No kiss on first date, should I bother with the second?

[Redhead14]

I met a girl on OLD and had a date setup for Saturday. A few days before she tried to move it to lunch. I said no but ultimately agreed to meet later in the day before dark. She said she felt more comfortable during the day for our first meet.

 

Date went well but I didn't get a kiss at the end of it when I tried. She suggested we get together during the week after work and sent me a text afterwards on what a great time she had.

 

I typically won't invest in a second date if there was no kiss as it shows she's either not interested romantically or playing by a rule book and likely won't be a good match sexually. Last thing I want is to find out I'm in friend zone after wasting time and money.

 

So worth another shot or a waste of time?

 

The first time you meet someone from OLD, it's not a "date". It's a meet up just to make sure they are who they say they are and look like their pictures, etc. and then decide if there is enough attraction there to want a "real" date. It's a short meeting, a couple of drinks or coffee, etc. You don't spend a lot of money on this. There shouldn't be any "expectations" for kissing ,etc. In fact, I don't think one should "expect" a kiss anyway.

 

wasting time and money. -- So, since a woman doesn't kiss you on the first date, it means she's not a good candidate to get sex from her?

[SevenCity]

The first time you meet someone from OLD, it's not a "date". It's a meet up just to make sure they are who they say they are and look like their pictures, etc. and then decide if there is enough attraction there to want a "real" date. It's a short meeting, a couple of drinks or coffee, etc. You don't spend a lot of money on this. There shouldn't be any "expectations" for kissing ,etc. In fact, I don't think one should "expect" a kiss anyway.

 

wasting time and money. -- So, since a woman doesn't kiss you on the first date, it means she's not a good candidate to get sex from her?

 

Not sure. What worries me if a kiss is such a big deal I worry she won't be open to the stuff I like sexually.

 

I really don't know as I've kissed every one I was interested in (did not have sex with all).

 

Time will tell.

[SevenCity]

Of course, it's your choice. I don't kiss on the first date. Especially if its an OLD date. This is the first time I'm meeting you, no way am I comfortable enough to be getting physical with you! But I also wouldn't sleep with someone by the 4th date. I need to feel comfortable with someone and see if there's a possibility of a LTR relationship before that. If you don't think a girl is worth the investment (not talking money), move alone. I also don't really think this shows you'd be sexually incompatible either. I love sex. My ex's couldn't keep up with me. But they had to wait more than a couple of weeks for it.

 

I understand it can be expensive but it doesn't have to be. My last OLD date was coffee. Granted, he paid, but it was a 4 pound cup of coffee. He wanted to go for pizza. I preferred low cost, low pressure. After all, we'd never met before! Other dates I've been on, we took turns buying the drinks. I can pay my way, I will pay my way.

 

 

Well fequency of sex isn't my concern, it's more how open she is to stuff.

 

But good to know that no kiss doesn't necessarily mean sexually unwilling.

[Tribble]

Not sure. What worries me if a kiss is such a big deal I worry she won't be open to the stuff I like sexually.

 

I really don't know as I've kissed every one I was interested in (did not have sex with all).

 

Time will tell.

 

Not everyone is the same. Takes me a long time to get comfortable to have sex with someone. Once I'm there, I'd be willing to give a lot of things a go. Unwillingness to kiss on a first date is no indication.

[Miss Peach]

Not everyone is the same. Takes me a long time to get comfortable to have sex with someone. Once I'm there, I'd be willing to give a lot of things a go. Unwillingness to kiss on a first date is no indication.

 

Same with me. My current BF can't keep up with me and actually asked if we could have less sex. Plus he thinks I'm crazy in bed. I've hit up against several of his boundaries but he's yet to hit up against any of mine.

 

FWIW I do like kissing on early dates because it helps me figure out chemistry. But I am very slow to move from that to sex (think months rather than dates).

[Newcitygirl]

I met a guy via OLD, we kissed on the third date. I don't plan on much more happening until later. There is a ton of chemistry, we are just taking our time getting to know each other.

[smackie9]

I kissed my husband on our first date...I knew something was there

[SevenCity]

I kissed my husband on our first date...I knew something was there

 

That's the kind of connection I'm looking for.

 

Then again, the others that I kissed didn't work out so who knows!

[Els]

Honestly, it blows my mind that anyone could kiss a person they've only met ONCE. But different cultures, I guess....

[SevenCity]

Honestly, it blows my mind that anyone could kiss a person they've only met ONCE. But different cultures, I guess....

 

It happens all the time. People have sex after knowing each other for a few hours.

[meeji]

I went on a date with a guy a few months back and he tried to kiss me on date 2.

 

I wasn't at that point with him but he felt very rejected. I think men let their egos get in the way too much. Sometimes, it's not about you!

 

I thought he was attractive and I wanted to go on more dates to get to know him but he threw a bitch fit and that was the end of us dating. This girl doesn't owe you anything.

 

Clearly, she is interested if she wants to see you again. I say go for it.

[5x5]

It happens all the time. People have sex after knowing each other for a few hours.

 

Yes it does or in less time as well, I've had sex with some women within half an hour of meeting them.

 

My first wife and I had sex a few hours after meeting each other at a party.

 

My current wife and I snogged quite a bit on our second date (which was the same day as the first date) and we also slept together (no sex). The sex then happened on our third date, after she dumped the other guy.

 

Back on topic, I'd go a second date and see where it goes, that said if she has no trouble holding back, and or seems disinterested I'd let her go.

 

Thus far I've never dated anyone on more than two occasions, that didn't kiss me by the second date. That said sex on the first or second date was always the norm, with sex on the third through fourth being far less common. Sans sex there has never been a fifth date.

 

As to the expense of dating, I don't know why you feel you have to pay for everything or why a date always has to be expensive, since coffee and a treat can be nice without being too costly. Although it's been a long time since I've dated other women. In my experience when a woman has done the asking, they pay for it or we both pay (as I offer). Or when I have done the asking, I pay or we both pay (as they offer). After that initial date, sharing the cost or alternately paying was always the norm.

Edited February 14, 2017 by 5x5

[BaileyB]

I'm not saying that I wouldn't kiss on the first date, but I wouldn't be very impressed with a guy who walked away because there wasn't a kiss on the first date. And I say this because I would be worried this guy would be impatient, selfish, and intolerant of things when they don't go his way...

 

It's important for both people to feel comfortable with each other. Sometimes, these things take a little time... Sometimes, the best things are worth waiting for...

[SevenCity]

Yes it does or in less time as well, I've had sex with some women within half an hour of meeting them.

 

My first wife and I had sex a few hours after meeting each other at a party.

 

My current wife and I snogged quite a bit on our second date (which was the same day as the first date) and we also slept together (no sex). The sex then happened on our third date, after she dumped the other guy.

 

Back on topic, I'd go a second date and see where it goes, that said if she has no trouble holding back, and or seems disinterested I'd let her go.

 

Thus far I've never dated anyone on more than two occasions, that didn't kiss me by the second date. That said sex on the first or second date was always the norm, with sex on the third through fourth being far less common. Sans sex there has never been a fifth date.

 

As to the expense of dating, I don't know why you feel you have to pay for everything or why a date always has to be expensive, since coffee and a treat can be nice without being too costly. Although it's been a long time since I've dated other women. In my experience when a woman has done the asking, they pay for it or we both pay (as I offer). Or when I have done the asking, I pay or we both pay (as they offer). After that initial date, sharing the cost or alternately paying was always the norm.

 

I think I had one one night stand but typically I'll sleep with a woman on the 3rd or 4th date. That works for me so I'm ok with it.

 

Yea, no affection on our next date and I'm out. Never been on a second date with a girl I didn't kiss on the first so def not going on a third.

 

As far as paying, women I've dated from OLD haven't even offered. They are so entitled because all guys will pay. The exception is the 2nd to last girl I dated. She ran the bill up to $70 on our first date with her drinks. She said "Do you need money" to which I later found out if I said yes there would not have been a second date. We dated for two months until one night I let it all out how selfish she was. She didn't end it, I did. I was in a low place and putting up with more than I normally would.

 

But you would think that at least one would offer. Just a reach for the check to humor me. The one in question now didn't flinch when the check came. My thought is I'll give it 4 dates and if there is no offer to pay Im out.

 

For the last two girls I felt like I was seeing a hooker. I pay for movies, dinner etc and we have sex. I would much rather have a girl who contributes.

 

But typically for a first meet I'll do a drink. It's the dates after that which add up

[5x5]

I went on a date with a guy a few months back and he tried to kiss me on date 2.

 

I wasn't at that point with him but he felt very rejected. I think men let their egos get in the way too much. Sometimes, it's not about you!

 

Having an over-inflated sense of entitlement and or being needy isn't attractive in any gender

 

One time I went on a lunch date with a woman, who I didn't kiss at that time, yet she asked me out on another date later that evening. Where she paid for dinner, the movie and then drove me to hers and asked "why didn't you kiss me at lunch?". A short while later, we were then having sex.

 

My ex-wife wanted to talk to me when she first saw me at a party, then asked me to kiss her and later initiated sex with me.

 

Likewise my wife asked me out on our first date and on our third date asked me to have sex with her.

 

And on and on with others...

 

Sexual compatibility to me, is the most critical component of and reason to have an ongoing sexual relationship. So lest I waste time and or feelings for someone who isn't sexually compatible, I have always preferred getting sex over with early on in dating.

 

In my experience if I wasn't keen to have sex early on, with the women I dated (of whom the majority asked me out, offered sex and did the pursuing). They would quickly move on sans sex, just as I would also quickly move on sans sex.

 

I thought he was attractive and I wanted to go on more dates to get to know him but he threw a bitch fit and that was the end of us dating. This girl doesn't owe you anything.

 

Yep, tantrums are unattractive.

 

He would have been better off just letting you go without any fuss due to incompatibility, rather than wasting anymore of his time and yours.

 

I've experienced a few tantrums myself when turning some women down, fortunately that wasn't the response from most of them.

 

Of course no one owes us anything.

 

That said I don't think SevenCity thinks she or any other woman owes him anything either.

 

Clearly, she is interested if she wants to see you again. I say go for it.

 

Yep, I think it's worth a shot with expenses spared.

[5x5]

As far as paying, women I've dated from OLD haven't even offered. They are so entitled because all guys will pay. The exception is the 2nd to last girl I dated. She ran the bill up to $70 on our first date with her drinks. She said "Do you need money" to which I later found out if I said yes there would not have been a second date. We dated for two months until one night I let it all out how selfish she was. She didn't end it, I did. I was in a low place and putting up with more than I normally would.

 

But you would think that at least one would offer. Just a reach for the check to humor me. The one in question now didn't flinch when the check came. My thought is I'll give it 4 dates and if there is no offer to pay Im out.

 

For the last two girls I felt like I was seeing a hooker. I pay for movies, dinner etc and we have sex. I would much rather have a girl who contributes.

 

But typically for a first meet I'll do a drink. It's the dates after that which add up

 

Ouch! That said you would have been better off not having more dates with that one.

 

If the dates after add up, you're being used or not speaking up, if you don't like it speak up and don't play that game.

[Els]

It happens all the time. People have sex after knowing each other for a few hours.

 

Sure, I'm aware that some people do. All I'm saying is that for the rest of us, it's not a low interest thing - many of the couples I know that started out slowly are still together and happy, years or even decades later. Just different preferences/mindsets/cultural upbringing.

 

That being said, if it's really that important to you to date someone who is willing to move fast, then by all means filter based on the first date.

[whatdeww18]

I think I had one one night stand but typically I'll sleep with a woman on the 3rd or 4th date. That works for me so I'm ok with it.

 

Yea, no affection on our next date and I'm out. Never been on a second date with a girl I didn't kiss on the first so def not going on a third.

 

As far as paying, women I've dated from OLD haven't even offered. They are so entitled because all guys will pay. The exception is the 2nd to last girl I dated. She ran the bill up to $70 on our first date with her drinks. She said "Do you need money" to which I later found out if I said yes there would not have been a second date. We dated for two months until one night I let it all out how selfish she was. She didn't end it, I did. I was in a low place and putting up with more than I normally would.

 

But you would think that at least one would offer. Just a reach for the check to humor me. The one in question now didn't flinch when the check came. My thought is I'll give it 4 dates and if there is no offer to pay Im out.

 

For the last two girls I felt like I was seeing a hooker. I pay for movies, dinner etc and we have sex. I would much rather have a girl who contributes.

 

But typically for a first meet I'll do a drink. It's the dates after that which add up

 

Hi SevenCity! So glad I get to finally write something to you, we've had our encounters in the breaking up thread a lot haha.

 

Like you, I'm back on the dating scene and have been questioning every date, and if it's considered a date? I'm not sure, from either party, him and me hahaha. Just enjoying each other's company for now!

 

So, like you, I had the impression that at least by the second date, there should be a kiss. The guy I've been going on dates with hasn't asked me, but we have had some physical touching, nothing major.

 

I went to look online, and I forget the exact article, but it talked about how a poll was done of men and women, and when they kissed/asked to be official. The findings were that the majority of men, very large one if I am remembering correctly, know that the chemistry is enough for something official by the end of the first date. The majority of women, again a large proportion, think a month of dating or more is sufficient to know, which led to the first kiss being on later dates.

 

Again, it was just a poll but I think it rings some truth in a pattern of genders. What I can say is that if I think a guy is worth being in a LTR, I don't want to rush things where things could fall apart quickly. Rather, let the feelings and connection build up until it becomes official where a first kiss can come along the way. Maybe, that's what's going on? Just another perspective to add.

 

I just bolded the statements I liked and the fact that you said you usually don't go on a second date if you don't get a kiss but changed it to four dates . Crossing my fingers you get the kiss haha.

 

The only worry I have is that you say you like to have sex by the fourth date, and if what I said is possibly true, what will you do if she holds out for longer? (Not saying that it will happen) Just a hypothetical to get your gears turning and some insight for me too haha.

 

Wishing you the best dates,

-WhatDEWWWWW

Edited February 14, 2017 by whatdeww18

[Simple Logic]

I met a girl on OLD and had a date setup for Saturday. A few days before she tried to move it to lunch. I said no but ultimately agreed to meet later in the day before dark. She said she felt more comfortable during the day for our first meet.

 

Date went well but I didn't get a kiss at the end of it when I tried. She suggested we get together during the week after work and sent me a text afterwards on what a great time she had.

 

I typically won't invest in a second date if there was no kiss as it shows she's either not interested romantically or playing by a rule book and likely won't be a good match sexually. Last thing I want is to find out I'm in friend zone after wasting time and money.

 

So worth another shot or a waste of time?

 

If you have limited time and money, maybe you shouldn't be dating.

[Logo]

The last two serious relationships both of them offered.

 

 

That has been my experience too.

[TheTraveler]

She texted me again today to see how my day was going. She could be meh not sure yet. I'm meh until I see something coming out of it. And I admit I'm very jaded.

 

 

 

My rule book is all about not wasting time. Anyone of them who was interested kissed me so perhaps I do feel entitled. I enjoyed the date and was in the moment, this debate is whether or not to setup another date.

 

Seven, be honest. You're going by someone else's rulebook. It's pretty clear in the the threads and messages you posted.

 

Since you're going by someone else's rulebook, you should easily see the signs when it's appropriate to kiss someone. Are you expecting the woman to do the work? You never mentioned why there was no kiss...

 

Rule #whatever, the kiss doesn't have to happen at the end of the date. You should know this already

 

EDIT: wanted to add

 

As far as paying, women I've dated from OLD haven't even offered.

 

If you're having multiple drinks and switching locations(you should know this), I make them pay their share.

 

Guess what? Multiple on multiple times they offer to pay before I even suggest it. If they don't? You know the answer

Edited February 14, 2017 by TheTraveler

[BaileyB]

There is a lot to be said for finding the right moment... creating a nice moment for that first kiss.

 

And yes, I would say that you have a very impatient and entitled attitude about this. This kind of attitude would be a total turn off for many women - and also for men.

 

And if women on OLD aren't offering to pay for their drink when you agree to meet, you are dating the wrong women...

Edited February 14, 2017 by BaileyB

[SoThatHappened]

There is a lot to be said for finding the right moment... creating a nice moment for that first kiss.

 

Totally agree.

 

I recently went on 3 dates with a woman from OLD. We hit it off big time.

 

We've both waited a long time to date, and we were both a little hesitant/nervous to kiss even though we wanted to.

 

Then, 4th date, bam!!! Fireworks. First kiss, under a street lamp, 50-degree weather on a February night in Colorado.

 

There was even someone driving by who saw us kissing and whistled.

 

Don't rush it. Make it worth it instead.

[SevenCity]

Hi SevenCity! So glad I get to finally write something to you, we've had our encounters in the breaking up thread a lot haha.

 

Like you, I'm back on the dating scene and have been questioning every date, and if it's considered a date? I'm not sure, from either party, him and me hahaha. Just enjoying each other's company for now!

 

So, like you, I had the impression that at least by the second date, there should be a kiss. The guy I've been going on dates with hasn't asked me, but we have had some physical touching, nothing major.

 

I went to look online, and I forget the exact article, but it talked about how a poll was done of men and women, and when they kissed/asked to be official. The findings were that the majority of men, very large one if I am remembering correctly, know that the chemistry is enough for something official by the end of the first date. The majority of women, again a large proportion, think a month of dating or more is sufficient to know, which led to the first kiss being on later dates.

 

Again, it was just a poll but I think it rings some truth in a pattern of genders. What I can say is that if I think a guy is worth being in a LTR, I don't want to rush things where things could fall apart quickly. Rather, let the feelings and connection build up until it becomes official where a first kiss can come along the way. Maybe, that's what's going on? Just another perspective to add.

 

I just bolded the statements I liked and the fact that you said you usually don't go on a second date if you don't get a kiss but changed it to four dates . Crossing my fingers you get the kiss haha.

 

The only worry I have is that you say you like to have sex by the fourth date, and if what I said is possibly true, what will you do if she holds out for longer? (Not saying that it will happen) Just a hypothetical to get your gears turning and some insight for me too haha.

 

Wishing you the best dates,

-WhatDEWWWWW

 

What's up WhatDew!

 

Yes, women tend to fall for a guy slowly over time. Guys are usually the ones trying to lock things down early.

 

I don't fall very quickly myself but I've gotten used to a kiss on the first date. It's a good indicator of attraction and interest (not always, but usually)

 

Interestingly, my last two serious relationships started with lunch as I met them at my job at the time (and no kiss as it was the middle of the work day). I'm not used to OLD so this is fairly new to me. Dating has changed a lot and I can't say I'm happy with it but I push through.

 

To clarify, I was talking about giving another date for the kiss but 4 weeks before I will get annoyed if the woman doesn't at least offer to pay. To me it is a sign of selfishness. Women who are not selfish will offer - haven't found one as of yet. If sex hasn't happened by then I will likely lose interest. It's one thing if I felt I met the girl of my dreams but in order to feel that way I would have needed to have sex with her. Sexual compatibility is extremely important to me and I can't fully engage my feelings until it's demonstrated.

[SevenCity]

Ouch! That said you would have been better off not having more dates with that one.

 

If the dates after add up, you're being used or not speaking up, if you don't like it speak up and don't play that game.

 

I have no issue speaking my mind but I tend not to want to speak up.

 

The reason for this is I want to judge a woman on her actions - not what I've asked her to do. I reward good behavior with praise and do not show pleasure when I am not happy with something.

 

However, it's up to the woman to act as she sees fit. That way, I can make an honest determination if she is LTR material or not. They have all made it very easy thus far.

 

With that particular psycho I was in such a low place due to my breakup and didn't want to spend the holidays alone. So I was guilty of using her as well.