kendahke Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 He then text me the next morning, saying he is unsure he is doing the right thing by breaking up with me.... and he's now on block so that he can't contact you with a lame hook for you to plant in your cheek, right? How is he unsure? Unsure of what? He's already said he doesn't want you in his space, except for weekly sex, which he values more than your company. He's just panicking because his access to sex has been taken away. Well guess what? Actions have consequences and these are the consequences of trying to maintain a casual fwb with someone you know wants a full on relationship. Stay firm and make sure he can't contact you. Dont' leave it up to him to leave you alone because he's not going to--he's going to fight to maintain the status quo, which was not working out for you. It shouldn't take you ending your involvement with him for him to figure out if he is up for the rigors of relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
enddeck Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 Are you really sure you both were exclusive because I think you were but he wasn't.In seven months you went out "two or three"times,this is not dating this is a booty call situation.You are better off without him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 Hi, yes. We only went out 2/3 times on dates, prompted by me. He never said no when I asked him and was happy to go but it felt awkward being on a date with him. I just thought it was because he was nervous. Tbh, I don't know what I thought. I did stick around when I should have left much earlier, but I thought some people take relationships slowly and I didn't want to pressure him into seeing me or being a certain way if he wasn't really. He used to speak to me everyday, through the day, including video calls. But 7 months on, I realised that he was taking advantage of my timid nature. I put my foot down to see me more than 1x a week and he left the "relationship" Yes, I have learnt my lesson. I was stupid for letting this go on for 7 months. I think you saw what you wanted to see in this guy, and in this "relationship." Next time, look for someone who wants to be with you. And never invest more into the relationship than the other person. You need to expect more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author karly85 Posted February 16, 2017 Author Share Posted February 16, 2017 Are you really sure you both were exclusive because I think you were but he wasn't.In seven months you went out "two or three"times,this is not dating this is a booty call situation.You are better off without him. Hi, yes were exclusive. He asked me if I wanted to be his gf, and he met my siblings one time, and I met his closest friends one. I think at that time he did want me to be his gf, and he liked me as such, but as time went on, his feelings changed. I'm not a big dater, and I've only had 2 relationship in my lifetime so I do find it hard to judge situations. Link to post Share on other sites
Author karly85 Posted February 16, 2017 Author Share Posted February 16, 2017 and he's now on block so that he can't contact you with a lame hook for you to plant in your cheek, right? How is he unsure? Unsure of what? He's already said he doesn't want you in his space, except for weekly sex, which he values more than your company. He's just panicking because his access to sex has been taken away. Well guess what? Actions have consequences and these are the consequences of trying to maintain a casual fwb with someone you know wants a full on relationship. Stay firm and make sure he can't contact you. Dont' leave it up to him to leave you alone because he's not going to--he's going to fight to maintain the status quo, which was not working out for you. It shouldn't take you ending your involvement with him for him to figure out if he is up for the rigors of relationship. Yes, he wasn't invested in this "relationship" ... I think as soon as I caught him out by questioning why he won't see me more than 1x, he knew that I was seeing his true colours and onto him so he made a quick escape. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 Once a week is not a relationship.....should have been an indication with in the first few weeks where this was going. Go by their actions, not what they tell you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author karly85 Posted February 16, 2017 Author Share Posted February 16, 2017 Once a week is not a relationship.....should have been an indication with in the first few weeks where this was going. Go by their actions, not what they tell you. Yes, everyone keeps telling me that once a week for 7 months is not a relationship. I guess it really wasn't but I was led to believe it was. I should have known better tbh. A man that happily sees you once a week (late evening was not investing his time into me. And in my head, I kept making excuses for it because I wanted the relationship to work out. I do believe one thing, as soon as I was onto him, he ran for the door. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 A man that happily sees you once a week (late evening was not investing his time into me. And in my head, I kept making excuses for it because I wanted the relationship to work out. He was managing you, not dating you. Despite what he's saying, this is the textbook definition of an FWB. Meeting only one friend in 7 months? Never taking you out in public? But he knew where/how to find you when he was up for sex. Anytime someone keeps you at bay like he has, you have to stop lying to yourself about what is going on. It was never going to work because he doesn't want what you want. His definition of a girlfriend isn't what most people in relationships would say--you see your girlfriend more than once a week and by 7 months, if they're living close, you've been introduced to the family and friends and they all know about you. He just may be one of those kinds of people who cannot get close to others and no matter how much you try, you're not going to crack that code. Link to post Share on other sites
Goodguy05 Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 This disconnect really is a female thing he'lloyd for sure get it wen u leave lol thanks for the insight I see better nown how female minds are wired quiet different to men. From a man's perspective he truly thinks there's nothing wrong or its his love style. You should read the 5 languages of love. Although the once a week thing I think probably suits his needs more than ures at the moment. Is he busy or does he like that amount of space? Guess there's no use dragging it out if it's really making u that unhappy but ur only 6 mths in things can change. Ur never gonna meet Mr perfect and it is about appreciating our differences but if that is high up on ur needs then I guess it's ur call wat to do woman r needs based men are more just go wth the flow. Good luck it's all about respecting our differences seems u both are on different speeds he's not worn and neither are u comes down to wat u want means ull go back out looking till u find someone who meets ur needs. I garauntee ull never find a dude that'll tick all ur needs som woman hav unrealistic expectations sorry to say not saying u do here tho. Just don't go out thinking someone will sure maybe to win u over then they'll go into lazy mode lol thats how men are Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 Karly, I'm sorry for your loss. I agree with Gaeta that he did use you and was dishonest about his intentions. However, don't be upset, just use this as a learning experience. Next time you date a man, do not accept a situation where your once a week together in the beginning is spent at his house sleeping together. Do not keep going to a man's house to just sleep together, that's a casual relationship. You want a serious relationship, demand a man behaves that way and do not accept anything else. The man should take you OUT and plan actual dates, with no sex involved, outside of the home! Remember, if all you do is go to a man's house it is always a hook up/FWB situation. You've been duped as you are not very experienced. If a man doesn't take you out on dates from the very beginning, doesn't increase the number of times he sees you (and always do something outside the house at least half of those times) by the end of the second month and doesn't seem to generally progress the relationhip so you feel like a proper couple by 3 months, dump him! Believe me, it's always true, you have no reason to wait more than 3 months to feel like a proper relationship has been established. You will find someone else and please be way more demanding, and weed out the non-serious contenders. Link to post Share on other sites
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