How are you coping today?

[DarrenB]

My final conclusion is, you cannot make someone love you. You can persuade someone to, but it'll never be true. Only forced. We all deserve unconditional love, not temporary or false.

 

You know what I really can't be bothered to divulge, just have a great day/night everyone. Stay occupied, be true and honest to yourself and love those who are requited to you.

 

God-bloody-speed.

[Kelley]

Well said, we all deserve unconditional love if you have to chase it stop running and let it go.

 

 

My final conclusion is, you cannot make someone love you. You can persuade someone to, but it'll never be true. Only forced. We all deserve unconditional love, not temporary or false.

 

You know what I really can't be bothered to divulge, just have a great day/night everyone. Stay occupied, be true and honest to yourself and love those who are requited to you.

 

God-bloody-speed.

[malebroken]

Struggling.

We have a child together. I went NC for 4 days last week, she now txtd to say I'm selfish n she won't won't let me see my son as I'm selfish

Asked me never to contact again.

Do I do as she wishes or just txt about my son?

[DarrenB]

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

[DarrenB]

I had a conversation with a friend earlier this morning. After an in-depth conservation she gave me probably the most wisest idea I've had yet, to progress in coping.

 

I told her that I still had multiple gifts which the X had given me, including some of her things. Pictures with picture frames, other gifts I could throw away. Some were too sentimental to me so I couldn't. But, what she had told me was and I quote 'Darren, do what you must do. Pack all of these possessions in a bag, take them to her, and before you do, put your mind and memories in the bag (metaphorically speaking of course)'.

 

So I did so, went to hers this morning whilst she was not there and her parents were. I told her mum I had some things I'd like to return, I asked for some back because some were of alot of value to me and she doesn't deserve to have them, but her mum claimed they were all binned. This, is a lie because she had taken multiple pictures with most of the possessions in virtual sight. I didn't wish to argue, so I left on a phrase and said 'I find everything incredibly hypocritical from your behalf, not giving the time of day and neglecting me. Telling me that she's too young to be in a committed r/s but you allow her to make stupid decisions and kanoodle with other boys'.

 

Aaaaaand, I left on that note. Huge void in my heart, but feeling a little bit better.

[RyanO1991]

Again, I appreciate the commiserations but none of it is necessary. I guess in some strange way, I deserve this for still being so emotionally attached to someone who doesn't feel the same way.

 

Explaining... Is it even worth it anymore? Shame how much you destroy yourself for someone who uses you for their own experience. Sigh.

 

And again, away from myself and my predicaments, how are you? how's the volunteering doing?

 

And I may just take you up on that offer later, thanks.

 

Being emotionally involved doesn't make you deserve it, Darren. Quite the opposite, in fact.

 

I'm fine thanks, Darren. The volunteering has been great - thanks to that I'm through the other side now.

 

Feel free to PM me if you fancy a chat.

[Kelley]

It's hard going NC when children are involved. When you do get in contact just make it about your son and nothing else. Don't rise to any petty arguments and if she just texts in general, just ignore it and reply to anything relating to your sons welfare.

 

 

Struggling.

We have a child together. I went NC for 4 days last week, she now txtd to say I'm selfish n she won't won't let me see my son as I'm selfish

Asked me never to contact again.

Do I do as she wishes or just txt about my son?

[DarrenB]

Struggling.

We have a child together. I went NC for 4 days last week, she now txtd to say I'm selfish n she won't won't let me see my son as I'm selfish

Asked me never to contact again.

Do I do as she wishes or just txt about my son?

 

You're more than obliged to see your child. Text about your son definitely. If she still doesn't give you the time of day... I don't know what state you live or country for that matter but I'm sure there's some sort of service that can help you.

[Wuku]

Struggling.

We have a child together. I went NC for 4 days last week, she now txtd to say I'm selfish n she won't won't let me see my son as I'm selfish

Asked me never to contact again.

Do I do as she wishes or just txt about my son?

 

I have been in your position, it's not a nice situation to have to deal with. You are entitled to see your child, and you fight for that as hard as you can if she is akward. Get legal help if she continues to stop you seeing your son, but don't give up. Keep texts to a minimum, and only address texts or send texts about your son. Don't rise to any goading, be nice and keep calm, even when all you want to do is scream! For me, 18 years later I have an incredible and close relationship with my daughter, and all the hard work at the beginning was definitely worth it. Good luck!

[TraineeAlchemist]

I'm new here. My original post didn't really get much advice. For those interested in the back story:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/602588-here-s-my-story

 

Today is Day 10 of NC. Before we broke up, she knew my parents were visiting her city and had made a date to have tea with them, however since we broke up, I assumed that this tea date wasn't going to happen. She knows that my father is a very organised guy so the fact he didn't text her to confirm the meeting today, would have hinted to her the meeting wasn't happening. However she texted him to ask, and he replied his trip was cancelled. Then she responded to say she hoped they will meet soon and will post a gift for my mother. Can someone tell me why she feels the need to have tea with my parents? What could be said since they are so upset with her for dumping me during my time of need?

 

It's so hard as it is maintaining the NC and everyday feels like 1 month.

[starswewillnavigate]

Your ex wants to meet up it doesn't mean he wants the relationship back. Unless he is saying lets give things another try and is proving to you he really wants to work things out, take it with a pinch of salt. As for the new guy would you really want to mess it up because of your ex playing games? Maybe your ex has a feeling there is someone new and he is trying to mess it up, so he can keep you hanging on? Really think this through don't let your feelings cloud your judgement.

 

I know exactly what ex wants and it's not a relationship! I'm the girl who is always there for him. I feel quite calm about everything, my emotions aren't hanging on his every message. If he messages, I'm pleased to hear from him, but if he doesn't, then I don't feel depressed and keep staring at my phone every 5mins like I used to.

 

I think I'm taking everything with a pinch of salt at the moment - ex and new guy. Now my emotions are on an even keel I'm protecting my heart and not going to give it away so easily again.

[starswewillnavigate]

Struggling.

We have a child together. I went NC for 4 days last week, she now txtd to say I'm selfish n she won't won't let me see my son as I'm selfish

Asked me never to contact again.

Do I do as she wishes or just txt about my son?

 

NC with a child is impossible! But set ground rules. Only talk to each other about matters relating to your son, nothing about each other's personal lives or your relationship. She cannot deny you seeing your child, try to remain steady, neutral and amicable. Did you break up with her?

[DarrenB]

Content with everything. Gotten my closure, now road to happiness and a new era

Edited November 15, 2016 by DarrenB

[Cheryl11111111111111]

If I was a therapist, which I am not, I would want to work with emptiness because although I envy those who are in relationships with people they love, to feel what everyone on this planet is searching for. A lot of people end up in relationships due to the emptiness they feel. It is horrible and many people suffer. The loss of a friendship, relationship or just life in general can leave you empty. A person is not going to fill this emptiness. It is an illusion that many feel they can justify with "we are meant to love''. Yes we are made from love. We possess love. Love from another person will not fill the emptiness, it is only an illusion and only you can! You fill it up with hobbies, passion and as my therapist says to me daily "earn your mood". I was beaten by my "exes" friends who continue to sneak in the last word. They can have all the last words they want, they are loosers in my eyes.

 

Last night I took a bus ride home from the movies. I do not drive. We took the university route and everyone was talking about things that I never speak of. I don't pay attention to. Economy, trading etc. I actually sat there and questioned my entire existence. Should I have been one of those smarter people. Probably why I spend most of my time alone and why these guys felt the need to target me for closure. I can waste my entire thirties wishing I could go back to my twenties but I am only getting older and I am not smart, nor cool. I probably never would have even noticed the university students if it wasn't for my "'Ex". Thank you all for that.

[Logo]

I have been going through a roller coaster of emotions in the last few days.

 

Today I felt like I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't fathom the idea that we'll never be together again. I thought about all the beautiful moments we had, about how sweet she was. I broke down. An hour or two later I started thinking about how hurtful it was to know she cheated on me and how indifferent she acted when I found out. What a stab in the heart that was.

 

I felt this way in the first month after the break up. And then felt like I had moved on. But, in the last few days, my feelings have been creeping up on me. I don't know why.

[Emmacat]

Today is a one of those bad days I thought was doing well this week. Yes think about him during the day, I think about him before I go to sleep and when I wake up he is the first thing I think of. Every morning I wake up hoping this is a nightmare and he is still in my life, but a few seconds later I know he isn’t.

Monday and Tuesday I was coping, getting myself thought the day without screaming at my work and generally keeping myself busy…then he send me a direct message on Instagram Tuesday afternoon.

 

What I could see of the message was a photo of him, his friend had put on Instagram 2 years ago (I had commented on it 2 months ago) but I presume he changed his mind and deleted it has it had gone when I tried to open it.

 

I kept thinking about this over and over does he want to contact me? Did he do it by mistake? Should I contact him? Is it over with his girlfriend and him? Was he going to tell me he is single/married/a dad? Many questions going around my crazy head.

 

So going crazy today - 2 steps forward, 10 steps back

[Cheryl11111111111111]

I moved to a new City. True story to all of you legit hearbroken dumpee's. I moved to a new city, a loser they called me. I lost everything. My ex was around me but should never have been there. He was always in my ear "your a loser, a child, selfish, you do nothing for no one, your unstable, you have to change yourself and your not doing a quick enough job. You need to forget me. I have chosen someone more developed. Someone with a better soul. Make better choices in life, it is fate and destiny that brings me to someone better then you and I have a need to be with women you can't compete with, you need to find someone who you can be there one and only. A country boy. Your stupid and even though you like smart guys, it doesn't work. Find your equal.. Yes he said all of that. I can't tell you what everyone else said to me or that my custody battle with my son and mom and cas was hell. CAS is Canadian child protection. No my child was never at risk but when I asked for help, school and resources suggested something wasn't right. She isn't stable how is the son? well I made it through that with a closed file. My home for a year and back in school. Each night was painful. Each night was filled with emptiness and hopelessness. I write this exhausted. I might not give you enough detail of the stress. I returned to school. My ex told me no to. He said I don't want to be with you no matter how much you try to better yourself. My teacher said "you wont make your class in January. You need this mark, this average and your attendance needs to be minimum 80 percent. You are at risk of getting removed from the program. My completion date was December 14th. Yes it was. I was pulled into the office and my teacher said "maybe you should post pone school". Post pone school. I'm 33. Im a loser. I need that job or I am a loser forever. Yes, don't try to change the wording. I accept every women is probably in a better place and better off. But today I finished. With a high average, good marks and my attendance sucked but I made it. I finished with a 6 week period off til my next course .. ish.. I would start my full time course in January. So trust me, don't give up. Move on with the pain. When something happens like this, it helps a lot.

[Logo]

Meh.

 

Was walking through a store today with angry thoughts about my ex, but still missing her and wondering if I'll ever find someone who will give me what she was able to give, when I saw a good looking woman. She was the right age, looked nice, had the right body type, I was attracted.

 

But I was in no frame of mind to approach her and start any conversation or banter.

 

So I walked away knowing that if I continue thinking about a relationship that's been over, I'm going to miss out on a lot of good opportunities.

 

Either that or I'm just not ready, yet.

 

Thoughts?

[Logo]

When we held hands one day, early on in the relationship, I thought to myself, "This one's going to last a long time." I never thought it would be over.

 

I don't know why the grieving process seemed to be improving and I was moving on and then it made a 180 and things started getting worse. Perhaps it's work related.

[Cheryl11111111111111]

I am choosing to not date, to not move on and get over him quick enough for his liking because I don't click with the town I am in and I can't move right yet. So either he comes and I meet him by surprise or I wait to initiate the dating until I move to a more permanent City which don't you worry, is still far away from you. I am not sending fake people into your circle to assure you this is all that I am doing.

[Protec]

Not well.

 

I would like to meet someone new, but i know i am FAR AWAY from meeting anyone new at the moment. I still feel like i want to write a letter to my ex but i don't know why.

 

Why would i write her? I know she doesn't care. My therapist said she is insane and i am not doing too well either. Seeing dreams about her again.

 

Darn it. This is much worse than i thought.

 

The only positive thing is i can still "find" pretty women. I mean i still notice attractive women. That is good. But dating? No. I don't care even if it would be Milla Jovovich behind my door right now, it just feels wrong at the moment to get known to new women.

 

I am not physically there and definitely not mentally. I don't want to hurt anyone, and i don't want to get hurt either. I received more damage than i imagined in the relationship with my ex.

 

Never date mentally ill people if they don't take their medicines. NEVER.

Edited November 17, 2016 by Protec

[Cheryl11111111111111]

Protec, I am going to trust you are a real person. Life can tear us, shred us, kills our insides and turn us into "crazy people". The term crazy is thrown around the real world insulting and in ways that can make you sit at home and believe you are less then. When the world shuts you down, you latch on to someone like your ex and think "I need you" but she doesn't love you. She has made this clear. Who gives a **** how she is doing. Think about it. Dwell about it. Waste time thinking about horrifying thoughts of her with another man. It's happening. How you handle it is no one's business but your own and know that one day someone will return to your life at your pace. Do you want someone now anyways because your using this forum to cope. Three years let's talk and see where your at. Don't let anyone tell you how to deal with day to day. Don't make excuses either. Don't let anyone tell you how to heal. No one knows you and no therapist is going to know you either. Your trying and for that I solute you. It's no one's business. Your fine! you'll make it and when your meant to date you will date. Each relationship is different. Yours will be your experience based on your life and how you do it. Your not the only one but your you and do what you can.

[Cheryl11111111111111]

People are mean. There are mean people and those mean people can be the sweetest to another person. Life can be hard for anyone who has a slight difference then average. To be successful you don't have to be perfect, you have to be above average. Some people suffer loneliness. Where does it stem. It comes form our unconscious minds. Our behavior is actually coming from the subconscious mind. I wont get into detail but if your in line, your anxiously waiting for 20 more minutes and you know deep down you want to be somewhere else but where do you need to be? you might be in the bank and heading shopping and you tell yourself I am just excited to get to the mall. it's freedom. It's not though. Deep down you know you want to be doing something else before you die. It's funny how we can learn about ourselves if we're forced to. Some people get by. They believe they are happy. They believe they are right. Have you ever been in a group of people and you say something only to receive the worst look upon someone else's face. That person is beautiful, popular and with in the distorted. This is what I believe. She looks better. Give her that but is she better and more valuable to you. You have no one. She has everything and you believe it. Other's that look comes because they believe they are better but they are not. My point because this is horribly written, grammar and all. My point is that no one has a right to anyone else. The rule is, we accept that don't like us and leave it alone. In the end, you have to tell yourself she's not better. You have to keep telling yourself this until you believe it enough to fight for what you want. What you want can not be a person. It has to be from you to you and by you.

[Cheryl11111111111111]

Lastly, you can enjoy love without being in love and without love pertaining to your ex and his or her new love. This was a key I learned and true. how do you feel the presence and enjoy love as the dumpee when your hut and everything is reminding you of your ex's new love. He loves her. She's safe with him. He respects her and buys her things and here I am. Some people may feel more pain by me saying this but stop. Love exists outside of your ex. It's everywhere and you don't have to be in love to enjoy it. Stop looking at them and start looking around you. Appreciate when an old couple walks by hand in hand or when someone else is out enjoying the exact same things he is. There are ways to enjoy love and fill your soul up with it without having it about them. They are in love. I've had many conversations when I say "dumped so hard on my ass it still hurts" well that was what someone else said. Be thankful for the peace and acceptance that came from knowing. NC really is that important. Both ways!

[VeveCakes]

I'm struggling today. I miss him like crazy and the thought of never finding someone again is depressing as hell. I hate dating in this day and age. I just wish there was something that could kick my ass over my love for him and I could move on.