Author Justinsparky82 Posted February 25, 2017 Author Share Posted February 25, 2017 She did it with your son in the next room, or even asleep on the same bed She did it on your birthday She did it on your anniversary Her out of town trips to work/see family/hang with friends -- she was spending them with him She kissed you minutes after having him in her mouth She had sex with you right after him Believe me, she didn't come clean with much. We were always together on my birthday and anniversary. But this doesn't matter now Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 We were always together on my birthday and anniversary. But this doesn't matter now I will bet the other man was always invited and there too. I too think that the only reason she told you is that someone you both know caught them and forced her confession. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 My mom pressured me. Why did mom pressure you? Did she give you a reason? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Justinsparky82 Posted February 25, 2017 Author Share Posted February 25, 2017 Why did mom pressure you? Did she give you a reason? No not really Link to post Share on other sites
deadsoul Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 OP, in answer to your question, no, you should not trust her right away. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Take your time sorting through your feelings, but do protect your interests and your son's. As an aside, why are there numerous posts asking why the WW confessed? Some are saying she was about to get caught, etc. etc. For the most part, people on this board are always pushing waywards to confess. This one did and people are questioning her reasons. I don't understand, can someone please explain? It seems like a double standard to me. If OP's wife came to this board explaining what she'd done and asking if she should confess, most people would be insisting she confess. Yet this one does and that's being questioned, like, "Oh yeah, she's confessing because she's about to get caught." 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 No not really lol dude, people are trying to help you here, what's with the vague short answers? Your mother pressured you into DNA'ing your kid and you never asked? A DNA test is conclusive but you did it twice and both times you were pressured by your mom? 5-6 years is a long time for your friend to be banging your wife. Is your mom pressuring you to stay in the marriage. I say this because you seem to listen to your mother, so I say do as she says. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Justinsparky82 Posted February 25, 2017 Author Share Posted February 25, 2017 lol dude, people are trying to help you here, what's with the vague short answers? Your mother pressured you into DNA'ing your kid and you never asked? A DNA test is conclusive but you did it twice and both times you were pressured by your mom? 5-6 years is a long time for your friend to be banging your wife. Is your mom pressuring you to stay in the marriage. I say this because you seem to listen to your mother, so I say do as she says. Oh I am.....and even if I did beat my friends to a pulp, what jury could sympathize with him for that ****???? Link to post Share on other sites
JS84 Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 (edited) OP, in answer to your question, no, you should not trust her right away. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Take your time sorting through your feelings, but do protect your interests and your son's. As an aside, why are there numerous posts asking why the WW confessed? Some are saying she was about to get caught, etc. etc. For the most part, people on this board are always pushing waywards to confess. This one did and people are questioning her reasons. I don't understand, can someone please explain? It seems like a double standard to me. If OP's wife came to this board explaining what she'd done and asking if she should confess, most people would be insisting she confess. Yet this one does and that's being questioned, like, "Oh yeah, she's confessing because she's about to get caught." Her motivations for confessing are a big deal as well. This has been going on for years so what suddenly motivated her to tell the truth? If it was guilt, a desire to be honest, or because she truly wants to repair the damage then that's one thing. But if it's because she was afraid she was about to be outed or she was dumped and afraid she was about to be outed, then that's entirely different. Because if it's the latter then chances are the affair would still be going on and she was just trying to mitigate the fallout by getting in front of it. Cheaters rarely tell the full truth from the start (which for a lot of betrayed spouses is almost as bad as the cheating). Not to mention they give Oscar winning performances when it comes to lying and covering their own asses. And it's not to spare their BS's pain as many like to claim, it's all about protecting themselves from as many consequences as they can and is rooted in selfishness. He only knows what she chooses to tell him. Granted what he's been told is horrible enough but it could be the tip of the iceberg. Especially since this has been going on for at least half his marriage and he apparently had no clue until she told him. What else has she done that he's unaware of?? I have to agree with the others that at the very least you need to have her served with divorce papers. Not saying reconciliation is impossible if that's what you choose to do but I think you should cut your losses and bail. I mean seriously she ****ed your best friend in your bed and in your son's bed and you don't know what to do??? C'mon man... Edited February 25, 2017 by JS84 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 I'm so sorry that you're going through this. It's devastating to learn of this level of betrayal particularly when you have children. Will you please confirm if they've been having an ongoing affair or if they first had sex 5-6 years ago & its occasionally happened since? I know, when in shock, there doesn't seem to be a lot of difference because the lies (of omission) have lasted so long! Having an 'affair' involves so many more lies, planning, relationship etc. At the end of the day it's much harder to move on from AND says a LOT about her character. Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 Will you please confirm if they've been having an ongoing affair or if they first had sex 5-6 years ago & its occasionally happened since? Ongoing affair vs occasionally screwing? What's the difference? It's all cheating.... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 Oh I am.....and even if I did beat my friends to a pulp, what jury could sympathize with him for that ****???? The law is the law and it has very little to do with sympathy. Your issue isn't with the POS that pretended to be your friend, your issue is with the woman pretending to be your wife. Your mother must have had suspicion's, requesting you give your children DNA tests is not a normal reaction to becoming a grandmother, seriously. The only reason some of us question her reason for confessing is because of her treatment of you. There is no respect, not for you, not for children, not for your home so what changed? Being honest is not her normal behaviour, an affair of that length requires a lot of planning and a lot deception. The other man and your wife planned together against you, your marriage is a lie. Reconciliation is up to you, 5-6 years of a 10 year marriage is one hell of a sh*t sandwich to swallow and with enough counselling you can convince yourself to live with it, however, that big white elephant will always be in the room. This is a double life, not an affair, just my opinion. No matter what, she needs a lot of professional help, you need to both be the best parents you can be but do not stay because of the children. Stay for the right reasons. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 Okay, what now?? You know enough to know for 5-6 years, you have not been your wife's priority but that your friend has been, (btw, where is he now in the scene, I know your wife says she cut him off but does he know that you know?). You know that your wife brought this guy into your home for the specific reason to betray you and you didn't dig deeper to find out why???? Have you had any interaction with the socalled best friend? What are your plans, are you thinking R or D? Just curious where your head is ATM Link to post Share on other sites
Author Justinsparky82 Posted February 25, 2017 Author Share Posted February 25, 2017 Okay, what now?? You know enough to know for 5-6 years, you have not been your wife's priority but that your friend has been, (btw, where is he now in the scene, I know your wife says she cut him off but does he know that you know?). You know that your wife brought this guy into your home for the specific reason to betray you and you didn't dig deeper to find out why???? Have you had any interaction with the socalled best friend? What are your plans, are you thinking R or D? Just curious where your head is ATM no I haven't contacted him yet. I'm not sure if he knows that I know or not. What I'd R or D??? Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 no I haven't contacted him yet. I'm not sure if he knows that I know or not. What I'd R or D??? Reconcile or divorce...R or D Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 no I haven't contacted him yet. I'm not sure if he knows that I know or not. What I'd R or D??? I'm betting he knows. Has he called you or seen you since you found out? Link to post Share on other sites
MickeyBill Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 Pretty sure that your WW has told him. She is not going to ghost a family friend after so long. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Justinsparky82 Posted February 25, 2017 Author Share Posted February 25, 2017 I'm betting he knows. Has he called you or seen you since you found out? NOPE Haven't heard a thing from him Link to post Share on other sites
Whoknew30 Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 I had an A & am all about reconciling, if a couple can put the work in...& my advice, run from your wife as quick as you can. A are obviously a selfish act to begin with but with your best friend, for years & sex in your kid's bed. There's no WAY she's sorry, she's only sorry she got caught. How can you ever trust her again, after her getting off with another man in your marital home, in your son's bed? Only a true narcissistic personality could do something like that for that many years & not feel guilt & there's no way she felt that much guilt for it to continued that long...i rarely say this to anyone trying to save their married but she's no good & you're better off without her! Good luck! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 NOPE Haven't heard a thing from him Then they're keeping the A on the down low and underground. What about hiring a PI? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Justinsparky82 Posted February 25, 2017 Author Share Posted February 25, 2017 I had an A & am all about reconciling, if a couple can put the work in...& my advice, run from your wife as quick as you can. A are obviously a selfish act to begin with but with your best friend, for years & sex in your kid's bed. There's no WAY she's sorry, she's only sorry she got caught. How can you ever trust her again, after her getting off with another man in your marital home, in your son's bed? Only a true narcissistic personality could do something like that for that many years & not feel guilt & there's no way she felt that much guilt for it to continued that long...i rarely say this to anyone trying to save their married but she's no good & you're better off without her! Good luck! Normally most men wouldn't hit a woman, but this type of thing will test your limits. What is narcissistic?? Link to post Share on other sites
Whoknew30 Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 Normally most men wouldn't hit a woman, but this type of thing will test your limits. What is narcissistic?? https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder Yeah, I bet it is testing you but don't! She'll just use it against you & then twist it & say that's why she did it...for your child's sake don't do it! Link to post Share on other sites
Poutrew Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 Ummm.... I know this is a longshot, but what if she is lying? Could she have a motivation to get you to do something to your friend? Your wife hasn't given you a reason, but neither has she offered any proof. Ask her something outrageous, like what does your friends private parts look like. You will be able to tell if she is lying and making something up, because any woman who is having an affair for that long, will know every freckle and bump... Call up the friend and engage him in a conversation. Then just casually say something like: wanna hear something funny? My wife claims you and she have been having an affair... and listen to what he says and how he says it. I dunno, but to me your wife sounds manipulative and sick in the head... just don't let her manipulate you into a jail cell. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 Agreed it will test your limits but hitting a woman is stupid. It is also a sign of low emotional and possibly intellectual IQ. You hit her everything else goes out the window. All anyone will think and judge is that one act. How often do you want to see your son? "why did daddy get kicked out mommy". "He hit me" As to your friend this is who and what he is Who is the other person* There are moments in a persons life that transcends time. That emotion on the day of and day after their wedding, the birth of a child and that first moment you holding the child. They inform us, they are not what makes life worth living, they are life. In the same way, adultery has transformed us. The echoes of the uncertainties and raw emotional pain will always be a part of us. *Hopefully overtime it has and continues to evolve into a source of empathy. The empathy that enables us to understand others pain and fear, both in matters like this and others.* The OP and those who enable are not nice people. They had a choice to support *your marriage. *They could have helped your spouse to fight and win to save your marriage. They choose to use the opportunity to try to fill a void in their own life. In doing so they choose to inflict the pain and loss I wrote above.* Understand they choose to be the one. * They choose to enable. To say "if not him/her then..." does not work. They *choose it to be them and no one else. In this they *are *lacking in character. So, they could be a fine person, *but so are addicts until they need a fix. So what is, is. I have gained acceptance, I have greatly healed. I have gain empathy and awareness, and a great deal of indifference. It is from indifference I say "no they are not a nice person". *It is from the same place I would comment on a persons second DUI. No when a person allows there own weakness to create actual harm or create a real threat of harm, they cannot be truly be considered a nice person You must drive him out if your life completely. If that means tossing aside every friend, do so. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 Poutrew interesting line of thought. This would not be the first time someone threw a person under the bus to protect a third party. Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 Only a deeply disturbed and twisted individual would have sex in their child's bed. That is a whole other level of ick. No sane person should reconcile with that. Agreed. 100%. I would be skeeved out by her having sex in your son's bed, even if it was with you! This is where your child rests his head at night. Really revolting. At minimum, she needs serious therapy on this issue alone. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
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