I'm losing interest in the man I have been dating for 6 months ...

February 13, 2017

Hi Everyone,

I have been dating since the start of 2016. I met a few men online, few through friends/family. I met and dated about 5 men (3/4 dates) and 3 of them I said no to after a few dates and 2 of them said no to me after a few dates.

There were no hard feelings between us..

I met someone about 6 months ago. He seemed nice and had most things I look for in a man and vice versa. We both liked each other and decided to officially date after 6 weeks of knowing each other. The relationship started out slowly, seeing each other 1 x a week.

I genuine really liked him, love spending time with him and looked forward to seeing him. Over time, this has changed because:

1. He is not affectionate. He never hugs, cuddles, kisses and holds my hand EVER. I have told him that I feel the relationship lacks this and he just went quiet and said it seems fine to him. There is only physical contact when we go to bed.

2. We live 25/30 Mins away (I travel to see him as I'm currently living at home and he prefers to see me at his house, which i do too). However he only sees me once a week, Saturday night to Sunday morning. I did say we hardly see each other much and that the relationship seems more casual (which is not what I am looking for). He said he is not looking for casual either. Again, nothing changed. He still makes plans 1 x a week

3. If I bring up concerns about the relationship or like to talk about it, he says I'm sulking- I'm scared of coming across irritating or demanding so I just don't say anything now.

I feel emotionally I have started to disconnect from him, my messages/calls have started to decrease (gone from talking all day - 2/3 times a day)

I like him and think he is a good man but I no longer feel excited to see him anymore, if anything I feel like if i did not see him, then that would be okay..

What should i do? I have tried talking a few times but he doesn't respond or do anything as such.....

February 13, 2017

You should move on. You're obviously not very compatible. You've raised your concerns and he's shown that he is never going to change so the only alternative is to find someone who better suits your needs.

February 13, 2017

Just end it. No detailed explanation or chance to improve needed. Rely on the clichés: It's not you it's me. I'm just not feeling it. No hard feelings.

Then move on.

February 13, 2017

What you have with this man is more of a friendship than a relationship. You will realize that next time, when you find someone who you really want to date and who REALLY wants to date you too

Throw this one back into the water...

February 13, 2017

I agree; break up. This is similar to my last relationship. A lack of time together caused by feelings to fade out. He didn't really get it. He thought we were going slowly and finding our feet. I don't mind going slowly but it felt like stalling. It was an incompatibility with us. I was never going to be satisfied in that relationship. I did have a wobble moment when I thought I might have ended it too soon. But at the end of the day, a relationship needs more than a great guy who's good on paper.

February 13, 2017

I agree; break up. This is similar to my last relationship. A lack of time together caused by feelings to fade out. He didn't really get it. He thought we were going slowly and finding our feet. I don't mind going slowly but it felt like stalling. It was an incompatibility with us. I was never going to be satisfied in that relationship. I did have a wobble moment when I thought I might have ended it too soon. But at the end of the day, a relationship needs more than a great guy who's good on paper.

Hi

I do feel like the relationship is stalling instead of progressing after 6 months, we still see each other 1 x a week. I have said we don't see each other much, plan/spend time with each other like other couples but nothing from him. And because I go to his house, I cant just invite myself over as that is his house. He is a great guy but lacks certain qualities which is a shame because I dis really like him.

I feel like I have invested 6 months into this 'relationship' and it isnt looking to go anywhere so I dont want to waste anymore of my time into something that seems 'by the way'

February 13, 2017

I feel like I have invested 6 months into this 'relationship' and it isnt looking to go anywhere so I dont want to waste anymore of my time into something that seems 'by the way'

You should have broken up a long time ago. A relationship should have some shape and some depth by the 3rd month.

February 13, 2017

Definitely break up with him since you've lost interest. It happens.

February 13, 2017

Hi Everyone,

I have been dating since the start of 2016. I met a few men online, few through friends/family. I met and dated about 5 men (3/4 dates) and 3 of them I said no to after a few dates and 2 of them said no to me after a few dates.

There were no hard feelings between us..

I met someone about 6 months ago. He seemed nice and had most things I look for in a man and vice versa. We both liked each other and decided to officially date after 6 weeks of knowing each other. The relationship started out slowly, seeing each other 1 x a week.

I genuine really liked him, love spending time with him and looked forward to seeing him. Over time, this has changed because:

1. He is not affectionate. He never hugs, cuddles, kisses and holds my hand EVER. I have told him that I feel the relationship lacks this and he just went quiet and said it seems fine to him. There is only physical contact when we go to bed.

2. We live 25/30 Mins away (I travel to see him as I'm currently living at home and he prefers to see me at his house, which i do too). However he only sees me once a week, Saturday night to Sunday morning. I did say we hardly see each other much and that the relationship seems more casual (which is not what I am looking for). He said he is not looking for casual either. Again, nothing changed. He still makes plans 1 x a week

3. If I bring up concerns about the relationship or like to talk about it, he says I'm sulking- I'm scared of coming across irritating or demanding so I just don't say anything now.

I feel emotionally I have started to disconnect from him, my messages/calls have started to decrease (gone from talking all day - 2/3 times a day)

I like him and think he is a good man but I no longer feel excited to see him anymore, if anything I feel like if i did not see him, then that would be okay..

What should i do? I have tried talking a few times but he doesn't respond or do anything as such.....

He's not meeting your emotional needs. He's just not the kind of guy you need. I'm surprised you lasted 6 months. You've expressed your needs/concerns and he can't/doesn't want to meet them. When you express your needs/concerns to a dating partner, you sit back and observe whether they at least make an attempt to meet them. He doesn't. He's content with the way things are and will date you for as long as you will "tolerate" it. You're stringing yourself along.

I'm scared of coming across irritating or demanding so I just don't say anything now. -- You're shutting down because you don't want to "rock the boat" and you KNOW that if you push him, he will end it. So, you're avoiding the inevitable. He's been dismissive of your needs he says I'm sulking. That is not a good trait in a partner.

February 13, 2017

Just me but I would have dumped him ages ago.

I put a guy on trial for 3 weeks....if expectations are not fulfilled, it's a BuB-bye out the door.

February 13, 2017

He's not meeting your emotional needs. He's just not the kind of guy you need. I'm surprised you lasted 6 months. You've expressed your needs/concerns and he can't/doesn't want to meet them. When you express your needs/concerns to a dating partner, you sit back and observe whether they at least make an attempt to meet them. He doesn't. He's content with the way things are and will date you for as long as you will "tolerate" it. You're stringing yourself along.

I'm scared of coming across irritating or demanding so I just don't say anything now. -- You're shutting down because you don't want to "rock the boat" and you KNOW that if you push him, he will end it. So, you're avoiding the inevitable. He's been dismissive of your needs he says I'm sulking. That is not a good trait in a partner.

Yes, he is not meeting my emotional needs. He is a nice man, My birthday came- he bought me a lovely present but I am not the type of woman to be pleased by gifts. I like emotional connection.

Because he is a nice man, I have found it hard to end the relationship, hoping one day he might act more involved or invested in this relationship.

I have taken a step back from the relationship by not contacting him as much anymore (he does always speak to me everyday and messages me if he doesn't hear from me)

He bought me a valentine card - (a joke one) nothing that said how he feels. It was a joke humorous once, so not sure if he finds it hard to express his feeling

February 13, 2017

You should have broken up a long time ago. A relationship should have some shape and some depth by the 3rd month.

Hi

What do you mean that a relationship should have shape and some depth by 3 months?

February 13, 2017

Hi

What do you mean that a relationship should have shape and some depth by 3 months?

When you first meet someone at first you see them 1 or 2 times a week, that's normal. You make some time for them but you don't turn your life upside down for them.

As you get to know them better and you start having feelings than you should want to spend more time with them. I'd say it starts around 2 months dating. You start seeing each other 2-3 times a week, and you start spending weekends together. By the 3rd month most couples have met family and friends, spend weekends together, have mid-week night over and go away together, go together to family events, etc.

Seeing a man 1 time a week is not a relationship. It's some type of FWB arrangement. You cannot even claim you know this man after 6 months. Do you spend weekends together, have you ever gone away together? Do you visit each other's family together? Does he help you with anything you may need like you need something fixed or he surprises you with buying something you needed?

February 13, 2017

When you first meet someone at first you see them 1 or 2 times a week, that's normal. You make some time for them but you don't turn your life upside down for them.

As you get to know them better and you start having feelings than you should want to spend more time with them. I'd say it starts around 2 months dating. You start seeing each other 2-3 times a week, and you start spending weekends together. By the 3rd month most couples have met family and friends, spend weekends together, have mid-week night over and go away together, go together to family events, etc.

Seeing a man 1 time a week is not a relationship. It's some type of FWB arrangement. You cannot even claim you know this man after 6 months. Do you spend weekends together, have you ever gone away together? Do you visit each other's family together? Does he help you with anything you may need like you need something fixed or he surprises you with buying something you needed?

Hi

Yes, I agree. I have met his friends (not family). He has my siblings.

We only spend Saturday evening/night until Sunday morning 11am-ish. At xmas, I did say im looking forward to seeing him and spending more time with him as we both had a week off work. I told him to let me know when he was free etc... He made one day out of the week free- Hence I saw him 2 x that week in the entire time I have known him.

We have never gone away, or spend more than two days together.

My sister's friend said it seems like we are friends rather than romantically involved. At the start, I did not push or force the relationship. It was him that asked to be his girlfriend about 2 months after dating and if he could call me that. I said yes.

I thought that would be the changing point in our relationship but there seems to be no romance in this relationship.

Just feels like a friend im 'sharing a bed with' once a week. This is a shame because I invested 6 months of my time into him and expected that we would have something.....

February 13, 2017

Yes, he is not meeting my emotional needs. He is a nice man, My birthday came- he bought me a lovely present but I am not the type of woman to be pleased by gifts. I like emotional connection.

Because he is a nice man, I have found it hard to end the relationship, hoping one day he might act more involved or invested in this relationship.

I have taken a step back from the relationship by not contacting him as much anymore (he does always speak to me everyday and messages me if he doesn't hear from me)

He bought me a valentine card - (a joke one) nothing that said how he feels. It was a joke humorous once, so not sure if he finds it hard to express his feeling

so not sure if he finds it hard to express his feeling -- You're trying to "be in his head" -- "oh, he loves me, he just doesn't know how to tell me/show me". Regardless of whether it's difficult for him to express his feelings, you need a man who can/does at least better than this guy does. The more likely scenario is, the guy likes you enough to spend time with you on "his" schedule and at his level of expression, but this is as good as it gets -- take it or leave it.

found it hard to end the relationship, hoping one day he might act more involved or invested in this relationship. -- When a woman finds herself thinking like this -- she is stringing herself along. Yeah, he might become more invested/more expressive, etc., but in the meantime, you're feeling insecure and unfulfilled and unheard. You're not being fair to yourself. You don't have even a shred of encouragement to think that way. It's not like it still fairly early in the relationship and he's been slowly but steadily upping things between you. It's been flat and consistently lackluster the whole time.

Sit down with him and tell him you're moving on because the two of you have different needs for/in a relationship and wish him well.

February 13, 2017

Just feels like a friend im 'sharing a bed with' once a week. This is a shame because I invested 6 months of my time into him and expected that we would have something.....

We all make that mistake. I gave 1 year to a man before finally accepting I was just his weekly stop. I wish I had ended it at 3 months or even 6 months and not waste a full year.

February 13, 2017

so not sure if he finds it hard to express his feeling -- You're trying to "be in his head" -- "oh, he loves me, he just doesn't know how to tell me/show me". Regardless of whether it's difficult for him to express his feelings, you need a man who can/does at least better than this guy does. The more likely scenario is, the guy likes you enough to spend time with you on "his" schedule and at his level of expression, but this is as good as it gets -- take it or leave it.

found it hard to end the relationship, hoping one day he might act more involved or invested in this relationship. -- When a woman finds herself thinking like this -- she is stringing herself along. Yeah, he might become more invested/more expressive, etc., but in the meantime, you're feeling insecure and unfulfilled and unheard. You're not being fair to yourself. You don't have even a shred of encouragement to think that way. It's not like it still fairly early in the relationship and he's been slowly but steadily upping things between you. It's been flat and consistently lackluster the whole time.

Sit down with him and tell him you're moving on because the two of you have different needs for/in a relationship and wish him well.

Hi

Yes, you are correct. Thank you.

I do feel insecure and unhappy. He was a nice man but we didn't connect emotionally and I should not settle for not having that romantic connection just for the sake of being in a relationship.

February 13, 2017

I would feel the same as you OP. I could see someone 1-2 times per week at the beginning but not 6 months it. It seems like things aren't progressing. Add a lack of conflict resolution/communication skills in there and it doesn't sound like it will go far.

He should be past the point where he's shown you who he is and isn't putting on a show. If you can't accept the relationship as-is then it sounds like it's worth ending it.

FWIW, I wouldn't be able to deal with those terms and there are a lot of men out there who can do better.

February 13, 2017

Sounds like it's time for a heart-to-heart, otherwise known as an ultimatum.

It sounds like you like him enough to at least tell him one last time how you feel, that you can't continue like this, and ask what does he think about this? Remind him you've already had this discussion and nothing has changed. Tell him HOW YOU FEEL, what your needs are, not what he's 'doing wrong'.

Make it clear that things will have to change because you are unhappy with the current status quo. See if you two can find some middle ground, and if not, you will have to move on. Be clear that as much as you may not want to have to say good bye because you genuinely *like* him, you have to be true to who you are and what your needs are.

(btw, it would seem that by the six month mark the word "love" would already be in the picture if both of you were/are looking for a committed partner)

It takes self-esteem to lay things on the table and be willing to walk your talk. I know that I've had to do this a couple of times in my new relationship of 10 months. My guy KNEW that I was going to walk if we couldn't reach an agreement/understanding about how the relationship should proceed. To use an oft' quoted phrase here on LS: people will treat you how you allow them to.

step up girl, stop being so self-conscious or 'worrying' about being irritating or demanding! be real! be your authentic self. He will either love you or leave you and well, if that's the case, good riddance. You want someone who will love YOU.

good luck! let us know how it goes

Edited February 13, 2017 by SunnyWeather

February 13, 2017

Hi

This is a shame because I invested 6 months of my time into him and expected that we would have something.....

Well do yourself a favor and don't spend another 6 minutes in a relationship that is not fitting your needs. He seems rather blah about the relationship if you ask me.

February 13, 2017

Make it clear that things will have to change because you are unhappy with the current status quo.

You cannot make a man 'want to see you more often'. If he wanted to be with her than he'd be with her. If it does not come naturally to a man to spend his free time with his GF than he's not into her. A man in love would never be satisfied with seeing his GF 1 time a week.

February 13, 2017

Hi
We only spend Saturday evening/night until Sunday morning 11am-ish.

Honey, you are just entertainment to him. He is not even feeding you lunch before kicking out out the door. Saturday night to Sunday morning is NOT a date, it's a hook-up.

February 13, 2017

Hi Everyone,

I have been dating since the start of 2016. I met a few men online, few through friends/family. I met and dated about 5 men (3/4 dates) and 3 of them I said no to after a few dates and 2 of them said no to me after a few dates.

There were no hard feelings between us..

I met someone about 6 months ago. He seemed nice and had most things I look for in a man and vice versa. We both liked each other and decided to officially date after 6 weeks of knowing each other. The relationship started out slowly, seeing each other 1 x a week.

I genuine really liked him, love spending time with him and looked forward to seeing him. Over time, this has changed because:

1. He is not affectionate. He never hugs, cuddles, kisses and holds my hand EVER. I have told him that I feel the relationship lacks this and he just went quiet and said it seems fine to him. There is only physical contact when we go to bed.

2. We live 25/30 Mins away (I travel to see him as I'm currently living at home and he prefers to see me at his house, which i do too). However he only sees me once a week, Saturday night to Sunday morning. I did say we hardly see each other much and that the relationship seems more casual (which is not what I am looking for). He said he is not looking for casual either. Again, nothing changed. He still makes plans 1 x a week

3. If I bring up concerns about the relationship or like to talk about it, he says I'm sulking- I'm scared of coming across irritating or demanding so I just don't say anything now.

I feel emotionally I have started to disconnect from him, my messages/calls have started to decrease (gone from talking all day - 2/3 times a day)

I like him and think he is a good man but I no longer feel excited to see him anymore, if anything I feel like if i did not see him, then that would be okay..

What should i do? I have tried talking a few times but he doesn't respond or do anything as such.....

You should remember that you don't need a good reason to leave your relationship. If it isn't working for you, then it isn't working for you. You leave whenever you want, for whatever reason suits you.

My rule of thumb was 3 times, especially when the relationship was new. If I couldn't get it resolved by then, it went into one of two buckets:

Live with it without complaining

Dealbreaker

Sometimes I chose to live with it, only to choose dealbreaker later.

I'm not saying that's the only way, but it worked for me.

February 13, 2017

I've been in a similar situation; he was like a shadow for the first 3 months, wouldnt leabe me alone, i felt flattered, then he settled into his 'ways' which consisted if one phone call a week and meeting up Saturday-Sunday. He was also literally 30mins away and I would travel to see him mostly as I had my own place and he had a flat share situation.

In the end, I found out that this level of contact was the best he could do and wasn't willing to increase it as he felt comfortable with how things were. Obviously, this wasn't enough for me as like you I prefer regular contact, if not, daily after 6 months as well as more physical contact.

Inevitably it didn't work out as we started to resent each other. So my guess is that your situation will end up having a similar outcome.

February 13, 2017

The whole reason you date is to be around someone long enough to see who they are and whether they are right for you. He is not right for you. The real "him" isn't who you first went out with. He gets more genuine as the months go by. So this self is closest to what you would have to live with. Don't waste your youth with anyone who isn't right for you, and if there's an accident and you end up pregnant, it's a life sentence of contact with him.

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I'm losing interest in the man I have been dating for 6 months ...

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