Finding guys to date "irl"

[Sweetfish]

I did a test about two years ago. I was in a downtown area of a city I didn't know. And instead of using GPS, I was going to ask women if they could give me directions and maybe recommend a restaurant. I talked to about 10 women within a 30 minute interval. Not one reacted negatively.

 

Some women in clubs won't give you a chance, and that's fine. OLD does not necessarily work in your favor, but it's a big world out there, and I hardly find any ice queens.

 

And I am not even talking about the women that actively approach you, and start talking your ear off. I don't see for the life of me what should be so traumatic for men.

 

I will admit and agree this is true, but demographs also play a big role. In the midwest women and men may be more friendly and than go to the bigger cities and the dyanmics change and again your older now and that may play a role as well. Everything is said with a grain of salt. Nothing is concrete.

 

But the question could be raised.. why did you have to do a test? This objectively proves that you have to run simulations or break your norms to see what yields better interaction with women. That guys have to put in the foot work to find women and if your going to put in the foot work she is going to be young, hot, and smart and the thrid wave is telling women they are fine the way they are and yet put strong demands in whats required for man and wonder why they can't aquire a good man or why the guy cheated on them... because they feel they are perfect the way they are which is the average person, yet seek beyond average men.

 

But again it was you who had to make the moves. Its a stalemate for many people.

 

OLD has great guys and IRL has great guys and I find it hard to believe there are zero good men on OLD and that your safe bet is real life. You have no idea who will be the player or narc on both platforms. Some women have kids and work jobs... are they losers on OLD as well? Some men are introverted and don't party.. guess they are losers too? Some spend the weekends making money and doing business and they too are on OLD. They may be at the bookstore or in school. All these people basically are not worth a dime. To the OP only the men who walk up to her have a chance.

 

I can not see this other than a sense of entitlement

[CptInsano]

I don't want everyone to lose sight of the fact that women are very generous in many other ways and eventually often end up giving more than they're getting back. [...]

 

I would agree in general. The vast majority of women I went out with was generous in some form. I also had the daughter of an investment banker take me out for a while. She wasn't interested romantically, but thought I was fun, and she didn't mind paying, as money meant nothing to her.

 

There are also very strong cultural differences. European woman may actually get angry at you if you try to pay. For Latinas it's not even a question, they may expect you to order for them, too.

 

There were maybe 5% of the women who were just there for the entertainment, drinks and the food. I was generally able to avoid them, as I didn't meet many women in bars or through OLD. But depending on how a guy tries to find women, I can see how his view could be skewed.

 

Overall I probably received more from women who I approached.

[Spring23]

I don't want everyone to lose sight of the fact that women are very generous in many other ways and eventually often end up giving more than they're getting back. Just because you expect a man to pay most of the time while dating and certainly early on doesn't mean you won't ever contribute. But it is a test, and it's a valid one, because no one wants to live with a penny-pincher and if you stop life to have a baby, then at that time, you will have to rely on your partner's income so you cant to be sure he has it and will use it on you.

 

 

This post is so good it should be turned into an article called: "Why men need to pay for dates."

[Sweetfish]

Just because you expect a man to pay most of the time while dating and certainly early on doesn't mean you won't ever contribute. But it is a test, and it's a valid one, because no one wants to live with a penny-pincher and if you stop life to have a baby, then at that time, you will have to rely on your partner's income so you cant to be sure he has it and will use it on you.

 

And women still don't get equal pay for equal work or anything close to it.

 

So basically your in it for the money and when you see a man your scoping out how he can fiscally support you. You want to live a traditional life from the man and moan about cleaning up after him and be liberated and empowered. You want the cake and eat it to..

 

And btw... which woman is getting paid less than a man? Please tell me? What company as this is illegal to pay based on gender and race? The reality is women do not want to do the jobs men do or work the hours men do so thus at the end of the fiscal year the income is less for women..

 

Any women shoveling snow? Working a pipe-line. How many female officers. Its women as a whole who do not select these jobs are willing to work in adverse condition collectively why the income shows women as less earners... yet they are noted as 75% of the countries purchasing power and 25% of the income provider in the US.

[Eternal Sunshine]

It's always funny to me that men complain about paying on dates.

 

I find that's pretty much all they do. Women are supposed to pay for makeup and pretty clothes and pretty hair and grooming (waxing, mani/pedis) which is usually actually more expensive than what men spend on dates. They are supposed to keep in shape and stay slim where men are "fine" with beer guts and wrinkles are supposed to make them "sexy".

 

Then lets not forget that still, women are supposed to provide emotional support to the men, much more than the other way around. That's partly genetic make up, partly social conditioning. On average, women still do more of the household chores and "taking care of" the man. It can truly be draining to me unless I am head over heels in love.

 

And lets not forget about sex. A woman not orgasming is considered "normal" and nobody pays too much attention to it. In fact, she is supposed to fake it to boost a man's ego. A man not orgasming is considered highly abnormal and the woman better do the work and perform any acts it takes to get him there.

 

In general, women in relationships get the raw end of the deal, which seems to be supported by many scientific studies of married men being happier than married women and actually living longer while the opposite is true for women.

 

As a 35+ women, the above gets even worse. I am expected to give even more because it's somehow my fault that the men love youth and I better be happy that he is even giving me a chance

 

No thanks, I will pass.

[Shining One]

But why would any woman marry some guy who whines if she doesn't offer to go dutch on the first few dates? If he's like that now while he's on his best behavior, think how bad he'll be if you'd marry him.

Let's say I agree with the premise that people are at their best behavior during early dating. The woman in question (at her best behavior) is demonstrating that she only takes and doesn't give. How does that bode well for the future?

[CptInsano]

I will admit and agree this is true, but demographs also play a big role. In the midwest women and men may be more friendly and than go to the bigger cities and the dyanmics change and again your older now and that may play a role as well. Everything is said with a grain of salt. Nothing is concrete.

 

Actually, I ran that test in a European city. I was on vacation and in a somewhat silly mood. But yes, the Midwest would make that easier, and I'm quite positive I could have done something like that in Chicago, for example. I would agree it would have been harder in places like Los Angeles, where people don't interact with one another as much in public as much.

 

But the question could be raised.. why did you have to do a test? This objectively proves that you have to run simulations or break your norms to see what yields better interaction with women. [...]

 

I did it because there was no prior communication, neither verbal nor non-verbal, and the selection was very random. I just wanted to see what happened. It more or less confirmed what I thought, even though the numbers are still low.

 

But again it was you who had to make the moves. Its a stalemate for many people.

 

Yes, that may be. It doesn't however reduce the effectiveness of being able to chat up a woman IRL.

 

OLD has great guys and IRL has great guys and I find it hard to believe there are zero good men on OLD and that your safe bet is real life. You have no idea who will be the player or narc on both platforms. Some women have kids and work jobs... are they losers on OLD as well? Some men are introverted and don't party.. guess they are losers too? Some spend the weekends making money and doing business and they too are on OLD. They may be at the bookstore or in school. All these people basically are not worth a dime. To the OP only the men who walk up to her have a chance.

 

And that is her prerogative. She may not want an introvert or a man with kids. If she wants a guy who can light up a room or a club then so be it, as long as she considers the consequences, but even that is up to her. If she is more comfortable with IRL, then so be it.

 

I also don't do OLD, simply because I find it too restrictive, and it also doesn't quite play to my strengths. I've met women online, quite a number actually, but never through OLD.

 

I can not see this other than a sense of entitlement

 

No, definitely not. She doesn't owe men anything, and can negotiate whatever she wants, as long as she doesn't deceive them.

 

I have also certain preference when it comes to women, and I don't use OLD. Would you also consider that a form of entitlement?

[William]

 

i don't think I wanna contribute in this thread anymore because it seems to have turned to my past relationships. Thanks, everyone, for advice and thanks curiously and basil for the nice words.

 

As it appears the OP feels she has to step away from her thread we'll go ahead and close it up for now ~T