Sexist boyfriend

[elaine567]

I however also told him, that when I get a full-time job, it would have to be split more equally. He said of course.

However, yesterday he told me otherwise. He tells me that household chores are my job and that when I get a full-time job, I would have to do them all when I get home.

 

This is the crux of the matter and any man who feels housework is woman's work IS sexist.

[Shining One]

This is the crux of the matter and any man who feels housework is woman's work IS sexist.

Would you extend this to say that anyone (man or woman) who labels a task as man's work or woman's work is sexist? Or does this only apply to housework?

[preraph]

Im not picking on you.

 

I don't know what men these women are picking and maybe thats the root of all their problems. You keep using the "maid" term. So what is a man who works and provides? I guess an ATM. This can go back and forth you know?

 

You know what is the worse possible arrangement you can make with a person... is a future arrangement. Even when your married to that person. When you become X or at this milestone we will change the dynamics.. good luck to that.

 

The thread states the boyfriend is sexist... I was expecting something totally different.

 

The O.P. leads the reader that she is working fulltime and its clear she is not The arrangement was to clean/cook while he works. She took on the role and accepted the agreement. She is also not paying 50/50.... she says buttttt he pays the gym bills and he pays for other things and he also helps cooks and doesn't complain.

 

So despite what everyone says... she is not fulfilling her agreement. It is also possible she is not going to school everyday and doing 3 or 4 days out of the 7 days.

 

The other party is going to working... for example 8am and gets back at 5 or 6pm. Then come home to clean and do his share of chores? Hi' bebe. I left half the dishes, vacuum half the house, and clean one of the bathrooms..

 

Give me a break. I wonder when people read these threads if they project their own experience... so they react without even asking questions.

 

Its also noted they live in an apartment right?.. unless they are pigs I highly doubt this is a 3hr event. The O.P. didnt state he was a slob or leaves plates all over the place and dirty underwear, but i will say guys can be messy in nature.

 

Im telling you right now women.. this is a FAST track to losing you man. We don't even know if the guy is a blue collar or white collar worker. Men if your a slob and dont contribute in any manner this is a fast trackout the door.

 

And I agree if she is unhappy she should leave... but the burden of finding your own place, work fulltime, and go to school.

 

Go for it.

 

My advice... is don't leave and stop feeling your a "maid" your simply contributing and helping you and your boyfriend out for the greater good. His 8-10 hours of work should not end with washing dishes, cleaning, and cooking. Thats insane..

 

Yes... nag him and kill any time he has to relax and have time for him self before he has to go to bed to work the next day..

 

If both are working and/or equal paying hard jobs... thats another story...

 

Hey, every woman I know also works, not just the man. Just because the men make a third more than women is no reason we should have to pick up after them when they won't pick up after themselves.

 

This woman does have some things to weigh, but I guarantee you he isn't going to start doing his share of the housework even after she goes to work full-time. How you get started is how it stays, so it's important for her to figure out her priorities now.

[emsx0x]

So, I kind of need advice. I have a boyfriend who I've been dating for almost 4 years. We moved in together after we'd been together for 3 years where we lived 2 hours (by car) apart. I love him. He makes me laugh, jokes a lot and supports me and believes in me when I need to go to exams or look for jobs. He takes me out for dates and surprises me with tickets to shows etc.

I know he also wants to be with me, as we speak a lot about our future together.

 

My boyfriend has been very clear from the beginning, that he is a very honest guy. He tells me if he thinks I need to start working out again, if I've gained weight and even pin-points other parts of my body that could be "better". He thinks that nobody is ever perfect and that you can always change for the better and you should always strive to become better.

 

When I moved in to his apartment, I clearly stated that I did NOT want to do all the household chores and that we need to help each other out. I study and he has a full-time job. I told him that it would be ok for now, if he just vacuum and I cook, dust, do the dishes, clean, change sheets, etc. seeing as I'm home a lot more than he is (I only have school 12 hours a week). I however also told him, that when I get a full-time job, it would have to be split more equally. He said of course.

However, yesterday he told me otherwise. He tells me that household chores are my job and that when I get a full-time job, I would have to do them all when I get home. When things need to be dusted, he even sometimes writes "Clean me" on them, instead of just wiping them off.... I tell him that I feel like he doesn't appreciate everything I do, but just says it's nothing that should be appreciated, as it's "my job" and something that has to be done anyway. I also have to say that he is a MOMMAS BOY. When I'm visiting his parents, I see his dad doing the same to his mother, as my boyfriend does to me.. Before I moved in, he even always went to have dinner at his parents place.

 

I honestly don't know how to deal with it anymore and I really need some good advice here...?

 

Ew so much cringe, what a douchebag. Dump his misogynistic ass.

[Sweetfish]

Hey, every woman I know also works, not just the man. Just because the men make a third more than women is no reason we should have to pick up after them when they won't pick up after themselves.

 

Yes... understandable. But if you feel like a "maid" than he is obligated to feel like an 'ATM" see how this works?

 

This is the feminist agenda at work here.

 

I bet if you saw a women shoveling snow outside and the husband was watching TV in side. The man is a chauvinistic. Pig.. "How could he..!"

 

But what if the chores were being equally shared and it was her day to shovel. Why would a women submit her self to that if many men will make her life easier... (this thread is not about love) its about conditions right?

 

You don't think if a man works hard and comes home and does chorus after working 10 hours and is nagged and a hotter women tell him she would cook and clean for him everyday(which could be a lie lol)... (specially if he has options) he is not going to stray.

 

Again if the guy is a slob.. knock him in the head... but most likely your just going to end up with another slob.. maybe a BIGGER slob

 

You see how equality will own you... probably not.

 

Your playing with fire and for women who are single as they get older and .. the more you try to use this trump card, the more it will backfire in your face.. Why...because the quality of men decreases with age or should I say whats left is the men that women do not want at all.

 

 

 

Equality seems to be cherry picked...only when things are streamline does equality comes into play.. equality always manifest when life becomes easy..but when the lights cutout or the grid fails... all this "equality is null and void" Women and children first! Your serious your going to REALLY believe this is not how it is..? This equality thing has shifted to entitlement.

 

What happen if they decided that women should be equally drafted into war just like men.. Will you fight for that equality? The African Americans did even when they didn't have rights in the USA.

 

What about men who have to pay a higher car insurance premium? and etc and etc..

 

The household chores is just another cherry pick selection of things women want equal...because in the collective its something both genders are capable of doing... but once it something dirty, hard, COLD, or complex... the pony tails come out.. Im not being an A-hole its just true and the truth hurts.

 

 

Just a personal note.. I cook better than any woman I've dated or met and clean and do outside and indoor chores. I iron and do laundry and pick-up after my self and you know what? my personal experience has been that the women ends up or starting to feel inferior.. its almost like they feel they don't have a place or you took away their "motherly instinct" per se.

 

This woman does have some things to weigh, but I guarantee you he isn't going to start doing his share of the housework even after she goes to work full-time. How you get started is how it stays, so it's important for her to figure out her priorities now.

Again I agree 100%... he can easily back peddle and say... how he did X for so long and throw it back in her face. You can't turn into a amazonian women 4 years into the relationship ... just because you started working full time and think the relationship will sail smoothly. Its just not gonna happen. Love him for his faults or you just don't love him Edited February 24, 2017 by Sweetfish

[whichwayisup]

My boyfriend has been very clear from the beginning, that he is a very honest guy. He tells me if he thinks I need to start working out again, if I've gained weight and even pin-points other parts of my body that could be "better". He thinks that nobody is ever perfect and that you can always change for the better and you should always strive to become better.

 

This too, is an issue. It's one thing to kindly make suggestions in a non hurtful way but this seems like he's got control issues.

 

If you make a suggestion to him and are 'honest' with him in the same way, does he react okay to it or does he get angry? Just curious if it's a two way street there or is it more like he can dish it out but can't take it.

 

People should NOT be picking apart their spouses bodies. It's not their business or place (unless there's major health issues at play or really over weight, even then has to be said with kid gloves) to comment and point out flaws.

 

Laundry. He does his own, but why not do each others? Sheets, towels etc are anybody's job but why not combine your clothes together instead of you do yours and he does his?

[Els]

 

Men feel that working and providing is there way of providing love. (Many)

 

After working 10 hours you nag them into washing dishes or splitting chores and he is the breadwinner (that you don't care about his income) He will grow apart from you... He will feel his "LOVE" is not enough that your always nagging him.

 

I feel like we're going in circles a little bit here.

 

I do not disagree with this. Not all men feel this way, but some do, and it is a valid feeling. Also, some of those men are good men, yes. And there are some happy Rs where the man provides and the woman takes care of the house. Assuming both parties are happy, no issues there.

 

BUT. The OP's bf is not providing. He is not the breadwinner. You cannot possibly be a 'breadwinner' if you split the rent and the bills down the middle. Breadwinners pay for the essential stuff. Dates and gifts and gym memberships are luxuries and if you want to pay for that, that could be a bonus to the other party, but it's not anywhere close to providing. To call that "providing" would be to say that a woman is "taking care of the entire house" if she bakes for him and gives him a massage once a week. Both of the above are nice but they are just extras. The bread-and-butter of maintaining a house together are rent/bills and cleaning/cooking. Trading one for the other is okay. Only a fool would take up all or even the majority of the cleaning/cooking solely for some free dates.

 

We're not even getting into him leaving those passive-aggressive "clean me" notes yet, or him saying cleaning is her job just because of her gender....