3 mothers....dealbreaker? [UPDATE I want to end it]

[morrowrd]

You are wasting precious time being with someone you know there's no future with. Think about it; you could possibly miss out on a chance of a lifetime because your are "attached" and pretty much in a relationship with Mr. Wrong. What's the problem being single, not in a relationship, and just dating until you meet the right one?

[smackie9]

I always do something fun for myself on Valentine's Day when I'm single. Something that I view as celebrating my being a bachelor. Last year, I grabbed a pizza that Saturday night (I rarely eat pizza but I love it), some ice cream (another thing I don't eat very often), spent a little money on a stupid freemium game I play on my tablet, and watched old horror flicks that no gf I have EVER had sit through with me.

Oh which ones? Dr.Phibes Rises Again, Carnival of Souls, Prince of Darkness, Poltergeist, The Legend of Hell House......?

[purrrfectlyflawed]

Update- we went out last night and had a terrific dinner date. I sort of tried to end it or at least I did tell him I didn't see a future with us and he told me he understood and will accept any decisions I make. He showed up looking gorgeous. Asked where I wanted to eat and we went to my fave Italian place he had never been too. We had a great dinner and talked about some stuff.

 

His 3 baby moms. Nothing him or I can do about it. He did clarify a few things. He's super close to his youngest who is 8 he has her 3 days a week. The middle child 11 he's only been in her life a couple years. He said mom was very uncooperative with everything and he wasnt even sure he was the father so years passed. Another guy played dad. Suddenly he is hit with back child support. That is almost paid off. One of the reason he lives with his parents. He says by July he is moving out and once his taxes are done he is looking into buying a house. He also says he should be on day shift within 2 months. He's moving into a new position at work once he's trained and with that comes a nice pay bump and day shift.

 

So he's trying to improve his life and living situation. He also said he would like to take me out to lunch tmrw a my job for v day.

 

Of course we went back to my place and had mind blowing sex so now I'm more confused lol. I guess the bottom line is he's trying to improve his situation. If all goes well within 6 or 7 months he will have his own place and a day shift at work.

[Tressugar]

Use him as a bed cozy and be done with it.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Of course we went back to my place and had mind blowing sex so now I'm more confused lol. I guess the bottom line is he's trying to improve his situation. If all goes well within 6 or 7 months he will have his own place and a day shift at work.

 

I truly hope he does what he says. You seem desperate to maintain a relationship with this irresponsible guy moving towards(?) responisble, good looking guy. Reading through the posts, it never dawned on me that you were truly serious about leaving him.He's told you his side of the story as it pertains to his relationship with THREE different mothers.

 

Why doesn't he find a place sooner? After his switch to day shift? Is he that broke that he cannot put down a deposit and pay first and last months rent? Anyway, tax refunds are coming fast, so what he does with that will show you immediately what he's really about.

 

Good luck.

[OatsAndHall]

Oh which ones? Dr.Phibes Rises Again, Carnival of Souls, Prince of Darkness, Poltergeist, The Legend of Hell House......?

 

The "Evil Dead" series is a favorite. Nothing beats a marathon of good ol' fashioned '70's and '80's slasher flicks Although I do love "The Legend Of Hell House".

 

[purrrfectlyflawed]

Well right now he is on night shift and his parents help with his daughter so for now they are his babysitter for his 8 yr old, and he would rather try and get qualified for a house rather than pay rent. Hes already there and might as well get his financial affairs in order before he moves out I guess. I own and I just refid...terrific tax advantages but he needs his own place. He is going to have to have everything paid off to qualify for the loan and thats what he has been doing. Yes it is super lame he lives with his parents but promises me he has an exit plan,

 

I am not emotionally invested really. I am actually prepared to end it but i figure, I have nobody else right now and we get along nicely when we are together. If his situation doesnt improve though by summer I am gone.

 

I truly hope he does what he says. You seem desperate to maintain a relationship with this irresponsible guy moving towards(?) responisble, good looking guy. Reading through the posts, it never dawned on me that you were truly serious about leaving him.He's told you his side of the story as it pertains to his relationship with THREE different mothers.

 

Why doesn't he find a place sooner? After his switch to day shift? Is he that broke that he cannot put down a deposit and pay first and last months rent? Anyway, tax refunds are coming fast, so what he does with that will show you immediately what he's really about.

 

Good luck.

[purrrfectlyflawed]

[] This guy I'm seeing lives clear across town right now lives with his parents due to work schedule and child support/ debt issues and work schedule they help with his kids. . If you remember he works nights M-F. He took me out to dinner Sunday night and we had a great date. He said he would meet me at my work today for Lunch.

 

Well I just get a text from him that he won't be able to make it to lunch today because his father wants them to take their mother out for lunch for all the help she gives him and his kids. He wants to resched for fri.

 

I'm kinda pissed. It's vday. He sees his parents everyday. I guess I sort of understand but a few of my coworkers asked me ( guys) asked me what my guy was doing for me today and I said lunch now I'm kinda embarrassed I get nothing. Im going to leave for a bit so I don't get asked about it. Should I be understanding or do I have a right to be a little annoyed?

Edited February 14, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
threads merged ~6

[Gaeta]

[] This guy I'm seeing lives clear across town right now lives with his parents due to work schedule and child support/ debt issues and work schedule they help with his kids. . If you remember he works nights M-F. He took me out to dinner Sunday night and we had a great date. He said he would meet me at my work today for Lunch.

 

Well I just get a text from him that he won't be able to make it to lunch today because his father wants them to take their mother out for lunch for all the help she gives him and his kids. He wants to resched for fri.

 

I'm kinda pissed. It's vday. He sees his parents everyday. I guess I sort of understand but a few of my coworkers asked me ( guys) asked me what my guy was doing for me today and I said lunch now I'm kinda embarrassed I get nothing. Im going to leave for a bit so I don't get asked about it. Should I be understanding or do I have a right to be a little annoyed?

 

I must be too old for this V Day drama. His mother takes care of him and his children, he would be lost without her help, taking her out is the least he can do to say thank you.

 

As for you just be understanding and say sure honey, we'll do something another day.

Edited February 14, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
threads merged ~6

[purrrfectlyflawed]

Ok. I'm disappointed but not mad I guess. thanks. I will let him know I understand.

[Gaeta]

You have 2 little kids, you should be devoting your V day with them. They are the true love of your life. As per your last thread your BF is a real dead beat, not sure why you are dating him and exposing your kids to this drama.

[Art_Critic]

I can't be with my Mom as she is in another state but she got a dozen Tulips and a call from me...

 

Men do those things, we recognizee the women in our lives on Valentines Day and his Mom is one of the women in his life and his Dad also made a request..

 

He does need to do something special for you however....

[Redhead14]

[] This guy I'm seeing lives clear across town right now lives with his parents due to work schedule and child support/ debt issues and work schedule they help with his kids. . If you remember he works nights M-F. He took me out to dinner Sunday night and we had a great date. He said he would meet me at my work today for Lunch.

 

Well I just get a text from him that he won't be able to make it to lunch today because his father wants them to take their mother out for lunch for all the help she gives him and his kids. He wants to resched for fri.

 

I'm kinda pissed. It's vday. He sees his parents everyday. I guess I sort of understand but a few of my coworkers asked me ( guys) asked me what my guy was doing for me today and I said lunch now I'm kinda embarrassed I get nothing. Im going to leave for a bit so I don't get asked about it. Should I be understanding or do I have a right to be a little annoyed?

 

You had a nice dinner on Sunday together. Why dampen that? AND he "rescheduled" with you to "celebrate" Vday with you. It's not like he isn't recognizing Vday with you. He's balancing both important women in his life. Good for him.

Edited February 14, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
edited quote ~6

[CaliforniaGirl]

I don't like V-Day very much (and I'm married, BTW). Too much stress is put on doing it "right" but what IS the "right" way to do it? Yes, this guy sees his parents every day but they're providing scot-free daycare without a peep and anyway, what about married couples who see each other every day...should they not bother with V-Day because of that and take their parents out instead...? See? There's NO correct way to do it.

 

Every year I struggle with: did my husband and I get each other comparable things and how will I know that in advance...did he get a card and therefore I should, or should I just get him a card because I want to (which is reasonable and adult) but then feel hurt if he doesn't get me one...or, like many years we've had, get him a flowery sweet card and he gets me a stupid one with an ugly dog in a diaper on or something and some stupid reference about sex or old age that's supposed to be funny or...or...or what...

 

One year he got me a truly stupid card, a TON of very expensive chocolates and I literally got him a gold-covered rose (I mean an actual rose, dipped in actual gold) and who knows where thar rose went because he stared at it and then at me as if I was crazy. I was hurt and horrified. Another year he went crazy with a ton of gifts and I literally just got him a card and good chocolates and he complained that he was trying to lose weight...

 

MANY people DO NOT enjoy this day. My advice: suffer your way through it somehow no matter what comedy of errors it turns out to be. And it will, more likely than not. Because it's a bizarre holiday with tons of expectations that are implied, never specified in any sort of readable, repeatable way so somebody is going to feel shafted...just...ugh...forget this day, and do something really romantic this weekend...and just enjoy each other the other 364 days of the year. <3

[purrrfectlyflawed]

My kids are with their Dad tonight so we celebrated last night and this morning I made them a pancake breakfast before school and work. My kids haven't met him and I only see him once a week. Maybe twice if I'm really lucky.

 

 

 

You have 2 little kids, you should be devoting your V day with them. They are the true love of your life. As per your last thread your BF is a real dead beat, not sure why you are dating him and exposing your kids to this drama.

[travelbug1996]

I would suggest not introducing him to your children since you may be breaking up with him by summer.

 

I dated a guy with 3 baby mamas and NEVER EVER AGAIN will I do it. Just not good judgment on his part to have and leave three families.

[purrrfectlyflawed]

I am a little annoyed I basically got nothing from him

On Vday. Even though we celebrated Sun night. He text me last night saying he felt bad and does not like feeling this way. He basically took his Mom out for lunch and then mowed the lawn and went to work.

 

Vday is the day for lovers. Right? You do a little something special

For your partner. I thought it's fair on that day your priority goes to your partner. It's one day out of the year. I know his Mom is important but that's what birthdays and Mother's Day is for and every other day of the year. Maybe I'm totally wrong in my thinking.

[Whodatdog]

Valentines Day is what you make of it, the same as every other holiday in the year. Its obviously more important to you than it is to him. You'll be disappointed if you are putting your expectations on what others do, when they arent the same as you.

 

You said you already celebrated Sunday night. I can see him thinking..what more does she want?

[GunslingerRoland]

It's not like this happened when he was particularly young and you might expect some irresponsibility. He was in his 30's. And 2 of these kids were planned? Why was he planning to have a kid while he was clearly bouncing around from woman to woman?

 

I'd really want to try and understand how he's changed in the last 8 years that he isn't going to want to keep bouncing around. He may say he's done with his womanizing days, but i'm sure he said that before convincing those other women to have his babies too.

[Gaeta]

I am a little annoyed I basically got nothing from him

On Vday. Even though we celebrated Sun night. He text me last night saying he felt bad and does not like feeling this way. He basically took his Mom out for lunch and then mowed the lawn and went to work.

 

Vday is the day for lovers. Right? You do a little something special

For your partner. I thought it's fair on that day your priority goes to your partner. It's one day out of the year. I know his Mom is important but that's what birthdays and Mother's Day is for and every other day of the year. Maybe I'm totally wrong in my thinking.

 

I think you are holding on to this V Day together with all of what you've got because nothing else works in this relationship. You're thinking If you can't get the big things straight with him at least he could get the small things right.

 

A woman that is fulfilled in her relationship will not give her BF or husband a hard time because he did not pull a knight-in-shining-armor act on V day.

[purrrfectlyflawed]

So last night I texted him saying I really don't think this is working out. He never even replied back. It should not be this difficult to date and communicate.

 

Friday he did take me out to lunch since he couldn't do V day. Bought me a little bouquet of Roses. That was nice. Had lunch and a few kisses.

 

Sat he had both his girls so I did not hear from him all day again I thought it's weird he doesn't take 5 seconds to text me. But ok. I finally hear from Sunday and we just chit chat and we did not have our normal Sun night date. He said he needed alone time and wanted to go catch a movie so ok.

 

Anyways this whole thing isn't working for me. Maybe in the future when he gets his own place and gets off nights and gets his stuff together this will work but not now. Oh well.

[coolheadal]

So last night I texted him saying I really don't think this is working out. He never even replied back. It should not be this difficult to date and communicate.

 

Friday he did take me out to lunch since he couldn't do V day. Bought me a little bouquet of Roses. That was nice. Had lunch and a few kisses.

 

Sat he had both his girls so I did not hear from him all day again I thought it's weird he doesn't take 5 seconds to text me. But ok. I finally hear from Sunday and we just chit chat and we did not have our normal Sun night date. He said he needed alone time and wanted to go catch a movie so ok.

 

Anyways this whole thing isn't working for me. Maybe in the future when he gets his own place and gets off nights and gets his stuff together this will work but not now. Oh well.

 

 

Frankly I don't know why in the world you tolerate his behavior so far. You can do a lot better. Never settle for less you can find a great deal of men who would love you and respect you. What was the excuse why he didn't take you out on V-day? Are you supporting this man in any way? Best not be doing that at all. 3 different mothers for 3 different kids I had a woman that had 3 different dads for 3 different kids. Way too much badge to deal with I am glad that is over with her on my end. You need to see a clear picture your mind is to focus on him. Why don't you date other men Get off POF the quality of men or women to men it's not there. Should be able to have better choice. Sure everyone not go to be a hit for you because that's how life is. You can't like all the men on there only some will click with you. Same goes with women with me. Might be that special one person that stands out for you. That's what you should focus on. Next time you go out to grab a bite to eat or to pick up something for your food list look around and see if someone is smiling at you. That might be your next new hope!

[Cookiesandough]

This at the beginning of dating, I'm out. Sure he be a smart, sweet guy who thought he was going to spend forever with these three women, but after diligent planning to create life/start a family, they ALL screwed him over or he's "changed".

 

But much more likely, he's an irresponsible efboy who lacks good judgment and goes around having unprotected sex without much thought of consequences.

 

On to the next. I don't want to get mixed up with that. I'm not a gambling woman and I'm not desperate enough yet where I have to

 

 

Edit: just read more and everything else confirms what I believed

Edited February 21, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Raena]

I have a similar situation as yours except I'm one of the mothers. My ex and I split up 3.5 years ago and he has 3 kids by 3 different mothers. They are ages 20, 10 and 9.

 

My ex recently got engaged to someone he's only been dating for 6 months. He's been living with her for 4 months. The first thought that popped into my head was... how in the world could this woman be foolish enough to want to marry a man who has 3 kids by 3 different mothers? There is more to the story too... he isn't being a father to any of his kids and barely pays child support. The 9 yo lives near him and he never sees him, the oldest lives in one state and the 10 year old lives with me in another state. This fiance of his hasn't even met his kids and they have only known each other for 6 months. It blows my mind that this lady would put herself in that situation. She seems like a nice person and raised 3 kids of her own. You'd think as a mother it would be important to her that her SO is a good father to his own kids. She hardly even knows him and I can bet she has no idea the real reason for why all of his relationships have ended (he's a serial cheater and lies like a rug)

 

So hearing your side of the story is just interesting to me. If anything, at least your guy is trying to be a dad to (some of) his kids and hasn't run off on them. I can say though that it is understandable that you would be skeptical of dating him. I think you should be. A man who has 3 children by 3 different women and never married any of them and lives with his parents... I'd be concerned too. If you decide to keep it going with him then prepare for some drama down the road. There is a good possibility he hasn't told you the whole truth about why he's not with the mothers of any of his children. I hope for your sake he's not like my ex.

[Sparta]

OP If I was him I wouldn't want anything to do with you. This guys good looking He is giving you great sex and you're still not happy.? that's why there so many divorces Women always worried about what they're not getting and the grass is greener. If I was his friend and I knew what you were saying about him talking behind his back. I tell him to stay away from you.! You're out of Line for calling him a loser that's f.uck up.! Why are you worried about what he has. You should be grateful that you're getting good sex and that he is a good looking guy. Have some empathy for the guy, let him get his s.hit together. He is not an alcoholic doesn't do drugs he got a job. Just trying to fix the situation straightened out. It takes time the guys doing the best you can you're just being ridiculous and very judgmental. You're not showing him any compassion and understanding I think he should stay away from you. He's trying to improve his situation, you're just being cynical and an entitled b.itch. And all do you spew negativity behind his back.! That is really messed up. What makes you so great.? You should be grateful and show him a little compassion and some love. He is trying to do the right thing by taking care of his kids.! It's not his job to worry about you.He's doing the best he can at this time in his life, give me a break... I think he starting to figure you out... run for the hills