Guy's vs. women's expereience with OLD flakes

[Blackened Heart]

Are you a man or a woman?

 

A man among men

 

How often do you have people flake (stop responding in the middle of a conversation, etc.)?

 

Granted I have just started OLD maybe a few weeks ago, I would say about 1/4 or so have flaked, or lead the conversation to death by giving one word responses.

 

Do you flake on people? What are your primary reasons?

 

I haven't had to flake on anyone honestly. In some instances the conversation just kind of faded on its own.

 

If you have lost interest for whatever reason, do you still keep them in your "match" queue or just delete / block them? If so, why?

 

I definitely use the hide/remove feature. Problem with the site I use, I get many matches and I like to filer through them with only those I am interested in. It makes it really confusing if I have a ton of profiles in front of me, and then I lose track who I contacted.

 

I would say overall my experience so far with OLD has been positive, have already had a few dates, and have talked to several women. Granted also, I'm just using OLD as an alternative or rather supplemental form to date. I still also interact with women out in the real world .

 

I will say though, that prior to having started doing OLD, I did work on getting really good pictures of myself for months, or rather kept in mind the type of pictures I would have for the potential use of OLD. I'm sure that plays a huge factor, as one of the main complaints I hear is the horrible pictures on there.

[TheWoman]

Are you a man or a woman?

 

- Guess ;o)

 

How often do you have people flake (stop responding in the middle of a conversation, etc.)?

 

- Never

 

Do you flake on people? What are your primary reasons?

 

- Yes. Because the conversation is boring me - it feels like its dragging, or another one is way more interesting and i dont want to be distracted from it, or i read something i dont like (this could just be using text speak which i do not find attractive).

 

If you have lost interest for whatever reason, do you still keep them in your "match" queue or just delete / block them? If so, why?

 

- I just leave it, might go back to it later, but probably not. Unless they offended me, in which case block.

 

 

To put all this in perspective however, from one woman's POV and recent experience ....

 

Uploaded an OLD profile a couple of weeks ago. It did not have a lot of effort put into it, a few salient points about myself and making it clear that I was essentially looking for a certain type of sex partner (dominant). Sexy pic.

 

Left it all quite open with regards to age, looks etc, and as wide a location as I could manage. I received about 500 messages and likes in a week. Filtered through them fairly quickly. Used Okc as the questions are very helpful - I answer the ones that I want to know others answers too.

 

Responded to about 6 messages, engaged in conversation with 4, met 2. Really liked one of them, and will see him again soon. So cant really be bothered with the site again for now. That is two weeks from start to finish !

 

The process did help me to clarify what I was looking for. Which turned out to be a highly creative, cultured, attentive, sensual, dominant man. I found him and so for now I will see how that goes.

 

I am intense and really prefer to focus on one person at a time. Luckily I can pick and choose to a degree because of the way I look. And my partners looks are not the most important thing to me, the way he communicates with me is. And I haven't found peoples writing style to vary significantly from how they are in person, although I do go for good writers.

 

It honestly can be just overwhelming, especially if you are an introvert and do not enjoy a lot of interaction with strangers.

 

HTH!

[SevenCity]

Are you a man or a woman?

 

- Guess ;o)

 

How often do you have people flake (stop responding in the middle of a conversation, etc.)?

 

- Never

 

Do you flake on people? What are your primary reasons?

 

- Yes. Because the conversation is boring me - it feels like its dragging, or another one is way more interesting and i dont want to be distracted from it, or i read something i dont like (this could just be using text speak which i do not find attractive).

 

If you have lost interest for whatever reason, do you still keep them in your "match" queue or just delete / block them? If so, why?

 

- I just leave it, might go back to it later, but probably not. Unless they offended me, in which case block.

 

 

To put all this in perspective however, from one woman's POV and recent experience ....

 

Uploaded an OLD profile a couple of weeks ago. It did not have a lot of effort put into it, a few salient points about myself and making it clear that I was essentially looking for a certain type of sex partner (dominant). Sexy pic.

 

Left it all quite open with regards to age, looks etc, and as wide a location as I could manage. I received about 500 messages and likes in a week. Filtered through them fairly quickly. Used Okc as the questions are very helpful - I answer the ones that I want to know others answers too.

 

Responded to about 6 messages, engaged in conversation with 4, met 2. Really liked one of them, and will see him again soon. So cant really be bothered with the site again for now. That is two weeks from start to finish !

 

The process did help me to clarify what I was looking for. Which turned out to be a highly creative, cultured, attentive, sensual, dominant man. I found him and so for now I will see how that goes.

 

I am intense and really prefer to focus on one person at a time. Luckily I can pick and choose to a degree because of the way I look. And my partners looks are not the most important thing to me, the way he communicates with me is. And I haven't found peoples writing style to vary significantly from how they are in person, although I do go for good writers.

 

It honestly can be just overwhelming, especially if you are an introvert and do not enjoy a lot of interaction with strangers.

 

HTH!

 

This seems to be how most women view OLD.

 

As you can see from the responses in the thread most guys are underwhelmed with it.

 

A female friend of mine said she doesn't get that many matches on bumble - only 75%. I told her that I get about 1%!

 

She was surprised as she doesn't understand a guy's experience. Few women do. That's why guys don't put s lot of effort into messages after a while.

[normal person]

I'd only consider it "flaking" if they don't show up for something that was agreed upon and confirmed. Conversations dying out is just part of the process of whittling down who you want to go out with. I wouldn't get too sensitive about it.

 

 

[*]Are you a man or a woman?

Man

[*]How often do you have people flake (stop responding in the middle of a conversation, etc.)?

Rarely.

[*]Do you flake on people? What are your primary reasons?

It usually only happens when I get a message from someone I'm on the fence about, but there messages are terrible, they want to have a conversation but don't make much effort to move the conversation forward and expect me to do it for them, which isn't entirely my responsibility if they're the one messaging me.

[*]If you have lost interest for whatever reason, do you still keep them in your "match" queue or just delete / block them? If so, why?

It just gets lost in the shuffle.

 

I'm not butt hurt at all - just curious. I get the impression that women may like to see a long list of guys in their profile with which they have matched. I have some recent Bumble examples of what I consider flakes and am open to the idea that I've done something wrong:

 

 

Girl 1: "Hi! How are you!"

Me: "Hi Girl 1! I'm doing great. How are you? What part of X are you from?

Girl 1: "I'm well thanks. I'm in X part, where are you located?"

Me: I'm in Y. What type of X career do you do for a living? I have friends who do X career as well"

- silence

 

Girl 2: "Hey! How are you?"

Me: "Hey Girl 2! I'm doing great - how about you?"

Girl 2: "I'm doing well. How was your week? Do you live in X?"

Me: "My week was good thanks. How about yours? Yes, I live in X where about are you?

Girl 2: "My week was good. I live in X too. Do you work here as well?"

Me: "Glad to hear it. Yes, I work in X as well. Hey you're pretty close - let me know if you like to meet up for a drink this week".

- silence

 

Again, not looking for "She's not that into you" I get that. What I'm curious about is why go back and forth with the convo and / or setup a date then flake? And why keep me "matched" if she's no longer interested?

 

 

She could stop responding for any number of reasons, but let's say it was the message: that's the same thing she's been asked a million times. Trivial questions (where do you live, what do you do?) will bore someone to tears. She might as well be having this conversation with a robot. It's following a script, and it's one that every guy gives her. You have to make yourself stand out.

 

Break the habit and inject some personality and emotion into the interaction. Say at least something that lets her know you're not a faceless drone. Make her feel like an individual. You know what's likely to make a woman feel objectified? Finding out what neighborhood she lives in, what she does for a living, make absolutely no personal connections, and deciding you've done enough to meet her. You haven't even made an attempt to know anything about her as an individual, but you don't care if you do or not, it shows. It makes you seem desperate and calculating, like you're saying "Well, I know she lives in Brooklyn and is a teacher. I've asked enough now. Hopefully she agrees that I've done the minimum required to meet up with her."

 

Here's a better way to do it:

 

Girl 1: Hi! How are you!

You: So good, I just ______. Have you ever done that? You totally look like the type who would.

Girl 1: Haha what? Why do you think that?

You: It's definitely your eyes, they just have that ______ look to them, hah. I can just tell. What? No one's ever told you that?

Girl 1: No, but people say I look like...

 

etc.

 

You see the point? It might all be banalities and idle flirting nonsense but it engages her emotions and conveys that you think about her as a unique individual and not just "Sarah, the teacher from Brooklyn who I can get a drink with now." She doesn't want to have that same "where do you live, what do you do?" conversation for the 100th time -- she's probably pulling her hair out when you ask her that stuff.

 

Ditch the trivial for the personal.

[NuevoYorko]

I'd only consider it "flaking" if they don't show up for something that was agreed upon and confirmed. Conversations dying out is just part of the process of whittling down who you want to go out with. I wouldn't get too sensitive about it.

I agree. I'm baffled by the concept that if a person doesn't continue texting or emailing with someone they've never met that they're guilty of "flaking." I look at this more along the lines of saying "hey" to an attractive woman on the street and her saying "hey" (or nothing, for that matter) and walking on by.

 

Explanations aren't owed. The answer is evident: Not interested. Men and women do it.

[SevenCity]

I'd only consider it "flaking" if they don't show up for something that was agreed upon and confirmed. Conversations dying out is just part of the process of whittling down who you want to go out with. I wouldn't get too sensitive about it.

 

 

[*]Are you a man or a woman?

Man

[*]How often do you have people flake (stop responding in the middle of a conversation, etc.)?

Rarely.

[*]Do you flake on people? What are your primary reasons?

It usually only happens when I get a message from someone I'm on the fence about, but there messages are terrible, they want to have a conversation but don't make much effort to move the conversation forward and expect me to do it for them, which isn't entirely my responsibility if they're the one messaging me.

[*]If you have lost interest for whatever reason, do you still keep them in your "match" queue or just delete / block them? If so, why?

It just gets lost in the shuffle.

 

 

 

 

She could stop responding for any number of reasons, but let's say it was the message: that's the same thing she's been asked a million times. Trivial questions (where do you live, what do you do?) will bore someone to tears. She might as well be having this conversation with a robot. It's following a script, and it's one that every guy gives her. You have to make yourself stand out.

 

Break the habit and inject some personality and emotion into the interaction. Say at least something that lets her know you're not a faceless drone. Make her feel like an individual. You know what's likely to make a woman feel objectified? Finding out what neighborhood she lives in, what she does for a living, make absolutely no personal connections, and deciding you've done enough to meet her. You haven't even made an attempt to know anything about her as an individual, but you don't care if you do or not, it shows. It makes you seem desperate and calculating, like you're saying "Well, I know she lives in Brooklyn and is a teacher. I've asked enough now. Hopefully she agrees that I've done the minimum required to meet up with her."

 

Here's a better way to do it:

 

Girl 1: Hi! How are you!

You: So good, I just ______. Have you ever done that? You totally look like the type who would.

Girl 1: Haha what? Why do you think that?

You: It's definitely your eyes, they just have that ______ look to them, hah. I can just tell. What? No one's ever told you that?

Girl 1: No, but people say I look like...

 

etc.

 

You see the point? It might all be banalities and idle flirting nonsense but it engages her emotions and conveys that you think about her as a unique individual and not just "Sarah, the teacher from Brooklyn who I can get a drink with now." She doesn't want to have that same "where do you live, what do you do?" conversation for the 100th time -- she's probably pulling her hair out when you ask her that stuff.

 

Ditch the trivial for the personal.

 

That's good stuff - I'll give it a try.

 

To be honest though, I really don't care unless we meet. But I agree that the status quo doesn't always work.

 

Funny your last advice was to go right for the date saying "I don't really check this app" but made no mention of what you posted above.

 

And in fairness, I respond a lot less vanilla when they are engaging to me.

[TheWoman]

This seems to be how most women view OLD.

 

As you can see from the responses in the thread most guys are underwhelmed with it.

 

A female friend of mine said she doesn't get that many matches on bumble - only 75%. I told her that I get about 1%!

 

She was surprised as she doesn't understand a guy's experience. Few women do. That's why guys don't put s lot of effort into messages after a while.

 

Personally, I do not want a lot of effort put into a first message. One or two sentences is absolutely perfect, a quick reference to something on my profile gives me something to respond to. It is not going to be the reason I reply to you anyway. Although it may be the reason I do not. I had a number of long heartfelt messages from young guys which left me feeling like their mum!

 

I will reply because I like your photo and your profile. And the reasons behind why one woman likes a profile and photo will vary enormously. I do not go for alpha six foot muscle guys, like so many men think all woman do. They have no appeal to me. I am a giver and I like other givers, so I try to find that.

 

Yes I got 500 messages, but I only liked 1% of them and I had to read them all to find the 1%. It takes virtually the same amount of time to write two lines as it does to read them, and at least you can write at your leisure. Beyond that both parties need to participate equally to move it forward.

 

If you are not getting any responses, then I would say its your profile or pic or both, probably not your messages. Bitterness in particular really screams on profiles.

 

Or are you complaining because you don't get to pick and choose so much at that early stage? Well that is life. Woman have a great deal more to risk and loose by meeting strangers, our physical safety in particular, so we filter carefully. Coming across as decent, safe and friendly goes a long way. No one finds any of this easy and I am quite sure there are as many male catfish, ghosts, flakes and general liars as there are female.

[Larryville]

Yes I got 500 messages, but I only liked 1% of them and I had to read them all to find the 1%.

 

Bitterness in particular really screams on profiles.

 

I get that for so many women this is like a job search and I think the fact that so many guys carpet bomb dating sites makes it worse for other men overall.

 

Taste in a particular woman are not that broad with guys.

 

If a guy is sending literally hundreds of messages to women that can’t be very sincere.

 

I can browse a given website and go thru let’s say 100 profiles. I’m only going to be compelled to email maybe 8-10 for a whole host of reasons, not just looks but there are so many factors I take into consideration I narrow my focus because I don’t want to waste my time.

 

So if a woman is getting hundreds of emails a small fraction of them will be from guys who “truly” are interested in that particular woman. Guys get desperate and do the equivalent of spam email marketing and I know that women can see thru that and get frustrated. Also goes to the bitterness thing mentioned as well.

 

So many guys will email a women and process in his head that his is the only email she receives and it does not even cross a guys mind that dudes from maybe hundreds of miles are bombing her email box.

[PhillyLibertyBelle]

Up to a certain age, then this reverses.

 

Women over 50 no matter how hot they are have a heck of a time.

[SevenCity]

Personally, I do not want a lot of effort put into a first message. One or two sentences is absolutely perfect, a quick reference to something on my profile gives me something to respond to. It is not going to be the reason I reply to you anyway. Although it may be the reason I do not. I had a number of long heartfelt messages from young guys which left me feeling like their mum!

 

I will reply because I like your photo and your profile. And the reasons behind why one woman likes a profile and photo will vary enormously. I do not go for alpha six foot muscle guys, like so many men think all woman do. They have no appeal to me. I am a giver and I like other givers, so I try to find that.

 

Yes I got 500 messages, but I only liked 1% of them and I had to read them all to find the 1%. It takes virtually the same amount of time to write two lines as it does to read them, and at least you can write at your leisure. Beyond that both parties need to participate equally to move it forward.

 

If you are not getting any responses, then I would say its your profile or pic or both, probably not your messages. Bitterness in particular really screams on profiles.

 

Or are you complaining because you don't get to pick and choose so much at that early stage? Well that is life. Woman have a great deal more to risk and loose by meeting strangers, our physical safety in particular, so we filter carefully. Coming across as decent, safe and friendly goes a long way. No one finds any of this easy and I am quite sure there are as many male catfish, ghosts, flakes and general liars as there are female.

 

You can't say getting 500 messages is a bad thing - it gives you choices.

 

My point is that a guy will rarely if never get that many messages.

 

I'm sure that any guy here would love to have that problem.

 

To reverse it, how would your feeling be if you got two messages?

 

I'm not saying I don't get any replies but it is considerably less then women. I'm not bitter at all on my profile and am turned off by the many women I see who are bitter.

 

My area does not have a lot of single women so my location has a lot to do with it. I don't plan on selling my house and moving to the city though.

[SevenCity]

I get that for so many women this is like a job search and I think the fact that so many guys carpet bomb dating sites makes it worse for other men overall.

 

Taste in a particular woman are not that broad with guys.

 

If a guy is sending literally hundreds of messages to women that can’t be very sincere.

 

I can browse a given website and go thru let’s say 100 profiles. I’m only going to be compelled to email maybe 8-10 for a whole host of reasons, not just looks but there are so many factors I take into consideration I narrow my focus because I don’t want to waste my time.

 

So if a woman is getting hundreds of emails a small fraction of them will be from guys who “truly” are interested in that particular woman. Guys get desperate and do the equivalent of spam email marketing and I know that women can see thru that and get frustrated. Also goes to the bitterness thing mentioned as well.

 

So many guys will email a women and process in his head that his is the only email she receives and it does not even cross a guys mind that dudes from maybe hundreds of miles are bombing her email box.

 

I select about the same percentage as you but I've been putting a lot of effort into it going though hundreds of profiles.

 

Like I said though, I used to tailor messages but it really makes no difference. If a girl likes you (your pic) she will respond based on that. Nothing I've ever said in a message could be found offensive or perverted.

 

If they have a dog or something else I'm interested in I'll say that but typically I stopped putting in that much effort.

[SevenCity]

Women over 50 no matter how hot they are have a heck of a time.

 

Hopefully in 10 years I'll have found someone. If not I'll look forward to it

[carhill]

I was online consistently from 1996 to 1999 and IIRC the only cold call message I ever received, though I sent plenty of cold calls out and did date plenty, was from the lady who later became my wife and it wasn't a lofty, flirty, or substantive message, rather a question about one aspect of my profile. Things went from there.

 

However, I have looked over women's shoulders as they've plowed through hundreds of messages and, to me, that would be daunting. Yeah, choice, sure, but daunting.

 

IMO, all else being equal, a person who has more choices will be more likely to exercise those choices and, in that, some folks get left in the lurch, not purposely or with malice, rather simply due to time and energy constraints. Similar behaviors inhabit nearly all areas of living and give rise to the old saying 'life isn't fair'. It isn't always polite either. It is what it is. Still, few to no complaints in the dating area. Did a lot of phone and internet dating in my time on this rock. A few of the phone deals turned out to be doozies but I stuck them out and tied everything off, even if it got ugly.

[kendahke]

60's? 70's?

 

I'm 45 and dating 35 - 45. It certainly has not reversed.

 

more like over 50.

 

Just wait. It will.

 

Of course, if you aren't interesting, then yeah, you're not going to be hearing from women. Also, if you post only pics of you looking angry/no smiles, then no, most aren't going to approach you.

[Larryville]

I select about the same percentage as you but I've been putting a lot of effort into it going though hundreds of profiles.

 

SC I think for me is I’ve been doing the OLD thing for so long it takes me seconds to not even bother with some profiles.

 

You can't say getting 500 messages is a bad thing - it gives you choices.

 

IDK I get quite a few (unsolicited) messages from women and maybe 1% I would even bother returning a note. I kinda see OLD like going to a quality restaurant. If I see too many items on the menu not a good sign. I know a dude who said point blank to me he sends “hundreds” of messages to women, dude is awkward and does not have good socialization skills, when I ask him what kind of woman are you looking for all he says is “good looking, outgoing” that’s not a freaking description, too many dudes just want to correspond with any warm body and that is just dumb.

 

My point is that a guy will rarely if never get that many messages.

 

Yes even a marginal looking woman will get 10X as many messages, regardless of how good looking he is, or how good his profile is and his “search” area.

 

I'm sure that any guy here would love to have that problem.

 

Depends on the quality of women who are contacting him. As TW said if she is only interested in 1% of the men who contact her quality is better than quantity.

 

If a woman is getting messages from deadbeat guys, guys who can't string a coherent sentence together, broke, boring ect. That would get old real quick.

[normal person]

Funny your last advice was to go right for the date saying "I don't really check this app" but made no mention of what you posted above.

 

You have to consider the ap and the circumstances. If it's Match or OKCupid and she messages you, then you know she's taking a big step, trying to win you over, and you have all the leverage. You have a profile you can display your personality with. You've already won her over, you're doing her a favor by cutting right to the chase.

 

But what you've described here is on Bumble (Tinder also applicable here), where there's little to nothing written about a person, you just know that they look nice. You'll usually need to establish at least some sense of familiarity. Even then, you need to read the context clues and take it on a case by case basis because not everyone is the same. On Bumble you can follow the format I gave you before, but on Tinder it's slightly different because when you match, they probably expect you to message first. Here are two examples I've experienced (still new to it myself):

 

Me: "You know, for a sommelier, I'm a little surprised to see you drinking what appears to be a Bud Light in that second picture."

Girl 1: "Haha, listen the drink options in Barbados are pretty limited, at the very least it was local." (***notice how she doesn't ask a question here, but she did reply -- I'm deducing that she appreciates brevity***)

Me: Fair enough, it seems to amateurs like me like that entire wine industry is built on subtle variations in taste that people can't even notice -- how wrong am I?"

Girl 1: "Haha, you're not far off. But there's definitely differences." (***notice again that she answered but didn't reciprocate a question -- my conclusion is that she's interested but just doesn't want to talk that much ahead of time. Fine with me****).

Then I commented on that, asked for her number and she gave it to me.

 

 

Now there was another girl who I gave a similar schpiel to, and when I asked for number she wanted to talk a little more beforehand. She was midwestern and people from the area are usually a little more conservative, though. So I asked a few more questions, tried to be amusing/charming, and when she gave relatively nondescript answers didn't reciprocate questions, I just lost patience and stopped asking. There are plenty of other women who aren't going to make me jump through hoops to meet them (leverage). A little later she just offered her number up out of the blue.

 

So there you go, you always need to consider context: What ap you're using, what the circumstances of that ap are, how much leverage each of you has, how she's responding, cultural implications, her age, etc. You just have to learn to read between the lines a little bit.

 

And in fairness, I respond a lot less vanilla when they are engaging to me.

 

That's good, but I would suggest never being vanilla if at all possible. In the event that you only have a few messages to make an impression, you need to make every single word count. Best of luck.

[normal person]

You can't say getting 500 messages is a bad thing - it gives you choices.

 

My point is that a guy will rarely if never get that many messages.

 

I'm sure that any guy here would love to have that problem.

 

No. I've got 200+ unopened messages in my OKCupid account currently and I can tell most of them are garbage ("hi," "hey, how's your weekend going?") or from people I'm not very attracted to (even if the message is good). Getting 200 of those isn't the same as having "options" -- that would imply that some of them are viable. Most of them aren't. It's basically just clutter. It's the same for a man or a woman.

 

OKCupid Inbox

 

To reverse it, how would your feeling be if you got two messages?

 

If they were two good messages from two girls I wanted to go out with, I'd be pretty pleased, as I assume most people would. The grass isn't always greener.

 

My area does not have a lot of single women so my location has a lot to do with it. I don't plan on selling my house and moving to the city though.

 

That's a good plan.

[SevenCity]

You have to consider the ap and the circumstances. If it's Match or OKCupid and she messages you, then you know she's taking a big step, trying to win you over, and you have all the leverage. You have a profile you can display your personality with. You've already won her over, you're doing her a favor by cutting right to the chase.

 

But what you've described here is on Bumble (Tinder also applicable here), where there's little to nothing written about a person, you just know that they look nice. You'll usually need to establish at least some sense of familiarity. Even then, you need to read the context clues and take it on a case by case basis because not everyone is the same. On Bumble you can follow the format I gave you before, but on Tinder it's slightly different because when you match, they probably expect you to message first. Here are two examples I've experienced (still new to it myself):

 

Me: "You know, for a sommelier, I'm a little surprised to see you drinking what appears to be a Bud Light in that second picture."

Girl 1: "Haha, listen the drink options in Barbados are pretty limited, at the very least it was local." (***notice how she doesn't ask a question here, but she did reply -- I'm deducing that she appreciates brevity***)

Me: Fair enough, it seems to amateurs like me like that entire wine industry is built on subtle variations in taste that people can't even notice -- how wrong am I?"

Girl 1: "Haha, you're not far off. But there's definitely differences." (***notice again that she answered but didn't reciprocate a question -- my conclusion is that she's interested but just doesn't want to talk that much ahead of time. Fine with me****).

Then I commented on that, asked for her number and she gave it to me.

 

 

Now there was another girl who I gave a similar schpiel to, and when I asked for number she wanted to talk a little more beforehand. She was midwestern and people from the area are usually a little more conservative, though. So I asked a few more questions, tried to be amusing/charming, and when she gave relatively nondescript answers didn't reciprocate questions, I just lost patience and stopped asking. There are plenty of other women who aren't going to make me jump through hoops to meet them (leverage). A little later she just offered her number up out of the blue.

 

So there you go, you always need to consider context: What ap you're using, what the circumstances of that ap are, how much leverage each of you has, how she's responding, cultural implications, her age, etc. You just have to learn to read between the lines a little bit.

 

 

 

That's good, but I would suggest never being vanilla if at all possible. In the event that you only have a few messages to make an impression, you need to make every single word count. Best of luck.

 

This all makes sense to me - thank you.

 

I agree that the eHarmony / match (not on match myself) ones who reach out have more invested. The bumble ones do not.

 

Perhaps it's silly of me but I'd like to find a girl who shows she's interested. I don't want to go through all the steps for a girl who isn't excited about meeting me - the dates are a lot less fun. The last girl who reached out to me on eH said "tell me something about you that's not in your profile". This led to me telling a hysterical story which she hardly could come back with a matching response. We had a good first date.

 

The last girl who reached out to me on bumble said "hey". I spoke with her on the phone (her request) and she had a thick accent (but was super hot). I asked her to tell me about herself and she said "Why do girls always have to do the talking???" Yikes. I wasn't upset when she unmatched me after our call. Though before she hung up she asked to FaceTime on the weekend (we did not obviously).

 

I don't need or really want a girl that attractive as they are nothing but problems and entitlement in my experience in the NY area. CA had much better looking women who were a lot less entitled when I was there years ago (that may have changed though)

 

Problem is I'm in the suburbs which have a lot less options than NYC. I'm willing to go to NYC (and have done it 3x) but I would imagine most women would not be interested in a guy who's an hour train ride away.

 

My issue is most of the women I see by me are not my type.

[Larryville]

If they were two good messages from two girls I wanted to go out with, I'd be pretty pleased, as I assume most people would. The grass isn't always greener.

 

That being said I know most women online do not act like I did. I did my online dating with the most integrity I could. I did not lie, did not mislead, did not flake or ghost. I know I am not the norm.

 

The only women who take actually meeting someone seriously are relatively new to OLD, many will say flat out they are new, they are nice, respectable and the profiles are not filled with empty cliches and they won't try to hide anything.

 

If a woman has been on too long all of that disappears. You can easily tell by the profile and the pictures.

[SevenCity]

No. I've got 200+ unopened messages in my OKCupid account currently and I can tell most of them are garbage ("hi," "hey, how's your weekend going?") or from people I'm not very attracted to (even if the message is good). Getting 200 of those isn't the same as having "options" -- that would imply that some of them are viable. Most of them aren't. It's basically just clutter. It's the same for a man or a woman.

 

OKCupid Inbox

 

 

 

If they were two good messages from two girls I wanted to go out with, I'd be pretty pleased, as I assume most people would. The grass isn't always greener.

 

 

That's a good plan.

 

You must be a model or something! I've never heard of a guy with that many messages.

 

What age bracket are you?

 

And yes, I've gotten messages from women who were 300 lbs or once were men. But out of 500 I would assume there are a few datable ones in there.

[SevenCity]

The only women who take actually meeting someone seriously are relatively new to OLD, many will say flat out they are new, they are nice, respectable and the profiles are not filled with empty cliches and they won't try to hide anything.

 

If a woman has been on too long all of that disappears. You can easily tell by the profile and the pictures.

 

True, but I've run into profiles saying "new to this, my pics are recent" yet they were tagged as 3 years ago.

 

I see your point though. On POF I see the same profiles that were on there several months ago when I deleted my profile. Some are increasingly angry stating you better have x, y, z or don't contact me.

 

In my area (ny) TONS of the profiles on bumble / tinder say to swipe left if you voted or support trump in any way. Really?

[PhillyLibertyBelle]

Hopefully in 10 years I'll have found someone. If not I'll look forward to it

 

It cracks me up that many 45 ish year old men won't consider women 49 or 50 even if they look 35-40 because they are too old.

[SevenCity]

It cracks me up that many 45 ish year old men won't consider women 49 or 50 even if they look 35-40 because they are too old.

 

I would but I've yet to meet any.

[SevenCity]

So I was in Manhattan yesterday and got two Bumble connections and 5 other girls who had picked me in the short 4 - 5 hour span I was there (Bumble lists your current location via gps). So I'm thinking it's my location rather than my profile. One of the girls messaged me asking me what part of Manhattan I was from and promptly stopped once I told her where I actually live.

 

I've yet to get that many bites in a week, let alone in a few hours.

 

This is good in that it seems my profile is ok but bad in that I'm not moving lol.

 

Looks like I'll have to deal with the slim pickins....

[normal person]

You must be a model or something! I've never heard of a guy with that many messages.

 

What age bracket are you?

 

30, not a professional model.

 

And yes, I've gotten messages from women who were 300 lbs or once were men. But out of 500 I would assume there are a few datable ones in there.

 

I would guess the amount of people others in general are attracted to online is about the same in real life, roughly 3-5%. You'll find a diamond in the rough every once in a while.

 

In my area (ny) TONS of the profiles on bumble / tinder say to swipe left if you voted or support trump in any way. Really?

 

Women are typically the gatekeepers, they have the leverage. If they don't want someone who voted for Trump, that's within their right if they want to pick just from guys who didn't. Leverage, supply, and demand. Though this shouldn't really come as a surprise to you as NYC as about as liberal as it gets.

 

So I was in Manhattan yesterday and got two Bumble connections and 5 other girls who had picked me in the short 4 - 5 hour span I was there (Bumble lists your current location via gps). So I'm thinking it's my location rather than my profile. One of the girls messaged me asking me what part of Manhattan I was from and promptly stopped once I told her where I actually live.

 

I've yet to get that many bites in a week, let alone in a few hours.

 

It'll happen whenever you travel. Take the MetroNorth through Westchester or CT and you'll match with 20 girls who unfortunately don't live near you. And for the sake of discussion, dating people outside of Manhattan can be a huge pain in the butt, it's just not viable for a lot of people who live here. There are plenty more options much closer and easier. If you did move, your luck would probably change exponentially for the better. Best of luck.