d0nnivain Posted February 19, 2017 Share Posted February 19, 2017 Joga You implied that she had a problem with boundaries in the past. If she has learned from that, her occasionally spending time without you in any setting is fine. A repeated pattern of bad behavior -- compounded by out of control drinking -- does not merit complete trust. You are not obligated to continue to give someone the benefit of the doubt if that person repeatedly breaks your trust. As optimistic & Pollyanna as I can be, doesn't mean certain repeated questionable behaviors do not merit suspicion. Be careful Trusting but careful. If you learn she can't be trusted, then cut your losses. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Joga_31 Posted February 19, 2017 Author Share Posted February 19, 2017 Joga You implied that she had a problem with boundaries in the past. If she has learned from that, her occasionally spending time without you in any setting is fine. A repeated pattern of bad behavior -- compounded by out of control drinking -- does not merit complete trust. You are not obligated to continue to give someone the benefit of the doubt if that person repeatedly breaks your trust. As optimistic & Pollyanna as I can be, doesn't mean certain repeated questionable behaviors do not merit suspicion. Be careful Trusting but careful. If you learn she can't be trusted, then cut your losses. Yeah she did learn from that big time. She called me today and told me everything that happened last night. She also consumes less alcohol because she knows of stupid things that can happen. She knows me for 1 year. She knows what I like and don't like. I feel pretty ok today with what she told me and she seems happy just tired from night out yesterday and gym today. Going to see her later today, I told her to just relax at home. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted February 19, 2017 Share Posted February 19, 2017 Yeah she did learn from that big time. She called me today and told me everything that happened last night. She also consumes less alcohol because she knows of stupid things that can happen. She knows me for 1 year. She knows what I like and don't like. I feel pretty ok today with what she told me and she seems happy just tired from night out yesterday and gym today. Going to see her later today, I told her to just relax at home. I hate to say it, but its over. You just don't know its over. I still live at home and also help my family financially. I am 26 and live in a expensive city and had a goal of becoming a nurse. But can't seem to pay off my credit card debt due to all the finances. This is preventing me from starting school. This is all that matters... Point blank. Bitter truth hurts Link to post Share on other sites
Author Joga_31 Posted February 19, 2017 Author Share Posted February 19, 2017 I hate to say it, but its over. You just don't know its over. This is all that matters... Point blank. Bitter truth hurts yes you are right Link to post Share on other sites
Poutrew Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Yeah she did learn from that big time. She called me today and told me everything that happened last night. She also consumes less alcohol because she knows of stupid things that can happen. She knows me for 1 year. She knows what I like and don't like. I feel pretty ok today with what she told me and she seems happy just tired from night out yesterday and gym today. Going to see her later today, I told her to just relax at home. Joga, think about that phone call. Examine it in your mind, coldly and dispassionately. Did she sound like she was reading from a prepared speech? Or, was it natural sounding, and off the cuff? Did she have an agenda she was fulfilling when she told you 'everything' that she did last night? If she was simply marking bullet points off as she was reporting to you, then you know it was just a way to create an alibi...But if it wasn't, and she seemed sincere in her retelling her activities to you, then you need to ask yourself this really important question: If she has no problem telling you 'everything that happened' to her last night, why would she have a problem with you actually being there to experience it first hand? And, no, her girlfriends are not bringing their men with them to the club because they want to make the one single woman who has no boyfriend feel comfortable. If that were the case, then I can picture all the women sitting quietly in their seats while the single girl was putting her moves on all the alpha men and then high fiving her when she leaves with her pick-up for a night of steamy sex while the other gals just sit demurely, sipping their Pina Coladas...Sorry man, but you are being lied to by a professional prevaricator who is using your own sensibilities against you so she can cake eat while she leaves you home to unplug the toilet... Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 No, no. no. I will go a bit further than the others. Based on your other threads, no doubt about is she is and has been sleeping around on you for a while. I guess she likes you in the sack enough to screw you when she comes over but that is about it. You have been a fool with this girl, bottom line. If you like screwing her on your off nights fine. But if you think she is long term relationship material that is just silly. You are a F*** buddy and that is all. This is if you are screwing her every time she comes over. Seriously dude, you need to wake up and stop devoting yourself to this girl. Unless you like that fact that she is screwing other men, and hey that is a valid fetish I guess???? But no, you are the comfortable safe second choice guy. If you are ok with that then continue like you are doing. If you want to be number one then you need to GET OUT OF YOUR PARENTS HOUSE, become a real, complete young man and stop dating her yesterday. Further, this is not the first time you have heard this, it really is time that you woke up about what is going on with her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NoCompass Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 I guess she likes you in the sack enough to screw you when she comes over but that is about it. Nah. I'd say he is being used for money and convenience. That kind of doormat behavior does not turn anyone in bed. Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 (edited) I read your other threads. You are controlling and insecure because you and your girlfriend are not compatible. It's obvious that there is a lot you like about her and that she is very good looking and maybe you feel that you can't do any better so you keep trying to hang in there. You're allowing yourself do put up with stuff that is causing you a ton of grief. You're not going to change who you are. She is younger and likes clubbing and doesn't want to feel constrained by you. You've been there and done that. You know what it was like to go clubbing with the guys and you know what can happen with good looking girls. Big difference between 26 and 21 and say 36 and 31. I think one of two things is going to happen in the near future (and no one needs to be a fortune teller to tell you this). 1. She is going to try and appease you again this time and then you'll be back on here in a few weeks when the same thing or something similar happens again to make you feel insecure (she doesn't respect your feelings but you already know this). 2. You'll be on here because she just broke up with you because you were too controlling and she wants her freedom (which also probably means she has met someone else to replace you with who is more compatible) and you'll want to try and figure out how to get her back. You know what you need to do. You've been given more than enough good advice on here. You might want to read back over all of your past threads. Edited February 20, 2017 by dumbass2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Joga_31 Posted February 24, 2017 Author Share Posted February 24, 2017 No, no. no. I will go a bit further than the others. Based on your other threads, no doubt about is she is and has been sleeping around on you for a while. I guess she likes you in the sack enough to screw you when she comes over but that is about it. You have been a fool with this girl, bottom line. If you like screwing her on your off nights fine. But if you think she is long term relationship material that is just silly. You are a F*** buddy and that is all. This is if you are screwing her every time she comes over. Seriously dude, you need to wake up and stop devoting yourself to this girl. Unless you like that fact that she is screwing other men, and hey that is a valid fetish I guess???? But no, you are the comfortable safe second choice guy. If you are ok with that then continue like you are doing. If you want to be number one then you need to GET OUT OF YOUR PARENTS HOUSE, become a real, complete young man and stop dating her yesterday. Further, this is not the first time you have heard this, it really is time that you woke up about what is going on with her. I don't understand, how I am the second guy if I see her almost daily and has planned a trip where I meet her parents. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Joga_31 Posted February 24, 2017 Author Share Posted February 24, 2017 Nah. I'd say he is being used for money and convenience. That kind of doormat behavior does not turn anyone in bed. you are being very offensive, I am not rich by the way. Link to post Share on other sites
sunking101 Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 I am totally fine with this and trust my GF 100%. We have a pretty simple promise to each other - before anything, even flirting, would happen we both promised we would come to the other person and disclose/talk about it. That's a super easy promise to keep - right? Just bring it up before it happens. So until I get that phone call or text or visit, I trust her 100% and she trusts me. Heck I even told her to go to the Thunder Down Under show that's in town with her friends. I just made her promise to do it at a time when I am in town - because I want to reap the benefits when she comes home all hot and bothered. Ha! Sometimes impulse, and not to mention alcohol make plans and promises go out the window. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Joga_31 Posted February 24, 2017 Author Share Posted February 24, 2017 Sometimes impulse, and not to mention alcohol make plans and promises go out the window. True. Very true Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 (edited) Hi Joga, I think it's a little bit rash to find red flags. I don't see any red flags. Everything seems Ok with her wanting to go out with her Gfs. But you definitely should be ware of the future and try to establish some insights and later setting some boundaries and rules. First, there is nothing wrong for your girlfriend to hang out with friends or gfs. The thing is that dancing clubs are also known as "pickup clubs". When guys see a bunch of girls, they hit on them. When you're not a teenager anymore, things tend to blend, and sometimes it's also Ok to hang out with a mix of friends. If I plan to hang out with guy friends and my wife wants to join, I'll never say "you're not invited", but I'll say "you're invited but you'll feel not belong there". It means that she shouldn't come, but she has the option and it's her decision. That's how she feels better, even if the outcome is the same because she never joins. What I'm saying is this: If it's not a fundamental rule like "guys are forbidden always with no exceptions". and if sometimes you can join to get to know her friends too, and if they hang out also in other places than clubbing, than I think everything is Ok. But if you're always excluded as an iron rule, and she never wants you to meet her new friends, and if they always go to "pickup scene" places like clubs, and always only girls, than I would put a boundary in this case. Edited February 24, 2017 by lolablue17 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Joga_31 Posted February 26, 2017 Author Share Posted February 26, 2017 Hi Joga, I think it's a little bit rash to find red flags. I don't see any red flags. Everything seems Ok with her wanting to go out with her Gfs. But you definitely should be ware of the future and try to establish some insights and later setting some boundaries and rules. First, there is nothing wrong for your girlfriend to hang out with friends or gfs. The thing is that dancing clubs are also known as "pickup clubs". When guys see a bunch of girls, they hit on them. When you're not a teenager anymore, things tend to blend, and sometimes it's also Ok to hang out with a mix of friends. If I plan to hang out with guy friends and my wife wants to join, I'll never say "you're not invited", but I'll say "you're invited but you'll feel not belong there". It means that she shouldn't come, but she has the option and it's her decision. That's how she feels better, even if the outcome is the same because she never joins. What I'm saying is this: If it's not a fundamental rule like "guys are forbidden always with no exceptions". and if sometimes you can join to get to know her friends too, and if they hang out also in other places than clubbing, than I think everything is Ok. But if you're always excluded as an iron rule, and she never wants you to meet her new friends, and if they always go to "pickup scene" places like clubs, and always only girls, than I would put a boundary in this case. she has taken me to meet other friends, and have met a couple times with her to hit the club Link to post Share on other sites
WomenWubber Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 Trustful is good but it wouldn't hurt to be cautious (and by this I mean use protection when having sex with her and get checked periodically for STDs/STIs). Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 My girlfriend is going clubbing on Saturday with her friends she told me no boyfriends. Her friends have boyfriends except one, the idea is that because that one girlfriend has no boyfriend then they don't want to exclude her. I didn't argue, or question it. She even asked me, if it is ok. I said go out there have fun and we can see each other on Sunday. My girlfriend sees me almost daily which is why I did not make a fuss this time. Plus I think that if I give her the space she needs, then I will also get the space I need if I want to hang with the guys or just plain need alone time. I also want her to feel like I trust her even though I am insecure. I am still not the biggest fan of the idea though. Will that feeling always remain? me and my girlfriend have been together for one year. I had lost my wife over girls night out. When I hear this word I remembered what I had gone through. But even if you trust her if she gets drunk all sorts of things can happen. Mine came home drunk at 3 am. In other countries women don't do this girls night out. If she's with you she should be with you there is no need to go out and hang with women with no boyfriends or want you all to hang-out with other men so they can buy you drinks and etc. She has you waiting for her at home and she's out with her friends. Another thing you can do is tell her you'll go out with your guy friends out. But she can't say anything about that because she's doing the same thing. I had GF who did this told me her friends she knew longer than me. But she starts to talk to strange men at the bar and calls me up drunk. I feel if you don't want to hang around the guy your dating and seeing your friends who might want to chill once a week or once a month might sound fun but what are you suppose to do if something is not right? Have you sat and spoke to her about this? Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 she has taken me to meet other friends, and have met a couple times with her to hit the club Then you have your answer then? Link to post Share on other sites
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