The post that I hoped I'd never have to write.

[Sweetfish]

If she was married to a narcissist then of course she was subject to abuse. Narcissists can seriously mess people up.

She will also probably be a people pleaser, as they are the people most often targetted by narcissists - she will avoid disappointing people as she fears rejection, she will avoid rocking the boat too much, she will be scared of deep emotion, she will minimise her own needs... etc. so NEVER ever fighting or arguing fits in with that.

 

She thus presented the perfect picture to you and you got comfortable with it, but it was not the person she really was.

 

Maybe the "incident" just reminded her of her narcissistic ex throwing his weight around or she was none too happy about what seemed to her to be "white privilege" situation or she felt disrespected as a woman or something completely different - who knows? Maybe she stored up a lot of similar incidents and this was just a step too far - who can say?

BUT I think for whatever reason she presented a very calm sea but underneath I guess was a maelstrom and that resulted in what was most likely inevitable here.

 

Abuse can blunt the edges, can make a person compliant, can make a person mirror another, can make a person go with the flow, can make a person grab onto what seems like a good thing as it is so much better than what they previously experienced, can make a person hold onto a lot of silent pent up anger...

At some point, they may realise it is not what THEY really want in life, so they have to bail.

I guess since her MO seems to be a clean cut off and never going back then I think you have to accept it is over.

Sorry...

 

 

 

Everything you just pointed out is exactly WHAT narcissist do. If she had a narcissist in her relationship she would have probably have told the O.P. of this relationship.

 

So the narcissist abuser could only be her mother or father. Which means she is also a narcissist and was subject to narcissist abuse.

 

 

Unfortunately, most people knowledge ends at just narcissism and unaware it spans into overt and covert narcissism. Its possible the O.P. may be involves with a cover narcissist.

 

 

You pointing this out confirms what I believe before, but did not post it.

 

This is the part that peaked my interest the most.

 

pretending to be "in love" when she actually has no ability submit to love

 

Lack of empathy

 

We went back to my place. Few words were spoken on the way back. When we got inside she said she was angry with me for how I behaved. She thought it was egregious.

 

Because a narcissist see you as an extension of their own ego. Anything you do outside their vision of a perfect person is damaging to their own self. This is the mirroring breaking down because they can only mirror so long.

 

Sal please check out covert narcissism and see if these traits ring a bell.

[SevenCity]

^^ This is good and may explain quite a bit of it. The tendencies are definitely there. People pleaser, yes. Very PC, proper and measured. She has anxiety issues, takes Zoloft and has for many years. Goes to a therapist regularly, and is a therapist herself. There is considerable angst underlying the charming, reliable, affectionate facade. She created the person she felt I wanted her to be, and was very convincing.

 

Sorry to hear you are going through this. Most of us have been or are there and it sucks.

 

To add to this, she sounds like she has an avoidant attachment style.

 

Understanding Avoidant Attachment

 

The fact that she is already shopping for a replacement suggests that she was not in love with you or if she was, she was able to quickly throw it to the side due to her attachment style.

 

 

Normal people after a 1.5 year relationship will take time to grieve, not throw up a profile and start the search again.

 

I also agree that the incident was not the only reason. This has likely been building for some time and she used it as an excuse and to make you the bad guy and make this all your fault. If she had issues, she could have said something months ago “It bothers me when you do this” so it could be discussed like adults.

 

The white privilege thing is also a red flag. What nationality is she?

 

You may not see it now, but in time you will realize why she left and how you are happier as a result. Everyone is entitled to lose it once and a while (not that you did). If someone can’t handle it you would be walking on eggshells your entire life. That’s not fun.

 

 

Hang in there bro….

[salparadise]

One thing that stood out was you seemed to be taking the whole burden of this whole incident all by yourself. Did you guys not go to the concert together and found the space together for your car? Why did you have to ask for something to write down those numbers when your then girlfriend could just type them in some notes app in her phone? Did your then girlfriend act with frustration like you did, considering you guys were enduring the crappy incident together?

 

I dropped her at the door to the venue when I went to park the car. She didn't have her phone or purse with her, she left it at the house. She did not act with frustration. She remained fairly passive throughout.

 

I think she might have seen some lesser but similar incidents from you before; she probably thought the whole thing was not the waitress or the towing guy's fault, so acting angrily to them was a big turn off.

 

There were not previous incidents. But yea, she felt I behaved disrespectfully toward those people. She blew up as if it were some egregious, monumental kind of deal. This is a given––it her narrative and justification. I wasn't cool under the circumstances so I'm a baaaaad person.

[JuneL]

I dropped her at the door to the venue when I went to park the car. She didn't have her phone or purse with her, she left it at the house. She did not act with frustration. She remained fairly passive throughout.

 

 

 

There were not previous incidents. But yea, she felt I behaved disrespectfully toward those people. She blew up as if it were some egregious, monumental kind of deal. This is a given––it her narrative and justification. I wasn't cool under the circumstances so I'm a baaaaad person.

 

Thanks for clarifying. It's odd that she also left her purse and phone home. Anyway, I hope you work on healing from this. It's probably hard to get back together even if she changes her mind. You would be wondering when she's going to drop you out of the blue with a text again. It's also odd that she's shopping online again so soon.

[elaine567]

Everything you just pointed out is exactly WHAT narcissist do. If she had a narcissist in her relationship she would have probably have told the O.P. of this relationship.

 

So the narcissist abuser could only be her mother or father. W

 

She did tell the OP of this relationship and. WE also already know her husband was a narcissist.

Her ex-husband cheated on her and left her for a younger woman (one of his students) who she says was involved n prostitution. She says he's a narcissist... and she is actually qualified to diagnose.

 

[Sweetfish]

She did tell the OP of this relationship and. WE also already know her husband was a narcissist.

 

 

Abusers of a husband or boyfriend ... does not normally turn the victim into an abuser.

 

Parents however who abuse their kids can yield abusive children.

 

The O.P. was hidden very well from facebook and his existance is private. That is manipulation 101.

[elaine567]

Abusers of a husband or boyfriend ... does not normally turn the victim into an abuser.

 

Parents however who abuse their kids can yield abusive children.

 

The O.P. was hidden very well from facebook and his existance is private. That is manipulation 101.

 

Who on earth said the OP's gf was an abuser?

[salparadise]

To add to this, she sounds like she has an avoidant attachment style.

 

I've known avoidant types before and this did not feel like that. She never did the push-pull thing. One thing that I loved was her reliability. She never canceled plans on me or any of that stuff. I felt it was healthy the whole time.

 

The fact that she is already shopping for a replacement suggests that she was not in love with you or if she was, she was able to quickly throw it to the side due to her attachment style.

 

Normal people after a 1.5 year relationship will take time to grieve, not throw up a profile and start the search again.

 

Yes, and not only that... it's the gist of the whole thing... how was she able to detach in an instant and be so resolute and final about it. Two Saturdays ago we secure and happy as can be. Before leaving for the concert we had dinner and laid down and held each other for a half hour, saying sweet ILUs and all. Three hours later she left and that's the last I saw or spoke to her. How can anyone do that? It baffles me completely. I bet that she doesn't even think about me. Moved on without missing a beat.

 

I also agree that the incident was not the only reason. This has likely been building for some time and she used it as an excuse and to make you the bad guy and make this all your fault. If she had issues, she could have said something months ago “It bothers me when you do this” so it could be discussed like adults.

 

I think she would deny that it has been building up. She puts it all on that one hour when we were trying to get the car back.

 

The white privilege thing is also a red flag. What nationality is she?

 

She's white, anglo, same as me. It's not just white privilege –– white male privilege. She has underlying beliefs consistent with the feminist doctrine.

 

You may not see it now, but in time you will realize why she left and how you are happier as a result. Everyone is entitled to lose it once and a while (not that you did). If someone can’t handle it you would be walking on eggshells your entire life. That’s not fun.

 

Hang in there bro…

 

I do realize that now. Of course it doesn't do much to assuage the pain and bewilderment, and total shock with no closure.

 

Thanks

[salparadise]

Who on earth said the OP's gf was an abuser?

 

She is definitely not an abuser. She was loving, affectionate and affirming all the time. We had often commented that one thing we loved about each other was that there was never too much affection, touching and appreciation. It flowed freely between us all time we were together. Abusers abuse.

[SevenCity]

I've known avoidant types before and this did not feel like that. She never did the push-pull thing. One thing that I loved was her reliability. She never canceled plans on me or any of that stuff. I felt it was healthy the whole time.

 

I think avoidants can throw themselves into the role...until they don't want to be there. It's like a switch turns off and that's it. She no longer cares - next. I dated this one girl for a year that took a full 2 years to get over. She would tell me she loved me 10 times a day. For 6 months strait I doubted but finally relented. Things were down hill from there and she dumped me like a bad habit.

 

Yes, and not only that... it's the gist of the whole thing... how was she able to detach in an instant and be so resolute and final about it. Two Saturdays ago we secure and happy as can be. Before leaving for the concert we had dinner and laid down and held each other for a half hour, saying sweet ILUs and all. Three hours later she left and that's the last I saw or spoke to her. How can anyone do that? It baffles me completely. I bet that she doesn't even think about me. Moved on without missing a beat.

 

That's so cold but not atypical of women's behavior. Sweetfish called it right - women love differently than guys.

 

 

I think she would deny that it has been building up. She puts it all on that one hour when we were trying to get the car back.

 

 

A one hour incident does not negate 17 months of happiness - unless you hit her or killed a puppy or something.

 

She's white, anglo, same as me. It's not just white privilege –– white male privilege. She has underlying beliefs consistent with the feminist doctrine.

 

That would irk me to no end. I would imagine it will bother you before too long once you are past the hurt.

 

I do realize that now. Of course it doesn't do much to assuage the pain and bewilderment, and total shock with no closure.

 

Thanks

 

Not to minimize the pain - hell I'm still trying to realize the benefit of my ex dumping me 5 months ago. But the realization doesn't come soon - usually like a few years later once you're with a better person.

 

This sucks man - I'm so sorry for you.

 

Edited to add: What bothers me most about this is you seem to have treated her very well. The only lesson to be learned from this is don't ever trust a woman.

[salparadise]

I'd like to thank everyone who responded in the thread, as well as those who PM'd. I appreciate every response even if I didn't respond directly in the thread.

 

The one thing that everyone agrees on, and the thing I needed confirmation on, is that (a) her reaction was disproportionate to the cause, given the duration and quality of the relationship. And (b) ending it via text message and refusing to speak is cruel and not something a caring, respectful, empathetic person does to someone they care about.

 

People who truly, deeply love don't turn on a dime and use the nuclear option unless, as sevencity said, their partner beats them or kills a puppy. Normal, healthy people cannot do it, because attachment based real emotion requires time to change. Cognitive realizations that run contrary to what one believes (or believed) causes dissonance. It's stressful, upsetting, and takes time and understanding to resolve. This is where I am, and where you'd expect her to be as well immediately after losing a wonderful relationship... but she's not.

 

Why? The reason boils down to a few basic theories (as postulated in this thread), in which there some overlap. While there are grains of truth (correlations) in these, I don't believe they provide a complete understanding or explanation. Even accepting certain things as a given, it still doesn't reconcile cognitively or emotionally.

 

1. the straw that broke the camel's back; already dissatisfied and looking for an out

2. triggers based on previous abuse or mysterious phenomenon

3. leadership/alpha issues surrounding the event

4. faking attachment; never actually invested; dearth of empathy

5. disdain/resentment based on feminist attitudes

6. punching above my class; out of my league

 

7. Then we have Sweetfish's theory of covert/introverted narcissism. At first I was dismissive of this and resistant to attributing a serious dysfunction based on belief that this was an extremely healthy relationship (the best). I am doing some reading/research to see if there are solid correlations that may explain her reaction in a more comprehensive way, and reconcile this perplexing dichotomy between the apparent quality of the relationship and the highly discordant termination.

 

Again, I appreciate all of your responses and welcome any additional thoughts.

 

PS: just want to add that emotions are still a mess, although I've accepted that it's over on the cognitive level. Appetite is returning but good sleep is elusive at best. It didn't hurt to drop a few pounds, although I don't recommend it as a healthy weight loss strategy.

Edited February 11, 2017 by salparadise

[Timshel]

It's ironic (and sad) that the end of a relationship is often the most informative of the person we have been involved with. In retrospect, your ex was far from genuine. Breaking your relationship off the way she did and then jumping immediately to OLD indicates a shallow connection with you and that during the relationship, she was presenting a facade....

I would lean toward agreement with Sweetfish, given the length of your relationship, there is a remarkable lack of attachment...warmth.

FWIW, these type personalities do tend to excel in fields of psychology.

 

Enough about her. I'm sorry that you're hurting.

This woman presented to you essentially *perfection* meaning that she showed you what you wanted in a long term partner.

The smoothness of your relationship, in hindsight, could be interpreted as a red flag.

There is a balance between histrionics and apathy. Somewhere in the middle is a sincere/genuine person connecting and being engaged with their partner.

It is not surprising that you were attracted to the 'healthiness/ease' of her demeanor. However, sincerity requires some healthy dissonance....collaborative conflict resolution.

 

Sal, why are you very attracted to a woman who is so reserved and self controlled that the person within is hidden? It seems perfect, but there is nothing real.

Moving forward, be wary of someone who after months of intimacy is entirely level and without any personal angst......I'm sure that you experienced some, enough to call it a relationship, but now you see that she was being insipid.

 

Best Sal, you dodged a bullet. If you had married her the coldness inside her would eventually made you miserable or a vegetable zombie.

[Eternal Sunshine]

It's ironic (and sad) that the end of a relationship is often the most informative of the person we have been involved with. In retrospect, your ex was far from genuine. Breaking your relationship off the way she did and then jumping immediately to OLD indicates a shallow connection with you and that during the relationship, she was presenting a facade....

I would lean toward agreement with Sweetfish, given the length of your relationship, there is a remarkable lack of attachment...warmth.

FWIW, these type personalities do tend to excel in fields of psychology.

 

Enough about her. I'm sorry that you're hurting.

This woman presented to you essentially *perfection* meaning that she showed you what you wanted in a long term partner.

The smoothness of your relationship, in hindsight, could be interpreted as a red flag.

There is a balance between histrionics and apathy. Somewhere in the middle is a sincere/genuine person connecting and being engaged with their partner.

It is not surprising that you were attracted to the 'healthiness/ease' of her demeanor. However, sincerity requires some healthy dissonance....collaborative conflict resolution.

 

Sal, why are you very attracted to a woman who is so reserved and self controlled that the person within is hidden? It seems perfect, but there is nothing real.

Moving forward, be wary of someone who after months of intimacy is entirely level and without any personal angst......I'm sure that you experienced some, enough to call it a relationship, but now you see that she was being insipid.

 

Best Sal, you dodged a bullet. If you had married her the coldness inside her would eventually made you miserable or a vegetable zombie.

 

Totally this. A genuine person is not going to present a cool and calm demenour 99% of the time. A person that cares will occasionally present some insecurity, anger, anxiety.....not just a cool, surgically clean persona. I know most men hate drama but there is something in between that indicates emotional healthiness and realness at the same time.

[BC1980]

I think this situation is beyond weird, and I'm truly sorry you are going through it. I think she's using this incident as some kind of excuse because it makes no sense.

[SevenCity]

Totally this. A genuine person is not going to present a cool and calm demenour 99% of the time. A person that cares will occasionally present some insecurity, anger, anxiety.....not just a cool, surgically clean persona. I know most men hate drama but there is something in between that indicates emotional healthiness and realness at the same time.

 

Sal would be hard pressed to not be convinced that was who she was after 17 months. Any guy (or gal) would assume after that period of time that they have seen all facets of their mate.

 

Moreover, few will question someone being "too good".

 

She sounds like a total psychopath. Some people can keep up a front so good you believe it is who they are. Hell, they believe it. But when things didn't serve her she flipped it around and made it all Sal's fault. In her mind she's perfect and he's the one who ruined things.

 

Dodged a bullet indeed.

[elaine567]

Seems to me that very many people swerve the "adult" approach to breaking up.

 

Yes, this woman may have all sorts of issues going on, but she is not the first to dump someone "out of the blue" over some seemingly innocuous "incident", then swerve the face to face break up, and use text to deliver the bad news and then immediately go looking for another person to "fill the gap".

Seems to happen quite regularly.

 

The usual explanation is that the dumper checked out weeks/months ago but continued to go through the motions, did all their grieving and the questioning "Am I doing the right thing? then, so that when the final "incident" happens they walk out with their mind made up, their conscience clear, ready to move on and ready to "love" again.

 

In contrast to the poor dumpee who is completely blind-sided, shocked and confused and he/she takes a long time to recover, as not only have they lost the person that they loved, but they have also had a huge blow to their ability to trust someone again.

The "incident" provides a perfect excuse for the dumper to finally walk away in often manufactured outrage, because whilst they knew they wanted to "end it", they are often loathe to actively "end" it in a calm and detached way.

 

The "incident" can then often plague the dumpee.

If only I had/hadn't done this... If only I had/hadn't said that...

[Sweetfish]

1. the straw that broke the camel's back; already dissatisfied and looking for an out

2. triggers based on previous abuse or mysterious phenomenon

3. leadership/alpha issues surrounding the event

4. faking attachment; never actually invested; dearth of empathy

5. disdain/resentment based on feminist attitudes

6. punching above my class; out of my league

 

 

And in regard to this guy named sweetfish. Covert narcissism explains all your questions.

 

1. Devaluation

2. A trigger (from child defense mechanism) Parental Narcissistic abuse?

3. Destroying the perfect image or perfect false self

4. false self

5. Entitlement

6. Repairing the false self

 

The kicker and monkey wrench in this whole situation is everything will always be perfect for a long time or as long as you don't break the False ego...but I believe there were hiccups you wrote off in this relationship and you will see them...after the pain has subsided

 

This is is BPD kissing cousin.. Anyone who has dated a BPDer will relate to what your saying. They will do anything not to damage their false self and the covert narcissist does this by befriending people. But the befriending is not real as the friends are only friends with the FALSE SELF which even strengthens the resentment of the true self. This is considered narcissist supply.

 

Borderline personality disorder is named so because its BORDERLINE of psychosis. Your on the edge of being crazy and being normal and events trigger the psychosis...however the black and white mechanism protects the the brain from full on pain,

 

Narcissism is under the same Cluster B traits in the DSM. The psychosis is not borderline and the person is fully aware of this psychosis and it triggers the narcissist abuse so some narcissist try to build and create mirrors and manipulate the surroundings.

 

Mariah Carey/Brittany Spears is a classic case of a overt narcissism...however with sooo many people watching the Good girl image they can only be maintain for so long.. so they sling on these words like DIVA and start building on that since it provides the narcissist supply.

 

 

Its actually a person who fears their true self to the point its like "people with phobias" So they build a false self based on their surroundings to get what they want or need. If they don't get what they need (image) you will be devalued just like and the BPD cousin... just considered NPD like Asperger its a higher functioning version of Borderline (hard to spot)

 

and Ill leave it with this statement

 

A narcissist can certainly fall in love (unless they’re the commitment-phobic type), but once you begin to express your own needs, and begin to show cracks in your armor that mean you’re only an imperfect human, you are no longer mirroring the narcissist as they want to be mirrored, and that’s when the abuse and manipulations will begin–or in some cases they will begin to devalue you before the final discard.

 

A narcissist cannot move from a limerent state into real love, as a normal adult can. Real, lasting love requires mutual give-and-take, empathy, sacrifice, compromise, and a lot of hard work–all things that narcissists simply can’t handle. That’s why their marriages and relationships usually don’t last that long–or if they do, become such hotbeds of misery and discord.

Edited February 11, 2017 by Sweetfish

[Timshel]

Slippery slope. Here is what does not happen on my watch....pontificating about someone's mental health.

 

Theories are only theories, online, with no basis in fact. No person is able to evaluate another person's state of mind without one on one contact and professional diagnosis.

 

Again, let's take this thread where it belongs.

Salparadise, you are not here asking LS to determine the mindset of your ex....in truth.

 

You are asking how this happened so that you never make this mistake again. How you will not be blindsided, hurt and put your trust into a person that should not be trusted.

Your picker is off.

Edited February 11, 2017 by Timshel

[Sweetfish]

Slippery slope. Here is what does not happen on my watch....pontificating about someone's mental health.

 

Theories are only theories, online, with no basis in fact. No person is able to evaluate another person's state of mind without one on one contact and professional diagnosis.

 

Again, let's take this thread where it belongs.

Salparadise, you are not here asking LS to determine the mindset of your ex....in truth.

 

You are asking how this happened so that you never make this mistake again. How you will not be blindsided, hurt and put your trust into a person that should not be trusted.

Your picker is off.

 

 

That is a 100% fair statement.. But he needs to know the information so he can come to an assessment for his own mental health. I can see the clear signs and others can't isn't that the power of a community.

 

I think people determining if someone should dump or divorce their love one is a SLIPPERY SLOPE or put recording devices in there wife/husband car at the advice of people behind an Ip address is a slippery slope. if I want to pull the double standards card.

 

The "professionals" even say that its the S.O. that actually will know if the person is NPD. That NPDs will not seek professional help. I respect Sal and he is highly intelligent and I would suspect he is not dumb enough to drink my kool aid without his own evaluation of the situation which will take weeks or months. That would just be retarded if he just took the honey and ran.

[Timshel]

Sal's a smart cookie.

[gaius]

Look, as women, if your boyfriend planned a night out, didn't bother to look ahead to check on parking, got the car towed, then proceeded to be passive aggressive with the tow company to the point you have to take over just so you can get your car and get home you would massively turned off. The vagina would dry up like the Sahara desert. With that kind of behavior from a mate you'd be the first ones to be eaten in a zombie apocalypse. And the fact that he mentioned "neither of them had cash" like it's somehow just as much her responsibility is indicative that him not being a leader is probably the norm in the relationship. It just seems to fly right over his head.

 

If you don't want to tell him the truth, just want to be comforting, soothing and/or blame it on a personality disorder, he's never going to fix the dynamic that led to this. He'll just be stuck all his life with women who enjoy the fact he talks a good game about equality, black lives matters, how much trump sucks, but at his core isn't what a woman wants or needs in a man. Up to you really.

[spiderowl]

So sorry Sal, it sounds like a real shock. Like others, I can only assume she became less invested at some point but didn't realise herself or did not let you know.

 

I remember starting to have doubts about a guy I was with. He seemed sweet and kind, then out of the blue in bed one night he commented that I was 'getting a bit of a tummy'. I didn't find it funny and thought it was rude. I huffed a bit at the time and I don't think he took it seriously. It did bug me though. I would never have told him the same. I was also pretty slim at that time so I felt it was completely uncalled for.

 

Later on, another weekend, and the doubts were not going away. I was starting to feel irritated with things he did. When he ordered a prawn sandwich in a cafe and ate it, I knew! Seafood makes me cringe and the thought of kissing anyone who had eaten prawns was obnoxious to me. Somehow the unease below the surface suddenly came to light. I had to end it soon after. It was a process in me, bubbling up from beneath. It probably happens to lots of people. I think the way she told you and cut off from you was not nice though. I did not cut off from the guy I mention but I did find it uncomfortable talking to him as he wanted answers. What could I say? It was an underlying feeling that grew. I did not want to tell him of the things that had put me off him because (1) they would have seemed minor to him; and (2) I knew there was also 'just a feeling' going on which was less to do with the things that had upset me, more an overall picture.

 

I guess the above might not be any help. You are so bright, you will figure things out for yourself. I know you will find someone else when you are ready. I also know how much it hurts to be on the receiving end of this kind of thing. The mind goes crazy trying to make sense of what is a change of feeling. Maybe it would be best to assume you won't make sense of it and just try to accept. Easier said than done, I know.

Edited February 12, 2017 by spiderowl

[Purepony]

She's probably been thinking about this for a while and this was a good opportunity to go!

 

Also if you're in a relationship or seven months so you don't argue somethings wrong that means somebody's doing all the talking or somebody's doing all the leading because I was in a similar relationship or we never argued and something similar happened

 

Being in a relationship and not arguing is a bad sign because it builds resentment and your voices or voice isn't heard

 

Go no contact

And i'm sure eventually she'll feel bad or come to her senses and contact you at least for closure

[Sweetfish]

Look, as women, if your boyfriend planned a night out, didn't bother to look ahead to check on parking, got the car towed, then proceeded to be passive aggressive with the tow company to the point you have to take over just so you can get your car and get home you would massively turned off. The vagina would dry up like the Sahara desert.

 

 

This is the same exact redundant P**** passes you guys keep giving to women to give allowance to inexcusable behavior and pawn it off on the guy. This is a prime example of being afraid to show your true feelings and express normal and natural emotions.

 

 

If this happened on the first and second date this behavior its absolutely 100% logical.

 

To do this in a deep relationship that is NOT LOGICAL by any means. I would love to marry you so that I can get away with all types of evil behavior.

Yup... keep sucking up all that ALPHA knowledge

 

With that kind of behavior from a mate you'd be the first ones to be eaten in a zombie apocalypse. And the fact that he mentioned "neither of them had cash" like it's somehow just as much her responsibility is indicative that him not being a leader is probably the norm in the relationship. It just seems to fly right over his head.

Sal is actually a member that give tons of advice here... I don't think he needs advice on how to treat a woman and he has been here long enough to absorb all the scenarios that played out here.

 

Absolutely, no way i'm going to suppress my feelings for the greater of vagina or fear of the drying of any sexual organ.

 

If you don't want to tell him the truth, just want to be comforting, soothing and/or blame it on a personality disorder, he's never going to fix the dynamic that led to this. He'll just be stuck all his life with women who enjoy the fact he talks a good game about equality, black lives matters, how much trump sucks, but at his core isn't what a woman wants or needs in a man. Up to you really.

LMAO, I think the last thing anyone would say is im comforting. I don't hold back. i call it how I see it. Many don't like it... but guess what when the O.P. of many of these post engage with me or other members who don't coddle... ironically time after time they see a different perspective or new information comes to light.

 

I'm sorry if you lack the psychology perspective that me and other members have and cannot grasp the terminology or logic of the nature of people. You may chose to live in a cloud of happiness, lollipops, and dandy lions. What you don't understand is easily dismissed. however no one here is a relationship coach or certified therapist yet this is allowable and consumed daily... so the double stands continues.

 

Again this is the internet, the knowledge is there... what you do with it is your pleasure.

 

 

as far as your statement above you have nothing to backup the information you provided. You, nor anyone else knows the O.P. dynamics with his girlfriend.

 

avoidant traits and NPD are the only things that hit home for the actions that transpired.

 

Now on that note... If a GUY did the same thing to a woman... WOULD the guy be played as the victim as stated here now or the villain?

Edited February 12, 2017 by Sweetfish

[Timshel]

Look, as women, if your boyfriend planned a night out, didn't bother to look ahead to check on parking, got the car towed, then proceeded to be passive aggressive with the tow company to the point you have to take over just so you can get your car and get home you would massively turned off. The vagina would dry up like the Sahara desert. With that kind of behavior from a mate you'd be the first ones to be eaten in a zombie apocalypse. And the fact that he mentioned "neither of them had cash" like it's somehow just as much her responsibility is indicative that him not being a leader is probably the norm in the relationship. It just seems to fly right over his head.

 

If you don't want to tell him the truth, just want to be comforting, soothing and/or blame it on a personality disorder, he's never going to fix the dynamic that led to this. He'll just be stuck all his life with women who enjoy the fact he talks a good game about equality, black lives matters, how much trump sucks, but at his core isn't what a woman wants or needs in a man. Up to you really.

 

Exhibit A: Here we have a unique opportunity to display discord in a relationship. I disagree with this. I will handle it by not wearing the red lacy thing tonight.

 

Seriously, Sal's ex is not evil []

Sal, it didn't work out. Do not waste time trying to evaluate the mentality of a person that does not tell the truth.

 

Do consider why that escaped your attention.

 

Best.

Edited February 12, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator