telemakus Posted April 1, 2017 Share Posted April 1, 2017 Imagine a friend of yours is asking you this. Does it sound like a good idea? No. Of course it doesn't. Find someone who is available. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted April 1, 2017 Share Posted April 1, 2017 My friend from work has returned back into my life. We are both attracted to each other, but I had to sever our ties because I caught feelings. He has a girlfriend and wasn't planning on leaving her anytime soon. My question is, he isn't pranking' now he wants back in. This time for me it'll be different. I'm not going to catch feelings for him again. I don't know the status of his relationship. Will it be a smart move to invite him over? He's been practically begging me to allow him to come over. This will be just as two friends hanging out and nothing more. I've been dreaming of this opportunity for a long time. 100% honestly...you are talking out of both sides of your mouth. Contradictory statements abound in your paragraphs above. and i bet if you kept explaining it would be more. You still like him. First step is to be honest with yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted April 1, 2017 Share Posted April 1, 2017 You say you won't "catch feelings for him again." Too late! The feelings are already there! Getting involved with a coworker is already a slippery slope. Don't pee where you eat. Second, I'm assuming this man is no longer involved with this girlfriend, so I question if the timing is right due to rebound, as far as things go for you...you don't want to be the rebound. You don't know for sure if the girlfriend is out of the picture. I'm really leaning in the direction of NO on this one. You don't really know his status, and while you state you won't get caught up in the feelings, you will, and you know you will. I would. Let's be realistic. Assuming he is unattached, you are free to pursue this, but consider the fact he's a coworker. You state "just friends," but I really don't see that happening. You posted on a dating forum, so you clearly have feelings, and you've been "dreaming of this opportunity." I think you should not "poke the bear" by playing the "friends" game. If you socialize with your coworkers, you can socialize in a group, but one-on-one is probably not the best idea...at least know for sure if he still has a girlfriend first...also consider your coworker status and if it's a good idea to get involved. We all know it won't be "just friends." Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 1, 2017 Share Posted April 1, 2017 What gives is he has a girlfriend he loves and he doesn't want to mess that up by encouraging a woman who he knows is romantically interested in him. Be merciful and just leave him alone until and unless he leaves this woman, which it doesn't sound like he plans to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tressugar Posted April 1, 2017 Author Share Posted April 1, 2017 Thank you all who posted. I totally agree and understand the entanglement of this sticky situation. Yes I am very much attracted to him and yes he may still be with his girlfriend. What's changed is my acceptance of his situation and I'm totally happy for him. I don't want to lose his friendship again. He is a truly a great friend to me and I'm of need of someone to be in my corner right now. He fits the bill. I am the firm believer of you don't get your honey where you get your money concept and that's in the front of my mind. Plus I'm planning on leaving my job for a big promo soon. I'm going to tread lightly with this situation and prayerfully stay strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tressugar Posted April 7, 2017 Author Share Posted April 7, 2017 How do you think this will end up? Sleeping with someone who is already involved with his gf. He's unhappily involved, but is very much attracted to me as I with him. He cares about me. He's not planning on leaving his gf and I don't want them to separate. I'm unattached and living the good life. My heart has been broken and I'm not trying to get into a relationship. We work together, but in different departments. I don't care about the ramifications of anything at this point in life. I'm tired of playing the good guy in every situation. I just want to play. I know he's clean, discreet, careful and willing to please me. Did I strike gold? Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 No. Ten characters. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
TheTraveler Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 How do you think this will end up? Sleeping with someone who is already involved with his gf. He's unhappily involved, but is very much attracted to me as I with him. He cares about me. He's not planning on leaving his gf and I don't want them to separate. I'm unattached and living the good life. My heart has been broken and I'm not trying to get into a relationship. We work together, but in different departments. I don't care about the ramifications of anything at this point in life. I'm tired of playing the good guy in every situation. I just want to play. I know he's clean, discreet, careful and willing to please me. Did I strike gold? Is this a joke post? April Fools was last week 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tressugar Posted April 7, 2017 Author Share Posted April 7, 2017 No this isn't April Fool's! I am serious! What do I have to lose? My job makes it that I can never see him again. I'm not going back to OLD. There are no (prospects) in my near future. I fare better with ppl in real life. We already have history. He's safe! I know it seems like a joke, but I'm dead serious. I'm texting him now to set things up. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 Is this the guy who you've posted refuses to spend any time with you after work? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 Surely you have other sources of NSA sex other than a coworker in a committed relationship. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 He's not safe. If it goes pear shaped, you could find he has a very vindictive partner who will make your life hell. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
burnt Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 What do I have to lose? Read as many posts from the Other Woman / Other Man section of this site as you can handle, to get a reality check about what you have to lose. You will lose yourself. That's all; nothing more. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
SoulCat Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 Did I strike gold? Yeah you did. Fool's gold. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 It's so disturbing to know that there are people out there with little to no conscience. Do you not even for one second have any thought of how much hurt you will be causing another person, regardless as to whether you know her or not. There's no guilt, even a bit? No self-reflection into how you'd feel if someone did that to you? Compassion, empathy...no? He's unhappily involved but that's what he's telling you. He may be treating her like a queen and she's thinking they're in a committed and fulfilling relationship. Sex can't be that important where you completely lose your moral compass. I can't even... 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 He's willing to cheat with you, which means he's willing to cheat on you. How exactly does this make him a safe and clean partner? If you proceed, condom up. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ieris Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 You want to be his bit on the side? Where is your self respect? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xUnknown Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 I'd love to see the look on your face when your husband or boyfriend pops up on these forums asking the same question. Have some respect. Homewrecker. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 (edited) tressugar ...its not good...i think you already know that...i cant change your mind its your choice...but know ....you wouldnt have posted this if you were really happy about it..... my daughter came into my room this afternoon and we spoke about monogamy....and having to break up with people.....how hard it is to tell someone who loves you ....that you can tbe with them.....you arent feeling it and my daughter cried because that is what she is going to have to do .....she isnt ready for a relationship she is 17 and a young heart.....bawling her eyes otu because sh eis abotu to hurt someone.....she isnt ready because she cant even handle the thought of doing it.....but she will...she will do it...and feel like utter crap doing it.....because she cares about people.....she is 17 how old are you tressugar......if my daughter is a young heart......and knows her actions are going to hurt another.....and because of how it is going to break my daughter i have told her ...you arent ready yet to do this you arent mature enough......she has no business dating yet......she cant handle rejection...giving rejection..... if you tressugar are not willing to think of others....you shouldnt be dating others......you are the opposite to my daughter ....opposite end of the spectrum.....neither should date...somewhere in the middle....is where you need to be....careful....but ready to handle the consequences of dating and sex.......my daughter however....has thoughtful and care for others...she doesnt want to create unhappiness...my daughter knows ...unhappiness is never happiness...especially if you give unhappiness to other people......i wish you well...and i hope you make good and just decisions.....that you can be proud of to tell your daughters one day......peace...deb Edited April 7, 2017 by todreaminblue 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OnlyHonesty Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 No this isn't April Fool's! I am serious! What do I have to lose? My job makes it that I can never see him again. I'm not going back to OLD. There are no (prospects) in my near future. I fare better with ppl in real life. We already have history. He's safe! I know it seems like a joke, but I'm dead serious. I'm texting him now to set things up. These are all symptoms of living through your lower self, the part of you that is more ego driven, less wise, and ignores intuition. There is a part of us (higher self), that is driven by wisdom, intuition and with less ego. The direction of our entire lives can me made or broken by which one is most dominant. It does not matter if you don't see him again because everything we do stays within us. It doesn't matter if you never get found out because you already know. You should ask yourself whether your actions serve your higher self, are compatible with high self esteem, self love, wisdom, intuition and furthering your personal growth. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
OnlyHonesty Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 Women prefer guys who are already in relationships because they are tested and have more value. This behavior is far more prevalent than women will admit. Two women wanting one guy leaves some lonely guy in the cold. But said lonely guy is probably socially awkward. Yes, someone once said. A woman won't date a man that lives with his Mom, but she will sleep with a man that lives with his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 How do you think this will end up? Sleeping with someone who is already involved with his gf. He's unhappily involved, but is very much attracted to me as I with him. He cares about me. He's not planning on leaving his gf and I don't want them to separate. I'm unattached and living the good life. My heart has been broken and I'm not trying to get into a relationship. We work together, but in different departments. I don't care about the ramifications of anything at this point in life. I'm tired of playing the good guy in every situation. I just want to play. I know he's clean, discreet, careful and willing to please me. Did I strike gold? ~Let go of people who dull your shine, poison your spirit, and bring you drama. Cancel your subscription to their issues. You need to cancel your subscription to your OWN issues as well. You are setting yourself up for a world of drama and hurt . . . I know he's clean, discreet, careful -- Is He???? How can this be true if he's cheating on his wife . . . ? Furthermore, in a cheating situation, it also means he's manipulative and sneaky. Great qualities in a guy. If he can/is putting one over on his wife, he'll put one over on you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tressugar Posted April 7, 2017 Author Share Posted April 7, 2017 (edited) I woke up to a gang of messages! Yes it's the co worker who wouldn't spend any time with me after work, but now he's making time... somehow he says things are different. I've read and posted replies on OW/OM forum. I understand the consequences. My rationality in his situation is that it's not a marriage. I may even think it's an open relationship. If that's the case no harm, no foul. I'm still holding out for hope that I'll find someone soon, but I'm not going to hold my breath either. This isn't about sex, but a connection on all levels which is difficult to find. I'm not out to hurt anyone or be hurt in the process. I'll proceed with caution. I just needed to get your constructive feedback, which I really do appreciate, to consider my decision on which way to go. Edited April 7, 2017 by Tressugar Link to post Share on other sites
SoulCat Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 My rationality in his situation is that it's not a marriage. It may not be a marriage but it's a committed relationship. Same rules apply. I may even think it's an open relationship. If that's the case no harm, no foul. Contact the girlfriend and ask her. Or better yet, ask the guy for his girlfriend's number so that you can ask her about their 'open relationship'. Then watch him squirm and try to wriggle out of it.... You really are fooling yourself if you think you can avoid causing hurt in this situation. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 I would never be someone's side chick or anyone's seconds. I respect my friend's relationship and actually side with his girlfriend on their issue. I've been cheated on and it doesn't feel good. Try to get to get back to this level of consciousness. 11 Link to post Share on other sites
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