He's semi homeless [UPDATE: I am at a certain point now]

[mortensorchid]

FOr the last few weeks I have been seeing this guy. For background information, see this thread ...

 

[]

 

I realized what it is/was when I agreed to meet him face to face - This was not very deep, he was looking for a sense of security when he moved back here, this would be a cross between a casual relationship and an actual one. Is he a good guy? Yes, he's a good guy, but he's a boy not a man.

 

He's now asking to come and see me more often. He's on the east side, has no car but gets by with Lyft / the bus, he's staying with a few friends here and there. He says he's getting a place to live and a car eventually. True? I suppose he is, it's not my business what is/isn't happening with things. I would think that others would want to see him as a guy who has things together before they take any kind of chance on him, be it professional or personal. I am not the caregiver gf, I'm not about to tell him to move in with me until he gets a place because then he will never leave.

 

My question is should I continue any further with this? And yes, we're doing IT.

Edited January 16, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Thread merge - link redacted ~6

[BlackCherry]

I wouldn't bother, unless he had firm observable plans he was in the middle of carrying out to get his own place/job/transportation, and I was head over heels 'this guy is the one!' crazy about him.

 

It's been a while since he moved here and he still doesn't sound like he has his stuff together. What can he offer you, really? If you just want to casually date go for it, but I can't see how it could turn into anything more.

 

Plus a guy asking me for a lift to our second date would turn me off enough to cancel it. How cheeky/rude! Lifts from a virtual stranger are offered not requested, he sounds lazy.

[Shining One]

He says he's getting a place to live and a car eventually.

Has he elaborated on his plans in any way? It can take a while to find a place, especially if you have specific requirements that are hard to find. This would raise an eyebrow for me, but would not be a deal-breaker unless it went on for a long time.

I am not the caregiver gf, I'm not about to tell him to move in with me until he gets a place because then he will never leave.

Wise move.

My question is should I continue any further with this?

If you're enjoying yourself, why not continue? Just keep things as they are and don't progress the relationship forward until some of the concerns go away.

Plus a guy asking me for a lift to our second date would turn me off enough to cancel it. How cheeky/rude! Lifts from a virtual stranger are offered not requested, he sounds lazy.

This might be a cultural or regional thing. Most of my dates have been "forward" enough to request rides on the second date. Heck, I've had a few that requested rides on the first date.

[WitlessFool]

I don't understand. People have warned you against seeing this guy in all the posts you made about him but you pursued it anyway.

What exactly is the answer you are looking for?

 

I'm single, move a lot for work, and I would never date a semi-homeless man, nor would I expect a man to date me until I got settled in my new life.

 

No you shouldn't continue this.

[mortensorchid]

I am in a bad situation now. I did not listen to others on the forum about this guy I have been with for the last few weeks/months. We're having an indulgence - we're lovers now. Unfortunately he's a boy, not a man. He doesn't have a lot of things together. He just moved back here from CA, he doesn't have a car (but he gets around with Lyft), he has no place to stay yet (he's staying with friends here and there). He makes money working landscaping and handyman jobs here and there. Is he a good guy? Yes, he's a good guy. He's okay based on what I know of him. I figured he would just be a guy to have some adult fun with (you know what I mean).

 

And then he shows up for our weekend and he has roses with him. I was surprised, I wasn't expecting that. He said "I like you". He did NOT say "I love you", which I would have been shocked at. Now, I'm ... I just hope he's not going to go somewhere else with this. I like him just fine but he's not Mr. Right, he's Mr. RIght Now.

 

I need to straiten this out, and soon, don't I?

[Shining One]

I need to straiten this out, and soon, don't I?

You seem to understand what you want: A no strings fling and nothing more. If you feel he is trying to progress the relationship to more than that, you should stop him and have a conversation about what you both want out of this. If it makes you more comfortable, you could initiate the conversation right now. Plenty of men would be happy with a casual relationship that never progresses beyond that. Perhaps he is one of them.

[mortensorchid]

For the last few weeks/months, a strange thing happened to me. Follow some other recent threads I created on it, it was a bit strange. For the sake of redundancy the story is this ...

 

Back in October I got an IM on Facebook from a guy who I will call D. He and I started chatting. He is a friend of a friend, originally from Iowa, living on the west coast, but was moving back to my state because his ex wife / daughter were moving back here and he wanted to be near his daughter. He was hoping we could get together. I was wary about it, under the circumstances. I thought he was going to be just looking for companionship or eventually casual sex. I decided to do this, what could it hurt. Plus with my track record, it could be another odd story to share on the forum, right?

 

I was surprised, he was a good guy. We're a bit of an odd couple, to be sure because I'm a punk rocker and he's a hippie. But ... It seems to work. I thought at first he was just a friend, but ... He likes me. I was afraid at first, he'll just lead me on then hurt me like so many before. And I thought "he's just looking for sex", but ... it's not that. He went away back to Iowa to see his family for two weeks. Then he came back and said he wanted to see me because it was Valentine's Day. I said I wasn't really one of those gals who he needed to prove his love for on that day, but he insisted. I said okay. He brought roses, I still have them in a vase.

 

He said to me today that he is happy, he is so happy to be with me. We haven't been out much publicly, I told a few friends about him. He is kind of semi homeless, he's staying at a friend's house across the city who is away for a few weeks / months and works as a handyman. I'm not ashamed of what he does, if it makes him happy. I'm making money as a sub teacher, it's hard work but I'm surviving. He said he's proud to be with me and to be seen with me.

 

Wow ... Is it happening to me at last? Go with the flow? I think I should, right?

[SevenCity]

Yep. The best RLs I've had start out just because.

 

It may not be a typical story book romance but if you make each other happy that's all that matters.

 

Best of luck!

[mortensorchid]

A few months ago someone reached out to me on Facebook. He was living on the west coast, he's a friend of a friend who used to live in my city and he was moving back here because his ex wife and daughter were moving here (his ex wife is originally from my city). At first I treated this like a friend chat, then he moved around Christmas back here and we met. I wasn't sure if he was looking for casual sex or something else, and ... Well, he wasn't looking for casual sex he was looking for something.

 

He's into me. He left for two weeks to visit his family in Iowa and came back, on Valentine's Day he returned and insisted on seeing me because he'd been away for two weeks. He brought roses, he said he likes me. At first I was nervous, thinking I was going to be lead on or it will be a go no where situation like so many others. Tonight he had me come out and he had me meet his daughter, his ex wife (they are on good terms still), and two friends. When alone his two friends asked him some funny questions. One asked him if I was his daughter, he said no she's my new girlfriend. The other asked why he's going out with a 25 year old, he told him I'm 42. They were shocked.

 

How do I feel? I am used to comments about how young I look (I'm glad I can still pass for younger than I am). As for the "new girlfriend" comments ... I'm going to go forth happy and hopeful like I should.

[KBob]

I'm curious, had you met him before he contacted you on Facebook? I've seen this a couple times on this forum and I feel like I'd be creeping if I contacted a female friend of a friend without having met before. Am I overthinking it?

[mortensorchid]

I'm curious, had you met him before he contacted you on Facebook? I've seen this a couple times on this forum and I feel like I'd be creeping if I contacted a female friend of a friend without having met before. Am I overthinking it?

 

I'd never met him before. He is a friend of a friend, they'd known each other for many years. I asked the friend if I should allow it, he said he's alright (a hippie and a bit of a flake but that's the worst he had to say about him).

 

As for creeping? I'm sure we've all done it in some way, shape or form. I spy on people through Facebook (on my and a second, secret profile). It's what it is. As to reaching out to someone and saying "Hi I want to meet you"? That's another level. I'm still not 100% sure why he chose to reach out to me. I know he was moving back here and probably wanted to find someone here to be with. I'm also not sure how long he and his baby momma have been broken up either, but I think it's been for a bit now. I don't want to be a rebound for him, but he seems to be into me.

[TheTraveler]

I'd never met him before. He is a friend of a friend, they'd known each other for many years. I asked the friend if I should allow it, he said he's alright (a hippie and a bit of a flake but that's the worst he had to say about him).

 

As for creeping? I'm sure we've all done it in some way, shape or form. I spy on people through Facebook (on my and a second, secret profile). It's what it is. As to reaching out to someone and saying "Hi I want to meet you"? That's another level. I'm still not 100% sure why he chose to reach out to me. I know he was moving back here and probably wanted to find someone here to be with. I'm also not sure how long he and his baby momma have been broken up either, but I think it's been for a bit now. I don't want to be a rebound for him, but he seems to be into me.

 

Simple.

 

Easy ass to when he moved back home to be near his baby and baby mama. Now he's back home, got a girl easy, and ready to go. Doesn't have to deal with dating whether in person or via online

[mortensorchid]

You may be thinking this is a foolish thing to be talking about on this forum, especially if and when you read my age (42), but as it's become a new phenomenon within our world. Plus, as many have noticed, I have many rules and regulations in which I have posted in the past in terms of The Game's behaviors. However, I have learned a lot about myself and about people in the past, and I think it's important to be aware of certain things before you set yourself up for disappointment or failure...

 

I have been with someone in the past few weeks/months. We'd been chatting on Facebook, then he moved out to my city from the west coast. Someone posted on something recently that he was just looking for a woman to be waiting for him once he moved to my city and now he's got an easy lay. I was thinking maybe that was the case ... But ... I am now thinking this is something more serious. He introduced me to his friends a few weeks ago as well as his ex wife and his daughter. I was a big bowled over that he would introduce me to so many important people all in one swoop, but it happened.

 

We've now been together since around Christmas, it's three months later. I said I refer to him now as my bf, he refers to me as his gf to others. The problem? We have not updated Facebook as to our relationship status. Silly? Well, it's somewhat silly, but I have learned this in terms of a relationship status that most people have now learned. So much, in fact, that Facebook made a provision for it.

 

Let's say you're going out with someone (John / Jane Doe) and that person says it's time to update your relationship status. To me, being "in a relationship" is not the first week or two of it or after the first time you have sex. During the first 6-9 months you are together, it's not a relationship, it's infatuation or the "dating" period - you're getting to know each other. It's an unspoken rule that you will be with that person every weekend and you will be together, either doing something out or staying in. Once this period is over, you are actually "in a relationship".

 

I've seen one too many people (myself included) make this mistake with Facebook. You're going out for a few weeks, then one person says "we're updating our relationship status" and you do ... And then one party breaks it off a few weeks later. They have their reasons, but once it's over and done with it's kind of ... Embarrassing to change it back to "single". But you move on. I've known people who are crazy enough to move in with people after they have known each other for barely six months, even some who have known each other for one week!

 

So I told him we're not going to consider changing our relationship status until we've been together for 6 months and will stick to this from now on. He agreed. New rule.

[act00]

I have to agree. I think if I'm going to change my relationship status, its going to be when things are serious, like long-term serious, and I have a similar timeline in my head - get out of the "infatuation phase," when things get real.

 

I haven't run into this as an issue, however.

 

My FB consists of friends, family, and old friends from high school and even grade school. Facebook is not a dating tool, and my relationship status really isn't relevant. People close to me know I'm dating, and it really doesn't matter beyond that.

 

I wonder if this will become an issue at some point with me or my SO. So far, not.

[coolheadal]

I am not changing my status on Facebook. Until I know it's officially set in stone. No matter what age you are you do what you want, change it not or hide your status. Life is too short already to worry about your relationship status on Facebook or any other social media.

[PegNosePete]

Just make your relationship status private, or "visible to only me" or whatever. If anyone tells you it's "time to change our status" just say you don't believe in that kind of childish thing. Problem solved.

[BikerAccnt]

I honestly don't know if I'd change mine until I was engaged, or, otherwise seriously committed.

 

I mean, if I'm seeing someone, you can see pics of the woman I'm seeing in my feed, in my photo's and it's pretty obvious I'm with someone, I don't hide it/them. But, relationship status? No, I don't change that, and I keep it private.

 

Changes in that create drama, even where there is none. Besides, you never know when things may change. I've been involved with someone a bit over 8 mos, but, I get the distinct feeling things are going to change, unfortunately.

At least a facebook status change won't be one of them

[TheTraveler]

I personally keep a low profile on fb. A potential other, may be posting and liking everything known to women each day. This wouldn't bother me as everyone is different.

 

You do you OP

[Lilyana76]

Social media... who cares?

 

The ones important enough to me, know what my status is. The rest of social media land can kiss my tush. It's highly unimportant in the grand scheme of things.

 

My relationship or lack there of is my business. I feel no need to broadcast anything on social media.

[LookAtThisPOst]

You may be thinking this is a foolish thing to be talking about on this forum, especially if and when you read my age (42), but as it's become a new phenomenon within our world. Plus, as many have noticed, I have many rules and regulations in which I have posted in the past in terms of The Game's behaviors. However, I have learned a lot about myself and about people in the past, and I think it's important to be aware of certain things before you set yourself up for disappointment or failure...

 

I have been with someone in the past few weeks/months. We'd been chatting on Facebook, then he moved out to my city from the west coast. Someone posted on something recently that he was just looking for a woman to be waiting for him once he moved to my city and now he's got an easy lay. I was thinking maybe that was the case ... But ... I am now thinking this is something more serious. He introduced me to his friends a few weeks ago as well as his ex wife and his daughter. I was a big bowled over that he would introduce me to so many important people all in one swoop, but it happened.

 

We've now been together since around Christmas, it's three months later. I said I refer to him now as my bf, he refers to me as his gf to others. The problem? We have not updated Facebook as to our relationship status. Silly? Well, it's somewhat silly, but I have learned this in terms of a relationship status that most people have now learned. So much, in fact, that Facebook made a provision for it.

 

Let's say you're going out with someone (John / Jane Doe) and that person says it's time to update your relationship status. To me, being "in a relationship" is not the first week or two of it or after the first time you have sex. During the first 6-9 months you are together, it's not a relationship, it's infatuation or the "dating" period - you're getting to know each other. It's an unspoken rule that you will be with that person every weekend and you will be together, either doing something out or staying in. Once this period is over, you are actually "in a relationship".

 

I've seen one too many people (myself included) make this mistake with Facebook. You're going out for a few weeks, then one person says "we're updating our relationship status" and you do ... And then one party breaks it off a few weeks later. They have their reasons, but once it's over and done with it's kind of ... Embarrassing to change it back to "single". But you move on. I've known people who are crazy enough to move in with people after they have known each other for barely six months, even some who have known each other for one week!

 

So I told him we're not going to consider changing our relationship status until we've been together for 6 months and will stick to this from now on. He agreed. New rule.

 

I CAN see OP's point if you just STARTED dating...but I would find it odd for people in full blown LONG term relationships and marriages to keep that part of their FB status blank.

 

Funny you mention this, but I know women in full blown marriages that keep their relationship as, "No info to show."

 

This one woman, who I met in real life, also met her boyfriend....much later on, when I added her on FB, she didn't have him as a boyfriend there. I asked her why, and she said that in CASE they broke up...people wouldn't get nosey and start asking questions like, "Hey, I noticed you change your Facebook status, you and <his name> break up?"

 

Apparently, she didn't need to start getting THOSE kind of questions.

 

I found that rather strange, also she rarely has pictures of him on Facebook. It's mostly her and her friends. I know of married women that you'd rarely see their husbands in the photos she posts online.

 

It is kind of telling of a relationship or a marriage kind of on a downward spiral.

 

 

I remember adding a woman I met in person, on FB and she said to me, "FYI, I am married, I just tell all men who add me on this from the get-go" and I'm like 'Oookay, but yet you don't indicate that in your "relationship status"

 

She told me she honestly never felt the need to.

[d0nnivain]

You made the 6 month rule. Seems reasonable to me. If you & your SO are OK with it, abide by it. Don't worry about what others say.

 

 

I was lucky. I was already married when I made my 1st FB page. I could so see the drama this issue would have caused if I had to deal with it throughout my life. I feel bad for teens (Although I think FB is now more for us dinosaurs lol)

[smackie9]

I didn't have any relationship status up for years...not until maybe 4 years ago and we have been together for over 27 years lol. I did because they finally had something that meant common law because we are not legally married. It cause a s%^& storm of comments on my page lol. My husband posted that this was the first he has heard of it .

 

Me, even if I was single/dating exclusively, I wouldn't post any status. Just one of those things I don't give a rat's butt about.

 

See, everyone has a different expectations....you don't worry what others think, you stick to what you find is acceptable.

[CaliforniaGirl]

I think I agree that changing one's relationship status all the time on FB is more of a kid's thing to do. The more sensible thing is to make sure it really IS a relationship, something with long-term potential. Then if you're both moved to do so, change your status.

 

With that said, not everyone does this or even thinks to do it. It just isn't as important to some people. I remember noticing one day that my relationship status didn't say anything. I had been on FB for years. I changed my status to "married to (CaliforniaGirl's husband)". I got a rash of Friends congratulating us on finally making our kids legitimate. It was pretty hilarious.

[1fish2fish]

I'm in my late 40s, and although I have a fakebook account, I try to keep my personal life off of it.

 

That being said, my bf of 5 mths (at the time) changed his r'ship status to "in a r'ship with..." me and so I got the fb notice that I was tagged. I accepted the tag, which automatically changed my status to reflect the same and I promptly changed my privacy settings so that my relationship status is only visible to me (as someone above suggested doing).

 

It was a big step for him, akin to "this is serious" because he had never done that before with any other girlfriend since his divorce 8 years ago.

Edited March 13, 2017 by 1fish2fish

[mortensorchid]

I was right on the edge of jumping into something full steam. I said forget all your insecurities and let it be. And I am right back where I started again... This is long, get comfortable...

 

Back in October I met this guy on Facebook who was moving back here from the west coast as his ex and his daughter were moving back here (his ex is originally from my city). I had misgivings about it, and someone had posted that he was looking for a woman to be here waiting for him rather than having to go out and look for it once he was here. I thought that in the back of my mind, then decided to go forth and see what it was all about. You miss 100% of the shots you never take, as they say. So we're together now, have not updated Facebook or shared it with other friends until last weekend. He introduced me to his friends and his daughter first, we had dinner with her last weekend.

 

And then ... He got food poisoning (more on that later) on Saturday night. Whatever he ate on Saturday he became sick from, he got up several times during the night on Saturday night back and forth to the bathroom. (Both of the holy terrors that result from food poisoning.) On Sunday he asked if he could sleep at my place, which he did. I left him alone and let him sleep while I did other things (grocery shopping, gym, etc.). Then the evening came and he asked if he could stay over into Monday. That's where I said no. Why?

 

1) The Cable Guy - I had an appointment with the cable guy come over because my WiFi was acting up. My Mom was coming over to let him in. I said I wasn't going to let him meet my Mom in this situation (if it comes to that). He was obviously sleeping over my house and with me the night before, his job status is questionable at the moment, ain't gonna happen.

 

2) Living here - He doesn't live in my house. On this day I was leaving the house and would not return until around 7 pm that night, I was not comfortable letting him just be in the house without me for an extended period of time. He also does not have keys to get in and out of the building, if he had to leave he would be stranded.

 

3) What I found - I mentioned this. While he was in the middle of an attack he asked me to grab his allergy meds from his bag. I was not going through his things to look through his things, but since I did not find them at the first pass, I had to go through his things to find the allergy meds. And I found a business card from a DEA officer in Colorado. I was not about to call this number as I knew whoever I talked to at that office would not be able to give me any information, I had not done a simple Google search in an effort to find out something, nor did I call a very dear friend who works for certain government agencies who would be able to tell me things. The reason why this guy had this card was because he was in some kind of trouble having to do with drugs. So what was it? He said he was not charged with anything, he was caught with a large wad of cash on him. True? Maybe, but then again does anyone tell the truth when it comes to getting arrested?

 

I don't know what to think about this. He's not telling me something, that's for sure. If something doesn't seem right, it usually isn't. You may never know what that is or is not, but if you ignore it, it will always linger. And something's not right here. I will drop him.

 

Am I wrong?