Will I ever be his #1?

[sandylee1]

I called him. I told him that I didn't want to see him. Like sandy suggested, I am trying to find my anger. He begged and pleaded on the phone, he faked some tears and spit out some promises.

 

I called him just about every name in the book. And hung up.

 

The tears are streaming down my face as I type this. I'm mad at myself for turning him down. I don't know how I could do this to him

 

Jenn, that's brilliant. Well done you. I'm sure it wasn't easy to do that, but you know you deserve better than that.

 

I bet he thought you couldn't resist. I'm proud of you girl. You got this and we've got your back here.

[sandylee1]

I do miss him, but I also miss the intimacy. I haven't had sex in over 2 months. Maybe I was craving it a little. Sorry if I'm coming off as lewd but it's true.

 

He's used me for sex countless times. Why shouldn't I do the same?

 

Because you love him and it wouldn't just be sex for you.

 

If you sleep with him, he's got you right back in the affair. Don't go back to square one. With all hisfake tears, was there any mention of divorce? Of course not.

 

That tells you all you need to know.

[jennifernyc84]

Read this again. Little girl Jen thanks you for being strong for her.

 

Thanks aileD, I needed that.

 

I had a few glasses of wine (I stopped counting at 3) and I may or not be a little tipsy.

[jennifernyc84]

Jenn, that's brilliant. Well done you. I'm sure it wasn't easy to do that, but you know you deserve better than that.

 

I bet he thought you couldn't resist. I'm proud of you girl. You got this and we've got your back here.

 

I'm reLly happy to know that. Thanks you guys for always being there

[elaine567]

Using people for sex is fine if you do not care a damn, if you care then you can't just use them and walk away undamaged.

You just get deeper involved with them, and it ends up hurting you more.

[jennifernyc84]

Well right now I don't give a damn about anyone's feelings but my own. And how am I feeling? Horny....and drunk

 

Yes I probably would have slept with him if I would have met him. It would have been my choice. I still don't trust myself around him and that's why didn't go

[jah526]

Well right now I don't give a damn about anyone's feelings but my own. And how am I feeling? Horny....and drunk

 

Yes I probably would have slept with him if I would have met him. It would have been my choice. I still don't trust myself around him and that's why didn't go

 

Good job! It's like an alcoholic being near a liquor bottle. Feels great in the moment but the morning after is a bitch. We tend to forget that part.

[jennifernyc84]

Josh just left me a voicemail. He's still blocked but I still get his voicemails. He was literally begging for me to answer. Telling me how we're connected and we both know it. For me to give him one last chance and he promises to do it now that Christmas has passed. Did I really expect him to do it over the holidays? He told me that he thinks of me all day and that he needs me in his life.

 

I know he's probably just spinning his web and all he sees of me is a helpless fly, but for some reason I still believe him. I feel like he loves me. I don't think he's lying about it. I love this man more than I can ever explain.

[aileD]

Josh just left me a voicemail. He's still blocked but I still get his voicemails. He was literally begging for me to answer. Telling me how we're connected and we both know it. For me to give him one last chance and he promises to do it now that Christmas has passed. Did I really expect him to do it over the holidays? He told me that he thinks of me all day and that he needs me in his life.

 

I know he's probably just spinning his web and all he sees of me is a helpless fly, but for some reason I still believe him. I feel like he loves me. I don't think he's lying about it. I love this man more than I can ever explain.

 

Don't respond

 

If he means it, he'll do it whether you respond or not.

 

This is where you find out the truth. Don't mess it up by contacting him and giving him the satisfaction of hearing you be upset over him.

If you do,it will be "after New Years" ..,,then her Birthday then his birthday then the kids Birthday then the kids first day of school and some other 45 excuses

 

You got this, babe!

Edited December 27, 2016 by aileD

[jennifernyc84]

Well done. Remember, it's you or him here. This time you chose yourself, not him. He is married. Remember? To another woman. Don't be mad at yourself. He is only upset because the balance of power is now off in your favor.

 

Tomorrow when you wake up, your first thought will not be one of sinking regret that you slept with him. You will feel strength.

 

Thanks blue, I am finding these words to be very true.

 

Even though it hurts to push him away, it feels good knowing that I am the one in control. It feels good to have something over him.

[Poppy47]

Thanks aileD, I needed that.

 

I had a few glasses of wine (I stopped counting at 3) and I may or not be a little tipsy.

Drinking in this situation is dangerous. I KNOW.

 

Poppy.

[sandylee1]

Josh just left me a voicemail. He's still blocked but I still get his voicemails. He was literally begging for me to answer. Telling me how we're connected and we both know it. For me to give him one last chance and he promises to do it now that Christmas has passed.

 

Did I really expect him to do it over the holidays?

 

 

So now you're being j reasonable of course.

 

In 4 years, several holidays have come and gone. So up to now, there was never any intention of you being more than a mistress.

That's the extent of his care. You as his secret lover and not getting on with your life.

 

He told me that he thinks of me all day and that he needs me in his life.

 

As a secret love. Jenn, he just can't believe the girl who had a crush on him is knocking him back.

 

 

I know he's probably just spinning his web and all he sees of me is a helpless fly, but for some reason I still believe him. I feel like he loves me. I don't think he's lying about it. I love this man more than I can ever explain.

 

One of his biggest lies was not wanting kids with his wife. He's capable of big lies, so why do you believe him. Do you think his wife would believe he didn't want the child?

 

▪He loves that you've been his faithful mistress for 4 years.

▪He loves that you love him.

▪He knows that you love him.

▪He loves how you make him feel.

▪He loves the ego boost you give him

▪He loves being the only man with access to your body

 

Just imagine for one minute, you heard that message ... but it was your husband, leaving the message for another woman. He's a terrible husband to her. Why would he be a better one to you?

 

Could you really ever trust him?

 

You might not have thought this through, but are you prepared for what would follow in the event he left his wife anyway?

 

How will those who love you react when they discover the truth?

 

How will his family treat you as the former OW?

 

How will their (his and his wife's) friends be to you?

 

What of your family towards him? As a man who has left his wife and toddler?

 

It's not going to be the ride off into the sunset you may think. You'll always have the Ex wife to deal with.

 

Are you okay with people labelling you a home wrecker?

 

For people to say you're the reason their little sees daddy part time? Of course it's his doing primarily ... but the OW is always seen as worse.

 

You sound like a lovely person to me. One who is desperately in love with a guy who is taking advantage of the love you have for him.

 

What I'm saying is that the fallout of this (should he actually go through with it), could really be too much for you to handle.

 

And FWIW, I don't think he should have told her over the holidays, that would forever ruin Christmas for her. ... but I don't see anything wrong with his marriage, except him.

[HeCantBreakMe]

Thanks blue, I am finding these words to be very true.

 

Even though it hurts to push him away, it feels good knowing that I am the one in control. It feels good to have something over him.

 

Jen, you are not in control and you have nothing over him. You will not fully be in control until you feel nothing but indifference towards him. You are only strong when you can understand your weakness and this married man is a weakness for you. You are not controlling the situation not in the least. This is called push/pull and it has happened to all of us.

 

I got serious about ending things with my married man and he flipped..said he would leave her, we talked logistics finances , houses, kids, he told me all about that money he had in that bank we made plans everything and I thought I was finally in control.. it took about a month before I lost that so cAlled control and was a needy mess again...and for what?? Another woman's crappy husband?? Cut ties and move on sister you don't need this man in your life.. he has issues big ones and his wife isn't the issue he is.

[jennifernyc84]

Jen, you are not in control and you have nothing over him. You will not fully be in control until you feel nothing but indifference towards him. You are only strong when you can understand your weakness and this married man is a weakness for you. You are not controlling the situation not in the least. This is called push/pull and it has happened to all of us.

 

I got serious about ending things with my married man and he flipped..said he would leave her, we talked logistics finances , houses, kids, he told me all about that money he had in that bank we made plans everything and I thought I was finally in control.. it took about a month before I lost that so cAlled control and was a needy mess again...and for what?? Another woman's crappy husband?? Cut ties and move on sister you don't need this man in your life.. he has issues big ones and his wife isn't the issue he is.

 

Do you know how hard it was for me to turn him down last night? That took control. He was begging for a chance. And I said no. I've got something that he wants and I'm not supplying it. That qualifies as me having one over him.

 

Am I a wreck? Omg yes. But I can't just shut my feelings off. God I wish I could.

 

What I'm trying to say is, I for once, feel like I'm the one calling the shots.

 

I broke up with him, I stopped taking his calls, texts, emails, social media, I turned down his big night out. I didn't think I'd ever be able to do these things.

[jennifernyc84]

And I know he is my weakness. I've stated that several times. That's exactly why I'm staying away from him.

[Starswillshine]

The best revenge is cutting him out, not letting him get what he wants, and you moving on. Good job, jen. Chin up! You did well. Your loved yourself more than you loved him last night. It is hard; don't beat yourself up because you feel miserable in doing it. You made a step in the right direction. You got this girl!

[jennifernyc84]

Guess who just left another voicemail?

 

Saying how he's at work but couldn't stop himself from breaking down and crying and had to take an early break just to pull himself together. How he's addicted to me, and I'm using that against him!

 

Can you believe that? Trying to turn the tables on me.

 

This is a completely new game and low for even him.

[MidnightBlue1980]

Guess who just left another voicemail?

 

Saying how he's at work but couldn't stop himself from breaking down and crying and had to take an early break just to pull himself together. How he's addicted to me, and I'm using that against him!

 

Can you believe that? Trying to turn the tables on me.

 

This is a completely new game and low for even him.

 

It's a total game to see if you will break. He wants the hand back. I've been down this road and the second you respond, he will reply back with something stupid like a smiley face and then disappear to punish you. You will want to kick yourself.

I played it out over and over again.

[whichwayisup]

Guess who just left another voicemail?

 

Saying how he's at work but couldn't stop himself from breaking down and crying and had to take an early break just to pull himself together. How he's addicted to me, and I'm using that against him!

 

Can you believe that? Trying to turn the tables on me.

 

This is a completely new game and low for even him.

 

How can you get voicemails from him when his number is blocked? do yourself a favor, disable your vm and if you can't do it, call your cell provider and get them to shut it down for you. If that doesn't work, change your number.

 

Every time you hear from him, it sets you back. NO contact is the only way to grieve and heal so you can move on.

[eye of the storm]

Jen, you did good. Deciding you are done isn't the hardest part.

 

Staying true to yourself is.

Sticking it out when things are tough is.

Knowing that if you maintain the course you will be in a better place is.

Forgiving yourself when you backslide is.

 

I went on a hike once with my son and he was taking me up a brutal trail. While stopping to rest I was yammering at him on why we didn't take the easier trail, and he just laughed and said when we get there, you'll know why. It was one of the most awe inspiring view I have ever seen. I looked at my son and saw the peace and satisfaction on his face. He looked at me and said something to the effect, "this is amazing isn't it, but if you could just pull the car over and see it, you wouldn't appreciate it as much. The hike makes sure you truly appreciate how spectacular this place is."

 

In other words, when you get to where you are going, the problems you are facing now will make you appreciate, value, and tend what you have. You will know the true value of having a life where you are not a secret. Where you can say your partner's name in public. Where you can hold hands in public.

 

Jen, stay the course. Keep moving. You have the power.

[jennifernyc84]

How can you get voicemails from him when his number is blocked? do yourself a favor, disable your vm and if you can't do it, call your cell provider and get them to shut it down for you. If that doesn't work, change your number.

 

Every time you hear from him, it sets you back. NO contact is the only way to grieve and heal so you can move on.

 

When he calls it just goes straight to voicemail

[aileD]

If you block him on your iPhone it will still keep his voicemails under blocked messages"

 

You need to do this for yourself. Who do you have for a service provider? I have sprint and I can go on their website and block phone numbers completely.

 

You don't get voicemails.

 

Please do this !

 

And yeah he's pathetic isn't he? Pathetic but still hasn't left his wife now has he? Just calling to make sure you don't forget him *rolls eyes*

 

Remember. Words are NOTHING. Actions are what tells you the real deal

[whichwayisup]

When he calls it just goes straight to voicemail

 

Then what's the point of block if you still get a voice message? I thought the whole point of blocking was so their number is blocked and they cannot get through, including leaving a vm. Please check with your cell provider about this.

[jah526]

One thing I am trying to do now is to focus my mind and energies on more productive things. This Christmas I sorted through my mom's jewelry and sent packages of it off to relatives. That made me feel good. I bought an indoor garden kit and I'm going to start that. I'm going to start bringing a laptop to work so that during down times I can learn something new (boredom is a BIG trigger for me).

 

Maybe you want to start thinking about how you can direct your energies elsewhere too. The other day I was enjoying some time with a friend and then I realized, wow, I haven't thought about this jerk in 2 hours.

 

Keep moving forward. You are doing great.

[BuddyX]

Guess who just left another voicemail?

 

Saying how he's at work but couldn't stop himself from breaking down and crying and had to take an early break just to pull himself together. How he's addicted to me, and I'm using that against him!

 

Can you believe that? Trying to turn the tables on me.

 

This is a completely new game and low for even him.

 

So tell me, how do you still have respect for him?

 

He's telling you "I can't live without you, but I'm sleeping with my wife tonight".

Actions over words.