Realitysux Posted August 6, 2020 Posted August 6, 2020 I am finally heading out the door after a few hours if wallowing in a book I spent five months reading. It was definitely not one I'd recommend. 1
Angelle Posted August 6, 2020 Posted August 6, 2020 On 7/30/2020 at 11:33 PM, Rome11 said: Trying to keep up with my normal routines...but this hurts so much... Oh, I'm sorry. 4 hours ago, sothereiwas said: The wife is clattering around in the kitchen making the house smell nice. The kids is running around making pew pew sounds. I'm tucking into coffee #1, and looking at the days work. This is how I cope, one moment to the next, one foot after the other. Trying to choose a beneficial path and then keeping my eye on the ball so as to make a misstep less likely. This is what works for me. Take it as you will. Isn't this a thread for people who are coping after separating from someone? I reconnected with the guy I mentioned once in here, but we aren't together. I'm having more feelings of loss around my family, although it's better today than it was yesterday. I was full of anxiety, all day, after barely sleeping the night before. At least I managed to sleep well last night, and without taking anything like Tylenol PM. That's rare, and I've been hoping to get back to not needing to take anything. 1
Angelle Posted August 6, 2020 Posted August 6, 2020 (edited) 4 hours ago, Realitysux said: I am finally heading out the door after a few hours if wallowing in a book I spent five months reading. It was definitely not one I'd recommend. I finally gave up on one, last month. I'd looked forward to it, but just couldn't finish it. I've just picked up a Margaret Atwood book again, that I only read a little bit of last year, and I'm working my way through it faster than the other one. Edited August 6, 2020 by Angelle
sothereiwas Posted August 6, 2020 Posted August 6, 2020 1 hour ago, Angelle said: Isn't this a thread for people who are coping after separating from someone? I've broken up with many people in the past. There is light at the end of that tunnel.
Rome11 Posted August 6, 2020 Posted August 6, 2020 1 hour ago, Angelle said: Oh, I'm sorry. Isn't this a thread for people who are coping after separating from someone? I reconnected with the guy I mentioned once in here, but we aren't together. I'm having more feelings of loss around my family, although it's better today than it was yesterday. I was full of anxiety, all day, after barely sleeping the night before. At least I managed to sleep well last night, and without taking anything like Tylenol PM. That's rare, and I've been hoping to get back to not needing to take anything. Thank you @Angelle . This week haven't been good for me neither... I hope it gets better for you 1
Angelle Posted August 6, 2020 Posted August 6, 2020 43 minutes ago, Rome11 said: Thank you @Angelle . This week haven't been good for me neither... I hope it gets better for you Thank you. 1
Realitysux Posted August 7, 2020 Posted August 7, 2020 I might borrow the coping forum because I am going through some things. Typically when I get home from work, I lay in bed depressed all night, only waking up to wash my face and brush my teeth. Tonight, I'm going to make dinner, clean up my house, and do a workout Video. I have been facing myself and I don't like my appearance because it has been damaged by the last seven years of mental health and neglect because of it. As a result of my appearance, I have been limited with dates. I am also not connected to myself so I believe I should start connecting to myself again. As a result of the above, I will not be dating for another six months which will be lonley. I can't say I'm indifferent to the obsession yet, rather making steps to get to indifference. I don't have hard feelings, seemed like a nice guy, I wasn't the right connection for him. I started Botox tonight, going back for fillers , and a vampire facelift in two weeks. I have to do the fillers next week because of my dental work. In about 6 weeks, all my work should be done. In the mean time, patience. My face is so washed up, once I start to notice that change, I'll be more motivated for the rest. 2
chillii Posted August 7, 2020 Posted August 7, 2020 15 hours ago, sothereiwas said: I've broken up with many people in the past. There is light at the end of that tunnel. Yeah , figured , but guess what , that's not how it works , matter of fact people see that everyday while they go through this , that makes it worse. lived your life now 20yrs myself, last thing l need personally right now is reminding of it.. 1
Realitysux Posted August 7, 2020 Posted August 7, 2020 1 hour ago, chillii said: Yeah , figured , but guess what , that's not how it works , matter of fact people see that everyday while they go through this , that makes it worse. lived your life now 20yrs myself, last thing l need personally right now is reminding of it.. If it helps, I am feeling depressed this morning, even though, I have had no contact at all this morning and will be stopping direct contact immediately. I'm using the morning to push myself through it. The morning blues are new to me so we will see how it goes this afternoon. I knew the attention was negative attention but maybe I was desperate? I've accepted his actions and I'm not angry or wallowing in self pity. My focus is to nurse the wounds and feel better! 1
Realitysux Posted August 7, 2020 Posted August 7, 2020 Last night, if I can ad, I responded to his childish games but I was texting him and I knew there was a mature adult on the other side as well as indifference. I was too involved in his life and really do need to detach. I have to keep positive and try to connect with as much people in this industry as I can.
Realitysux Posted August 7, 2020 Posted August 7, 2020 (edited) Maybe my honesty can help someone else going through it, I don't know. A few things at the moment. Due to the length of his mind f***, dating isn't possible right now because it's a reminder of his indifference. What if I don't feel connected to my date and my mind wonders to what he's like to his dates. Obsessions are like that and that would bring me pain. Whatever feeling I was chasing, I have to understand I will feel that again. I can't focus on finding the feeling but rather what it felt like before I met him. I have to create a new normal for myself too and that is going to take time. I love people in my life but it's a different type of love. I love my taper, but it's a different kind of love. I'll do anything for him! I feel this feeling as I go NC and it is a feeling that leaves me feeling disgusting. It went on for 7 years, that's a lot of abuse. Why did a 46 year old man need help ending and obsession? Edited August 7, 2020 by Realitysux
Fox Sake Posted August 8, 2020 Posted August 8, 2020 I’ve not been having a great week. I have shadows following me.... I feel quiet and unlike my happy-go-lucky self...slightly lost. I wish I knew why. I’ll find my way again I’m sure. Sending what energy I have right now to those that truly need it. I believe in you, everything will be okay 4
Realitysux Posted August 8, 2020 Posted August 8, 2020 I'm at work and I'm mourning my phone already. Trying to look forward and not back.
MeadowFlower Posted August 9, 2020 Posted August 9, 2020 I can't change how a certain type of people veiw me. I can't change their thinking. And I can't change me, short of plastic surgery and makeup. The least I can do for myself is love myself completely and unconditionally, irregardless of anything. And disregard their veiw. Live my life in complete and unwavering love for myself. 4
chillii Posted August 9, 2020 Posted August 9, 2020 One of the nice things about getting older , you mostly stop caring how people view you, mostly! . Family l suppose will mostly always get under your skin , or anyone special to you like your kids or partner , of course you will care , but people in general . they just stop mattering in time. You can guarantee they misread you , or think the opposite of the reality , or get silly ideas in their head, or some bs, but in time, you just don't giva fk anymore 1
Realitysux Posted August 9, 2020 Posted August 9, 2020 I just went out to eat and I was feeling a bit drained. It's been exhausting over the last few months but I am ready to move on. 1
Realitysux Posted August 10, 2020 Posted August 10, 2020 I woke up and felt a sick pit in my stomach and I started to feel like I was in high school and everyone was pointing and laughing at me. During my morning walk to get coffee, anyone would have dropped if they read what I read. It was mean. If anyone wants to continue to post after they made their point, then that's on them. If someone wants to say the same thing over and over again or tell someone to just let it go and drop it, then that's on them. This could have ended 7 years ago. The points made and what I do from here, doesn't concern anybody.
chillii Posted August 10, 2020 Posted August 10, 2020 (edited) l'm still having trouble not writing that letter but thankfully another little look at my reminder list of things she said, that l keep on my phone , has done it's job and stopped me. Probably 100 times already. My instincts have always been spot on , but the problem is there are times in life or with a love in life , where they just aren't clear , and to this day she remains of of those. Did she mean them well then how could she had said and shown the complete opposites for 3yrs , how ? And you don't fly across the world to be with someone you mean those things about, you don't remain loyal to them when you can only be together 20% of the time , when you really mean things like that. You don't push and push for more time together when it's you that's flying across the world , if you really mean things like that instead, surly . So that is the problem for me. And she is still thinking about me , l feel it , and she will be checking mail , l know that too.And she will never find another US , she knows that and l know that. So why does she say those things then? l have one theory , sabotage . Because otherwise , what is the solution ? She has to gamble her life at 49 , and move across the world to me, which was scaring the shyt out of her more and more as time went on and she got just that little bit older bit by bit. And l understand that of course l do , it's a huge huge thing , as huge as it gets. And that's why l never pushed that too hard , that was mostly her . But not for the reasons she thinks , l didn't push it too hard because it was just such a huge ask of someone and l just didn't want to ask such a huge thing of her. But she needed me too , she needed me to beg her to come , to do it , she needed to hear and to feel from me with all her heart in order to do it and feel safe about doing it , she needed to know l wanted it more than anything else in this world. l think that's why she said and did what she did . But l still can't write because l don't know if l'm right , and if l'm wrong , then l'd be the biggest fool out there to go writing her now after all that. Edited August 10, 2020 by chillii
chillii Posted August 13, 2020 Posted August 13, 2020 (edited) Yeah . probably a deep down what l'm doing here, a kinda personal venting , closure come still working through it thing. From what l see there aren't many, maybe no one in fact , in forums that would understand or had lived a relationship and thing like ours and so would not get why l'm even here considering my circumstances now, but if they had then there'd be no question. At any rate these are for me l tend to toss stuff around don't care how many circles in the end for me it usually works. Although l'll probably never know because with her it's such a 50 50 line. Hence the letter, to find out and settle it for myself , to find peace. l know l probably should've waited, given her the chance to turn it around or explain or apologize , she was still here 7 days later despite what she'd said a week before until l said enough , l'm not interested in a relationship with anyone who'd say or think things like that bullshyt, and l left. l couldn't believe she stuck around another wk, why ? lf she really meant them what was she even doing here ha, wtf was l even doing here ! There should be no question , if you believe the straight forwardness of peoples thinking in forums , but in so many RL things , stuff, people , are not so cut and dry . To even fathom someone like her , is to know why l'm here. With an IQ well well above average and achievements to back it up , it was always cute really how that inside, she was still basically just a scared little girl. So to known her is to understand why she can do some things she does and act someways, yet feel the opposite, fear . And she had reasons too, huge heart wrenching reasons and that's it in a nutshell really and why l'm still here because this is not black and white , she was far more complex than that , we were. Edited August 13, 2020 by chillii
MeadowFlower Posted August 26, 2020 Posted August 26, 2020 It's no use, it's pretty much a definite no.
Beachead Posted August 27, 2020 Posted August 27, 2020 Had a dream early this morning that triggered badly. Currently I'm amidst a minor setback and shall have to work through this, day by day.
lonelyplanetmoon Posted August 28, 2020 Posted August 28, 2020 Beach, Giving you a virtual hug. You have helped so many posters. Your responses are always deep and compassionate. Reading some Rumi tonight and found this gem. What is the body? Endurance. What is love? Gratitude. What is hidden in our chests? Laughter. What else? Compassion.
MeadowFlower Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 It's amazing (for want of a better word) how we can feel something for someone and they don't feel anything for us. What something means to one person can mean much less to the other. 1
Stringalong Posted August 30, 2020 Posted August 30, 2020 1 hour ago, MeadowFlower said: It's amazing (for want of a better word) how we can feel something for someone and they don't feel anything for us. What something means to one person can mean much less to the other. It happens all the time. I was just out with someone who had feelings developed and I had none, I told him bluntly and haven't contacted him since. He's probably over it! Guys will feel the same about me too but as long as they are direct, and don't play me, I won't draw blood over it!
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