My Male Friend Co Worker Is Back

[Redhead14]

Try to get to get back to this level of consciousness.

 

 

Reposted for emphasis . . . !!!!!! Empathy and insight are the needles of our moral, emotional and mental compasses.

[Tressugar]

Thanks you guys! ?

[RecentChange]

Come on.

 

Set the bar a little higher for yourself huh?

 

Struck gold?! Gees, if this is a wish come true..... I simply astonished by how little you strive for. Some scraps? Being a secret? That's all you want in life?

 

Make some better choices for yourself, and there are much easier better ways to get some NSA. Really, guys love free sex, it's easy to procure.

[GemmaUK]

What was his reply?

[DrReplyInRhymes]

I'll go out to dinner with you.

 

Yeah, I went there.

 

In all seriousness though:

 

I think you should do what you want and don't look back!

[Dis]

Tres, I have a lot of respect for you but now...I have to say I'm really disappointed

 

As a woman thats been cheated on countless times, your point of view on this almost makes me angry

 

But it mostly makes me sad for you

 

E.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g you said is so a$$ backwards I dont even know where to start

 

Are you ok?

 

This is not something a healthy, happy, morally driven, respectable person would do or think

 

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Tres, I have a lot of respect for you but now...I have to say I'm really disappointed

 

As a woman thats been cheated on countless times, your point of view on this almost makes me angry

 

But it mostly makes me sad for you

 

E.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g you said is so a$$ backwards I dont even know where to start

 

Are you ok?

 

This is not something a healthy, happy, morally driven, respectable person would do or think

 

 

Unless of course we just got dumped by someone we totally are into and really just want to make a series of bad decisions because, let's face it, the one person we wanted to care: doesn't.

[Dis]

Unless of course we just got dumped by someone we totally are into and really just want to make a series of bad decisions because, let's face it, the one person we wanted to care: doesn't.

 

Being hurt doesnt make hurting someone else ok

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Being hurt doesnt make hurting someone else ok

 

I don't think she's asking about the morality, or repercussions, of her choices, just stating that she struck gold with this guy. I totally understand why she wants to make these bad decisions, I feel the same after my last rejection from a woman I really wanted to see this weekend. It really just makes me want to go do a bunch of stupid **** just to feel alive because I feel pretty ****ty.

[Dis]

I don't think she's asking about the morality, or repercussions, of her choices, just stating that she struck gold with this guy. I totally understand why she wants to make these bad decisions, I feel the same after my last rejection from a woman I really wanted to see this weekend. It really just makes me want to go do a bunch of stupid **** just to feel alive because I feel pretty ****ty.

 

Pls dont contribute to this dysfunctional thinking. Tres needs to be lifted up right now...not raised any lower

 

How on earth did she strike gold with this guy??? OMG!

 

When I read the title of this thread....then read OP....I was more confused than I was when my dementia patient told me he wanted to use the phone to talk to the, "action figures at the Outback Steakhouse"

 

And again, just because she's hurt doesnt mean hurting another woman is ok

[Dis]

Tres, I've made bad choices out of hurt too

 

I'm not judging you...I'm concerned for you

 

I just know that you deserve better and I want YOU to know that

 

You're so sweet. Dont lose your soft heart...no matter how many times someone stomps on it...its yours to make what you want of it

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Tres, I've made bad choices out of hurt too

 

I'm not judging you...I'm concerned for you

 

I just know that you deserve better and I want YOU to know that

 

You're so sweet. Dont lose your soft heart...no matter how many times someone stomps on it...its yours to make what you want of it

 

Damnit Dis, you make so much sense that I have to applaud you. You are an Angel.

 

Tres, listen to her, not me.

[todreaminblue]

when i first broke up with my ex tres, back in and around 2007.....it was six months after break up actually of my fifteen year relationship.........he had an affair and left me for his affair partner......i was on really strong meds and i was felt pressured to date not from my kids.....from my friends and from my sister and mum.....so i joined this online dating site and a guy messaged me told me he was separated they didnt sleep together anymore.....lived together for convenience and they had kids.....he was cultured funny witty intelligent adventurous motivated and he owned his own contracting company..older....educated.........had some really offbeat username that was different from all the rest of the guys who messaged me so he stood out....h ehad really kindly smiley eyes with crows feet....(so he laughed a lot i could tell)....looked a bit like bruce willis...bald and handsome...to me anyway.....

 

i thought sex would make me feel better....so even though i knew the story he gave me about his marital state probably wasnt true at all.......my fault....he picked me up paid for everything.....i felt obligated.........i slept with him.......after we had...his wife rang and asked him to pick up milk.....never felt worse in all my life.......

 

and then gradually he stopped messaging me.....i felt really used...ended up back in hospital.......guilty as sin.....and feeling worthless.......

 

that guy ended up messaging me again trying to sleep with me again and i just didnt answer him.....

 

 

anyway after i came out of hospital .....i dated again...numb as crap on different medication.......met a guy...a dominant....just didnt feel good.....so i told him goodbye..felt so wrong ..started talking to another guy.....he was really respectful...and calm...kind patient.....or so i thought......but by this time my son was having issues with me talking to guys..my girls were really struggling with the break up i had to get them into therapy...so i told this guy......look im sorry.....i cant do this now the timing is off...im not in the right head space my kids are struggling i need to concentrate on them...and he said......

 

 

you are a judgmental person(he was asian) you are bad ..you are not a nice person...look at you you arent pretty....you dont have a right to judge me...all i could say is im osorry i made you feel that way ..its not true i am being honest......

 

i ended up finding that guy who put me down a few years later when i felt stronger and ready to date and my kids had found peace.....and i gave that guy a chance......eh turned up...my kids said oh look mum he is rich .....arent you happy ...i looked at his car and said not really......money doesnt make the man....and that guy groped my breast all night then stuck his tongue down my throat when i said look i havent kissed anyone in a really long time and after he stuck his tongue down my throat....at the end of the night/....and said see like riding a bike...me thinking to myself nah mate i need a boat to kiss you as i wipe my mouth...........

 

not long after a few more disastrous dates where guys treat me like meat and grope me........i ended up in hospital feeling useless hopeless....dumb and worthless ....used...and insignificant....

 

i met a guy in hospital...adn ended up in asix month relationship with him....they had em on psychotropic medication..i dotn make good decisions when i am on that crap.....went awol with him while in hospital went on a bush walk..escaped ...me in nature.....yep got natural.....some medication makes your inhibitions non existent....

 

 

dating when you are hurt is a mistake.....dating someone that causes hurt to another is a mistake...feel good about who you are...be strong in your convictions you deserve better than to be second...you are number one...allow

a man who appreciates the woman you are and will grow to be see you naked and vulnerable.......... ...let him be the one you date and make love too......dont settle for less......deb

Edited April 7, 2017 by todreaminblue

[Tressugar]

Well I pondered the what ifs and came to the conclusion that it's a no deal situation with my co worker and I. I shared with him that I have no intention of being the one to hold the bag while everyone else is being fed.

 

I'm going to remain friends with him and still converse with him as I enjoy his company.

 

Now I'm back at square one-damn! No viable person of interest. I keep on attracting men I'm not remotely interested in and they are head over heels in love with me. I'm too chicken to tell them to kick rocks. And the ones I want are taken or doesn't know that I'm alive. My life is f*cked! Is it too late to become a nun?

 

Thank you for the reality check/wake up call. I sincerely appreciate it.

[GemmaUK]

Tre, turn this around into a positive.

 

Really it was a crazy idea (no offence intended).

You've stopped something before it started.

Realistically you know this guy is not a good man if he is prepared to cheat and nor is he a good man for sticking around with someone who he feels is incompatible - if in fact he does feel that.

He could have been spewing 'bad relationship' stuff to get closer to you.

It might be real but if it is why on earth hasn't he ended it?!

 

If you were to catch feelings you'd only end up hurt and hurting others in the process which I don't really think would be something you'd want to do.

 

Better than anything else is being single rather than being in miserably involved with anyone.

 

The only thing I would suggest different is to gently back away from him. You do clearly 'like' him quite a bit and when you have those kind of feelings they will pretty much stop you from noticing anyone else.

While he is on your mind there's no room for anyone else to be - there's not a two or three seater sofa worth of space up there for the majority of us!

[MoreThanThat]

Well I pondered the what ifs and came to the conclusion that it's a no deal situation with my co worker and I. I shared with him that I have no intention of being the one to hold the bag while everyone else is being fed.

 

I'm going to remain friends with him and still converse with him as I enjoy his company.

 

Now I'm back at square one-damn! No viable person of interest. I keep on attracting men I'm not remotely interested in and they are head over heels in love with me. I'm too chicken to tell them to kick rocks. And the ones I want are taken or doesn't know that I'm alive. My life is f*cked! Is it too late to become a nun?

 

Thank you for the reality check/wake up call. I sincerely appreciate it.

 

I think you made the right choice here. I don't know your history but it sounds like you've had at least one unhealthy relationship in the not so distant past. Why do you feel you need someone? I really believe that in order to have a great relationship, you need to be in a good place yourself. When we act from a place of desperation, we rarely get what we were hoping to. Why not take some time to focus on you as an individual?

[Chilli]

Sorry tress but l cracked up at that post. Just your sense of humor that's all , very cool.

Anyway, glad you changed you mind, bad move that one , ugly hurtful situation in the end.

 

And don't worry , l think the when we like them they don't, or they do but we don't thing, is pretty damn common not only you, happened to me a lot too back when.

Some people just have no fkg taste lets face it.

[Dis]

Well I pondered the what ifs and came to the conclusion that it's a no deal situation with my co worker and I. I shared with him that I have no intention of being the one to hold the bag while everyone else is being fed.

 

I'm going to remain friends with him and still converse with him as I enjoy his company.

 

Now I'm back at square one-damn! No viable person of interest. I keep on attracting men I'm not remotely interested in and they are head over heels in love with me. I'm too chicken to tell them to kick rocks. And the ones I want are taken or doesn't know that I'm alive. My life is f*cked! Is it too late to become a nun?

 

Thank you for the reality check/wake up call. I sincerely appreciate it.

 

Ohhh girl I'm so glad you stood up for what you deserve!

 

I knew that wasnt the real you

 

*hugs*

 

I know going back to the drawing board is no fun at all, and I HATE it when people tell me, "It will happen when its meant to happen" I almost want to slap people when they say that hahaha

 

You're too sweet of a person to not find what you want. He will come along. In the meantime, try to give guys that you wouldnt normally date a chance. Who knows, maybe some of them could surprise you. I've recently learned that a man who is head over heels for me and not my usual type beats the h*** out of a guy who is my usual type and is a huge douche Of course attraction needs to be there...just dont fall for the lusty/unsustainable attraction

 

We're all here for you! Xoxo

[curiouslysearching]

Well I pondered the what ifs and came to the conclusion that it's a no deal situation with my co worker and I. I shared with him that I have no intention of being the one to hold the bag while everyone else is being fed.

 

I'm going to remain friends with him and still converse with him as I enjoy his company.

 

Now I'm back at square one-damn! No viable person of interest. I keep on attracting men I'm not remotely interested in and they are head over heels in love with me. I'm too chicken to tell them to kick rocks. And the ones I want are taken or doesn't know that I'm alive. My life is f*cked! Is it too late to become a nun?

 

Thank you for the reality check/wake up call. I sincerely appreciate it.

 

SUGAR, please don't hold it against them for being attracted to you....surely you realize THOSE MEN can only fight it for so long and the pull is intense

[Tressugar]

Yes I know that he and I have this strange friendship.

 

I got frustrated again with everything and told him to not contact me until he is free and available to make time for only me. I haven't heard from him. I'm craving him. He knows I'm an attention hog for his time. He's got me spoiled and it's his fault. He already knows not to treat me in such a manner because I will expect more of that where that came from.

 

We are both really ATTACHED to each other. We chat constantly during work hours, not as intense after hours. He's a papa. He's my biggest fan as he is mine.

 

I never had a man disclose such private, personal facts about themselves that no one knows, not even his own girlfriend.

 

This time around we got even closer and I'm falling for him. But I know myself well and I'll never play fool again just to anyone who isn't worthy of my time.

 

I'll be leaving soon. So maybe this will be the fresh start I need. The only concern is that he now knows where I live. He can be a little stalkerish at times. It's like he can't leave me alone.

 

I'll see what Monday will bring.

[preraph]

Yes I know that he and I have this strange friendship.

 

I got frustrated again with everything and told him to not contact me until he is free and available to make time for only me. I haven't heard from him. I'm craving him. He knows I'm an attention hog for his time. He's got me spoiled and it's his fault. He already knows not to treat me in such a manner because I will expect more of that where that came from.

 

We are both really ATTACHED to each other. We chat constantly during work hours, not as intense after hours. He's a papa. He's my biggest fan as he is mine.

 

I never had a man disclose such private, personal facts about themselves that no one knows, not even his own girlfriend.

 

This time around we got even closer and I'm falling for him. But I know myself well and I'll never play fool again just to anyone who isn't worthy of my time.

 

I'll be leaving soon. So maybe this will be the fresh start I need. The only concern is that he now knows where I live. He can be a little stalkerish at times. It's like he can't leave me alone.

 

I'll see what Monday will bring.

 

I'm just commenting my own experience on that bolded quote. I've always had guys tell me things they said they never told anyone else. It meant more that they trusted me and I was easy to talk to. Some were lovers and some were not. I remember my surprise at one time in my life when two guys said I was their best friend. One I had been in love with and moved on and the other was married but later wanted to be with me. The guy I was most in love with that I had a relationship with told me that a lot, but then he was in the middle of divorce and though I didn't know it at the time, seeing other women. So it wasn't that he was joined at the hip with me. We did manage to remain friends with some big gaps and big bad incidents for some decades, though, so there was something there.

 

And then probably the first guy who ever told me things he didn't tell others was who I call my old flame, who was someone I crushed hard on and was very focused on, though not dating (hookups it was the 70s) and I had a sixth sense about him. He told me things because he sensed I was also adventurous like him, and we both sort of recreated ourselves during that period, so that was at least my main bond to him. We got together decades later but it didn't last. But neither one of us are the domestic type, so it was no surprise.

 

So it doesn't always mean anything except that you are someone they can confide in. I mean, mine were all over the place, and none of them were really "the one." But the residual more distant friendship had some legs.

[Tressugar]

That's good to know. I thought when a man opens up to a woman it undoubtedly means something. I've never experienced such vulnerability especially within a man.

 

I agree that probably means I am a safe person. I don't want to be someone's safe person. That's what a therapist is for.

[ChanSummary]

It's a tough situation when you liked someone who is already taken. Emotionally distracted, as a single lady I think you will be the one to make a move of staying away from him even if he liked you so much. Give him time to choose. It is also difficult for his girlfriend to move on.

[Tressugar]

Yes I've removed myself from this equation. It is a very difficult decision. I caved and texted him just now...and to no avail he didn't respond. My heart's heavy at the thought of losing him again.

 

I had texted him to tell him I'm not upset with him, but I need to be set free from this entanglement.

 

I know he's hurting right now and I'm the cause of his pain which doesn't make me happy with myself.

 

I tried to end our friendship a week ago and the look on his face almost made me cry. I had to run out of his office. I couldn't bear the thought of hurting him.

 

Life sucks!

[Tressugar]

Do you think he's ignoring me? Or is this a legitimate ghosting? How and why he can do this when we work together?

 

Doesn't he know if can simply walk to his office and seek answers.