How are you coping today?

[somedude81]

Because you are forcing contact. She already said goodbye. According to your threads, she already gave you reasons why. And yet your using NYE to again force contact with her.

 

If you respected her, you'd leave her alone. She made her position crystal clear. You don't need to bid farewell to the relationship again, it looks like that had been done more than once.

I did not contact her on Christmas because that didn't have any meaning to me. Though New Years does. It's the end and the beginning.

 

What does any of this have to do with respecting her?

 

I'm probably just going to send this.

 

"Thank you for the best year of my life.

 

Happy New Year (name)"

 

Is any of that rude or disrespectful?

I don't know how things ended but, that statement makes me cringe. She will be over the moon with such a compliment. Besides, you still have years to go. But hey..if you think it will truly help you to relay a message, go for it.

Over the moon?

 

It may make you cringe but it is 100% true. I've pretty much hated my life from the time I was 13 till I started dating her at 32. Because of her, 2013 was the only year of my life where I was actually happy. Hopefully 2014 will be better, but 2013 was all about her.

[pickflicker]

I did not contact her on Christmas because that didn't have any meaning to me. Though New Years does. It's the end and the beginning.

 

What does any of this have to do with respecting her?

 

I'm probably just going to send this.

 

"Thank you for the best year of my life.

 

Happy New Year (name)"

 

Is any of that rude or disrespectful?

 

Over the moon?

 

It may make you cringe but it is 100% true. I've pretty much hated my life from the time I was 13 till I started dating her at 32. Because of her, 2013 was the only year of my life where I was actually happy. Hopefully 2014 will be better, but 2013 was all about her.

 

Yes, it is. If she has broken up with you and not initiated any contact, that means she wants to be left alone. If she broke up with you, it means she doesn't want anything to do with you. All post BU communication had been initiated by you. She had made her position very clear. Thus, any further contact with her is disrespecting a boundary that she has erected. You are doing an excellent job of pushing her away further than she already is (which, is pretty far).

 

You claimed that you had your answers from her. She left you because she didn't love you enough. What more could you possibly want? If it's a new beginning, then leave her in the past, stop trying to drag her into your present. She's not there anymore. For your own sanity, you must accept it.

[somedude81]

Yes, it is. If she has broken up with you and not initiated any contact, that means she wants to be left alone. If she broke up with you, it means she doesn't want anything to do with you. All post BU communication had been initiated by you. She had made her position very clear.

Yes everything you said is true.

Thus, any further contact with her is disrespecting a boundary that she has erected. You are doing an excellent job of pushing her away further than she already is (which, is pretty far).

Why does it matter if I push her away?

 

I don't have any hope of her coming back to me. Whether I send her the text or not, I doubt I'll ever hear from her again.

 

So I send her a NYE text big whoop. It's not like I'm sending her flowers or gifts begging for her to come back, which her ex before me actually did.

 

You claimed that you had your answers from her. She left you because she didn't love you enough. What more could you possibly want?

To send her one last text and make her think of me. I don't care if she responds or not.

 

Maybe she'll be a bitch and tell me to leave her alone, that will only help me get over her.

If it's a new beginning, then leave her in the past, stop trying to drag her into your present. She's not there anymore. For your own sanity, you must accept it.

I will once this year is over. As I said before, this year was about her.

[pickflicker]

Yes everything you said is true.Why does it matter if I push her away?

 

I don't have any hope of her coming back to me. Whether I send her the text or not, I doubt I'll ever hear from her again.

 

So I send her a NYE text big whoop. It's not like I'm sending her flowers or gifts begging for her to come back, which her ex before me actually did.

 

To send her one last text and make her think of me. I don't care if she responds or not.

 

Maybe she'll be a bitch and tell me to leave her alone, that will only help me get over her.

I will once this year is over. As I said before, this year was about her.

 

So you're at the point where you don't care that a text from you might make her feel upset? You just want to text her because you're bitter.

 

That's a vindictive action and not a good way to start the new year. I guess you don't love her much as you profess. And an inability to take the break up like a grown up, wish her well, and move on, will haunt you into your next relationship.

 

The right way to start, would be to quietly bid farewell to her without involving her. I suggest burning any photos the two of you, wish her well as the fire consumes the physical remnants of your relationship, then delete her from your phone.

 

That would be much more constructive.

 

There's nothing special about the clock turning to a new year. It's like new years resolutions - they're BS. If you were serious about breaking a habit, you'd start immediately, not on some arbitrary date like Jan 1st.

 

Start now. Let her go. Don't text her.

Edited January 1, 2014 by pickflicker

[somedude81]

So you're at the point where you don't care that a text from you might make her feel upset? You just want to text her because you're bitter.

 

That's a vindictive action and not a good way to start the new year.

Huh?!

 

Why would that text make her upset?

 

That text doesn't have anything to do with me being bitter or not.

 

I'm not calling her names or bringing up bad memories or telling her that she made a mistake.

 

I guess you don't love her much as you profess. And an inability to take the break up like a grown up, wish her well, and move on, will haunt you into your next relationship.

I seriously doubt it will haunt me.

 

Considering that this was the first serious relationship I've ever been in, I think I handled the break up very well.

[Still-I-Rise]

Since you seem deeply committed to sending her the text I will not attempt to dissuade you from doing so.

 

However, would you consider holding off and sending a text only if she sends one first tonight?

[somedude81]

Since you seem deeply committed to sending her the text I will not attempt to dissuade you from doing so.

 

However, would you consider holding off and sending a text only if she sends one first tonight?

She won't send me a text. I would be very, very surprised if she did.

 

I know very well that I was nowhere near as important to her as she was important to me.

[pickflicker]

Huh?!

 

Why would that text make her upset?

 

That text doesn't have anything to do with me being bitter or not.

 

I'm not calling her names or bringing up bad memories or telling her that she made a mistake.

 

I seriously doubt it will haunt me.

 

Considering that this was the first serious relationship I've ever been in, I think I handled the break up very well.

 

Because if you've broken up with someone and don't want to hear from them, hearing from them is annoying, confronting and upsetting. Dumping someone sucks, and you're constantly rubbing her face in it. You're interfering with her healing, and like it or not, dumpers need to heal to. So be altruistic for once and leave her alone!

 

When you have a resource such as this, which can give you a step by step process on how to handle a break up as a dumpee - no, you could have handled it better. You could have listened to the excellent advice you got her, instead, you continue to do the wrong thing. You definitely could have handled this better.

Edited January 1, 2014 by pickflicker

[iouaname]

I'm doing well, actually! I thought that I would be miserable and depressed tonight because of the holiday, but I'm not at all. I went out for dinner with a good friend because I needed to do something to keep my mind right, and now I'm enjoying a glass of wine and watching Dexter. I've forgotten how much I enjoy my own company and I think I'm finally starting to learn how to be happy being alone.

 

Here's to 2014! It'll be better than last

[JDPT]

Such a hard month this has been. She left me four weeks ago after six months together.

 

I know I shouldn't but I'm planning on wishing her a happy new year.

 

I'll probably send her a text like

 

"Thank you for the best year of my life.

 

I really wish we could have spent tonight together.

 

Happy New Year S"

 

We haven't communicated in two weeks.

 

This isn't a ploy to try and get her back or whatever, but a way to express my feelings and acknowledge that the relationship is over as well as the year.

 

Don't do it, absolutely not worth it. Save yourself future grief.

[somedude81]

Because if you've broken up with someone and don't want to hear from them, hearing from them is annoying, confronting and upsetting.

So any contact I have with her, no matter the context would be upsetting to her?

 

 

Dumping someone sucks, and you're constantly rubbing her face in it. You're interfering with her healing, and like it or not, dumpers need to heal to. So be altruistic for once and leave her alone!

She needs to heal?

 

She needs to heal?!

 

Now I'm actually feeling vindictive.

 

The "pain" that she feels is absolutely nothing compared to mine. Frankly, the only pain I think she's going through is the guilt of suddenly dumping me for whatever BS reasons she had. The only thing I possibly did wrong in the relationship was liking her too much and being too affectionate. If she needs to heal because of leaving me for that, then fu*k that sh*t.

 

Still, despite how angry and pissed off at her I have been this month, I have not shown her any ill will. I have not said a single rude thing to her at all.

[pickflicker]

So any contact I have with her, no matter the context would be upsetting to her?

 

 

 

She needs to heal?

 

She needs to heal?!

 

Now I'm actually feeling vindictive.

 

The "pain" that she feels is absolutely nothing compared to mine. Frankly, the only pain I think she's going through is the guilt of suddenly dumping me for whatever BS reasons she had. The only thing I possibly did wrong in the relationship was liking her too much and being too affectionate. If she needs to heal because of leaving me for that, then fu*k that sh*t.

 

Still, despite how angry and pissed off at her I have been this month, I have not shown her any ill will. I have not said a single rude thing to her at all.

 

Yes. It does.

 

No, she broke up with you because you are needy with anger issues. You need to leave her alone. Grow up, be a man, and walk away.

[somedude81]

Yes. It does.

 

No, she broke up with you because you are needy with anger issues. You need to leave her alone. Grow up, be a man, and walk away.

Ha ha ha!

 

Nice talking to you. Have a great night.

[pickflicker]

Ha ha ha!

 

Nice talking to you. Have a great night.

 

It's your funeral. Please don't do it, but good luck anyway.

[somedude81]

Sent my text and of course she didn't reply.

 

It's nice to know that somebody can suddenly switch from really liking and caring about you, to not caring at all even when you did nothing at all.

 

I'm done with the stupid girl.

 

F*ck my life.

[pickflicker]

Sent my text and of course she didn't reply.

 

It's nice to know that somebody can suddenly switch from really liking and caring about you, to not caring at all even when you did nothing at all.

 

I'm done with the stupid girl.

 

F*ck my life.

 

Responding to you would simply give you hope. She's making herself perfectly clear. In time, you will thank her for not being wishy washy and drawing it out like so many exes on here do. So many exes toy with the dumpee's emotions, thinking that "being polite" is essential, when the better thing to do is just ghos out of their life, to facilitate healing as quickly as possible.

 

So there it is. 2014 and the chance to start again. Please take it. Delete her number.

[somedude81]

Responding to you would simply give you hope. She's making herself perfectly clear. In time, you will thank her for not being wishy washy and drawing it out like so many exes on here do. So many exes toy with the dumpee's emotions, thinking that "being polite" is essential, when the better thing to do is just ghos out of their life, to facilitate healing as quickly as possible.

 

So there it is. 2014 and the chance to start again. Please take it. Delete her number.

Yes, I know that her responding would give me hope, and I'm sure she knows that too. It just sucks so much how there is no hope. I hear all the time about how people break up and get back together. Hell, when I was dating her, her younger brother's girlfriend ended it with him, and then they got back together. So why do I have no hope at all with the first relationship I ever had? Why does God, Fate, the world hate me so much?

 

BTW, I'd like to point out that nobody wished me a happy new year. No texts, phone calls or emails and of course I'm not not with anybody right now. I feel so alone and worthless.

 

If I had a gun I'd probably shot myself.

[freebird31]

Feeling lonely. On New Years. Should be celebrating. But I'm not. Missing the old times looking back on the year and what happiness once felt like. Being extremely cynical today...it will probably pass tomorrow. I just miss you. What a shame that such a wonderful relationship had to go to waste.

[pickflicker]

Yes, I know that her responding would give me hope, and I'm sure she knows that too. It just sucks so much how there is no hope. I hear all the time about how people break up and get back together. Hell, when I was dating her, her younger brother's girlfriend ended it with him, and then they got back together. So why do I have no hope at all with the first relationship I ever had? Why does God, Fate, the world hate me so much?

 

BTW, I'd like to point out that nobody wished me a happy new year. No texts, phone calls or emails and of course I'm not not with anybody right now. I feel so alone and worthless.

 

If I had a gun I'd probably shot myself.

 

The world does not hate you. You wanted to leave 2013 behind and start anew. Here it is. Set some goals, like making a group of new friends. Travel somewhere (anywhere!) new. Try a new hobby, like photography (I've decided I want to be better at that) or music.

 

But make some friends. That should be your first goal. Making friends is easy. I've seen that meetup thing suggested on here, try that.

Edited January 1, 2014 by pickflicker

[Thegreatestthing]

Just go join an online dating site,I was completely traumatised after my break up

And couldn't function, now like a week or two later I barely remember anything about him.

[JDPT]

It's a new year, feeling optimistic. Just relaxing in bed letting my knees heal from minor fractures. I think what mostly brought me back to a bad mental state was being told a few days before Xmas that I had two fractured knees yet I was walking "fine". I finally went to the doctor yesterday and

The best course of action at this point is to stay off them

And let them heal. I'm not certain how well that's going to work out but I tend to heal pretty fast. I feel better now as mentioned looking forward to the new year, so many plans and aspirations to accomplish. Let's keep moving forward, the journey continues.

[BC1980]

I'm scared to see what the future brings, but I'm just taking it a day at a time. I'm trying not to look too far into the future because it seems overwhelming. It's hard to remember how, this time last year, I was overjoyed and looking forward to the future. I have hope that I can get back to that frame of mind. I have a wonderful family around me, and, for that, I am so thankful.

 

Life is a series of peaks and valleys, and I feel that at least this experience has taught me that I can cope with a debilitating loss. I'm still here, and I'm still living. I've made it this far.

Edited January 1, 2014 by BC1980

[LornaFE]

I deleted the cheesy NYE-Message he sent to me without looking at it again. Still feel the pain that striked me when I read it the first and only time a couple of hours ago.

But I told myself that the message is just another lie frome the great manipulator, the master of compulsive lying. Being with another woman and texting me (I bet hiding in the toilet!) for NYE how much he misses me - this is so ridiculous.

[JDPT]

So far so good. I woke up a few minutes ago with one of the most vivid dreams of her. I jolted myself awake, jumped out of bed and quickly got my mind busy with other activities. Time to change old patterns and behaviors if I want to start make genuine progress.

[DownNtOut]

i have had a few vivid dreams of her over the past few weeks

i think i was hoping for a text from her saying happy xmas

and then held out for one on nye

 

neither arrived

i hope she thought of me

8 weeks nc now

still i wish