New girl has gone from burning hot to ice cold. [UPDATED]

[goldway90]

I do have some good reasons. Firstly, I'm moving in just over 6 months so any relationship I get into is most likely not going to last so even if she's a cheater, I have nothing to lose. Secondly, I'm being honest here when I say I've never felt a stronger connection. I get your point though, but since I don't see this lasting for the rest of my life I don't see why I can't soend the next 6 months with someone I have an amazing time with.

 

You'll actually lose time! it's a waste of time and energy. Why would you wanna waste 6 months with someone who's a cheater?

 

This girl is doing you a favor yet you want to get hurt! are you masochist? Don't ignore red flags and find normal women, it's better than getting attached to a cheater after 2 weeks only.

[Cookiesandough]

Sometimes people just don't wanna date. doesn't matter why. Just believe them

[guy532]

You'll actually lose time! it's a waste of time and energy. Why would you wanna waste 6 months with someone who's a cheater?

 

This girl is doing you a favor yet you want to get hurt! are you masochist? Don't ignore red flags and find normal women, it's better than getting attached to a cheater after 2 weeks only.

 

Alright, this might sound really pathetic and sad but it's true. EVERY girl I've ever been with has been a girl that I felt meh about only kept dating because she was there and interested. Every girl in my life that I have been genuinely interested in has either not felt the same or there's some random bs such as livng in different places or she's in a relationship. Those two weeks being with her were the first time that I was with someone I had genuine feelings for right off the bat and not ones that grew over many months from dating. I just want once in my life to be with someone that I'm excited to be with and not someone that's good enough to date and eventually fall for. I know it's sad, but yea I've had **** luck in my life in that department and for once I just want to experience what it's like to be with someone that gives you butterflies, I think everyone deserves to experience that once in their life.

[guy532]

"Not ready yet" might be legit here. Usually it's a lame excuse, but you started dating her really quick after her breakup. Also don't think of her as some innocent, fragile girl... she cheated on her boyfriend.

 

Back off and give her space. When/if she calls, try to keep it fun and avoid serious relationship conversations. (She's already getting that drama from her ex) She probably just wants to have something casual right now.

 

Yea that's what makes this hard because I actually do believe she's not ready and does have feelings for me. You can only fake feelings so much, but if you're pissed drunk and you're telling the guy you're seeing how much you like him and that you want your kids to have his lips and blah blah you probably like him. I have done my best putting as little pressure as possible and have given her the space she wants and have never pressured her for a relationship, all I've told her is that spending time with her makes me happy and that I want to continue seeing her have fun and see were things go.

[angel.eyes]

Boing. BOING...BOING!!!

 

It's a rebound. Hence the over the top comments about wanting to have your children when you only met two weeks ago, etc. It has no basis in reality. And a rebound with a cheater, no less! Not a winning proposition.

 

Unless you're a masochist, please let this go. She did you a favor by telling you she's not ready and walking away. You've dodged a bullet. So please stop playing Russian roulette with your heart.

[goldway90]

Alright, this might sound really pathetic and sad but it's true. EVERY girl I've ever been with has been a girl that I felt meh about only kept dating because she was there and interested. Every girl in my life that I have been genuinely interested in has either not felt the same or there's some random bs such as livng in different places or she's in a relationship. Those two weeks being with her were the first time that I was with someone I had genuine feelings for right off the bat and not ones that grew over many months from dating. I just want once in my life to be with someone that I'm excited to be with and not someone that's good enough to date and eventually fall for. I know it's sad, but yea I've had **** luck in my life in that department and for once I just want to experience what it's like to be with someone that gives you butterflies, I think everyone deserves to experience that once in their life.

 

Well this girl isn't excited, not interested in you! so why are you chasing? You're so needy no wonder you're bad with women. This girl has enough red flags don't ignore them be smart.

[guy532]

Long story short, I dated a girl for 2 weeks. She had just broken up with her bf of 3 years 2 weeks prior to us dating. It was only 2 weeks but it was very intense and it was obvious we both had very strong feelings for one another and things moved really fast (we slept together on the first date and she told me she's never experienced things going this well this fast before).

 

She had family come visit her for 3 weeks and used that as an excuse to disappear. It was like a light switch, super hot, then super cold for literally no reason. We met up after no contact for 2 weeks. The date was meh and she bolted at the end of the night. I confronted her about her hot and cold behaviour and she said we needed to talk. We met again and had our talk. I told her how I saw things and asked her if she honestly had feelings for me and she said yes and that's what's making this so hard for her.

 

She really emphasised that she had feelings for me even when I told her I'd much rather be told she's not interested so I don't get strong along. She said she wasn't ready to date since she just got out of a relationship and that she really liked me and was being honest. She said she was freaking out since everything was happening so fast and she needs time to find herself and get her **** together because she feels like she lost herself in her previous relationship. She said she wished we met months later than we did and would be happy if things worked out later on in the future. She also said she wanted to keep in touch. I told her that I really cared for her, but I wasn't going to wait for her or chase her and that she should let me know when she changes her mind.

 

She wouldn't let me go so we continued the date (I know weird, but so is this situation). Throughout the date she was super affectionate and lovey dovey towards me, even talking about how she wants to visit me when I move, how I check everything off her list, and how our future kids would look like. Talk about mixed signals. Ended up asking her out again 2 days later and she said she wasn't sure if she wanted to see me and that she needs her space. I again told her to let me know when she changes her mind. We haven't spoken in 2 weeks.

 

So did I just get completely played or is there any chance that anything comes from this in the future. I know I should move on and I'm trying, but I've honestly never felt a stronger connection with a girl before and I'm 26 and have been in loving relationships in the last. Things were literally ****ing perfect for those 2 weeks. She had an extremely high level of interest even after we had our talk on that date. Am I doing the right by completely backing off or should I send her a text in like 2 weeks?

[CaliforniaGirl]

OP, there's a bigger issue here. Why do you think you're only attracted to women who don't want you? Have you explored that?

[Kitchen]

Long story short, I dated a girl for 2 weeks. She had just broken up with her bf of 3 years 2 weeks prior to us dating. It was only 2 weeks but it was very intense and it was obvious we both had very strong feelings for one another and things moved really fast (we slept together on the first date and she told me she's never experienced things going this well this fast before).

 

She had family come visit her for 3 weeks and used that as an excuse to disappear. It was like a light switch, super hot, then super cold for literally no reason. We met up after no contact for 2 weeks. The date was meh and she bolted at the end of the night. I confronted her about her hot and cold behaviour and she said we needed to talk. We met again and had our talk. I told her how I saw things and asked her if she honestly had feelings for me and she said yes and that's what's making this so hard for her.

 

She really emphasised that she had feelings for me even when I told her I'd much rather be told she's not interested so I don't get strong along. She said she wasn't ready to date since she just got out of a relationship and that she really liked me and was being honest. She said she was freaking out since everything was happening so fast and she needs time to find herself and get her **** together because she feels like she lost herself in her previous relationship. She said she wished we met months later than we did and would be happy if things worked out later on in the future. She also said she wanted to keep in touch. I told her that I really cared for her, but I wasn't going to wait for her or chase her and that she should let me know when she changes her mind.

 

She wouldn't let me go so we continued the date (I know weird, but so is this situation). Throughout the date she was super affectionate and lovey dovey towards me, even talking about how she wants to visit me when I move, how I check everything off her list, and how our future kids would look like. Talk about mixed signals. Ended up asking her out again 2 days later and she said she wasn't sure if she wanted to see me and that she needs her space. I again told her to let me know when she changes her mind. We haven't spoken in 2 weeks.

 

So did I just get completely played or is there any chance that anything comes from this in the future. I know I should move on and I'm trying, but I've honestly never felt a stronger connection with a girl before and I'm 26 and have been in loving relationships in the last. Things were literally ****ing perfect for those 2 weeks. She had an extremely high level of interest even after we had our talk on that date. Am I doing the right by completely backing off or should I send her a text in like 2 weeks?

 

Why are you repeating the story from the beginning 3 different times with minor changes and additions? The timeline of dates and NC is kind of confusing.

[guy532]

Why are you repeating the story from the beginning 3 different times with minor changes and additions? The timeline of dates and NC is kind of confusing.

 

Sorry, I've only used this site a few times. I went to start a new question since I thought this thread was dead. The mods posted my question here instead. So basically it's an update to what happened after the no contact period when her relative came to visit. Would appreciate some advice.

[guy532]

OP, there's a bigger issue here. Why do you think you're only attracted to women who don't want you? Have you explored that?

 

No, I haven't tbh. It just seems through my dating and relationship history that I have NEVER been able to land that girl that really blew me away. All the girls I've dated or been in relationships with have been with girls I was meh about and over time I started feeling closer and closer, but never that OMG I can't believe I'm lucky enough to be with a girl like her type of feeling like I felt for this girl. Just feels like I have the crappiest luck in that department. 2/3 times it had to do with distance and this time it's because I'm basically a rebound and never stood a chance to begin with. I seriously haven't had a connection or this many sparks with a girl before even though it was short lived it was obvious we really matched up well together and she seemed so ridiculously into me. I've been in loving relationships before, but I've never had a girl look at me like she did. That's what makes this so hard, I "had" her for two weeks, it was the first time in my life that I was legitimately with someone I REALLY wanted to be with from the get-go and not someone I was giving a shot with to see where it goes. It just sucks finding out what it's like to be with someone you really crave/infatuated with from the beginning and having that person ditch you because of their own personal **** that you had nothing to do with. This has saddened me more than any other breakup I've had. Yes, I grieved my previous LTR relationships when they were over but even though I haven't grieved this fling since it was short I definitely feel sadder since I lost something that could have been and not something I know was and wasn't working out...if that makes sense. Plus I have enough life experience to know that a person you feel that strong of a connection with only comes around once every few years. Yea this whole thing has really ****ed with my head.

[ashy555]

Guy, it seems to me that she is quite confused. She JUST got out of a relationship. Those two weeks were a whirlwind for her. 3 years with one person is a long time and usually takes time to get over. Its a whole new world for her to explore. She needs the time to grieve (even if she is the one that broke it off)

To be honest... She is most likely still in contact with her ex who was a huge part of her life.

 

The problem is that these type of whirlwind romances seem to disappear just as quick as they start. This is why people try to slow it down when they first meet someone. I know you were caught up in the moment but there are some things that I don't think should be said till later on. I had one guy telling me how amazing I was constantly. He was literally obsessed with me. I was weary at first but eventually fell for it. Then he just disappeared

What a learning curve that was lol.

 

What I think you need to do is let it go. You don't know this girl that well and so far you are only getting red flags. The main thing is, she knows how you feel yet is still reluctant. You CANNOT force these things. The biggest chance you have is to move on with your life. If she wants you in it, she will notice and come crawling back(although, be very weary). If not, she will let you go.

[CaliforniaGirl]

No, I haven't tbh. It just seems through my dating and relationship history that I have NEVER been able to land that girl that really blew me away. All the girls I've dated or been in relationships with have been with girls I was meh about and over time I started feeling closer and closer, but never that OMG I can't believe I'm lucky enough to be with a girl like her type of feeling like I felt for this girl. Just feels like I have the crappiest luck in that department. 2/3 times it had to do with distance and this time it's because I'm basically a rebound and never stood a chance to begin with. I seriously haven't had a connection or this many sparks with a girl before even though it was short lived it was obvious we really matched up well together and she seemed so ridiculously into me. I've been in loving relationships before, but I've never had a girl look at me like she did. That's what makes this so hard, I "had" her for two weeks, it was the first time in my life that I was legitimately with someone I REALLY wanted to be with from the get-go and not someone I was giving a shot with to see where it goes. It just sucks finding out what it's like to be with someone you really crave/infatuated with from the beginning and having that person ditch you because of their own personal **** that you had nothing to do with. This has saddened me more than any other breakup I've had. Yes, I grieved my previous LTR relationships when they were over but even though I haven't grieved this fling since it was short I definitely feel sadder since I lost something that could have been and not something I know was and wasn't working out...if that makes sense. Plus I have enough life experience to know that a person you feel that strong of a connection with only comes around once every few years. Yea this whole thing has really ****ed with my head.

 

Well, maybe you should start with this wanting to be with someone you "can't believe" would be with you thing. That could be a really big clue. It sounds like Groucho Marx's joke, quoted in various ways but more or less "I'd never belong to any club that would have me as a member." That was a joke, but it made a point and some people really do have this issue...they automatically (subconsciously) think that anyone who likes them, must be sub-par. It's a low self-esteem thing. Just a thought.

 

You could be shooting way, way beyond what you have to offer...in what departments, I don't know, though if I had to bet my life on it, this being an internet forum I'd say it's that the girls are "super-hotties," "9s" or whatever and the guys aren't. But I mean, for whatever reason, it *seems* as if you're deliberately picking women you literally don't think would want to be with you. You're making sure nothing ever actually happens.

 

Sorry...I know, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar and I'm no psychiatrist...I just think when there is a pattern, the common denominator (in this case, you) should be looking a bit deeper into whatever is causing the pattern.

[guy532]

Guy, it seems to me that she is quite confused. She JUST got out of a relationship. Those two weeks were a whirlwind for her. 3 years with one person is a long time and usually takes time to get over. Its a whole new world for her to explore. She needs the time to grieve (even if she is the one that broke it off)

To be honest... She is most likely still in contact with her ex who was a huge part of her life.

 

The problem is that these type of whirlwind romances seem to disappear just as quick as they start. This is why people try to slow it down when they first meet someone. I know you were caught up in the moment but there are some things that I don't think should be said till later on. I had one guy telling me how amazing I was constantly. He was literally obsessed with me. I was weary at first but eventually fell for it. Then he just disappeared

What a learning curve that was lol.

 

What I think you need to do is let it go. You don't know this girl that well and so far you are only getting red flags. The main thing is, she knows how you feel yet is still reluctant. You CANNOT force these things. The biggest chance you have is to move on with your life. If she wants you in it, she will notice and come crawling back(although, be very weary). If not, she will let you go.

 

I've been doing my best to move on, but it's hard since she's given me hope saying that she really has feelings for me and isn't bsing me (I really grilled her since I have some past trust issues in that department). She even told me that she would love to try things out again whether it be a week or years down the line because she felt really strong chemistry with me. Yet again, this could all just be bs and that's the problem, I'm being unintentionally strung along. I don't want to be strung along and I'm REALLY trying to move on, but it's so tough when your head has been this played with. The worst part is I keep looking back on our first date when I told her I wanted to take things really slow with her since she just got out of a relationship and she agreed and then 15min later she couldn't control herself. I was being good, that never happens, that's the first time I've told a girl I wanted to take things slow and she ends up pushing for sex. That's the other part of this though, should I send her a text in 2 weeks when I'm done with exams? It would have been a month since our talk. Do I really have much to lose at this point? I just don't see how she'd want to contact me after like 3-5 months if I go completely cold on her, I do fear she'd forget me since it was such weird timing for her.

 

As for her being in contact with her ex. I KNOW she's in contact with him and seen him a few times. Obviously I wasn't happy about it and wanted to tell her to forget him, but I'm not an idiot and knew that if I did that or gave her any **** for talking with her ex she'd choose him over a guy she just met so I decided to keep my mouth shut. I think there's a VERY high chance she's gone back to him or she's just not let him go yet. She's told me that she had mentally checked out of the relationship 6 months prior and that she knows he's not the one for her and doesn't ever want to go back to him, but who the hell knows. They have a history of breaking up and getting back together. I know he slept over her place for a few days since he had nowhere to go and that they've met at least once while her cousin was visiting. So yea, there's zero doubt that she's talking with her ex and I think a huge part this is him being in the picture. She told me he was moving in a few weeks to Melbourne (we're in Brisbane) so I kind of let things slide thinking he'd be out of the picture sooner or later. Maybe now that he's leaving it really hit her and she's thinking things over again? That's been one of my theories. Just checked fb and he left exactly a week ago. Maybe I have a window?

[guy532]

Well, maybe you should start with this wanting to be with someone you "can't believe" would be with you thing. That could be a really big clue. It sounds like Groucho Marx's joke, quoted in various ways but more or less "I'd never belong to any club that would have me as a member." That was a joke, but it made a point and some people really do have this issue...they automatically (subconsciously) think that anyone who likes them, must be sub-par. It's a low self-esteem thing. Just a thought.

 

You could be shooting way, way beyond what you have to offer...in what departments, I don't know, though if I had to bet my life on it, this being an internet forum I'd say it's that the girls are "super-hotties," "9s" or whatever and the guys aren't. But I mean, for whatever reason, it *seems* as if you're deliberately picking women you literally don't think would want to be with you. You're making sure nothing ever actually happens.

 

Sorry...I know, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar and I'm no psychiatrist...I just think when there is a pattern, the common denominator (in this case, you) should be looking a bit deeper into whatever is causing the pattern.

 

It's fine to analyse me this way, I love psych, even majored in it. It's different though. It's not like I'm only into girls who don't like me, it's that whenever there's been a girl who I'm REALLY into and it seems like it's mutual, the universe decides to throw some utter BS. Like the other 2 girls that my blew me away lived in different countries, we met on vacation and kept in contact afterwards. This chick, well I'm a rebound. I hear other people's stories of when they find that person that really blows them away and how it was mutual and then they end up together because no BS comes up. It seriously pisses me off and makes me so jealous because whenever I've been there I've gotten screwed over and it's never been that easy for me. For example the first girl that blew me away was when I was 18 and she 19. We spent two weeks together and we kissed a few times, but nothing major. She came from an old school traditional family. She even told me she never felt so strongly about anyone before. Found out later she had a bf of 2 years. The crazy part is she ended up marrying the guy years later. That's the type of bs I've had to put up with, she married the guy she cheated on with me. According to her she had stronger feelings of attraction for me than him yet because of distance it was doomed to fail. Do you see how when it happens for the 3rd time it really ****s with your head? Like why can't I meet a girl that I really like, have her like me back, and also not have some bs about distance or exes **** things up?

Also, this new girl was very pretty and all that, but it's not like I can't get other girls or just as pretty girls so it's not that I got hung up on her because of that. She's not the prettiest girl I've been with, it's just that I felt a very strong connection with her.

[CaliforniaGirl]

It's fine to analyse me this way, I love psych, even majored in it. It's different though. It's not like I'm only into girls who don't like me, it's that whenever there's been a girl who I'm REALLY into and it seems like it's mutual, the universe decides to throw some utter BS. Like the other 2 girls that my blew me away lived in different countries, we met on vacation and kept in contact afterwards. This chick, well I'm a rebound. I hear other people's stories of when they find that person that really blows them away and how it was mutual and then they end up together because no BS comes up. It seriously pisses me off and makes me so jealous because whenever I've been there I've gotten screwed over and it's never been that easy for me. For example the first girl that blew me away was when I was 18 and she 19. We spent two weeks together and we kissed a few times, but nothing major. She came from an old school traditional family. She even told me she never felt so strongly about anyone before. Found out later she had a bf of 2 years. The crazy part is she ended up marrying the guy years later. That's the type of bs I've had to put up with, she married the guy she cheated on with me. According to her she had stronger feelings of attraction for me than him yet because of distance it was doomed to fail. Do you see how when it happens for the 3rd time it really ****s with your head? Like why can't I meet a girl that I really like, have her like me back, and also not have some bs about distance or exes **** things up?

Also, this new girl was very pretty and all that, but it's not like I can't get other girls or just as pretty girls so it's not that I got hung up on her because of that. She's not the prettiest girl I've been with, it's just that I felt a very strong connection with her.

 

All right, but this isn't the universe throwing something into things...you knew already that those women lived in a different country than you did, THEN you fell for them. Right? You knew this girl was just now getting out of a relationship and you knew there were potential issues related to that, THEN you fell for her. You are choosing these impossible situations. Do you see that?

 

This seems even more true now that you've said it doesn't have to do with looks. These women aren't unavailable to you because they're out of your (I hate this term but whatever) league, it's because literally they're unavailable, by being countries away or by your current girlfriend's (?) ex issues and so on. Even before she pulled back, I'm sure you had clearly, and many times in your life, heard of a rebound. You jumped in anyway.

 

So anyway...just some things to think about. It's tough taking psych courses/being interested in psychology because we can clearly see issues with others but in ourselves...not so much. That's actually a really common thing. In fact, I read somewhere that analysts are encourage to go through analysis with a peer before attempting to analyze others...for this very reason.

 

I would really be thinking more about this. I'd bet my left ovary that if this amazing girl lived in close proximity to you and didn't have an ex lurking incredibly recently in the background, she'd be counted among those girls you "were just meh" about. Just a hunch.

 

Good luck. You seem like a nice guy. (Not a NiceGuyTM, LOL...an actual nice guy.) But I think you have to work out whatever is going on here and I don't think you're going to be moving forward with this girl. JMO.

[SevenCity]

It's fine to analyse me this way, I love psych, even majored in it. It's different though. It's not like I'm only into girls who don't like me, it's that whenever there's been a girl who I'm REALLY into and it seems like it's mutual, the universe decides to throw some utter BS. Like the other 2 girls that my blew me away lived in different countries, we met on vacation and kept in contact afterwards. This chick, well I'm a rebound. I hear other people's stories of when they find that person that really blows them away and how it was mutual and then they end up together because no BS comes up. It seriously pisses me off and makes me so jealous because whenever I've been there I've gotten screwed over and it's never been that easy for me. For example the first girl that blew me away was when I was 18 and she 19. We spent two weeks together and we kissed a few times, but nothing major. She came from an old school traditional family. She even told me she never felt so strongly about anyone before. Found out later she had a bf of 2 years. The crazy part is she ended up marrying the guy years later. That's the type of bs I've had to put up with, she married the guy she cheated on with me. According to her she had stronger feelings of attraction for me than him yet because of distance it was doomed to fail. Do you see how when it happens for the 3rd time it really ****s with your head? Like why can't I meet a girl that I really like, have her like me back, and also not have some bs about distance or exes **** things up?

Also, this new girl was very pretty and all that, but it's not like I can't get other girls or just as pretty girls so it's not that I got hung up on her because of that. She's not the prettiest girl I've been with, it's just that I felt a very strong connection with her.

 

[]

I understand bro. The kind of connection you are talking about is not only about looks. It's a physical, emotional, and spiritual connection. I've had those in my life but rarely. I had it with my ex of 7 years and she was BY FAR not the best looking girl I dated before or since. Yet, I loved her more deeply than any woman I ever have. From the first time we locked eyes at work to the first lunch where we lost track of time talking and didn't realize 3 hours had passed. I know what you mean.

 

What sucks is these types of connections don't come along everyday. It's like Corey Wayne says "How often do you meet your best friend?" In fact, many people go through their lives never having had this experience.

 

Now that's not to say you can't mistake lust for these feelings. When a girl tells you everything you need to hear it's hard not to fall for her. But you have to be honest with yourself - can this really work out long term? From what you've posted it doesn't appear so.

 

But, what you have to realize is most people are in RLs because they don't want to be alone, not because they found someone who blows them away on every level and they feel lucky to have met them. Look at the way couples act - rarely do you see ones who are really happy. That's why people break up all the time and get divorced more than half the time.

 

My advice is to back off and see if she comes back. The longer you are around her the more this will hurt you. Trust me on that. I believe everything happens for a reason and she's not ready for you and you are relocating in a year. You'll find a connection like this when the woman and timing is right and hopefully you'll marry her and live happily ever after. It happened 3 times - maybe the 4th is the charm.

Edited March 23, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Topical content

[guy532]

All right, but this isn't the universe throwing something into things...you knew already that those women lived in a different country than you did, THEN you fell for them. Right? You knew this girl was just now getting out of a relationship and you knew there were potential issues related to that, THEN you fell for her. You are choosing these impossible situations. Do you see that?

 

This seems even more true now that you've said it doesn't have to do with looks. These women aren't unavailable to you because they're out of your (I hate this term but whatever) league, it's because literally they're unavailable, by being countries away or by your current girlfriend's (?) ex issues and so on. Even before she pulled back, I'm sure you had clearly, and many times in your life, heard of a rebound. You jumped in anyway.

 

So anyway...just some things to think about. It's tough taking psych courses/being interested in psychology because we can clearly see issues with others but in ourselves...not so much. That's actually a really common thing. In fact, I read somewhere that analysts are encourage to go through analysis with a peer before attempting to analyze others...for this very reason.

 

I would really be thinking more about this. I'd bet my left ovary that if this amazing girl lived in close proximity to you and didn't have an ex lurking incredibly recently in the background, she'd be counted among those girls you "were just meh" about. Just a hunch.

 

Good luck. You seem like a nice guy. (Not a NiceGuyTM, LOL...an actual nice guy.) But I think you have to work out whatever is going on here and I don't think you're going to be moving forward with this girl. JMO.

 

Well it's not as black and white as she's unavailable my feelings are growing. I'm just going to use the most recent girl as an example. I met her on a trans pacific flight. We sat next to each other for 15 hours and I had no idea she had a bf at the time. I had already developed a crush on her by the time we landed because of our strong chemistry. I didn't find out she was on the rebound until I asked her out when we took a taxi together. So my infatuation with her was already present before I knew her situation. I won't argue though that my infatuation did grow the more I got to know her because it definitely did.

 

So cut my loses and never contact her again or try again in a few weeks? I know I'm being stubborn.

[Cookiesandough]

Cut your losses. Stick around and it's just gonna prolong the suffering . Thiswasarebound.jpeg

[DontBreakEven]

Did we meet the same girl? Mine's bi as well ...

 

Here's my thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/617909-weird-situation-now-i-m-cut-off

 

I'm in the same boat as you. It's been 2 weeks since she cut me off and 1 week since we stopped talking completely.

 

And I also feel as you do. I rarely meet women that I have huge connections with, and when I do, there is ALWAYS some bs surrounding it. Always. I'm so sick of it, and it does make me allow more red flags than I really should. I get it. I do.

[fromheart]

Nothing pointed to this being a fling, even though it's what it most likely was. Usually when a girl is interested as much as she was she'd be dropping hints about wanting to be exclusive etc., and I suspect the only reason that wasn't the case now was because she just got out of a relationship and her emotions are just everywhere.

 

Everything here is pointing to a fling, you think if a woman means the things that shes been saying her cousin would be an excuse to not see you on valentines day?!

 

Unstable women say all sorts of things, but its their actions which dictate their interest and intentions.

 

I'm sorry to say that her actions are classic rebound and manipulation. I'd put her on your multiple dates list and just have fun with her, being honest about this of course.

 

I wouldn't commit to a woman in these circumstances.

[fromheart]

Secondly, I'm being honest here when I say I've never felt a stronger connection.

 

 

With a woman who bailed on Valentines for no good reason? Surely you deserve better than that.

[Redhead14]

Frankly I'm getting sick of dating for the time being, I think if it doesn't work out I'm just going to concentrate on me. I literally just broke it off with 3 other girls I was seeing a week before she went cold on me lol, I legit just don't want to date anyone but her as of right now, too much going on in my life with medical school and keeping up with friends.

 

Frankly I'm getting sick of dating -- If you are thinking this way, it is time to take a break.

 

That being said and later in this thread you said "I've never felt a stronger connection" -- There is no "connection" if the other person isn't picking up their end. The connection you think you have is more likely about feeling ready to give up on dating but found this one who gave you a "glimmer" and wanting to hold on to your last "chance", let's say, and trying to hold on to that. You're not holding on to her, just the opportunity because if this doesn't work out, your mindset is to move forward with other things.

[DontBreakEven]

Frankly I'm getting sick of dating -- If you are thinking this way, it is time to take a break.

 

That being said and later in this thread you said "I've never felt a stronger connection" -- There is no "connection" if the other person isn't picking up their end. The connection you think you have is more likely about feeling ready to give up on dating but found this one who gave you a "glimmer" and wanting to hold on to your last "chance", let's say, and trying to hold on to that. You're not holding on to her, just the opportunity because if this doesn't work out, your mindset is to move forward with other things.

 

I disagree with this. I found a strong connection with a girl in a similar situation, and I am in a similar situation as OP. The connection wasn't expected, it just was. And it wasn't just on my end. Yea, maybe the girl I was talking to used manipulation etc in her tactics due to her situation, but I every bit believe her when she states that we have a different connection. I know what she's talking about. I was a party in it too - I felt it

[guy532]

[]

I understand bro. The kind of connection you are talking about is not only about looks. It's a physical, emotional, and spiritual connection. I've had those in my life but rarely. I had it with my ex of 7 years and she was BY FAR not the best looking girl I dated before or since. Yet, I loved her more deeply than any woman I ever have. From the first time we locked eyes at work to the first lunch where we lost track of time talking and didn't realize 3 hours had passed. I know what you mean.

 

What sucks is these types of connections don't come along everyday. It's like Corey Wayne says "How often do you meet your best friend?" In fact, many people go through their lives never having had this experience.

 

Now that's not to say you can't mistake lust for these feelings. When a girl tells you everything you need to hear it's hard not to fall for her. But you have to be honest with yourself - can this really work out long term? From what you've posted it doesn't appear so.

 

But, what you have to realize is most people are in RLs because they don't want to be alone, not because they found someone who blows them away on every level and they feel lucky to have met them. Look at the way couples act - rarely do you see ones who are really happy. That's why people break up all the time and get divorced more than half the time.

 

My advice is to back off and see if she comes back. The longer you are around her the more this will hurt you. Trust me on that. I believe everything happens for a reason and she's not ready for you and you are relocating in a year. You'll find a connection like this when the woman and timing is right and hopefully you'll marry her and live happily ever after. It happened 3 times - maybe the 4th is the charm.

 

I love Corey Wayne! I watch his vids daily and have read his book. That's what sucks about this, because it's that type of girl he says that knocks your socks off. I'm 26 and I'm done messing around, I've had my fair share of fun so now I'm searching for someone I can settle with and I was really hoping it would be her because she was that girl that completely blew me away.

 

All my past relationships were basically because I didn't want to be alone which I know sounds horrible, but **** it it's true. If I had my pick, I probably wouldn't have gotten into a relationship with them because that spark/connection wasn't there. So yea it just sucks getting a small taste of what it's actually like to be with someone you're really into to only have it taken away.

 

I was hoping that with all the knowledge I have gained in the past few years that I'd be ready for when that type of girl came into my life. Damn I was so close lol. I can see mistakes I made too and I made them because I thought it was ok to let my guard down considering her high level of interest but **** was I wrong! Lesson learned. Seriously I'm not changing up my game ever again, no matter how great thibggs seem to be going. Take my misfortune as a lesson, seriously dude. This girl was craaaaazzzy into me and she still bolted I became too available and too open with her. I still think that I did most things right though and if it wasn't for her recent breakup I don't think she would have bolted.

 

I keep having moments of clarity and desperation which sucks. I've decided to never initiate contact with her and I seriously hope she gets back in touch with me, however I know it's very doubtful and I'm going to concentrate on me for the time being. On the brightside I'm very busy atm so I at least have somewhere to put all my energy. Also, kind of glad that I blew it with her. I know that sounds odd, but I figure this lesson HAD to be learned and if it had to be learned it might as wel be with a girl who's most likely not going to be a part of my future no matter what considering I'm moving to a different country in less than a year AND lets be real here, I wouldn't want to marry a girl with a history of cheating. So yea I guess it's a good thing that I learned my lesson with her so now the next time I run into a woman like that, I won't change ip my game just because the feelings are more intense.