salparadise Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Ok I get that you benefited greatly from that experience, but what is really in it for the OP? She gets to teach some inexperienced guy for a few months, and he then goes off confident and happy, buoyed up by his "education", whilst she is left still scrabbling about looking for a "real man" who isn't gay or a "virgin" - back to stage one. Well, if you only look at it as a cost/benefit analysis maybe she would be giving more than she gets, but then again she might just have the boyfriend/husband she wants ready to be opened up. The notion that dating and mating is strictly a transactional equation wherein the woman must always win is kind of archaic. He's just the opposite of a player, which of course women absolutely despise when they manage to finagle a taste of vagina without paying a fair price in advance. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 The notion that dating and mating is strictly a transactional equation wherein the woman must always win is kind of archaic. No-one said the woman has always to win, but as it is usually her clock that is ticking a lot faster, then many women cannot afford to waste time on relationships that benefit the man at the expense of herself. At 45 he may look fondly back but he has all the time in the world to have kids if he chooses the right woman, but at 45 she is essentially "finished" with having children, and may regret hugely the time she "wasted" getting involved with a guy as a "teacher". Link to post Share on other sites
ThisisIt606 Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 I think the OP just has to decide if she wants to lead this guy through his sexual awakening or not. She's given all big green flags so far. When I was younger, I didn't kiss my Bf until the 5th date and that was mainly Bc I was uncomfortable with PDA. He invited me over one day and we finally kissed. However now I'm fine with a first kiss in public, as long as it's semi private-- scarce area of a park or sidewalk. However, the OP invited him inside, put her head on his shoulder etc. I think he just has very limited experience and is too much in his own head. The OP just has to decide if this is something she can deal with. If so, I think the OP should just kiss him. If he gets really uncomfortable after it, I'd try to figure out why and if it just doesn't seem solvable/ not compatable let him know you can't see him anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingDeadGrl Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Some guys like to engage in physical touching and activity on the women's terms, as hard as some of you may think that is to believe. My current boyfriend and I didn't kiss until our 4th date, we held hands on our 3rd, initiated by me. He told me he wanted everything to be at my pace and when I was ready. I had never experienced this, it was always men pushing themselves on me after 2 dates. It was a little weird for me but I never felt pressured and I liked that. Once we crossed the sexual line though we both initiated and now still do. Maybe he is just waiting for you to initiate the kiss. Try it! Then go from there. If he is still weird and not initiating anything then move on Link to post Share on other sites
Logo Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 1. He's either inexperienced. 2. He's shy. 3. He's either not physically attracted, but finds you mentally and emotionally attractive (Sorry, but that's a possibility). 4. He is lonely and enjoys your company, but doesn't see your relationship as a romantic one. 5. He likes you as a friend. If you really like him, make your move and kiss him and see what his reaction will be. Otherwise, either ask him what his long term plans are or move on. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 No-one said the woman has always to win, but as it is usually her clock that is ticking a lot faster, then many women cannot afford to waste time on relationships that benefit the man at the expense of herself. At 45 he may look fondly back but he has all the time in the world to have kids if he chooses the right woman, but at 45 she is essentially "finished" with having children, and may regret hugely the time she "wasted" getting involved with a guy as a "teacher". Let's call it sexual altruism Yea, I realize it would be irregular, contrary to sista code, and undermine sexual selection under evolutionary theory... but what the heck does she really have to lose? I get the impression that she still has time on the clock, and this could be her opportunity to change the world in a small but wonderful way. Who knows, this guy might even be sportin' the Loch Ness Monster beneath that demure demeanor. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 If this guy won't even take the initiative to hold her hand then he's not into her, and forcing herself on him is a terrible idea. I don't know if some guys had women do that to them and they look back fondly on it or something but at the end of the day if that's the case they did you a terrible disservice. Because you never learned how to be a man. =/ They gave you a crutch. Now you expect that kind of thing from women. Don't ruin this guy like that and end up embarrassing yourself in the process. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Arp1388 Posted January 24, 2017 Author Share Posted January 24, 2017 If this guy won't even take the initiative to hold her hand then he's not into her, and forcing herself on him is a terrible idea. I don't know if some guys had women do that to them and they look back fondly on it or something but at the end of the day if that's the case they did you a terrible disservice. Because you never learned how to be a man. =/ They gave you a crutch. Now you expect that kind of thing from women. Don't ruin this guy like that and end up embarrassing yourself in the process. Okay and I had this thought myself, but this guy is literally texting me day and night. He has initiated all but one of the dates and has stayed in constant contact with me the whole time I've been out of town. Do guys usually go out of their way to set up dates, pay for them, and text you constantly if they're not interested?? And if you read my earlier post, I said that I actually asked him about it after our 3rd date in a very nice way that would have given him an easy out, and he said he was interested in me and was hoping to go in the direction of forming a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 I was often the aggressor when I was young and I have to say no real good ever came of it. If you have to be the one, they either are inexperienced or if they're out of your league, then they may just lay back and wait and be lazy. I remember one time I met a guy out of town on a minivacation and threw myself at him. Later he told me I saved his life, so to speak because he hadn't had sex since prison and wasn't sure he'd be able to and he was stone broke, fresh out of prison, and I didn't take it seriously when he told me someday he was going to take me to Hawaii or somewhere. Meanwhile I was in the middle of a move to another town even further away and after about a year my mom told me this guy had called looking for me and wanted to take me to Hawaii. I didn't go. I mean, him having been in prison freaked me out, though it wasn't very serious the way he told it. One other time, the guy was gay and I made him have sex with me anyway because I had a huge crush on him. And of course, that didn't go anywhere except to make it impossible to continue a friendship. Then the other time, the guy was timid, and sex didn't change that. I have never seen a magical transformation from pressing myself on someone. Now I did devirginize someone without knowing it at the time. Unless you're real fearful, a woman may not even know you're a virgin if you just keep your mouth shut. Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 Great, he shows a lot of interest in you, but he's not showing you the romantic interest as you would like. Either you take the bull by the horns and try to get this going romantically or be patient and maybe he comes around. Maybe you would be more compatible with someone with more experience? Either way you should try to go on another date very soon and decide if you need to move on or not. This many dates is way too long imo for a guy to have not tried much of anything at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Arp1388 Posted January 30, 2017 Author Share Posted January 30, 2017 Okay so I've been dating this guy for almost a month now, and we have been on about six dates. He always seemed a little awkward and really shy, but he was very sweet and gentlemanly. He is smart, has a good job, a good living situation, etc. It took a while for him to make a move--so much so that for a while I thought maybe he wasn't interested. Then he admitted recently that he had gotten so caught up with work and school in the past that now he has almost no relationship experience. I'm pretty sure he's a virgin--I'm not sure if he's had a girlfriend before or not. So my question is...I really like this guy and I have no problem being with a virgin--unless it's likely to turn out negatively for me. I'm honestly not the most experienced person myself so I don't care if there's a bit of a learning curve lol. I don't want to just be here to boost his confidence and then have him run off. Or worse, for us to do well together for a couple years until he decides he wants to have the dating experience he never got to have. Thoughts?? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 There are no guarantees in any dating. But personally, I'd lay my money on the reliability of an inexperienced person over someone who's dated many people any day. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 I would Link to post Share on other sites
Jj66 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 (edited) Okay so I've been dating this guy for almost a month now, and we have been on about six dates. He always seemed a little awkward and really shy, but he was very sweet and gentlemanly. He is smart, has a good job, a good living situation, etc. It took a while for him to make a move--so much so that for a while I thought maybe he wasn't interested. Then he admitted recently that he had gotten so caught up with work and school in the past that now he has almost no relationship experience. I'm pretty sure he's a virgin--I'm not sure if he's had a girlfriend before or not. So my question is...I really like this guy and I have no problem being with a virgin--unless it's likely to turn out negatively for me. I'm honestly not the most experienced person myself so I don't care if there's a bit of a learning curve lol. I don't want to just be here to boost his confidence and then have him run off. Or worse, for us to do well together for a couple years until he decides he wants to have the dating experience he never got to have. Thoughts?? You cannot have a any relationship without some risks. You identified some of them. You also identified that the learning curve is not a big deal. And it isn't. The real question to ask is do you like him? If you do, why not give it a shot? He may leave you someday for the reasons you specified or some other reason. You might also leave him. There are no guarantees in life. Edited January 30, 2017 by Jj66 Link to post Share on other sites
PinkElephants Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 I dated a 25 year old almost virgin and it was a lot of fun for a while. Ultimately, it ended but so did all my relationships with experienced men before my current one. All relationships end unless and until you find the right one; it might go south with this guy or he might be the right guy. Just ask yourself if it's better to risk having the door slammed on your fingers or never knocking at all? Choose the one you'd regret least. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts