darkbloom Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 Kat, I'm wondering what you hoped to gain from posting here? You don't seem to really want advice and you're convinced that what you're doing is right so why are you here? I mean this in a non inflammatory way. Just trying to gauge what you're going to learn. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JustJoe Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 (edited) I have a couple of observations, then I'm gone. 1. Where,, in all of your justifications and utopian wishing, is any respect, love or regard for your husband and the OM's wife and THEIR well being? I've looked for it and find no genuine affection, just heaps of betrayal , belittling and dishonesty You speak reams about your OM, but barely mention the father of your children.....curious. 2. I have known a few couples in open marriages, and respect them for their honesty. why not get together and make an honest try? Ok, so now I'll bow out. With the final caution that without honesty, NONE of you have a real or true relationship, and certainly, there is not a single Christian value you can say that you are observing. Don't believe me? Ask one of your ministers . I would certainly be willing to discus affairs with you or anybody else, but only on the basis of honest principles and facts, and not on the wings of fantasy and untruthfulness. Bye bye Edited April 19, 2017 by JustJoe 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JustJoe Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 Oh, btw, I was in a 4+ year affair with the wife of a prominent politician, and now we are married. Also, my mother had an affair and left our family for 2 years, and later reconciled with my dad. In both cases, as long as wishing and delusion were present, BOTH were exercises in futility. When honesty and facts became the main factors....both situations were resolved. You can find my stories in the archives. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 What sort of a mother condones her son cheating on his wife and the mother of his children? One who recognises that it offers some respite, or even happiness, to a son stuck in an unhappy R, trying to keep the family together "for the kids". It's not that unusual. I've seen it often, and I've experienced it myself. And if my son felt unable to leave an unhappy R for some compelling reason, but found some measure of relief with someone else, I'm sure I'd be supportive, too. My kids matter more to me than societal norms. Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 Kat, having read your thread, I'm a little puzzled. It seems to me that you and your MM are not entirely on the same page wrt end goal here. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but my reading is that you're happy with things as they are, while he's hoping to leave his M once the kids are old enough (for you, for himself, or just anyway). Is this an accurate reading? If so, what sort of timeline are you anticipating, and how are you planning on handling the point at which he decides he's done with the M and wants to leave? Will you continue the A with him as a SG and you as a MW? Will you try to convince him to stay in the M longer? Would you consider leaving your H at that point if he asked you to? Would you end the A, and focus just on your M? I know it's a difficult thing to be certain of at this point. When we were in the A, it suited us both and we thought it was indefinitely sustainable in that form. And then, my circumstances changed and suddenly a FTR didn't seem as abhorrent to me; his kids were older and leaving his M became possible for him. We'd fallen in love and so it seemed a natural next step to be together, so we did. In your case, it seems (to my reading) that you consider the current set up to be sustainable and stable for you, while he seems to be on the sort of trajectory we were on. If this is so, the A as it is currently constituted won't be sustainable in the long term, and one - or both - of you will need to compromise... or end the R. What would be your ideal outcome? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JustJoe Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 One who recognises that it offers some respite, or even happiness, to a son stuck in an unhappy R, trying to keep the family together "for the kids". It's not that unusual. I've seen it often, and I've experienced it myself. And if my son felt unable to leave an unhappy R for some compelling reason, but found some measure of relief with someone else, I'm sure I'd be supportive, too. My kids matter more to me than societal norms.Sorry, but I have to answer this post. Every parent loves and supports their kids. But that does NOT mean that the parent will and abet them when they commit illegal or immoral actions. 1. Oh junior, i understand that you need to rob ATMs to support your crack addiction. I want you to be happy, so let me help you. 2. Oh junior, I know you are not happily married, so let me help you to lie and deceive your spouse and risk you childrens happiness, because your happiness is more important than your integrity or mine, or the feelings of others. How many people believe that this is good parenting? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 As this thread has been problematic, we will close it up until the thread starter returns. They can request we reopen it via the "Alert Us" button. ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
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