I'm losing interest in the man I have been dating for 6 months ...

[karly85]

Honey, you are just entertainment to him. He is not even feeding you lunch before kicking out out the door. Saturday night to Sunday morning is NOT a date, it's a hook-up.

 

Yes at 6 months I do expect more. In the first stages of dating 1-3 months, I didn't loads or to see him regularly as we were both getting to know each othe. But once we established a relationship, I really thought I would see him more. I did say to him at xmas that we don't really see each other and to me that is a casual relationship which is not what I'm looking for. He said he is not looking for a casual relationship. And he said he didn't want to discuss this during xmas.

 

Nothing changed. He still only asks me on a Saturday night. I don't want to invite myself to stop over Sunday nor does he ever ask me to. I stay in his house so unless he asks me to stay or maybe do something on the Sunday, then I would.

 

I said I would like to see you more but nothing from him. I have been holding out, maybe thinking he's one of them men that take things slowly but I think he's just not invested.

 

And he has not said "I love you". Or anything of the sort. He rarely if ever tells me how he feels about me.

[karly85]

I've been in a similar situation; he was like a shadow for the first 3 months, wouldnt leabe me alone, i felt flattered, then he settled into his 'ways' which consisted if one phone call a week and meeting up Saturday-Sunday. He was also literally 30mins away and I would travel to see him mostly as I had my own place and he had a flat share situation.

 

In the end, I found out that this level of contact was the best he could do and wasn't willing to increase it as he felt comfortable with how things were. Obviously, this wasn't enough for me as like you I prefer regular contact, if not, daily after 6 months as well as more physical contact.

 

Inevitably it didn't work out as we started to resent each other. So my guess is that your situation will end up having a similar outcome.

 

Yes, I can feel myself starting to resent him. And I hate being that way. No one deserves to be resented and I do feel bad for not wanting to speak to him as much anymore.

 

There is no romance in the relationship. No hugs, no cuddles. He sits on his side of the sofa and I sit on the other end. He never tries to show me any affection. If I do, he smiles and lets me do it but I never get anything back. Feels one sided. Other than when we go sleep and then he's happy to become physical.

 

But he always texts me everyday without fails and asks how I am.. he likes to hear from me everyday and asks about my day. But it feels more like friends than boyfriend/girlfriend

[karly85]

You cannot make a man 'want to see you more often'. If he wanted to be with her than he'd be with her. If it does not come naturally to a man to spend his free time with his GF than he's not into her. A man in love would never be satisfied with seeing his GF 1 time a week.

 

Yes, this is how I feel. My friends have been saying you should tell him that you want to see him more etc but I feel that if he doesn't want to see me 6 days out of 7, and he's okay with that, then he's not that into me. This is 6 months of dating now.

[anitahayles]

Yes honey - I think you need to break up with him. I know this is scary...sounds like you have been looking for a man for a while - and it probably seems like there is slim pickens! I know this day and age it is so easy to settle. But here is a good rule - Do you want to become him? IF marriage is what you are hoping for...and I hope that it is - that is what ultimately happens. YOU BECOME ONE. If you are sleeping with him - you are already physically one - but it sounds like you are FAR from becoming emotionally one. Respect yourself enough to say goodbye...tough love I know. XO

[Logo]

Since you're not happy in the relationship and since you've already brought up your concerns and nothing changed then it's time to part ways.

 

I say leave now before you get disappointed even more. He's not going to change. And if you continue to stay in this relationship you're going to feel more resentment than happiness.

Edited February 15, 2017 by Logo

[SunnySide0418]

Does he take you out on dates Saturday nights or you just go hang at his place?

[karly85]

Does he take you out on dates Saturday nights or you just go hang at his place?

 

Hi, We only hang out at his place. I suggested going out a few times, he said yes, we went to the pics twice and dinner once. But it was just awkward and weird tbh. He looked uncomfortable through the whole thing, and walked in front of me or behind me. Not along side me.

[karly85]

Hi

 

I made an earlier thread about seeing a man who I was starting to lose interest in due to his actions/behavior towards me.

 

I decided to speak to him about the issues/ what I was feeling since we were in a supposedly 'exclusive' relationship. He asked me to be his girlfriend after 6ish+ weeks.

 

I told him I felt I was at the point where I wanted to see him more than 1x a week- after seeing him for 7 months.

 

I explained I simply wanted to understand what/how he felt about seeing me more. He said that he understands the situation is not ideal, but that is how he is. He likes his own space, and taking things at his own pace. Therefore there was nothing he could do if I didnt like this about him. He only saw me 1x a week as he didnt feel we had a long term future together.

 

I told him, I felt quite hurt and upset as I never wanted this sort of relationship and had told him this. I told him I was looking for a relationship, not a casual hook up when we first started dating. He told me that this is what he was looking for as well.

 

I got very upset and said, it was very unfair of him to continue sleeping with me knowing he wasnt invested in having a proper relationship with me. I felt he should have been honest because he had known this a while.

 

I have asked him to delete my number and to not contact me again. His last text was okay and that he said he was sorry.

 

He then text me the next morning, saying he is unsure he is doing the right thing by breaking up with me....I never replied.

 

I am so hurt and I feel used.

[Tressugar]

Sorry for your pain. Step back and heal yourself. Yes he may have a change of heart, but allow the space and distance between the two of you to be factor into allowing this change to occur if it's meant to be.

 

Sometimes distance can create change in a person's heart.

[d0nnivain]

He didn't use you, for what little comfort that may be. The problem was that you two had a different definition of "proper relationship." To you that meant seeing the person often. To him it meant, seeing one person once per week but not seeing or sleeping with anybody else. While you craved closeness & emotional intimacy; he wanted space.

 

 

That is not to say he was using you or that he didn't care. He simply cared differently.

 

 

However since his version didn't work for you & you were thinking about ending things anyway because your needs weren't being met, this split is the right thing.

[karly85]

He didn't use you, for what little comfort that may be. The problem was that you two had a different definition of "proper relationship." To you that meant seeing the person often. To him it meant, seeing one person once per week but not seeing or sleeping with anybody else. While you craved closeness & emotional intimacy; he wanted space.

 

 

That is not to say he was using you or that he didn't care. He simply cared differently.

 

 

However since his version didn't work for you & you were thinking about ending things anyway because your needs weren't being met, this split is the right thing.

 

Hi,

 

Yes, I do agree that we BOTH had different versions but I made it clear from day 1 that I was not looking for anything casual or non-committal as such.

 

I am not hurt by the fact that he is unsure/ or does not want to be with me (I cant make him feel a certain way for me).... is it the fact he has known for a while that he did not want to be with me but still carried on seeing me/sleeping with me.

Edited February 16, 2017 by karly85

[d0nnivain]

Yes, I do agree that we BOTH had different versions but I made it clear from day 1 that I was not looking for anything casual or non-committal as such.

 

I am not hurt by the fact that he is unsure/ or does not want to be with me (I cant make him feel a certain way for me).... is it the fact he has known for a while that he did not want to be with me but still carried on seeing me/sleeping with me.

 

 

You made it clear that you wanted a committed relationship & you are hurt that you think you didn't get one.

 

 

What I was trying to tell you is that in his mind he gave a committed relationship. To him that meant seeing you only once per week & having sex with you but not other women. To him that was the strongest commitment he could offer because he wanted lots and lots of space.

 

 

I get that you wanted something else. It's not that he didn't want to be with you. It's that he wanted to be with you on his terms (once per week). You wanted more time which he wasn't willing to give. I'm not entirely convinced that he understood this was a deal breaker for you. He's such a solitary person he doesn't get your desire for more couple time.

[Redhead14]

Hi

 

I made an earlier thread about seeing a man who I was starting to lose interest in due to his actions/behavior towards me.

 

I decided to speak to him about the issues/ what I was feeling since we were in a supposedly 'exclusive' relationship. He asked me to be his girlfriend after 6ish+ weeks.

 

I told him I felt I was at the point where I wanted to see him more than 1x a week- after seeing him for 7 months.

 

I explained I simply wanted to understand what/how he felt about seeing me more. He said that he understands the situation is not ideal, but that is how he is. He likes his own space, and taking things at his own pace. Therefore there was nothing he could do if I didnt like this about him. He only saw me 1x a week as he didnt feel we had a long term future together.

 

I told him, I felt quite hurt and upset as I never wanted this sort of relationship and had told him this. I told him I was looking for a relationship, not a casual hook up when we first started dating. He told me that this is what he was looking for as well.

 

I got very upset and said, it was very unfair of him to continue sleeping with me knowing he wasnt invested in having a proper relationship with me. I felt he should have been honest because he had known this a while.

 

I have asked him to delete my number and to not contact me again. His last text was okay and that he said he was sorry.

 

He then text me the next morning, saying he is unsure he is doing the right thing by breaking up with me....I never replied.

 

I am so hurt and I feel used.

 

He was not using you. He was simply content with the "way things were". That worked for him. To him, that was a proper relationship. It was meeting his needs.

 

The two of you simply had different views on what a proper relationship is. You've known for quite some time that things weren't working for you, you addressed it with him and you continued to string yourself along -- accepting less than you really wanted/needed.

I told him I was looking for a relationship, not a casual hook up when we first started dating. He told me that this is what he was looking for as well. -- When you addressed this, you needed to sit back a little (not 7 months) to observe whether he ups things to your liking . . . if he doesn't, you move on. Not only that, when someone says they are looking for a relationship and it's very early in the scenario, they are simply making a statement about what they want for themselves as an overall goal and it doesn't mean that their terms for what a relationship looks like agrees with yours and it doesn't mean they know it's going to be with you.

 

it was very unfair of him to continue sleeping with me knowing he wasnt invested in having a proper relationship with me -- You continued to sleep with him . . . it's a two-way street.

[Gaeta]

......as he didnt feel we had a long term future together.

 

At first when we meet someone we may both want the same thing. Apparently he wanted something serious as well at the beginning but his feelings never developed to something more the way yours did.

 

From the moment he realized he didn't feel you had a future together and he didn't tell you - from that moment to now he was using you!!

 

Yes you should have put 2 and 2 together sooner. You don't give a man 7 months to prove himself. You give him 3 months TOP. If you don't have much dating experience it's normal you let it go for 7 months, I did the same and even longer. BUT I disagree with all those saying he did not use you. YES he did from the moment he knew he had no future with you and he didn't disclose it.

 

I am sorry for your hurt. It sucks big time I know.

[karly85]

......as he didnt feel we had a long term future together.

 

At first when we meet someone we may both want the same thing. Apparently he wanted something serious as well at the beginning but his feelings never developed to something more the way yours did.

 

From the moment he realized he didn't feel you had a future together and he didn't tell you - from that moment to now he was using you!!

 

Yes you should have put 2 and 2 together sooner. You don't give a man 7 months to prove himself. You give him 3 months TOP. If you don't have much dating experience it's normal you let it go for 7 months, I did the same and even longer. BUT I disagree with all those saying he did not use you. YES he did from the moment he knew he had no future with you and he didn't disclose it.

 

Hi

 

Yes, I feel you have understood what I am saying/feeling. I dont think he was using me or his intention was to string me along when we first met.

 

I do believe he did want to find a relationship with the right girl.

 

I am hurt and feel used from the point when he knew that he did not want anything long term with me. He shouldnt have continued seeing me.

 

I do not have much dating experience as such, but I have learnt so much this time. Part my fault in aspects too

[lurker74]

First, everybody is entitled to their own emotions, so I am sorry you hurt. I am not here to tell you that you shouldn't be hurt.

 

Having said that, have you considered that until you brought it up or perhaps until a couple weeks before the break up, he didn't consciously realize that there was no long-term relationship potential? If he knew from the beginning that you wanted to settle down but that he just wanted to bang once a week with no other string attached, that is borderline sociopathic behavior. But maybe he just didn't know or wasn't sure.

 

At the end of the day though, everything happened as it's supposed to when relationships end. You felt distance, communicated, he heard what you wanted and told you the truth (that he wasn't going to do that), you acknowledged that it was a deal breaker, you broke up, and now you are in pain.

 

Dating is like investing...risk and reward. We all (or most of us) want the reward of being in love forever...but that entails the risk of being hurt...very hurt. I wish I could take away the pain but that's not how it works. The only thing that takes away the pain is time.

[Cookiesandough]

What he did was messed up. When he knows you want a long-term relationship, when he realizes he's unsure about it, he needs to tell his girlfriend he's unsure so his girlfriend can make the decision to stay with a man who is still unsure about her 4, 6, 7 months in. There are women who might take that gamble. That being said, there are some things you can do minimize the risk of it happening again. DON'T IGNORE RED FLAGS!!! Trust your 'intuition'. If something feels wrong, it probably is. If a guy barely shows physical affection outside of sex, refuses to step up the amount of time he sees you, and dismisses all your complaints as 'sulking' that should tell you it's probably not going to work. When it's right, it just fits. I'm sorry this happened.

[karly85]

First, everybody is entitled to their own emotions, so I am sorry you hurt. I am not here to tell you that you shouldn't be hurt.

 

Having said that, have you considered that until you brought it up or perhaps until a couple weeks before the break up, he didn't consciously realize that there was no long-term relationship potential? If he knew from the beginning that you wanted to settle down but that he just wanted to bang once a week with no other string attached, that is borderline sociopathic behavior. But maybe he just didn't know or wasn't sure.

 

At the end of the day though, everything happened as it's supposed to when relationships end. You felt distance, communicated, he heard what you wanted and told you the truth (that he wasn't going to do that), you acknowledged that it was a deal breaker, you broke up, and now you are in pain.

 

Dating is like investing...risk and reward. We all (or most of us) want the reward of being in love forever...but that entails the risk of being hurt...very hurt. I wish I could take away the pain but that's not how it works. The only thing that takes away the pain is time.

 

Hi,

 

We met around 7 months, he told me he was looking for a relationship to settle down in (as did i)

 

In the first 1-3 months, he was very much interested. We saw one another 1x a week (evening through to early next morning)

 

I did approach the topic of seeing each other morning around 4 months and that I didn't want a casual relationship. He said nor did he and he wanted to continue seeing me and we would try to see each other more. However, he just didn't pick up the pace with seeing me more.

 

Even at his house, it felt like FWB rather than a relationship. At 7 months, I asked him that I wanted to see him more than a Saturday night. He completely shut me down. He said no. He told me he didn't see a future with me or felt like he wanted to be me. He said he felt like this a while about me ( approx 2/3 months ago)

 

I'm not hurt that he doesn't feel the same way. I've accepted that and deserve better than a Saturday night sleepover,

[karly85]

What he did was messed up. When he knows you want a long-term relationship, when he realizes he's unsure about it, he needs to tell his girlfriend he's unsure so his girlfriend can make the decision to stay with a man who is still unsure about her 4, 6, 7 months in. There are women who might take that gamble. That being said, there are some things you can do minimize the risk of it happening again. DON'T IGNORE RED FLAGS!!! Trust your 'intuition'. If something feels wrong, it probably is. If a guy barely shows physical affection outside of sex, refuses to step up the amount of time he sees you, and dismisses all your complaints as 'sulking' that should tell you it's probably not going to work. When it's right, it just fits. I'm sorry this happened.

 

Thank you. I have felt confused with some of the advice on here as some people have said his actions were normal.

 

There was no affection. Maybe the odd touch here and there but even then it was just weird. It didn't feel genuine. He seemed awkward and uncomfortable.

[TheTraveler]

He told me he didn't see a future with me or felt like he wanted to be me. He said he felt like this a while about me ( approx 2/3 months ago)

 

Yep, it should have ended 2-3 months ago and recognize this in the future.

 

He's probably been looking and seeing what is out there for the past few months, but hasn't struck any luck so he keeps you around for an easy lay once a week

[karly85]

Yep, it should have ended 2-3 months ago and recognize this in the future.

 

He's probably been looking and seeing what is out there for the past few months, but hasn't struck any luck so he keeps you around for an easy lay once a week

 

Yes I know, you're right. He did. He kept me around as it was okay whilst it lasted. As soon as I said I wanted more than this, he ran out the door!

 

It is a shame because there are good genuine people looking for real relationships and people like him spoil the experience for others like me!

[kidm]

He did "use" you to a certain extent but you're an adult and responsible for your own actions. You kept meeting him and having sex with him even though he wasn't putting in the effort to see you more like you wanted. You even stated you felt like FWB, he didn't pick up the pace, etc. etc. Why then did you continue to stay in something that wasn't meeting your needs. I think you really wanted it to work even though the writing was on the wall. Sometimes you don't need someone to come out and say something. Their actions speak volumes. Hope this is a learning experience for you because unfortunately there are MANY guys (and girls) out there like that. They might not see a future but if you accept the mediocre treatment they are offering, they will continue to string you along for as long as it suits them.

[Cookiesandough]

Yep, it should have ended 2-3 months ago and recognize this in the future.

 

He's probably been looking and seeing what is out there for the past few months, but hasn't struck any luck so he keeps you around for an easy lay once a week

 

I agree with you. It sounds to me it's been going on for even longer than 2-3 months. Correct me if I'm wrong, op, but didn't you say in your last thread you only went out 2-3 timesin your whole 6/7 mo 'relationship"? And these dates out were initiated by you asking him, felt awkward, he looked uncomfortable the entire time and didn't walk next to you. The rest of of the meets were chilling at home sat evening to Sunday morning? I don't know if this guy was ever A bf .

Edited February 16, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[karly85]

I agree with you. It sounds to me it's been going on for even longer than 2-3 months. Correct me if I'm wrong, op, but didn't you say in your last thread you only went out 2-3 timesin your whole 6/7 mo 'relationship"? And these dates out were initiated by you asking him, felt awkward, he looked uncomfortable the entire time and didn't walk next to you. The rest of of the meets were chilling at home sat evening to Sunday morning? I don't know if this guy was ever A bf . Lesson in putting stock in actions, not words

 

Hi, yes. We only went out 2/3 times on dates, prompted by me. He never said no when I asked him and was happy to go but it felt awkward being on a date with him. I just thought it was because he was nervous. Tbh, I don't know what I thought.

 

I did stick around when I should have left much earlier, but I thought some people take relationships slowly and I didn't want to pressure him into seeing me or being a certain way if he wasn't really. He used to speak to me everyday, through the day, including video calls.

 

But 7 months on, I realised that he was taking advantage of my timid nature. I put my foot down to see me more than 1x a week and he left the "relationship"

 

Yes, I have learnt my lesson. I was stupid for letting this go on for 7 months.

[Cookiesandough]

You liked someone a lot so you were trying to give them a chance and trying to trust them. Sadly, some tools take advantage of this. It's a shame, but a learning experience as you said. sometimes we have to experience stuff like this to know what not to do. A guy who is crazy about you and vice versa is out there.

Edited February 16, 2017 by Cookiesandough