Author Ethereal Posted January 18, 2017 Author Share Posted January 18, 2017 Oh no, he didn't cheat on her with me. I have known him for over a year and they had been having problems for a while. We grew closer and developed feelings for each other but nothing ever happened between us while they were together. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 someone you only communicate with via text but never see face to face is not a friend. so why keep texting if he isn't seeing her face to face? He plans to. never get with someone who monkey branches to you. which is what this guy did. Would not be surprised if he ends up back with his ex and you left in the dust. This is why i i say no exes to anyone who wants to be exclusive. If they can't agree to leave an ex whom they have zero reason to be in contact with in the dust then they aren't ready for anything serious. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Logo Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 He's either stringing you or his ex along. I would walk away from this relationship. Be brave. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ethereal Posted January 20, 2017 Author Share Posted January 20, 2017 My boyfriend has been letting me know when he's been speaking to her. I really appreciate his honesty and think this kind of openness is good sign. He told me he spoke to her today and I looked at his phone. I'm not proud of this but I had the opportunity and my anxieties got the better of me... They were talking about Game of Thrones and he said he doesn't think he will be able to watch it without her, that it would be very strange and asked her if they could please discuss the episodes together... I don't watch GoT so I guess this is something he shares in common with her. Even though he's being honest with me about their communication, what he said to her in that conversation worries me a bit... am I right to be worried? Link to post Share on other sites
purrrfectlyflawed Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 Unless they have kids, no reason at all for them to keep in touch. So you are the other woman? If he cheats with you he will cheat on you that I can guarantee. It happened to me. Be prepared. The red flags are there. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 They were talking about Game of Thrones and he said he doesn't think he will be able to watch it without her, that it would be very strange and asked her if they could please discuss the episodes together... totally Unacceptable in my eyes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ethereal Posted January 20, 2017 Author Share Posted January 20, 2017 totally Unacceptable in my eyes. Why would he say this to her? Does it show he's not over her? She responded back with really casually saying 'aw of course you could watch it without me' :S Link to post Share on other sites
enddeck Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 He is sending her signals that he wants to get back together but SO FAR she hasn't agreed.You are plan b in his eyes and if she agrees to take him back he will leave you so quickly your head will spin. Dump him and regain your self respect. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 Why would he say this to her? Does it show he's not over her? She responded back with really casually saying 'aw of course you could watch it without me' :S Ethereal: THAT is flirting. They are flirting right under your nose. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 Ethereal: THAT is flirting. They are flirting right under your nose. Oh, yeah, baby! HE IS NOT OVER HIS EX...uh hu, no sireeee-bob! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 (edited) My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 months. He broke up with his ex to be with me but nothing happened between us until he ended things. He told me that he had fallen out of love with her but still thinks of her as a close friend. He seems completely into me and our relationship but the other day I ended up coming across some Facebook messages accidentally between him and the ex… It seems like it was the first time she contacted him in weeks as he was telling her he had really missed talking to her multiple times and told her he was worried she hated him. He also told her he thinks so much of her and would always be there for her. After seeing this part of me is worried he’s not over her completely, but the other part of me knows he is a people pleaser and thinks he is saying all this because of that. My boyfriend is the type of guy who feels guilty really easily and would hate to upset anyone. She is also the first girl he ever broke up with. In the past it has always been him who got broken up with. He’s extremely sensitive. What do you guys think? Is he not over her or is he just being nice? -- BOTH. And, you should be worried -- he may do the same thing to you that he did to her . . . feels guilty really easily and would hate to upset anyone -- And, yet . . . he cheated on her. The time to think about feeling guilty is before you do whatever it is that causes one to be guilty. Edited January 20, 2017 by Redhead14 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 NEVER get involved with people who have "unfinished business" with their ex - still in love with the ex, still grieving for the ex, hate the ex, are fighting with the ex, have recently split up with the ex... Here you jumped straight in thinking that you were so much better a fit than his ex. She was nothing, you were the new flavour of the moment. BUT he never had a chance to get over her, never had the chance to sort out his real feelings, so now they are texting daily... YOU are competing with a woman he has known for 3 years and a woman he obviously still likes a lot, if not still loves. If she was some besotted mad woman, blowing up his phone, then you may have been in with a chance, but he is the initiator here and that does not bode well for you, I am sorry to say. No matter how "transparent" he appears to be, he is the one that seems to be "chasing" his ex here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ethereal Posted January 21, 2017 Author Share Posted January 21, 2017 Thanks all for giving me your honest opinions. I'm feeling so conflicted right now. I've been speaking to a friend and she said that it isn't a red flag at all that he's not being a jerk to someone he cared about. She said unless he's disrespecting me by sending d*** pics or saying sexual things to her, she suggest I evaluate why I'm feeling so insecure about this. She said she has a few exes she cares about and it just wasn't meant to be. Does she have a point? By the way I think he has stopped messaging her daily now. The last couple of days before their conversation yesterday there was no messages between them. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 By the way I think he has stopped messaging her daily now. The last couple of days before their conversation yesterday there was no messages between them. Your job is now to make sure they haven't just transferred their conversations to another app or he may even have another phone, as he knows you are watching. Another poster posted about her bf and his "innocent" conversations with his ex which he was totally transparent about, his phone was an open book. Hidden in the garage she found his burner phone and his affair with the ex had been going on for 5 years! "Transparency" can be a great trick. Do not take his transparency at face value here, keep your eyes and ears open. (btw GOT has at its heart - sex, sex and more sex... ) Link to post Share on other sites
Tressugar Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 I'm thinking if you have to ask the question then there's a reason why something is not sitting well with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ethereal Posted January 21, 2017 Author Share Posted January 21, 2017 Deep down I don't believe he is the kind of man to cheat. He's rather prude and moralistic. It took him a LONG time to leave his ex. He didn't make the decision lightly. It devastated him to break her heart. Is it common for guys to have regrets months after they fell out of love with a woman... or for feelings to come back at all...? I just hope what he is missing from her is his bond to her as a friend, not anything romantic. 'I don't think I could watch it without you.' That could be something that is said to a close friend with no romantic feelings, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ethereal Posted February 8, 2017 Author Share Posted February 8, 2017 (edited) I know I've brought this on myself as I didn't waste any time getting into a relationship with him when he broke up with her 6 months ago. He 'overlapped' from her to me. However, my feelings for him were SO strong and I truly believed he was over her. Part of me thinks he IS over her (he tells me he loves me every single day!) and that my worries are nothing but my own insecurities. So answer me guys, is it normal for my boyfriend to keep checking in with his ex (who he has no children with and no mutual friends with) every couple of days with comments like 'wishing you the best and a good weekend' and 'hoping you're having a lovely day miss B', sending her random links to youtube videos or articles, or mentioning a celebrity has died. My bf is the one initiating 80-90% of the time. He keeps FB tabbed on his internet browser sometimes when I'm at his place, which is how I've been able to see the messages. The last convo they were talking about how it was a year ago they watched a certain show together and how quick it had gone. My boyfriend also broadcasts on Twitch and when he was about to go live he sent her the link. She said she was too busy to watch at the time but knows he's got plenty of people to watch and doesn't need her. He said 'aww don't say that! that's not true at all!' She didn't reply back to that. It seems like she's the one who is less invested in the conversations, not him, and that worries me. I have a couple of girl friends who have told me they keep in touch with their exes just as friends and that it's harmless. They said as long as he's not flirting with her or telling her he loves her or wants to get back together (which he is not) then I have nothing to worry about. So I'm here to ask for your opinions and see if you agree with what my friends have said. Are they right? Is the content of the messages nothing to worry about? Am I just being silly and insecure? Edited February 8, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator thread merged with previous 2 threads ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 You are not being silly or insecure. His contact with his EX is over the top. It's too often & it's indicative of him wanting her back. At best you are a rebound. Sorry. I know it's not what you wanted to hear but you need to get out now before you get in any deeper. He wants her not you, no matter how many times he tells you he loves you. If he cared about you, he'd leave her in the past. Link to post Share on other sites
eightytwenty Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 I didn't even read you paragraphs. There is no reason to contact her, unless they have kids together. If he can't leave her alone, I would get out, they'll eventually get back to banging each other and you'll get hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ethereal Posted February 8, 2017 Author Share Posted February 8, 2017 You are not being silly or insecure. His contact with his EX is over the top. It's too often & it's indicative of him wanting her back. At best you are a rebound. Sorry. I know it's not what you wanted to hear but you need to get out now before you get in any deeper. He wants her not you, no matter how many times he tells you he loves you. If he cared about you, he'd leave her in the past. Thank you for your honest message. I need this. Can I ask why it is he's not actually telling her (or me for that matter) that he wants her back? Why would he still be with me when it's her he wants? Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 If I was him he shouldn't be doing that right or anytime soon. See you worried he might be trying to get back with her. Just don't know why he's doing that. Then she allowing him to do so. Your need to stand-up for yourself and tell him listen if you don't stop contacting her everyday then I am leaving you for good. If he won't stop you need to get away from him. She should be into 100% not worried about his prior ex-girlfriend. Your the replacement but might be something else going on with him and her. He might not be over her yet. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 Thank you for your honest message. I need this. Can I ask why it is he's not actually telling her (or me for that matter) that he wants her back? Why would he still be with me when it's her he wants? Your the side-line the backup just in case she rejects him again. You shouldn't settle for that behavior. Need a man to treat you with respect and honor to be with you. Not like this.. Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 So from your wording it sounds like you started dating him while he was still with her? It doesn't really sound like he's all that okay with his decision. Good chance he leaves you to go back to her.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 (edited) What he tells her, [], is completely inappropriate. If she wanted him back he'd jump right back to her. Why did they break up after 3 years? Your friends are wrong. There is a huge difference between keeping in touch with an ex and inquire about how his mom is doing and keeping in touch on almost daily basis and saying things like I miss you. If your friends ever found themselves in your shoes you really think they wouldn't mind ! You've been dating this man for only 3 month or so. End this before you get further involved. Edited February 8, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator redacted reference to previous threads ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ethereal Posted February 8, 2017 Author Share Posted February 8, 2017 The only reason I got involved in the first place was because he ended things with her. He told her he had fallen out of love with her and that all his romantic feelings for her had gone. I was so sure he was over her because of that. Is it likely his feelings for her returned then? Or did they truly never disappear in the first place? Link to post Share on other sites
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