Girlfriend and nights out (I am not invited)

[Sweetfish]

I am 26 years old she is 22 and we have been together for 1 year. I have been invited to meet her mom and dad in Hong Kong this spring.

 

All the advise you read above..... I would take with 1 grain of salt.

 

I think the other posters are reading girls night out and saying your insecure... but now when you plug in the ages and being passive about this in my opinion can equally hurt you. If this is just a girls night out once in blue moon. Don't worry. If its a frequent event... worry.

Edited February 18, 2017 by Sweetfish

[Joga_31]

All the advise you read above..... I would take with 1 grain of salt.

 

I think the other posters are reading girls night out and saying your insecure... but now when you plug in the ages and being passive about this in my opinion can equally hurt you. If this is just a girls night out once in blue moon. Don't worry. If its a frequent event... worry.

Why do I need to worry? Also I wonder what activity I can do tonight to stop thinking about it. She stated again she feels happy I give her space needed. Said the relationship has improved.

Edited February 18, 2017 by Joga_31

[Poutrew]

If she wants to go out with her friends and not you, there is nothing you can do about it. If you complain even once, you will get the 'you are controlling' talk. If she is going to cheat, again there is nothing you can do to prevent it. She is an adult. One clue you can look for is if her attitude towards you changes. If she seems to not value you anymore, or appears to date you out of 'obligation', look out. If she is always on her phone, texting her 'gf's' at all hours and hides her phone or disconnects whenever you get close enough to see the screen, another red flag. Also, how does she feel about you 'going out' with your friends? Fair is fair...

 

If this is the beginning of the end of your relationship, again, there is nothing you can do about it - this is a conscious choice she has made. All you can do is walk away with your dignity... maybe I am rather cynical where human relationships are concerned, but if you eventually post that your girlfriend was caught with other men because of this, not a single one of the posters who are telling you to not be a controlling dork will post a 'I'm sorry, I was wrong' followup...

[Joga_31]

If she wants to go out with her friends and not you, there is nothing you can do about it. If you complain even once, you will get the 'you are controlling' talk. If she is going to cheat, again there is nothing you can do to prevent it. She is an adult. One clue you can look for is if her attitude towards you changes. If she seems to not value you anymore, or appears to date you out of 'obligation', look out. If she is always on her phone, texting her 'gf's' at all hours and hides her phone or disconnects whenever you get close enough to see the screen, another red flag. Also, how does she feel about you 'going out' with your friends? Fair is fair...

 

If this is the beginning of the end of your relationship, again, there is nothing you can do about it - this is a conscious choice she has made. All you can do is walk away with your dignity... maybe I am rather cynical where human relationships are concerned, but if you eventually post that your girlfriend was caught with other men because of this, not a single one of the posters who are telling you to not be a controlling dork will post a 'I'm sorry, I was wrong' followup...

 

Everything you posted I agree with. That is why I decided to keep my feeling to myself and discuss it on here.

[d0nnivain]

Why do I need to worry? Also I wonder what activity I can do tonight to stop thinking about it. She stated again she feels happy I give her space needed. Said the relationship has improved.

 

 

Go out with your friends. If that is not an option, make yourself a great dinner & rent a movie.

[Joga_31]

Go out with your friends. If that is not an option, make yourself a great dinner & rent a movie.

 

I texted my friends and they are busy. Said next week they will club. So I guess I will workout and read a book and play video games with a good bath then sleep.

[Chilli]

Try the same and see how she likes it.lf she's cool about you clubbing with mates then all is fair.

But l'll bet she isn't . Once maybe ok but try it weekly the way she does.

[NoCompass]

My girlfriend is going clubbing on Saturday with her friends she told me no boyfriends.

 

Her friends have boyfriends except one, the idea is that because that one girlfriend has no boyfriend then they don't want to exclude her.

 

 

Clubbing with a 'no boyfriends' rule? On a prime dating night like Saturday? Red Flag Extraordinaire. What do you think these 22 year old girls do in the club my friend? Just innocently practice Beyoncé's latest dance moves? Are you that naïve? Do you know what clubs are for? No boyfriends is a code word for we will be 'single ladies' for a night and we want no complications. Whether that night will only have 'getting hitting on' (at a minimum) or 'full on making out or going home with a stranger" (at a maximum) is open for debate but we all know what clubbing is and why single girls go there. Don't listen to "you are insecure if you have an issue" BS. Wake up.

[Els]

I'm personally not a fan of the clubbing scene, but I can acknowledge that some people who are happily partnered-up do go clubbing with their friends and without their partner, especially if the idea is for it to be a girls' night out. It's healthy for people to hang out with their own friends occasionally, without the partner present.

 

Personally I also wouldn't want to be with a person who felt the need to go clubbing very frequently, but if it's a once-in-a-blue-moon thing, sure, go for it.

[Marc878]

You're young and not tied down. Maybe you are not right for each other.

 

The time to figure that out is now not later.

 

Not everyone in a relationship is bound to stay together.

[d0nnivain]

So? It's Sunday morning. How did things go?

[Joga_31]

So? It's Sunday morning. How did things go?

 

WOW confusing stuff in this thread, some people say I am getting cheated on and a fool and others are saying let her be.

 

I went with the let her be option.

 

I don't know yet, but she was excited to see me today for lunch and I know she said she was going to gym at 10:30.

 

Right now it is 9:47 am where I live and I just woke up. So we will see what happens.

 

I'll let her do what she wants, but yes certainly when I decide to club, I will do so and remind her of her nights out if she starts to throw a fit.

[Joga_31]

I thought this is article was pretty good

https://therationalmale.com/2012/08/27/girls-night-out/comment-page-2/

[d0nnivain]

I'll let her do what she wants, but yes certainly when I decide to club, I will do so and remind her of her nights out if she starts to throw a fit.

 

 

Good morning.

 

 

The fact that she wants to see you is a good sign. She's probably happy you were so mature about it & not a paranoid jealous lunatic. She's also up & in her regular routine. Another good sign.

 

 

If she does this every week, it's get concerned, but once in a while not so bad. Ask for more notice so you can plan something with your boys next time.

 

 

Tit for tat revenge is a petty strategy. Be better than that.

 

 

Enjoy brunch.

[Joga_31]

Good morning.

 

 

The fact that she wants to see you is a good sign. She's probably happy you were so mature about it & not a paranoid jealous lunatic. She's also up & in her regular routine. Another good sign.

 

 

If she does this every week, it's get concerned, but once in a while not so bad. Ask for more notice so you can plan something with your boys next time.

 

 

Tit for tat revenge is a petty strategy. Be better than that.

 

 

Enjoy brunch.

I notice she is starting to do this every week, last week she went out for wings and drinks with the same friends, but told me all about when came back and was happy as hell! But in the past I told her cool down your clubbing or I will leave. Since then she has cool down.

 

My girlfriend sees me like everyday, and she seems very interested in me, especially since I am not the one asking to see her daily.

 

I don't see signs of disinterest. I feel like that one day or two she is out, is her day she is with friends. Thanks for the comments.

[d0nnivain]

You have to be open to her doing things without you. Spending time apart from a romantic interest actually strengthens the relationship. Things can get stale if you are together 24/7 with no other interests.

 

 

See if she's willing to compromise & include you once in a while.

 

 

I enjoy occasional time alone with my girlfriends, no boys allowed, but we often do things open to everybody couples & singles. It helps to cut down on the drama that SOs think our get togethers are about anything other than spending time with each other.

[Poutrew]

I notice she is starting to do this every week, last week she went out for wings and drinks with the same friends, but told me all about when came back and was happy as hell! But in the past I told her cool down your clubbing or I will leave. Since then she has cool down.

 

My girlfriend sees me like everyday, and she seems very interested in me, especially since I am not the one asking to see her daily.

 

I don't see signs of disinterest. I feel like that one day or two she is out, is her day she is with friends. Thanks for the comments.

 

Ironically, one of the biggest red flags I know of is if after she comes home, she is super interested / ultra horney with you. It is because there is someone at the club that got her motor running, and unless she is closet bi with her girlfriends, it is another man...some passive things you can do is to closely inspect her body when you are having sex with her: I busted an ex gf this way when she came home with a bite mark on her bum Another thing to watch out for: Does she take a shower when she gets home from clubbing? She could be washing that man out of her hair (literally. A college pal busted his cheating gf when he came across a dried gob of semen in her hair she had missed)... maybe inspect her panties in the laundry basket for 'drippings', or use a semen test kit (as long as you know that those panties were clean before she left... Don't expect her to be acting guilty if she is doing something bad. If all her girlfriends are doing it, she could be justifying it in her own mind by telling herself that it is fine as long as it isn't just her that is cheating... Something more direct you could do is to place a VAR in her car before she goes out - it'll give you your answers almost immediately. OP, from how you describe her behavior, and how it seems to be escalating, I am not getting good vibes from her actions. If she has gotten in with the wrong crowd, I am afraid that she is doing something naughty behind your back...

[Joga_31]

Ironically, one of the biggest red flags I know of is if after she comes home, she is super interested / ultra horney with you. It is because there is someone at the club that got her motor running, and unless she is closet bi with her girlfriends, it is another man...some passive things you can do is to closely inspect her body when you are having sex with her: I busted an ex gf this way when she came home with a bite mark on her bum Another thing to watch out for: Does she take a shower when she gets home from clubbing? She could be washing that man out of her hair (literally. A college pal busted his cheating gf when he came across a dried gob of semen in her hair she had missed)... maybe inspect her panties in the laundry basket for 'drippings', or use a semen test kit (as long as you know that those panties were clean before she left... Don't expect her to be acting guilty if she is doing something bad. If all her girlfriends are doing it, she could be justifying it in her own mind by telling herself that it is fine as long as it isn't just her that is cheating... Something more direct you could do is to place a VAR in her car before she goes out - it'll give you your answers almost immediately. OP, from how you describe her behavior, and how it seems to be escalating, I am not getting good vibes from her actions. If she has gotten in with the wrong crowd, I am afraid that she is doing something naughty behind your back...

 

stop putting ideas in my head. lol

[NoCompass]

stop putting ideas in my head. lol

 

If you wanna bury your head into the sand, you are up for a surprising awakening. You are not the only guy who came here with that exact same problem. People here tell you what they think based on experience and data. Suit yourself.

[Joga_31]

If you wanna bury your head into the sand, you are up for a surprising awakening. You are not the only guy who came here with that exact same problem. People here tell you what they think based on experience and data. Suit yourself.

 

the only person that should bury their head in the sand is yourself.

[NoCompass]

the only person that should bury their head in the sand is yourself.

 

No need for a personal attack Mr. Cuckold. Don't come crying back here when you are cheated on. You are not the first and you won't be the last.

[NoCompass]

No need for a personal attack Mr. Cuckold. Don't come crying back here when you are cheated on. You are not the first and you won't be the last.

 

Had a good laugh after I noticed your other threads:

 

 

Kissing a friend in front of you while drunk?

Girlfriend and her friend's 3 week holiday visit

Girlfriend going to Las Vegas for 3 nights (Bachelorette)

Girlfriend and Nights Out (I am not invited)

Am I too controlling or am I being played?

Girlfriend and finances, do I let her go?

 

 

Oh boy! You are gonna learn the hard way, aren't you? Good luck!

[enddeck]

the only person that should bury their head in the sand is yourself.

 

Buddy you came on this forum asking for advice.Now the way I see it is your girlfriend prefers to spend her Saturday nights with her new "friends"rather than you and if you were completely ok with this you would not be posting on loveshack.Insulting people who are giving you advice based on their own experiences is very immature but may also be the reason your gf went out without you anyway. Don't ask Internet strangers for advice if you are not prepared to hear things you may disagree with.

[NoCompass]

Buddy you came on this forum asking for advice.Now the way I see it is your girlfriend prefers to spend her Saturday nights with her new "friends"rather than you and if you were completely ok with this you would not be posting on loveshack.Insulting people who are giving you advice based on their own experiences is very immature but may also be the reason your gf went out without you anyway. Don't ask Internet strangers for advice if you are not prepared to hear things you may disagree with.

 

This guy is in denial and he knows he is in denial. His other posts (about the same girl, I imagine) indicates:

 

- She wants to eat out all the time and take cabs everywhere at his expense [OP covers expenses 3-4 days a week and can't start school as a result]

- He admits he doesn't trust her and that he is being walked all over

- She goes out to nightclubs regularly (staying up to 4am), and with a guy (roommate) but not the bf

- She supposedly doesn't have money but goes to Las Vegas for Bachelorette parties

- She kisses others (apparently happened twice) when she goes clubbing. One of these kissing happened right in front of him!

 

These are observations just reading the first posts of those threads. Jesus Christ man!

Edited February 19, 2017 by NoCompass

[Joga_31]

Had a good laugh after I noticed your other threads:

 

 

Kissing a friend in front of you while drunk?

Girlfriend and her friend's 3 week holiday visit

Girlfriend going to Las Vegas for 3 nights (Bachelorette)

Girlfriend and Nights Out (I am not invited)

Am I too controlling or am I being played?

Girlfriend and finances, do I let her go?

 

 

Oh boy! You are gonna learn the hard way, aren't you? Good luck!

 

So if my girlfriend learned about my boundaries the night she kissed someone else, I should not give her a 2nd chance?

 

When her friends came to visit from Hong Kong I should stop her from seeing them?

 

When the Las Vegas bachelorette happens I should not let her go and not enjoy being with her ladies?

 

what do you suggest one should do? I mean it sounds like you want me to control her. I am just trying to take the high ground and not act insecure and to challenge myself for the first time in my relationships by giving people their space.

Edited February 19, 2017 by Joga_31