Will I ever be his #1?

[Foreverago]

 

I feel relieved that he's out of my life. I've blocked him everywhere he can be blocked. And I've decided to start dating again. Like single guys lol.

 

I'm so sorry I ever let myself go through this. It never should have gone this far. So many years wasted. I could have been someone's wife. Someone deserving. I could have been a mom. He never let me stop him from being a husband or a dad. Why would be rob me of that? Because he's a selfish thief. I wouldn't wish him on my worse enemy.

 

 

Happy new year to me!! Feeling so positive

 

Good job Jennifer. I promise, there's a whole world of amazing things to be explored. Fun guys to date. Getting to know yourself. And when you are ready, there will be someone worth loving who loves you back. It's the best feeling in the world. And you'll appreciate it more than someone who hasn't been through this type pain.

 

Doing all the boring day to day stuff with your partner is fan-freaking-tastic when you know what you have. Every day you're getting stronger.

 

Giant massive hugs.

[jennifernyc84]

I think part of the reason I got so hung up on him was that I wanted that romantic story. I wanted to be able to tell our grandchildren about how we'd known each other since we were kids and had been in love forever. Thinking about it now...it sounds so unrealistic.

 

So what, I don't get to have that dramatic love story. I'm finally realizing that now. I thought that I had to make it work. No matter how bad my heart was being ripped apart. I had to stay by him.

 

I feel so much more "grown up" than I did yesterday. I can't explain it. I just do.

[Foreverago]

Darling, and I'm saying that hopefully not coming off as patronizing, it's not even a good love story. It would never be a best seller, if you know what I mean. Good for the rare people who have that story, but to me, it's super limited.

 

Someone who's never had beyond McDonalds is going to think a Big Mac is gourmet, when all it is is junk food. A person who's travelled and tasted some of what the world has to offer realizes that. And they have more discerning appetites. You'll get out there and realize there's a lot more to offer than Mcjunkdouche.

 

I'd never give up all the things I've learned to have a cutesy story. You're story will be yours alone and it will be awesome.

[Foreverago]

And one more thing, look at the amount of comments you have on your post. That's a hell of a lot of people in your corner wanting to see you fully happy and succeeding. I think you're a very likable person.

[BaileyB]

I think part of the reason I got so hung up on him was that I wanted that romantic story. I wanted to be able to tell our grandchildren about how we'd known each other since we were kids and had been in love forever. Thinking about it now...it sounds so unrealistic.

 

So what, I don't get to have that dramatic love story. I'm finally realizing that now. I thought that I had to make it work. No matter how bad my heart was being ripped apart. I had to stay by him.

 

I feel so much more "grown up" than I did yesterday. I can't explain it. I just do.

 

THIS is a fairytale, and trust me Jennifer... When you meet a man who really, and truly, loves you - the real thing is so much better than any fairytale you create.

 

When you meet the man you will spend your life with, it will not "perfect" - he will have habits that will drive you crazy, you will have disagreements, and so many other things... But to love and to be truly loved in return, is one of the greatest gifts we can receive in life.

 

We all want that for you, and we don't want you to settle for anything less... What this man is offering you, is nothing like what you will experience when you find someone who loves you and commits to you in a way that you deserve.

Edited December 28, 2016 by BaileyB

[jennifernyc84]

And one more thing, look at the amount of comments you have on your post. That's a hell of a lot of people in your corner wanting to see you fully happy and succeeding. I think you're a very likable person.

 

Thanks, forever.

 

I know it doesn't seem like it lately, but I am a good person. I try to be, anyway. I've always had a big heart that I tend to wear on my sleeve.

[spideywoman]

Darling, and I'm saying that hopefully not coming off as patronizing, it's not even a good love story. It would never be a best seller, if you know what I mean. Good for the rare people who have that story, but to me, it's super limited.

 

Someone who's never had beyond McDonalds is going to think a Big Mac is gourmet, when all it is is junk food. A person who's travelled and tasted some of what the world has to offer realizes that. And they have more discerning appetites. You'll get out there and realize there's a lot more to offer than Mcjunkdouche.

 

I'd never give up all the things I've learned to have a cutesy story. You're story will be yours alone and it will be awesome.

 

OMG Foreverago "Mcjunkdouche" is classic. I love it. Sorry don't mean to threadjack but this made me laugh.

 

And I totally agree _ Jennifer comes off as very likeable and she certainly does have many in her corner, even though we're virtual.

 

Jennifer - you have the power sister. Stay focused, keep putting yourself first. You'll get over the hump, I know you can. The acute phase won't last too long and like you said, make 2017 YOUR year. i know i will

[sandylee1]

Thanks. You're so right. I cannot tell you how good I've been feeling. I don't even feel like I miss him anymore. I don't hate him, but I don't feel like I need him either.

 

I feel relieved that he's out of my life. I've blocked him everywhere he can be blocked. And I've decided to start dating again. Like single guys lol.

 

 

I will find a guy who feels for me the same way I feel for him. That's how a relationship should be. It should be about caring, respecting, loving unselfishly, and being there for one another.

 

I'm so sorry I ever let myself go through this. It never should have gone this far. So many years wasted. I could have been someone's wife. Someone deserving. I could have been a mom. He never let me stop him from being a husband or a dad. Why would be rob me of that? Because he's a selfish thief.

 

As a matter of fact, I hope she finds out what a conniving man she has as a husband. She can do so much better.

 

Happy new year to me!! Feeling so positive

 

Jenn, you're doing great with the self reflection and realisation here. You really are.

 

Don't let him under your skin again.

 

I hope he gets the message, that the days of you being his mistress are dead and burried.

 

Keep it up.

[PinkElephants]

Pink Elephant,

Your friends have a problem with Bob's girlfriend,but have no problem with Bob himself?

You know, the one who actually committed the cheating?

Your friends should really grow up and update their views a little bit.

If they are so dead against cheating, Bob should have been kicked out from the group years ago. Sounds like they're cool with cheaters,as long as they are men.

 

You missed the point.

 

Do you have anyone that you've been friends with for decades? I do. We've known each other since preschool and we grew up to have absolutely nothing in common. If we'd met as adults we never would have been friends. However since she's been with me forever I love her and I will always stand by her even if she does something stupid (and she has).

 

It's the same thing here. No one is ok with what Bob did. They all think he was an idiot but, in the end, they love him and are sticking by him. As for the OW, they might not be able to get rid of him but they certainly don't have to accept her.

 

This has nothing to do with him being a man. There's also a girl who cheated on her college bf in the group. Some roll their eyes at her but she's still considered family.

 

It's not a men vs women thing. It's a friends vs others thing. The OW hurt a woman they care about. Inviting the OW in would be cruel. They chose their own over her.

 

You say they should grow up; what does that mean to you? Is abandoning a friend grown up? Is embracing a woman who participated in hurting another friend grown up? None of that sounds very mature to me.

 

I think your venom comes from two things. First, you've probably received some judgment that you think is unfair so you're seeing unfairness here and choosing to respond with rage. (Not very grown up).

 

Second is the fact that you were an OW that dreamed of running off into the sunset with the MM but you both backed out. You probably dreamed of a life of a happy home with children and backyard bbq's surrounded by extended family and friends. You were tired of being a secret and wanted to explode into the light proudly holding his hand.

 

But if his friends and family react the way Bob's have then your fantasy could never come true. If they wouldn't accept you then you may not be a secret anymore but you're still isolated and rejected. If this is the reality you were possibly facing then it means the dream you had was never possible and all the heartache was for absolutely nothing which is a tragic waste.

 

Now, the point I was making was that even if Jennifer did land the man she wants she might not land the life she wants. Bob's girlfriend has been with him for almost a decade, her entire 20's. Do you think she dreamed of being with a man who won't live with her, won't marry her, won't have kids with her, and whose friends reject her? Probably not. She got the man but not the life.

 

Jennifer still has a chance to be happy with someone else. She can be in an honest relationship with a person who's proud to show her off, take her out and commit to her. She can be a person that his friends and family are thrilled to embrace. This might not be possible with Josh even if he does choose her which is all the more reason to keep marching forward without him.

[jennifernyc84]

It is my birthday. The big 3 2.

 

Wow I really thought I'd be married and have kids by now. It really saddens me to think that 4 years of my life have been tossed in to to trash.

 

Josh was nothing to me. He never even took me out on a real date. We'd have a bite to eat, go back to my place, do the nasty then he'd jump up, pull his pants up and leave. He'd sleep over occasionally if she was away, but that was only once in a blue moon. And the nights that he would, that was my personal heaven. I got to sleep in his arms. She gets to sleep in his arms every single night.

 

My girls have made plans for me tonight. They won't haven't told me what yet lol. I'm trusting them though.

 

Still feeling good but a little sad at the same time. It's not even just about Josh. I just really thought I'd have it all figured out by now. Didn't think I'd be single and at square one at 32. I didn't think that the 4 years meant nothing to him. I would have never stuck around if I felt he was using me. How could I be so dumb? And who does that to someone? Especially someone who would move heaven and earth just to be close to you.

 

It's just left a really bad taste in my mouth, you know? I feel like damaged goods. I feel disgusting for what I've done to myself. I know I should feel bad for his W but I really kinda don't, and that's making me feel bad too.

 

I wish I could turn back time and never invited him over that first night. I was 27, just moved to the big city and I had the world in front of me. He called me professing his love for me, and he had me wrapped around his pinky right from there.

 

I wish I wasn't so weak. And the funny thing? I knew it was wrong. That's why I came here to LS to begin with. But I did it anyway. Oh well,...live and learn, right?

 

BIRTHDAY!!!!

[CommittedToThis]

Wishing you a very happy birthday, Jennifer. The best gift of all is the return of your self-worth. I know you've been through the wringer but your strength and resolve are impressive and formidable.

 

Hang in there and again, happy birthday to you, Jennifer!

[spideywoman]

It is my birthday. The big 3 2.

 

Wow I really thought I'd be married and have kids by now. It really saddens me to think that 4 years of my life have been tossed in to to trash.

 

Josh was nothing to me. He never even took me out on a real date. We'd have a bite to eat, go back to my place, do the nasty then he'd jump up, pull his pants up and leave. He'd sleep over occasionally if she was away, but that was only once in a blue moon. And the nights that he would, that was my personal heaven. I got to sleep in his arms. She gets to sleep in his arms every single night.

 

My girls have made plans for me tonight. They won't haven't told me what yet lol. I'm trusting them though.

 

Still feeling good but a little sad at the same time. It's not even just about Josh. I just really thought I'd have it all figured out by now. Didn't think I'd be single and at square one at 32. I didn't think that the 4 years meant nothing to him. I would have never stuck around if I felt he was using me. How could I be so dumb? And who does that to someone? Especially someone who would move heaven and earth just to be close to you.

 

It's just left a really bad taste in my mouth, you know? I feel like damaged goods. I feel disgusting for what I've done to myself. I know I should feel bad for his W but I really kinda don't, and that's making me feel bad too.

 

I wish I could turn back time and never invited him over that first night. I was 27, just moved to the big city and I had the world in front of me. He called me professing his love for me, and he had me wrapped around his pinky right from there.

 

I wish I wasn't so weak. And the funny thing? I knew it was wrong. That's why I came here to LS to begin with. But I did it anyway. Oh well,...live and learn, right?

 

BIRTHDAY!!!!

 

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JENNIFER! you're not damaged goods. it just takes time. every day you put distance in between you two the stronger you'll feel. forgive yourself - getting to that point was the most difficult part for me.

 

yes, we do live and learn. you're young, you're a baby there's a whole life ahead of you and you're on your way to grabbing it with both hands this time. no more josh. he's done-zo. leave him in the past and look ahead to your future. i wish it'll be a very bright one for you.

[aileD]

It is my birthday. The big 3 2.

 

Wow I really thought I'd be married and have kids by now. It really saddens me to think that 4 years of my life have been tossed in to to trash.

 

Josh was nothing to me. He never even took me out on a real date. We'd have a bite to eat, go back to my place, do the nasty then he'd jump up, pull his pants up and leave. He'd sleep over occasionally if she was away, but that was only once in a blue moon. And the nights that he would, that was my personal heaven. I got to sleep in his arms. She gets to sleep in his arms every single night.

 

My girls have made plans for me tonight. They won't haven't told me what yet lol. I'm trusting them though.

 

Still feeling good but a little sad at the same time. It's not even just about Josh. I just really thought I'd have it all figured out by now. Didn't think I'd be single and at square one at 32. I didn't think that the 4 years meant nothing to him. I would have never stuck around if I felt he was using me. How could I be so dumb? And who does that to someone? Especially someone who would move heaven and earth just to be close to you.

 

It's just left a really bad taste in my mouth, you know? I feel like damaged goods. I feel disgusting for what I've done to myself. I know I should feel bad for his W but I really kinda don't, and that's making me feel bad too.

 

I wish I could turn back time and never invited him over that first night. I was 27, just moved to the big city and I had the world in front of me. He called me professing his love for me, and he had me wrapped around his pinky right from there.

 

I wish I wasn't so weak. And the funny thing? I knew it was wrong. That's why I came here to LS to begin with. But I did it anyway. Oh well,...live and learn, right?

 

BIRTHDAY!!!!

 

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

 

Listen. Don't get down on yourself. There are two sides to every coin. You must look at the positive side. You are NOT damaged goods, you are someone who's had an experience that has taught you many lessons that will only HELP you in your next relationship/ marriage. You improved on yourself through this. You now know what unhealthy looks like.

 

Go out and let loose! And don't worry. My sister didn't start till after your age and she has a wonderful husband and child now. You'll be fine

[BuddyX]

At 33 I started my "wake up" phase. I was initiating a divorce. Trust me, you'll find happiness soon. But first things first. Spend some time alone. In silence you'll find strength.

 

In regards to your MM. You know why he keeps coming back? Because "married men prefer to keep returning to a previous affair partner because it's easier to re-start an affair than it is to groom a new affair partner."

 

Once he gets offered some P from someone else, you won't here a peep out of him.

[minimariah]

But he won't, right?

 

hmmmm... you know... i wasn't sure if i should post - because i really do not want to set you back during your recovery - but i've seen your story play out so many times in life (one of the quirks of my profession)... i feel like i can almost predict your future - correctly...!

 

sooo... here it goes. of course -- this is a bunch of my thoughts, what i've seen around me combined with my own projections so... keep that in mind. just sharing my view of the situation.

 

he might file. in fact - i'm pretty sure he WILL file. i am very sure he'll divorce his wife and be with you, actually. i'm 100% positive. and i'm pretty sure you'll welcome him back. and i'm pretty sure you'll finally get your BIG romantic story... it was always meant to be... fate & destiny - all of that. and i'm pretty sure you'll be happy with him, genuinely. i'm also pretty sure you'll start a new hellish chapter in your life... the one that includes his ex-wife & their young child. while most folks will tell you to worry about being cheated on because most like to think that... "once a cheater, always a cheater" is true (it's not) -- the fact that this relationship might CHANGE you for the worse... should be what worries you. because it's what usually happens.

 

your words are SUPER familiar to me and i've heard them before - especially the part about his spouse being the one who is on YOUR way. it's like she is living what should have been YOUR life, right...? YOU should have been the wife, with a young son and enjoying life - not HER. there is a lot of anger & animosity swimming below & close to your surface... aimed at your MM but you keep aiming it at her. the amazing part - you ARE aware of this but you're unable to change it. you can't change it. you're socially conditioned to feel bad but that's NOT at all how you feel... and you feel bad about THAT because you desperately want to mantain the image you have of your own self - the one of a good person. you take a certain amount of pride in this love. right now... you're like a match soaked in gasoline. and in most cases - it all goes up in flames once the divorce papers are signed. you won't be able to mantain a civil, let alone build a friendly relationship... with the ex-wife. and it will bring on a whole NEW level of stress, negativity, entitlement, resentment and it will ALL break down on the child... and it will, of course, leave its mark on your character and your relationship. and then... there is your MM. this is a man who isn't a good father - even though i'm sure he loves the child. and no, it has nothing to do with the fact that he's cheating. it has EVERYTHING to do with his conflict avoidant character; he was married when he met you. okay, it happens. he had a SUPER clean way out - instead of taking that exit... he chose to dig himself deeper with a child. now it's 1000x harder! mind you, he consciously brought a child into a marriage he knew was troubled - spent money and time on it, too. so, in the very beginning- he deprived his child of having the top conditions while growing up. you think a man like that - who, instead of divorcing his wife... continues to tie himself to her for the next 18 years (and it wasn't an accident either) - will stand by you when his wife goes for your neck during the usual blended families troubles? he won't. you think he'll deal with it like a mature man? he won't because he isn't mature - instead, he'll dump it ALL on you. and soon, YOU'll be the one leading wars with his ex-wife while he watches and does nothing. that is the fastest recipe for a failed 2nd marriage: a troubled relationship between the X & the new spouse + a passive partner who can't and won't set up firm boundaries.

 

you asked earlier - is there a happy ending? it really depends on how you define a happy ending. in my personal situation... you can say we had a happy ending. we are divorced - me & my xH and he is happily in love with his OW. i'm happily remarried and we all get along REALLY nice... genuinely nice.

 

BUT! it was a loooooooooooooong road. i can thank my lucky stars and guardian angels for the fact that all three of us happened to be emotionally mature (which is most definitely NOT the case with you, your MM and his wife)... so we dealt with the A the best way we knew how - with respect. dealing with the BS... post divorce - is never easy. you need to mantain a healthy level of respect, recognition. you need to be emotionally neutral. you need to respect the boundaries she sets up when it comes to your relationship with the child - and they will probably seem strict and unfair and childish to you so you probably won't respect them at all. and BOOM - there go problems! you'll blame her for a lot of things and the resentment will build even stronger. you'll be critical of her without any positive thought. EVERYTHING you feel now... gets amplified once the divorce hits in. right now - you're feeling negatively towards her and it will grow 10x stronger if you ever become the wife and a stepmother to the child. there are SO MANY small things when dealing with the ex spouse - SO MANY misunderstandings that can very quickly escalate. you won't be able to control that. i'm sure you'll WANT to - but you won't be able to, it's not natural to you and you don't know how.

 

what i'm trying to say... be very careful what you wish for because it might come true. don't overlook a new set of emotions and problems that come with blended families, especially when you begin that chapter with the ex-wife as your common enemy. also - you seem to recognize a lot of patterns but you don't really dig deeper and resolve them... you have your AHA! moments and it stops there. why...? that's what baffles me -- i see a lot of potential for personal growth but it doesn't move away from POTENTIAL... not really. and i can't figure out WHY.

 

long story short -- problems do not end with divorce. you'll lose the old problems and get a set of new ones. you need to be aware of that, of how difficult and draining can be and how sometimes... "well, at least we're together so its worth it" doesn't pay off. not every post affair relationship survives and even when they do... they can be so full of negativity that they do a lot more damage in the end. anyway... you have a LONG road ahead of you. lots of issues you need to work on, like for example - why are you so SURE that HE is The One? you seem to be fixated on HIM but... it's like you're fixated on something else, too. something deeper - it doesn't seem like it's JUST about him. i think the cause of all of this has nothing to do with him, in fact - you gotta dig deeper.

 

anyway, happy birthday and i truly hope things work out for you.

[GollumsNightmare]

Oh, Jennifer,

 

PLEASE print out MiniMariah's letter to you. Keep it and read it over and over and over again until your MM is miles behind in your rear view mirror.

 

you deserve better than the drama she so perfectly described as your future.

[sandylee1]

Happy birthday to you Jenn.. Have a great night out.

[minimariah]

PLEASE print out MiniMariah's letter to you.

 

it really did come out as a looong letter, didn't it? LOL, sorry Jenn. i just saw i wrote an entire ESSAY, sheesh!

[jennifernyc84]

hmmmm... you know... i wasn't sure if i should post - because i really do not want to set you back during your recovery - but i've seen your story play out so many times in life (one of the quirks of my profession)... i feel like i can almost predict your future - correctly...!

 

sooo... here it goes. of course -- this is a bunch of my thoughts, what i've seen around me combined with my own projections so... keep that in mind. just sharing my view of the situation.

 

he might file. in fact - i'm pretty sure he WILL file. i am very sure he'll divorce his wife and be with you, actually. i'm 100% positive. and i'm pretty sure you'll welcome him back. and i'm pretty sure you'll finally get your BIG romantic story... it was always meant to be... fate & destiny - all of that. and i'm pretty sure you'll be happy with him, genuinely. i'm also pretty sure you'll start a new hellish chapter in your life... the one that includes his ex-wife & their young child. while most folks will tell you to worry about being cheated on because most like to think that... "once a cheater, always a cheater" is true (it's not) -- the fact that this relationship might CHANGE you for the worse... should be what worries you. because it's what usually happens.

 

your words are SUPER familiar to me and i've heard them before - especially the part about his spouse being the one who is on YOUR way. it's like she is living what should have been YOUR life, right...? YOU should have been the wife, with a young son and enjoying life - not HER. there is a lot of anger & animosity swimming below & close to your surface... aimed at your MM but you keep aiming it at her. the amazing part - you ARE aware of this but you're unable to change it. you can't change it. you're socially conditioned to feel bad but that's NOT at all how you feel... and you feel bad about THAT because you desperately want to mantain the image you have of your own self - the one of a good person. you take a certain amount of pride in this love. right now... you're like a match soaked in gasoline. and in most cases - it all goes up in flames once the divorce papers are signed. you won't be able to mantain a civil, let alone build a friendly relationship... with the ex-wife. and it will bring on a whole NEW level of stress, negativity, entitlement, resentment and it will ALL break down on the child... and it will, of course, leave its mark on your character and your relationship. and then... there is your MM. this is a man who isn't a good father - even though i'm sure he loves the child. and no, it has nothing to do with the fact that he's cheating. it has EVERYTHING to do with his conflict avoidant character; he was married when he met you. okay, it happens. he had a SUPER clean way out - instead of taking that exit... he chose to dig himself deeper with a child. now it's 1000x harder! mind you, he consciously brought a child into a marriage he knew was troubled - spent money and time on it, too. so, in the very beginning- he deprived his child of having the top conditions while growing up. you think a man like that - who, instead of divorcing his wife... continues to tie himself to her for the next 18 years (and it wasn't an accident either) - will stand by you when his wife goes for your neck during the usual blended families troubles? he won't. you think he'll deal with it like a mature man? he won't because he isn't mature - instead, he'll dump it ALL on you. and soon, YOU'll be the one leading wars with his ex-wife while he watches and does nothing. that is the fastest recipe for a failed 2nd marriage: a troubled relationship between the X & the new spouse + a passive partner who can't and won't set up firm boundaries.

 

you asked earlier - is there a happy ending? it really depends on how you define a happy ending. in my personal situation... you can say we had a happy ending. we are divorced - me & my xH and he is happily in love with his OW. i'm happily remarried and we all get along REALLY nice... genuinely nice.

 

BUT! it was a loooooooooooooong road. i can thank my lucky stars and guardian angels for the fact that all three of us happened to be emotionally mature (which is most definitely NOT the case with you, your MM and his wife)... so we dealt with the A the best way we knew how - with respect. dealing with the BS... post divorce - is never easy. you need to mantain a healthy level of respect, recognition. you need to be emotionally neutral. you need to respect the boundaries she sets up when it comes to your relationship with the child - and they will probably seem strict and unfair and childish to you so you probably won't respect them at all. and BOOM - there go problems! you'll blame her for a lot of things and the resentment will build even stronger. you'll be critical of her without any positive thought. EVERYTHING you feel now... gets amplified once the divorce hits in. right now - you're feeling negatively towards her and it will grow 10x stronger if you ever become the wife and a stepmother to the child. there are SO MANY small things when dealing with the ex spouse - SO MANY misunderstandings that can very quickly escalate. you won't be able to control that. i'm sure you'll WANT to - but you won't be able to, it's not natural to you and you don't know how.

 

what i'm trying to say... be very careful what you wish for because it might come true. don't overlook a new set of emotions and problems that come with blended families, especially when you begin that chapter with the ex-wife as your common enemy. also - you seem to recognize a lot of patterns but you don't really dig deeper and resolve them... you have your AHA! moments and it stops there. why...? that's what baffles me -- i see a lot of potential for personal growth but it doesn't move away from POTENTIAL... not really. and i can't figure out WHY.

 

long story short -- problems do not end with divorce. you'll lose the old problems and get a set of new ones. you need to be aware of that, of how difficult and draining can be and how sometimes... "well, at least we're together so its worth it" doesn't pay off. not every post affair relationship survives and even when they do... they can be so full of negativity that they do a lot more damage in the end. anyway... you have a LONG road ahead of you. lots of issues you need to work on, like for example - why are you so SURE that HE is The One? you seem to be fixated on HIM but... it's like you're fixated on something else, too. something deeper - it doesn't seem like it's JUST about him. i think the cause of all of this has nothing to do with him, in fact - you gotta dig deeper.

 

anyway, happy birthday and i truly hope things work out for you.

 

Oh goodness! This is terrifying and sounds awful.

 

But you got one thing wrong. He wasn't married when we met. We met as kids when he moved to the house next door from mines. Both of our parents still live in those same houses.

 

We have been friends all of our lives. He was married for 2 years when our affair began. We've called it off a few times but he keeps wiggling his way back into my life. But it feels different this time. Like it's really over. I've got this empty kind of numb feeling. It's weird.

[jennifernyc84]

it really did come out as a looong letter, didn't it? LOL, sorry Jenn. i just saw i wrote an entire ESSAY, sheesh!

 

lol but no, seriously. I really appreciate the time that you put into it. It means a lot to know that someone cares that much

[minimariah]

He was married for 2 years when our affair began.

 

i know - that's what i meant... when you met him = when you started a romantic relationship with him. sorry... didn't really express myself correctly. but yeah, i can see why letting go of him is so excruciating for you - you know this man... well, since forever. makes sense.

 

Like it's really over. I've got this empty kind of numb feeling. It's weird.

 

be careful. that was really the point of my novel, LOL. just to offer you another perspective. i wanted to show you the most common outcome so you can try to recognize and avoid some patterns on time. i've read your story because it really rezonates with me, especially the part about being addicted & weak for someone. i know that feeling very well and it's hard to explain that kind of lack of self control - especially if you're very mature and reasonable in every other aspect of your life. i personally don't think this is even CLOSE to an end but... i hope YOU are right. again, sorry if i spoiled the night for you - i hope you had fun for your big day! good luck.

[Poppy47]

Happy Birthday Jen,

 

Minimariah is always pure gold.

 

I have seen situations like this play out during my lifetime also.

 

Your best bet, is to leave the whole mess behind you and start the new year with a clean slate.

 

Have a wonderful birthday. YOu have many wonderful years ahead. Live them well and make better choices now you KNOW better.

 

Poppy.

XXX

[minimariah]

lol but no, seriously. I really appreciate the time that you put into it. It means a lot to know that someone cares that much

 

well... i do type FAST!

 

i am kind of emotionally invested in your story... i don't even know why but i have a very familiar feeling with you, as in... i feel like i know you, like i've met you before. i never commented though. you definitely stood out to me as a poster, caught my eye - whatever you want to describe it. it happens every once in a while and it's the oddest thing ever!

[jenkins95]

Wow, Mariah! Incredible stuff! How do you type out so much such well thought out and perfectly articulated stuff so quickly. If it wasn't so darn human, I'd swear you were a robot.

 

I love your posts - they force the reader to think and analyse things from angles they may not otherwise have viewed it from. You really made me think a lot and analyse things last year...when I really needed to, and I thank you for that!

 

Are you really that certain that the mm will file and leave to be with her?

[jenkins95]

(((Jen))), happy birthday! 32! You are soooooo young. You have a wonderful life ahead of you if you choose to take it.

 

I agree 100% with every word poppy has said below (as usual).

 

 

 

 

Happy Birthday Jen,

 

Minimariah is always pure gold.

 

I have seen situations like this play out during my lifetime also.

 

Your best bet, is to leave the whole mess behind you and start the new year with a clean slate.

 

Have a wonderful birthday. YOu have many wonderful years ahead. Live them well and make better choices now you KNOW better.

 

Poppy.

XXX