, committed relationship, both parties need to have, at least, a similar level of financial integrity, goals and sensibilities. I agree with this. Someone might not pull in much but I am comfortable with them if they're smart with their money. It's pretty simple for; they need to be focused on getting out of/staying out of date, having a savings account for rainy day and be smart enough to invest for the future. Having some disposable cash is great but I need to know that they're taking care of business on the other end before I see them cruising around in a brand new car... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 It all depends on age, priorities, and future goals. Not all woman need a man that makes 6 figures, or has any assets. I do agree you at least have some compatibility. Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 It all depends on age, priorities, and future goals. Not all woman need a man that makes 6 figures, or has any assets. I do agree you at least have some compatibility. Compatibility is the key term here. One of the major issues in my divorce was my ex-wife's inability to manage money. We had way too many fights where I walked out feeling like a greedy SOB when I was trying to be smart with our money. I won't walk into another situation like that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 I made 7 times what my ex fiancée made. I'm naturally a provider so this did not bother me. I did however have to reign in my lifestyle a bit since I'd be having to pay for two (or more if we took her kids) if we went on holiday. She had enough to meet her basic needs, but that was about it. With my current gf, I make more but not significantly more. My gf has said a few things about money over the past 13 months that might provide insight into the thinking of at least some women. 1. She really likes the idea of having an equal partner for a change. She's used to making a lot more than the man in her relationships. 2. She wants to make more than I do (competitiveness). 3. She doesn't want to depend on me for money because she has expensive tastes, likes to get waxings, etc. She wouldn't feel right about spending MY money on HER luxuries. I'd gladly accept it if my fiance invites me on a vacation ;-) But I'd honestly feel bad if he has to pay for my two kids. I've never heard of a case in which a woman wants to "out-earn" her significant other for competitive reason. It screams insecurity and doesn't sound very healthy to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 (edited) Okay, since you project yourself quite a bit wealthier than you actually are, that may be the issue. You might attract women who expect you to be much more well-off, especially those high maintenance ones! Wow! A lot of input. Thanks for the responses. I do support myself and live on my own. And I make around the median income for the area I live in. I'm very smart with money and am good at saving but I think I project that I am wealthy because I do have a very nice wardrobe and dress very nicely and take care of myself. I have had more than a few coworkers compliment me on how I look...almost always women And one male coworker asked how I afford all the clothes I wear. But truth be told I don't spend frivolously...I spend money on the things like my wardrobe or classes to further my education because it helps in my career and things like that are investments in myself...as corny as that may sound. It just makes me nervous because I do ok but not great. But more than a few times I have overheard women say things like..."He only makes 70k a year and I don't know if that's something I want to live with " or " He works hard but, he's just a mechanic and that's kinda embarrassing " So I'm just trying to get a timeline on when I can start approaching women without worrying about embarrassing myself because of this Edited April 28, 2017 by JuneL Link to post Share on other sites
Jj66 Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 I've never heard of a case in which a woman wants to "out-earn" her significant other for competitive reason. It screams insecurity and doesn't sound very healthy to me. I thought it was kind of a strange thing to say so I started a thread about it at the time. I don't know how serious she was when she said it but she did say it. She is generally a very competitive person so I assume that was at the root of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hawk88 Posted April 28, 2017 Author Share Posted April 28, 2017 Okay, since you project yourself quite a bit wealthier than you actually are, that may be the issue. You might attract women who expect you to be much more well-off, especially those high maintenance ones! So what you're saying is...I should wear a McDonald's uniform when I go cruising for chicks? Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 So what you're saying is...I should wear a McDonald's uniform when I go cruising for chicks? If you indeed work for McDonald's, then I don't see why not Link to post Share on other sites
Titanll Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 I was tempted not to say anything at first, but here it goes. A man is supposed to provide for his woman and family. Women now make a grip of money. So with that said a man should be making six figures or more to support both him and his woman and their family. Women have been programmed to marry up, not down. A woman can do bad all by herself, so why get with someone on the same income level as she? It doesn't make sense. I'll play with a broke man, but never procreate with one. I'm broke...interested in playing? Just kidding haha! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 (edited) And I thought I was picky, but you do you. Edited April 28, 2017 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
Titanll Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 This is an honest question for the single women. What level of income do you like a man to have? I guess what I really want to know is if there's a salary range you consider acceptable? Like, what is an income that you would say is the bare minimum of acceptable. I ask because I changed careers two years ago (I'm in my early 30s) and I am just starting to get somewhere in my new career but I'm not doing very well financially. I mean I'm doing ok but not what I would call good..not yet anyway. I was wondering what income level/ career position I need to be at before I consider seriously approaching women again? I'm a man so my input is irrelevant but I don't suspect you will get any valuable information from this question. What income level/career position do you need to be at to start dating women again? I say seven figures and CEO at a minimum...or maybe I would need that before I dated you haha! No woman will really care if she's interested. I do think that you should be self sufficient but that can be interpreted pretty broadly. Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 Don't wait. You'd waste good time, and probably meeting someone good for you. I've always been better financially compared to the men that I've dated. Do I like it this way: not really, but it is what it is. It is a set of qualities that I'm looking at, and I'm not 13 to expect the man to meet 100% of my desired traits. Salary range is a meaningless metrics: obviously salaries will differ between regions and industries, and women themselves will come with different status. I'm thinking if the guy makes +/-20% of what I make, it is a great fit. On paper. People spend money differently and same salary is not equal to the same lifestyle. My personal pet peeves: 1) guy with no ambition mooching from me (like asking me to pay for everything in the relationship, plus some 'winners' asked me to cover their living expenses as well??) 2) guy jealous if I do better than him (I've got someone getting aggressive at me because according to him I had 'better chance in life'... yeah, I've worked like a horse to get from zero to where I am...) 3) guy that is clueless of saving/managing money (even if he buys stuff for me, he's not gaining points... I just can't stop wondering how he'll be similarly splurging with my money if things get serious) If the guy is ambitious/have a plan, humble and hard-working - the salary is just a number. A number that will not matter at all in his dating success. This is an honest question for the single women. What level of income do you like a man to have? I guess what I really want to know is if there's a salary range you consider acceptable? Like, what is an income that you would say is the bare minimum of acceptable. I ask because I changed careers two years ago (I'm in my early 30s) and I am just starting to get somewhere in my new career but I'm not doing very well financially. I mean I'm doing ok but not what I would call good..not yet anyway. I was wondering what income level/ career position I need to be at before I consider seriously approaching women again? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 Today is not like yesterday where the man works and the woman has his kid. Today both couple works for a living. Women often ask me what I do for a living. Some want to know how long and do you get medical an etc. You have to be working unless you had some millions in the bank. You have to have money to date someone otherwise how are you going pull it off. OP if your struggling now how you going to take care of your girl friend and if she has kids already through another guy you won't be able to manage the expense of her and her kids. That's why most women you date will say she can provide for her and her kids and doesn't need a man to provide. But he has to be working as she's not going to take care of him either. If you make 11 to $20 an hour that's good enough for you and her. If she has kids then it's going to be very hard to do. Food and clothes for kids isn't cheap. Even if you get EBT aka SNAP (Food only) or SNAP (Food and Cash) again these programs are for those who only make $1250 a month or are PT = part time only. At least you don't have to worry about food money. Those who are single mom can get SNAP with Food and Debit (Cash). OP figure out your budget then you can see how much you need to live with a women first. Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 Well, it has been my experience that the ladies within my age range don't have their finances in order and only once have I dated someone who made more than I did. A lot more. And even then, she was not where she should have been considering her profession and income. I am under the impression that MOST women are not in a good financial place, at least within my dating range and after divorced (approx. 35-50 age range). It does not surprise me that so many women are care less about income as it is uncommon that their income is greater than the guy's and so income becomes less of a factor. Also, I have also, and with puzzlement, noticed women who do make more seem to land men who are less ambitious. I suspect they became less ambitious as they realized that the lady was now emotionally hooked and thus less likely to dump him regardless of his lack of ambition. Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 Okay, since you project yourself quite a bit wealthier than you actually are, that may be the issue. You might attract women who expect you to be much more well-off, especially those high maintenance ones! This is exactly why I ignore all the pua/dating advice to wear expensive clothes. I wear nice fitting but non branded stuff, and I've rarely had issues attracting nice non high maintenance women. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hawk88 Posted April 29, 2017 Author Share Posted April 29, 2017 I don't wear expensive clothes so much as I wear a variety of clothes and take care of them. Always clean and pressed and things such as that. I also stay in somewhat good shape so they fit well. I also have most of my professional/ nice clothes tailored. I'm not vain but I take pride in my appearance. It shocks me how many people nowadays look like they just rolled outta bed and smell like they don't bathe. Anyway...as far as the women I attract.... I don't really attract anyone to be perfectly honest. So I don't know what to tell you there. Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 I don't know how serious she was when she said it but she did say it. She is generally a very competitive person so I assume that was at the root of it. This dynamic is actually not uncommon for me. One of the women I was with made it her declared goal to earn more than I. She actually reached it, so good for her. I didn't mind in the slightest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 I don't wear expensive clothes so much as I wear a variety of clothes and take care of them. Always clean and pressed and things such as that. I also stay in somewhat good shape so they fit well. I also have most of my professional/ nice clothes tailored. I'm not vain but I take pride in my appearance. It shocks me how many people nowadays look like they just rolled outta bed and smell like they don't bathe. Anyway...as far as the women I attract.... I don't really attract anyone to be perfectly honest. So I don't know what to tell you there. If you don't attract anyone, then you need to show more confidence in yourself....out of shape not so attractive guys that ooze with confidence have women around them all the time. That air of confidence is an aphrodisiac. Link to post Share on other sites
1fish2fish Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 I don't care how much my partner earns. What I do care about is how much debt they are in. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 I don't care how much my partner earns. What I do care about is how much debt they are in. Amen! So many people have so much 'irresponsible' debt! The difficult thing is that most will not divulge the existence nor the nature of such debt even deep into a relationship. You often don't find out until you move in together or are married and then, Ugh... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted April 30, 2017 Share Posted April 30, 2017 The answer from looking around is evidently zero for a lot of women. I can't count the number of women I see dating unemployed musicians and sometimes just outright bums. Zero for a lot of women? :laugh: That's because its a position of power that is important and income is just a division of a position of power. A musician may have many women (position of power) A musician shows a position of power as many women may seek him. Guy may be an outright bum, but if he is a jerk or A-hole he may acquire from her a POSITION OF POWER Why do you think 50 shades of grey was a blockbuster hit... It pointed out many different positions of power (Income, physical power, and mental power) Don't think if the character was working at Wonder burger and was a nice guy... and had a sex dungeon in his house that he would come across as erotic. Give him a private jet, a mansion, a couple billion an now its a fantasy. That would be like saying a guy wouldn't want to acquire the hottest woman possible and the more a guy can show a position of power, the more he can acquire a better looking woman. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted April 30, 2017 Share Posted April 30, 2017 (edited) Zero for a lot of women? :laugh: That's because its a position of power that is important and income is just a division of a position of power. A musician may have many women (position of power) A musician shows a position of power as many women may seek him. Guy may be an outright bum, but if he is a jerk or A-hole he may acquire from her a POSITION OF POWER Why do you think 50 shades of grey was a blockbuster hit... It pointed out many different positions of power (Income, physical power, and mental power) Don't think if the character was working at Wonder burger and was a nice guy... and had a sex dungeon in his house that he would come across as erotic. Give him a private jet, a mansion, a couple billion an now its a fantasy. That would be like saying a guy wouldn't want to acquire the hottest woman possible and the more a guy can show a position of power, the more he can acquire a better looking woman. It's not just unemployed musicians, unemployed college drop outs too. A lot of my friends throughout my life dated straight up bums!!! Some of them didn't have jobs, ambition, anything, just Xbox all day long. If they were in school they skipped classes lol. No goals, can't even clean up after themselves. And these are super ambitious girls. I think they want to play mom or save them at one point....or love? Edited April 30, 2017 by Cookiesandough 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted April 30, 2017 Share Posted April 30, 2017 It's not just unemployed musicians, unemployed college drop outs too. A lot of my friends throughout my life dated straight up bums!!! Some of them didn't have jobs, ambition, anything, just Xbox all day long. If they were in school they skipped classes lol. No goals, can't even clean up after themselves. And these are super ambitious girls. I think they want to play mom or save them at one point Predominantly lady friends (if not all), correct?! I find it infinitely fascinating how such types are tolerated by women, progressives and non. Link to post Share on other sites
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