Author Dis Posted February 15, 2017 Author Posted February 15, 2017 I'm giving up. This is so sad and frustrating and shocking. What am I doing so wrong that I cant find what I'm looking for? Why is this so hard? Its been 1.5 years of dating and nothing has stuck I'm really lost for words about my failure of a dating life. I dont know what to say anymore. I cried last night. I never cry. I'm just so sad and disappointed about this This ONE thing I want in life is a partner to share it with. I would give up my 4.0GPA and my nursing career for that one thing. Its like nothing in my life has substance or meaning becuase I dont have someone to share it with. I'm so lonely and tired of this. I'm crying now writing this. Its not that I'm not ok on my own its just that I'm 30 years old and I'm ready for the next chapter. I want a family and kids. I feel so stagnant, my life feels empty. I never had a problem being on my own in the past but now I'm so frustrated by it. I think about it all the time...Why it hasnt happened? When is it going to happen? Is it ever going to happen? Its like being without the one thing you want most in life and not knowing if or when you're ever going to have it...its torture. I'm just done
Gaeta Posted February 15, 2017 Posted February 15, 2017 might be some truth to it!. But my experiences have been with guys who on the other end of the spectrum -- ones who have been on there years. That "internet shopping" mentality can be hard to break out of. There is always the exception that confirms the rule. I was online 3,5 years when I met my BF. I was the first and only woman he met online. I have never told him I had met close to 200 men over these years. On his end he communicated with 3 women before me but they all disappeared after 2-3 weeks of chatting and never meeting him. Him and I had totally different experience while online. What played in his favor though is the fact he had been divorced for 2 years and had dated off line. He was a newbie but the fact he was not freshly out of a relationship played heavily in my decision to meet him. 1
Gaeta Posted February 15, 2017 Posted February 15, 2017 I'm giving up. This is so sad and frustrating and shocking. What am I doing so wrong that I cant find what I'm looking for? Why is this so hard? Its been 1.5 years of dating and nothing has stuck I'm really lost for words about my failure of a dating life. I dont know what to say anymore. I cried last night. I never cry. I'm just so sad and disappointed about this This ONE thing I want in life is a partner to share it with. I would give up my 4.0GPA and my nursing career for that one thing. Its like nothing in my life has substance or meaning becuase I dont have someone to share it with. I'm so lonely and tired of this. I'm crying now writing this. Its not that I'm not ok on my own its just that I'm 30 years old and I'm ready for the next chapter. I want a family and kids. I feel so stagnant, my life feels empty. I never had a problem being on my own in the past but now I'm so frustrated by it. I think about it all the time...Why it hasnt happened? When is it going to happen? Is it ever going to happen? Its like being without the one thing you want most in life and not knowing if or when you're ever going to have it...its torture. I'm just done aawww honey! big hugs!! I remember going through these moments, they are just that 'vulnerable moments'. You allow yourself to feel miserable for a moment then get back on the saddle. When you meet the right guy it will all unfold smoothly and naturally with no efforts. Because of the hard work it took you will appreciate him even more. I was single 10 years and in those 10 years I was online 3,5 years before I met BF. Now I look back and I am glad it didn't stick with any of the men I met before because I would not be with my BF and he surpasses by far all the men I met before. 5
elaine567 Posted February 15, 2017 Posted February 15, 2017 Why lie about 2 years? Who really cares if he is 37 or 39? 3
Author Dis Posted February 15, 2017 Author Posted February 15, 2017 The age lie....he told you the truth. OLD is one big bait and switch anyway. Little red flag. The love bombing and similarities to the ex. Run. It sounds like he is giving you the reel. Using words like "husband" "father" and projecting all your views and emulating them. Cut the cord... good thing the dating gods got in your way. Ya he was calling me gorgeous and laying on the compliments...not a great sign. I like a compliment but ...he seemed a little over the top with them I briefly told him how I havent had the best luck with OLD and he kept saying, "Dont worry, you'll be just fine. You're so smart and you're stunning. Dont worry about that at all. You'll be fine." He kept going on and on like that. almost like how a parent would soothe a crying child....but I didnt even make a big deal out of it so...it was just odd The dating Gods saved me! Hahaha!
Author Dis Posted February 15, 2017 Author Posted February 15, 2017 Speaking of the dating Gods and my accident Maybe I should bake the firemen some cookies...they were very helpful and protective of me Dating Gods please let one of them be singleeee!!! Lol! 3
CaliforniaGirl Posted February 15, 2017 Posted February 15, 2017 Why lie about 2 years? Who really cares if he is 37 or 39? On some sites/apps, people of certain ages are prevented automatically from communicating with people outside that age group. That's just one reason I've heard. I can't remember which one, maybe POF, but anyway...I know I've heard that it prevents people more than I think 15 years older from contacting one another. If it's just a difference of a couple "more" years that is one reason some people flat-out lie about their ages...I think more usually men, but who knows, women probably do this too. And yep, it's wrong, slimy, icky, etc., etc..please don't think I'm supporting; I'm not, I'm just giving what I've heard is one M.O. Another, I would think, is that despite the whole "men can 'pull' women 20 years younger...look at X rich famous celebrity, HE'S doing it, ergo, so can you" bit, stats of who ends up marrying whom show extreme age gaps to also be in the extreme minority. Sure, everybody's got a "story" but stats don't lie. Marriage stats are marriage stats and there you have it. So I think when some guys re-enter the dating world, say, after a divorce and get slapped with the shock that 20-years-younger women DON'T as a huge mass of pushing hotbodies go running to them for a little action, well, then they...fudge. (Yeah, lie.) Some think "I still look JUST like I did in college," others aren't that dumb and post old pics, as the case with this guy the OP is describing. So there are reasons. And IMO, they're pretty obvious ones. Come to think of it, I recall on another forum, a woman said she lied and made herself "younger" simply because men her age and even 10 years older refused to approach her (their!!) age group, full-stop. That's sad, too. Oh well. 1
bluefeather Posted February 15, 2017 Posted February 15, 2017 Not saying you should or shouldn't date this guy, but lying right off the bat should probably be a pretty big flag. Also, he sounds kind of condescending. He sounded remarkably similar to my ex...So similar it was bizzare...but I know that means nothing Actually, that could mean a lot. Look back at people who ask things like, "Why do I always end up with these types of people?" Well, it's probably because they go looking for these types, and when they see similarities of the past in a new partner, ignore the warning signs and pursue anyway. I'm giving up. This is so sad and frustrating and shocking. What am I doing so wrong that I cant find what I'm looking for? Why is this so hard? Its been 1.5 years of dating and nothing has stuck I'm really lost for words about my failure of a dating life. I dont know what to say anymore. I cried last night. I never cry. I'm just so sad and disappointed about this This ONE thing I want in life is a partner to share it with. I would give up my 4.0GPA and my nursing career for that one thing. Its like nothing in my life has substance or meaning becuase I dont have someone to share it with. I'm so lonely and tired of this. I'm crying now writing this. Its not that I'm not ok on my own its just that I'm 30 years old and I'm ready for the next chapter. I want a family and kids. I feel so stagnant, my life feels empty. I never had a problem being on my own in the past but now I'm so frustrated by it. I think about it all the time...Why it hasnt happened? When is it going to happen? Is it ever going to happen? Its like being without the one thing you want most in life and not knowing if or when you're ever going to have it...its torture. I'm just done Don't give up. Maybe he's out there, looking for you, thinking the same thing! 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted February 15, 2017 Posted February 15, 2017 Speaking of the dating Gods and my accident Maybe I should bake the firemen some cookies...they were very helpful and protective of me Dating Gods please let one of them be singleeee!!! Lol! Dis, don't worry. Some day, somebody is going to enjoy your cookies. 2
introverted1 Posted February 15, 2017 Posted February 15, 2017 I'm giving up. This is so sad and frustrating and shocking. What am I doing so wrong that I cant find what I'm looking for? Why is this so hard? Its been 1.5 years of dating and nothing has stuck I'm really lost for words about my failure of a dating life. I dont know what to say anymore. I cried last night. I never cry. I'm just so sad and disappointed about this This ONE thing I want in life is a partner to share it with. I would give up my 4.0GPA and my nursing career for that one thing. Its like nothing in my life has substance or meaning becuase I dont have someone to share it with. I'm so lonely and tired of this. I'm crying now writing this. Its not that I'm not ok on my own its just that I'm 30 years old and I'm ready for the next chapter. I want a family and kids. I feel so stagnant, my life feels empty. I never had a problem being on my own in the past but now I'm so frustrated by it. I think about it all the time...Why it hasnt happened? When is it going to happen? Is it ever going to happen? Its like being without the one thing you want most in life and not knowing if or when you're ever going to have it...its torture. I'm just done Dis, you are better than this guy. I think you need to put the word out to friends, classmates, and co-workers that you are interested in being introduced to a nice single man. It's easy to assume that everyone knows this, but I bet many people do not. You never know. 2
thecrucible Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 Hey Dis, Hope you're feeling a bit better. I think I know how you feel. I have my moments with the single tears too sometimes. The guy does seem to be throwing up red flags and that comment would have struck me too as well as the effusive compliments. I've dated guys like that too. They gave me lots of attention straight up but in reality they weren't emotionally available for a relationship. And as for lying about the pics - that would be worrying too. A guy I was supposed to meet cancelled on me because of the pics issue so I can see why it would turn people off. I don't get it regarding lying about age although I do see the odd profile where they say they can't change their age. However I think if people use the wrong age on their profile to help with searches, they could at least state their real age in the profile text. Phone calls can reveal so much. I once cancelled a planned date because of a phone call. I don't usually do them before meeting but something he said put me off during that phone call and my intuition said it was a bad idea to meet. I don't know if you've come across the blog 'Baggage Reclaim' but I like to read it now and again for a few pointers. And when you think about it, you know enough info not to waste your time now. The feeling of wasting your time can be pretty jading. 2
Author Dis Posted February 16, 2017 Author Posted February 16, 2017 Not saying you should or shouldn't date this guy, but lying right off the bat should probably be a pretty big flag. Also, he sounds kind of condescending. Actually, that could mean a lot. Look back at people who ask things like, "Why do I always end up with these types of people?" Well, it's probably because they go looking for these types, and when they see similarities of the past in a new partner, ignore the warning signs and pursue anyway. Don't give up. Maybe he's out there, looking for you, thinking the same thing! The bold is very true. Looking back on my convo with him, I think the universe was testing me to see if I'd repeat my mistakes or learn from them and make wiser choices I making a very wise choice to opt out of this date And thank you so much for your kind words! I need them 2
Author Dis Posted February 16, 2017 Author Posted February 16, 2017 Dis, you are better than this guy. I think you need to put the word out to friends, classmates, and co-workers that you are interested in being introduced to a nice single man. It's easy to assume that everyone knows this, but I bet many people do not. You never know. Hey introverted! Oh all my friends know about my situation lol. Its a huge topic of discussion...but they dont know anyone My friends in my clinical look out for me though. When we're at the hospital and they see a cute guy they let me know...andddd then I'm too afraid to say anything to the guy so...I'm going to have to work on that
Author Dis Posted February 16, 2017 Author Posted February 16, 2017 Dis, don't worry. Some day, somebody is going to enjoy your cookies. I literally said, "Awww" when I read this Thanks California! 1
Author Dis Posted February 16, 2017 Author Posted February 16, 2017 I think a big reason why I'm still single is because I dont go out a lot All my friends are either married or busy with their kids
Author Dis Posted February 16, 2017 Author Posted February 16, 2017 Hey Dis, Hope you're feeling a bit better. I think I know how you feel. I have my moments with the single tears too sometimes. The guy does seem to be throwing up red flags and that comment would have struck me too as well as the effusive compliments. I've dated guys like that too. They gave me lots of attention straight up but in reality they weren't emotionally available for a relationship. And as for lying about the pics - that would be worrying too. A guy I was supposed to meet cancelled on me because of the pics issue so I can see why it would turn people off. I don't get it regarding lying about age although I do see the odd profile where they say they can't change their age. However I think if people use the wrong age on their profile to help with searches, they could at least state their real age in the profile text. Phone calls can reveal so much. I once cancelled a planned date because of a phone call. I don't usually do them before meeting but something he said put me off during that phone call and my intuition said it was a bad idea to meet. I don't know if you've come across the blog 'Baggage Reclaim' but I like to read it now and again for a few pointers. And when you think about it, you know enough info not to waste your time now. The feeling of wasting your time can be pretty jading. Hey girl! Thanks so much for this. I've been pretty emotional since my concussion...I cried 3 times today...very unusual for me...but is to be expected....this made me feel better though His old pics I dont care about too much. I do need to be attracted to my partner but I'm more focused on long term potential. And someone that lies right out of the gate and leaves a sour taste in my mouth after one phone call isnt long term material At least now I can say that I've made progress and I'm not repeating old patterns by continuing to date messed up men...progress! I'm going to check out that blog right now. I think it would be really helpful. I've heard about it from other posters but I never checked it out Thanks again crucible!
goldway90 Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 I don't know if you've come across the blog 'Baggage Reclaim' but I like to read it now and again for a few pointers. And when you think about it, you know enough info not to waste your time now. The feeling of wasting your time can be pretty jading. The book Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl from that blog is very interesting, highly recommended. 1
Popsicle Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 I don't think you should give up! I think you will find your man. 1
Author Dis Posted February 16, 2017 Author Posted February 16, 2017 I don't think you should give up! I think you will find your man. Thanks Pops I just dont think I can do OLD dating anymore It'll have to happen some other way 1
bluefeather Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 Thanks Pops I just dont think I can do OLD dating anymore It'll have to happen some other way I've slowly been starting to get my feet wet with OLD... Never thought I would and never wanted to... I'm a complete noob to it. I point this out because while you are growing tired of it and leaving, completely new people might begin looking... people who are super fresh to this whole online process, despite reading horror stories. I just read one of Gaeta's posts where she doesnt date guys that are new because they have that 'I can do better' mentality. I gotta call BS on that. Maybe that applies to some people, but I am not approaching it that way at all. More like, "wow this is kind of weird, and it'd be nice to find someone and get off this thing asap." 3
Author Dis Posted February 16, 2017 Author Posted February 16, 2017 I've slowly been starting to get my feet wet with OLD... Never thought I would and never wanted to... I'm a complete noob to it. I point this out because while you are growing tired of it and leaving, completely new people might begin looking... people who are super fresh to this whole online process, despite reading horror stories. Well I have something super weird to admit. It might be strange to some people, others might believe in it One of my gfs who I'm really close with has known this guy who reads tarot cards (which are kind of intertwined with my religion) for about 20 years. He doesnt make a living out of it. He just reads cards for people that he knows. He didnt charge me. He can pick up on other things too. He knew a few things they're was no way he couldve known. Like how I want to go into hospice nursing, my Grandmother that passed away 3 years ago. Fyi, I dont trust most people who claim to be cards readers...I know theres a lot of phonies out there and I would never pay someone to do it. But I really do believe thiguy has a gift So...he told me a guy would come into my life around January, and he would NOT come from OLD. That didnt end up happening and I really believed him on that. The thing is, our futures are always changing. So maybe I did something that kept that person away So thats a small reason why I dont want to do OLD anymore....although he may he been wrong about the timeline. I agree that I dont think its going to happen from OLD
Miss Spider Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 Maybe you will meet someone at work when you start working? Like a doctor ?? OLD made me so depressed, man. I'm sure there are great people in there, but it was to the point that opening an message made me straight-up depressed. I think that's a sign to take a break. I'm actually at a point right now where I really prefer being single and I'm super happy with it which is sort of scary. 2
Popsicle Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 Thanks Pops I just dont think I can do OLD dating anymore It'll have to happen some other way Well maybe just take a break. And it's a mute point now if you're getting off OLD but I wouldn't discount someone new to OLD. We all were once new too. 4
Author Dis Posted February 16, 2017 Author Posted February 16, 2017 Maybe you will meet someone at work when you start working? Like a doctor ?? OLD made me so depressed, man. I'm sure there are great people in there, but it was to the point that opening an message made me straight-up depressed. I think that's a sign to take a break. I'm actually at a point right now where I really prefer being single and I'm super happy with it which is sort of scary. I actually have clincial (a 9 hour nursing shift) every Friday at a huge hospital. So I see lots of cute guys when I'm there. Docs, nurses, PAs. So theres opportunities. I'm just too scared to say anything to them lol. One guy said hi to me a few weeks ago. But that was the only time. Guy dont like to say hi to me...it sucks! I need to work on being more bold and putting myself out there...its just hard because I'm shy Ya OLD made me depressed too! Omg same thing! I'd open a message and be like, Oh god Ya I think its time to call OLD quits 2
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