WilyWill Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 Serial cheater, always looking for new women to add to his posse. I know it's hard, but you need to dump him. Tell him he's a cheater and he'll always be one. If he asks you how you know, you have no obligation to be honest. Tell him that one of the ladies he's been contacting for a meetup is a friend of yours, and you now know the truth. That will at least slow him down the next time he tries to take advantage of a decent girl. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 Its not that uncommon. Separated/divorcing man leans on new gf for support and sex. He slots new gf into the position of his wife, so new gf feels especially comfortable and loved. It usually all happens pretty fast. It is all so right, he must be her soul mate... But as time goes on and with the divorce imminent and with his new found confidence, he wants to sow some wild oats, so he dumps the rebound gf. Here he chose to keep the rebound gf and was off looking for casual too... That's not the type of man you need. You are doing the right thing by walking away. Thank God you decided to snoop... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 I think you should retrieve all your stuff from his house when he's not around. Then print out all the evidence, leave it on the bed with your key, and change your phone#/block ways of contacting you. He's a sweet talker and he'll sweet talk his way out of this if you let him. He'll either make you question your sanity or turn it into a guilt trip for your snooping. Both are distraction tactics, don't fall for them. He might even cry and tell you he has a problem but he loves you and never felt this way about anyone. That's also a distraction, making you think you're special to him . You already have evidence you're not. And you don't want to get deeper into a relationship with a serial cheater. It never ends well. Save years of your life by walking away quietly. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 I think you should retrieve all your stuff from his house when he's not around. Then print out all the evidence, leave it on the bed with your key, and change your phone#/block ways of contacting you. He's a sweet talker and he'll sweet talk his way out of this if you let him. He'll either make you question your sanity or turn it into a guilt trip for your snooping. Both are distraction tactics, don't fall for them. He might even cry and tell you he has a problem but he loves you and never felt this way about anyone. That's also a distraction, making you think you're special to him . You already have evidence you're not. And you don't want to get deeper into a relationship with a serial cheater. It never ends well. Save years of your life by walking away quietly. This sounds like a plan! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trustinggirl Posted April 7, 2017 Author Share Posted April 7, 2017 Thanks all you guys for your responses. They are keeping me sane for the moment. I am about to make the 45 min drive up to see him. But will prolly stop in a parking lot to collect my thoughts as I still am not sure how exactly to enter the situation mentally. I'm so nervous. He's not the most intelligent or cultured guy but he is smart with his words when answering questions and seems to be a great liar. I was thinking I don't even want to engage him in conversation as I don't want to speak about it or answer any questions he may have. But he is stronger than me. I'm afraid if I collect my clothes in such a dramatic way with no explanation he might physically block the door to prevent me from leaving until I answer him. So aileD that is a great idea but I don't have a key to his place. Should I just pretend everything is ok and just tell him I need my clothes for the weekend and calmly walk out the door? At first I wanted to ask to see his phone or else he won't ever hear from me again. That way his guilt is obvious to both of us. ? Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 Sounds like a good day to do laundry.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 Yes get your stuff out without tipping him off. If you are afraid he might try to stop you from leaving then what might he do if he found out you snooped? Get as much stuff as you can, and abandon the rest. You should have brought a friend with you. Now I'm worried for your safety. Please update us when you're done so we know you are ok. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trustinggirl Posted April 7, 2017 Author Share Posted April 7, 2017 I'm so nervous. I've been sitting in my car in the supermarket parking lot nearby. I don't have the guts. I don't know what to say to him Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 Don't say anything... Try to be as normal as possible and get the clothing you want to take. Then, tell him that your phone is in vibrate and you've got a call. "Oh, it's a friend, who needs help with something urgent. Sorry darling, I've got to go... " And if you are afraid to go in, don't do it. No item of clothing is worth your safety or security. Definitely, don't confront him. There is nothing to be gained. You can send him a letter or an email if you must. Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 I'm so nervous. I've been sitting in my car in the supermarket parking lot nearby. I don't have the guts. I don't know what to say to him What do you have at his house that is irreplaceable? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trustinggirl Posted April 7, 2017 Author Share Posted April 7, 2017 Ok sounds good! I will gather my clothes quietly when he's not in the room. I really do want to ask to see his phone to prove his guilt tho. I will wing it. I don't think he will hit me or anything but he may just try to prevent me from leaving if he senses there is a major problem. I will check back in. Thanks so much u guys! Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 What stuff do you actually have at his place? If you are at all worried concerning your safety then do not bother, wait till you can enlist some people to come with you or just forget about the clothes all together. Does he know you are coming to see him, if not then just go home or make up some excuse for the no show. If you decide that you really do not need the clothes, then you can always call/text him tomorrow to break up with him. DO NOT put your safety at risk for some t-shirts and a pair of jeans... Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 YOU already know he is guilty, so why poke the hornet's nest. Why put yourself in potential danger? Be careful. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/614067-lies-after-lies-he-cheated-my-best-friend-2.html#post7276549 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 I really do want to ask to see his phone to prove his guilt tho. I will wing it. I don't think he will hit me or anything but he may just try to prevent me from leaving if he senses there is a major problem. Why would you put yourself at risk this way?! You don't have to prove his guilt. You have more than enough information to walk away and send him a message telling him that you are done and why. It is NOT OK that he may try to prevent you from leaving. Just turn around and drive home... Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 Have a friend with you when you get your stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trustinggirl Posted April 7, 2017 Author Share Posted April 7, 2017 I drove straight here after I posted my plan. I went to the room and packed everything already while he's cooking his lunch for the next week. He asked me already, why do u have an attitude. I have to plan my easy exit now Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 Cell phone call... Just saying, everyone on this board has said don't confront this man. It would be the stupidest and most unsafe thing you could do. Be safe and get out! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trustinggirl Posted April 7, 2017 Author Share Posted April 7, 2017 It's only clothes and perfume but it's newer clothes. I just have an itch to want to point the finger at him. Otherwise he will not admit any guilt. If I'm not able to I'll figure out my way to leave. He already asked why I have an attitude today Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 I just have an itch to want to point the finger at him. Otherwise he will not admit any guilt. That itch to be right could get you hurt. Read the link in Elaine's previous post. I hope all works out for you. Never, ever do something like this again! Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 It's only clothes and perfume but it's newer clothes. I just have an itch to want to point the finger at him. Otherwise he will not admit any guilt. If I'm not able to I'll figure out my way to leave. He already asked why I have an attitude today You have the rest of your life to point that finger, get out of there fast. The girl in the link I posted, just got out with her life. If the neighbour hadn't broken down the door, she could be dead now, he was strangling her. He never gave her any prior indication that he could be violent. If you have your stuff then just get out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trustinggirl Posted April 7, 2017 Author Share Posted April 7, 2017 It's two big bags I have to try to slickly walk down the stairs and oit the door. Crap idk how I'm gonna do it Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 Wait till he goes to the toilet, then make a run for it. OR Maybe you could throw the bags out of a window and collect them later. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trustinggirl Posted April 7, 2017 Author Share Posted April 7, 2017 Hey guys, I made it out safely. My friend who I was speaking to called me so I used an excuse she was fighting with her bf. I told her he's an ******* and she needs to forget him. He asked me is that what ur friends say about me? I said yes. I grabbed my bags and put them by the door while he was facing the stove. I said goodbye without a kiss. He said why do u keep acting so weird, not kissing me goodbye, etc. I said nothing's wrong 4 Link to post Share on other sites
EZNona Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 Hey guys, I made it out safely. My friend who I was speaking to called me so I used an excuse she was fighting with her bf. I told her he's an ******* and she needs to forget him. He asked me is that what ur friends say about me? I said yes. I grabbed my bags and put them by the door while he was facing the stove. I said goodbye without a kiss. He said why do u keep acting so weird, not kissing me goodbye, etc. I said nothing's wrong Excellent! Now send him a text that you were acting weird because you found out how much of a cheater he really is and send a screen shot of his messages trying to hook up with someone else. Easy! Save yourself the headache and don't go back to this one. He will cause you nothing but trouble in the future if you do. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trustinggirl Posted April 7, 2017 Author Share Posted April 7, 2017 I drove to a parking lot to call my friend to let her know I left. I saw his car about a half hour later drive past. I went to follow him to see where he was going. He called me and asked where I was. I told him I was almost there. He asked why I'm lying to him. That he saw me at Dunkin' Donuts parking lot. He asked what my license plate number was. I told him I was talking to my friend who was having the fight with her bf and that I wasn't going to see her anymore. He asked why I didn't come back to the house. I told him I didn't want to. He said I have to get my stuff and he does his. I said I already got mine. He was surprised and pissed I snuck behind his back. He asked why. I told him he should know. He denied denied denied he did anything. And that I'm breaking up over assumptions and this is how I'm gonna break up w him after 2.5 years?? Excuse me, I told him after two and a half years, what he did was far worse than me sneaking all my stuff out of his house. Link to post Share on other sites
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