I think its an affair SO thinks it isn't

[spanz1]

She flip flops on everything. Doesn't know what she wants.

 

She is attractive and thrives on attention. She loves to tell stories of all the guys that were interested in her that day. Says of how disgusted she is by them.

 

Hard to tell from a short post like this, but she sounds bipolar. A lot of bipolar people like to flirt with others, and seek constant reaffirmation that they are attractive. They often end up with a hyper sexualized libido. Often will do all sorts of perverted sexual acts to keep up their outside relationships.

 

And as far as the disgusted part, that might just be a Madonna/Whore role she is playing, saying she is disgusted to you, but actually being very turned on by the attention and not confiding that part to you.

 

I have talked to some bipolar women who say they CAN have a healthy and monogamous relationship IF THEY STAY ON THEIR MEDS. The moment the are off the meds, the temptation to cheat comes right back.

 

So maybe read up on bipolars. See if she has the traits. IF so, you will need professional counselling to navigate that mess.

[oldshirt]

Every day, through your actions, you are teaching your son what to do when evil and dangerous people are abusing him, using him and manipulating him.

 

Take a good hard look at him and ask yourself if this is the lesson you want him to be learning.

[oldshirt]

and FWIW, you don't need her to agree that she's a cheater and that this is an affair in order to take action.

 

A signed confession is not necessary to divorce her and move on with your own life.

 

If she wants to deny it while you drive away, that is her right.

[Jooles]

I agree with what others have advised:

 

1) Get a good lawyer. Make copies of all corespondence between all three of you and give to your lawyer. Inquire about full custody and possible protective restraining order for your son. Your wife has proven herself to be an irresponsible parent by exposing your son to an unsavory person. You need to do whatever it takes to provide a safe, healthy environment for your son. Difficult, yes, but, absolutely necessary. No excuses-just do it.

 

2)Either change the locks on your residence and tell your wife she is not welcome, or move yourself and your son to a new place.

 

3)Get a full medical exam with testing for STD's.

 

4) Realize that the marriage is over. Rationaling and playing mind games with yourself is not healthy and is counterproductive to your wellbeing. Things will be difficult and painful for awhile, but you will mend, and find happiness again.

Edited March 14, 2017 by Jooles