springy Posted March 24, 2017 Posted March 24, 2017 Sigh, you are exactly right about this. I am wondering about ifs and feeling nostalgic. That is all, for now. Considering how good the sex was (enough for me to consider giving up intellectual satisfaction), as long as i am single, i never want to rule him out completely. Good sex...that's wonderful. Gonna take a whole lot more than that to sustain a relationship long term. Unless you plan on staying in bed 24-7 you've got to talk to this non-intellectual guy at some point and that dissatisfaction you have with him will resurface with a vengeance. If you insist on pursuing this you're gonna have to 'woman-up', open your mouth and say something. I think it's a horrible idea. Seems to me he's just a fall back - a 'good enough, I guess' guy. You should also never attempt to pressure anyone into marriage. Have the conversation for sure, but in the end they either want to marry you, or they don't. This guy saw the incompatibility and decided against. Don't waste any more time on it. 1
Sweetfish Posted March 24, 2017 Posted March 24, 2017 Sigh, you are exactly right about this. I am wondering about ifs and feeling nostalgic. That is all, for now. Considering how good the sex was (enough for me to consider giving up intellectual satisfaction), as long as i am single, i never want to rule him out completely. I don't really care if the new girl loves him or not. She probably does. It is ultimately his decision whether or not he wants to take the chance with me or with her. But for precaution, what do you think is the worst thing that can happen if i start flirting with him by email? He broke-up with you; however you ultimately were the one who drove him away by trying to make him something he is not. What if he told you were not fit enough? You need to lose weight? Made you feel less of a person? Wouldn't that drive you to break-up with him? You also questioned his judgement and did not trust him...he slowly checked out. How long did you think he was going to take this? Now a year later you have seen your role in the break-up. He has a new girlfriend and she "loves" him. Its very possible you don't even know what love is. Its very possible the feelings you have now is love. But if its not... leave him alone and buy a B.O.Y. lol
Blanco Posted March 24, 2017 Posted March 24, 2017 But love is selfish. It's telling that you think that. I'd argue that real love is pretty close to the opposite of selfish. 4
Maldives Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 I have decided to reply. I have written a draft but not yet sent. > I'm wondering what you guys think about a passive aggressive tone in the email? I know I can hurt/insult people pretty badly by using perfectly civil and beautifully crafted words. But, because I'm well aware of what I do/ can do, I do somehow feel bad for him as the recipient... I'm pretty conflicted at this point. I want to hurt him for revenge because he hurt me, but at the same time I don't want to hurt him because I don't believe in insulting people in general... But then, maybe I don't consider him a human being at all?! I don't think this guy understands how much he hurts me or how much resentful I am towards him. I am extremely bitter about the whole thing. I honestly cannot say that I wish him the best in life because I don't. All his emails after the break up (yes he did send 3-4 emails, trying to be friends I guess) are all actually very nice and friendly. Too friendly. But the pure fact that he is so friendly gets on my nerves. I did reply to all past emails, but in a very abrupt, short tone. I didn't insult him, even tho i was tempted to. I just cut everything very short. But again, like i said, i dont think he gets how resentful i am. So part of me wants to just let him know this time how ****ty of a person he really is. Please give some advice? I can so relate to the above. My ex we were together 6 yrs moves 1000 miles to be wth me long story short we cake from the same city but I moved nth for a better life wth the intention to be together but our relationship ran in to problems before she cam3 up and she begged and 0leaded wth to work things out. I wasn't happy about working together as we were on rocky ground she went ahead and came up anyway. 9 mths later she had kids btw lost em as well dumps me and possibly is seeing someone in the office som fat Maori guy but I'm not surexpecting and I have to now put up wth it whe re e I work and it's painful having to work together. She's com up and is making it hard for me to be here now l. So yes I get the resentful part im angry for even giving it another try. We weren't perfect and it was hard for me because she had kids and a lot of our issues came from that. Imagine a mum staying here and letting her kids go while she stays here and lives it up. Wat im finding tho is focusing on them constantly doesn't help and we do because they duped us in to believing they loved us lol . In her case she lost feelings in that one yr my analogy of it tho is she's met someone else or had interest in someone else or who knows i guess for me and u wat does it matter it makes no difference knowing the truth where still gonna feel the resentment. I'm gona feel the feelings and also try and focus more on myself and not her. Some people's true colours al ways surprise me. She'd been cheated on she didn't like it she gave up another child she had wth someone else so much baggage this woman the anger for me is working wth her and having to put up wth her behaviour at work. It's a good job and being a regional area u dont kind of have a lot of these opportunities up here. That's whe re my resentment comes from she's kinda made it hard for me to stay here
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