Did we crush his ego or is he just a sexist jerk?

[OatsAndHall]

And an equal number of people have acted like her boyfriend is pure evil because he got sick of being taunted all night.

 

Poutrew made a great point about loyalty. This guy was clearly serious about the OP. He invited her to Thanksgiving with his family, looks at her adoringly, and he was willing to miss a football game he wanted to see to go out with her. That all tells me that this guy is looking at OP as a woman he could be with for the rest of his life.

 

Then he goes out with her and her friend. Maybe he isn't in the best mood, although he may have thought he was acting normal. Hell, maybe he's just shy. So OP's friend taunts him all night. And then he decides to say something back because he's pissed off. OP's friend asks him to stop (she talks **** all night and then tries to ask him to stop?), and when he doesn't, OP asks if he's trying to get dumped, which is basically a way of saying "I own you. Act the way I want or I'll dump you."

 

OP, you clearly took your friend's side when it mattered. Regardless of how long you've known your friend, this guy was looking for something serious, and the way you acted demonstrated that you won't have his back.

 

Was the friend out of line for running her mouth? Absolutely.

 

Should the OP have stepped in and said something? I think so but that's a hard thing to put on someone when they're stuck in the middle of a bad situation.

 

Should the boyfriend have just said "I'm leaving" and called it good? Yes, yes he should have.

 

His reaction to the situation is what is drawing ire towards him. My tune would be completely different if he had just gotten up, said that he was done with it and left.

 

But, at the end of the day, this situation is resolved with a simple conversation between the three of them. The OP and her friend have apparently been apologizing to him for it. It's time for him to either accept the apology or move on.

[spaceunicorn]

Was the friend out of line for running her mouth? Absolutely.

 

Should the OP have stepped in and said something? I think so but that's a hard thing to put on someone when they're stuck in the middle of a bad situation.

 

Should the boyfriend have just said "I'm leaving" and called it good? Yes, yes he should have.

 

His reaction to the situation is what is drawing ire towards him. My tune would be completely different if he had just gotten up, said that he was done with it and left.

 

But, at the end of the day, this situation is resolved with a simple conversation between the three of them. The OP and her friend have apparently been apologizing to him for it. It's time for him to either accept the apology or move on.

 

This post has apparently touched some nerves. No one really knows what happened but the three of us and we all have different interpretations of the night and I really didn't post this with the intentions of starting arguments among strangers. Errrybody chill.

[LD1990]

Should the boyfriend have just said "I'm leaving" and called it good? Yes, yes he should have.

 

Why should he have to run off because some girl is being rude? He gave them a taste of their own medicine.

[OatsAndHall]

Why should he have to run off because some girl is being rude? He gave them a taste of their own medicine.

 

Because it's truly a waste of time and energy. He accomplished nothing by firing back at her. It escalated the situation. She wants to antagonistic, so be it but take the high road and walk away. Standing up, saying "I'm not going to listen to any more of this sh-t" and walking away sends a much clearer message than diving into a pointless argument. I wouldn't waste a perfectly good night being berated by some woman I barely know, regardless of her friendship with my girlfriend.

[William]

Moderation concurs with the thread starter's request to 'chill' and, noting Robert's review and banning at least one member out of here, I'll make that a directive. For now we'll leave the thread open to respectful replies.

[Lansing]

Just curious OP, have you seen him since? Or is he away this weekend?

 

I think how one "argues" or how they handle a disagreement shows a lot about their character as well. It sounds like you have both apologized so I wouldn't necessarily call this one over... It might take some time to adjust back to how things were before though.

 

I went on a date once with a girl I was dating and I had invited one of my friends along to the event... Instead of my friend teasing my GF, she and my gf started teasing me! Was not fun... Anyway, didn't end up dating her for much longer after and I actually don't talk to that friend anymore either. (combination of things since then).

[spaceunicorn]

Just curious OP, have you seen him since? Or is he away this weekend?

 

I think how one "argues" or how they handle a disagreement shows a lot about their character as well. It sounds like you have both apologized so I wouldn't necessarily call this one over... It might take some time to adjust back to how things were before though.

 

I went on a date once with a girl I was dating and I had invited one of my friends along to the event... Instead of my friend teasing my GF, she and my gf started teasing me! Was not fun... Anyway, didn't end up dating her for much longer after and I actually don't talk to that friend anymore either. (combination of things since then).

 

As far as I know, he came back from his camping trip today but I have not heard from him since Wednesday. That was when I sent him a second apology and he responded with saying he doesn't know what he wants to do and maybe he will know when he gets back.

Completely agree about about accessing someone's character by how they handle conflict. In my last relationship, we were six months in before we had a real arguement and he became very verbally abusive and angry. It was an eye opener for sure.

[kendahke]

As far as I know, he came back from his camping trip today but I have not heard from him since Wednesday. That was when I sent him a second apology and he responded with saying he doesn't know what he wants to do and maybe he will know when he gets back.

Completely agree about about accessing someone's character by how they handle conflict. In my last relationship, we were six months in before we had a real arguement and he became very verbally abusive and angry. It was an eye opener for sure.

 

Just leave him alone. He sounds as if he's over this--at this point in time, he should be wanting to never be away this long if he can help it, not being ambivalent and avoidant.

 

This isn't going to work. The reality of this is: you two are like oil and water.

 

Make different plans for xmas and nye.

[CommittedToThis]

Women are weird when it comes to "teasing". You've got the "dude" type-chicks who know what real, harmless, fun teasing is. Trust me, men can be merciless when it comes to teasing each other, it's part of the game. I've met some women who can banter like this on the same level as a man.

 

Then you've got the Big Nurse-style ball-cutters. The one's who belittle, humiliate, mock, etc., then add insult to injury by condescendingly cooing, "Oh, poor little boy, I was only joking! Did I touch on a nerve, little man? Insecure much?"

 

and then my gf starts picking on him when she doesn't think he's acting right. He could only take so much and exploded.

 

Ok, so GF wasn't teasing, she was picking on him relentlessly, looking to provoke a reaction, and you either joined in with her, or refused to come to his defense.

 

I have a feeling you're not going to see this young man again. Personally, I'd rather watch the Dwarf World Golf Championships than sit next to my new GF while her dickish friend rips me a new one.

 

Meanwhile he's erecting his pup tent over at Camp New Woman.

Edited December 12, 2016 by CommittedToThis

[spaceunicorn]

Just leave him alone. He sounds as if he's over this--at this point in time, he should be wanting to never be away this long if he can help it, not being ambivalent and avoidant.

 

This isn't going to work. The reality of this is: you two are like oil and water.

 

Make different plans for xmas and nye.

 

Well lucky for me he is an understanding and forgiving guy, he contacted me today and would like to try and work things out. I will leave the rest between he and I.

[elaine567]

Well lucky for me he is an understanding and forgiving guy, he contacted me today and would like to try and work things out. I will leave the rest between he and I.

 

Just be careful here.

He started this with his spoiled brat behaviour.

Has he apologised to you?

[Gr8fuln2020]

Well lucky for me he is an understanding and forgiving guy, he contacted me today and would like to try and work things out. I will leave the rest between he and I.

 

This whole situation is whacked! After your initial post blaming him, leading us to believe one thing, it turns out you didn't tell the whole story/truth. You went from not being sure about this guy who clearly showed 'his' true colors by being sexist, to 'he is an understanding and forgiving guy.'

 

I pray your idea of a positive relationship is truly a healthy one. It doesn't sound like it to me. I said this to someone else, but this guy must be pretty good looking to disregard his sexist tantrum....pitiful.

[elaine567]

This whole situation is whacked! After your initial post blaming him, leading us to believe one thing, it turns out you didn't tell the whole story/truth. You went from not being sure about this guy who clearly showed 'his' true colors by being sexist, to 'he is an understanding and forgiving guy.'

 

I pray your idea of a positive relationship is truly a healthy one. It doesn't sound like it to me. I said this to someone else, but this guy must be pretty good looking to disregard his sexist tantrum....pitiful.

 

Classic manipulation, despite acting like a sexist jerk here, he played the victim and then he withdrew his attention completely just long enough for the op to fall into his arms in relief...

He deployed the "silent treatment" to "punish" the OP for upsetting him and it worked like a dream, I guess she should expect more of it.

[bachdude]

This whole situation is whacked! After your initial post blaming him, leading us to believe one thing, it turns out you didn't tell the whole story/truth. You went from not being sure about this guy who clearly showed 'his' true colors by being sexist, to 'he is an understanding and forgiving guy.'

 

I pray your idea of a positive relationship is truly a healthy one. It doesn't sound like it to me. I said this to someone else, but this guy must be pretty good looking to disregard his sexist tantrum....pitiful.

 

 

Not necessarily. People can change their perspective after thinking it over. It happens all the time. Take it easy on her, gads!

[Gr8fuln2020]

Not necessarily. People can change their perspective after thinking it over. It happens all the time. Take it easy on her, gads!

 

Well, 'not necessarily' is always an optional response....but the OP was set on this guy being the over-sensitive one, questioning his behavior, remembering past relationships and how they went wrong, etc....to.....oh, wait he wants to see me again after a trickling of communication, so yay! he still likes me response...lol.

 

I think the OP was always hoping that the guy would contact her again and prepared to excuse any negative behavior he exhibited. Of course people can change their perspective....she sure did for reasons I, personally, am not privy to.

[bachdude]

Well, 'not necessarily' is always an optional response....but the OP was set on this guy being the over-sensitive one, questioning his behavior, remembering past relationships and how they went wrong, etc....to.....oh, wait he wants to see me again after a trickling of communication, so yay! he still likes me response...lol.

 

I think the OP was always hoping that the guy would contact her again and prepared to excuse any negative behavior he exhibited. Of course people can change their perspective....she sure did for reasons I, personally, am not privy to.

 

I'm not going to go back re-read the whole thread again but I never got from her that she was "set" on him being the one who was mostly to blame.

 

She started her thread saying, "Just looking for unbiased opinions about this situation..."

[bachdude]

Classic manipulation, despite acting like a sexist jerk here, he played the victim and then he withdrew his attention completely just long enough for the op to fall into his arms in relief...

He deployed the "silent treatment" to "punish" the OP for upsetting him and it worked like a dream, I guess she should expect more of it.

 

OR he just took a break to think about it.

 

She said HE reached out FIRST after the whole evening that went south.

 

And she even told him SHE wasn't sure if SHE wanted to go forward.

 

Then he went camping. For only a couple days.

 

Then HE contacted her again.

 

This isn't behavior of someone who just wanted to manipulate, in my opinion.

 

I think he should apologize, of course. Both should apologize because both were in the wrong.

Edited December 13, 2016 by bachdude

[CommittedToThis]

I mean really, doesn't the title of this thread say it all?

 

Wondering what you're going to do about resolving the friend issue?

 

Please try not to endorse ego-crushing actions on this wilderness loving, seemingly good guy who simply broke under the twin-attack of you and your friend. You said she said something like your boyfriend "wasn't acting right" or something, as if that's her call or something.

 

Anyway, good luck, treat a good man with kindness.

Edited December 13, 2016 by CommittedToThis

[bachdude]

I mean really, doesn't the title of this thread say it all?

 

It is basically a loaded question, yes...

 

"When did you stop beating your wife?"

 

"Does he have an oversensitive male ego that gets crushed by a little teasing from my friend or is he a sexist jerk."

 

BUT obviously she has had a change of perspective and was open to other points of view.

[spaceunicorn]

Geez Louise guys....I had no idea people could get so worked up and judgemental over a complete stranger's drama.

He too is lucky that I am also a understanding and forgiving person. All three of us are good people that had a really ****ty night, it happens and I mistakenly made a post on a forum about it before I had properly cooled off.

I really hope some of you are a little more kind and less presumptuous with other posters on here.

[bachdude]

Geez Louise guys....I had no idea people could get so worked up and judgemental over a complete stranger's drama.

He too is lucky that I am also a understanding and forgiving person. All three of us are good people that had a really ****ty night, it happens and I mistakenly made a post on a forum about it before I had properly cooled off.

I really hope some of you are a little more kind and less presumptuous with other posters on here.

 

Agree! It gets excessively black and white around here. All bad/all good. I've been guilty of it too.

 

Everyone that has posted on this thread has made remarks they later regretted. No has has perfect control over what they say.

Edited December 13, 2016 by bachdude

[CommittedToThis]

Nothing I write is to be taken personally, for me it's not about judging a complete stranger on the internet, it's about their situation and how I feel about it.

 

You know the truth: be careful what you ask for.

 

Weird stuff happens sometimes and the bottom line is, after serious thought (and probably some Scotch) in the woods, he decided his mood that night might have been part of the overall issue so he wants to try again.

 

To me, you and your friend's behavior, and your post title, came across as belittling. Nothing I took personally, just an observation of your particular style.

 

From one internet stranger to another, I wish the two of you, and your friendship with your girlfriend, endurance and growth over the nurturing years to come.

[TheTraveler]

I went out with another woman because I had already paid for the dinner and the table ahead of time and it was non-refundable. I also had 2 tickets for a stage play that it was too late to get my money back as well. So it was mostly an economic decision, but yeah, the puppy dog eyes sure made me feel good... and , when I found out how drunk my gf got and how the two of them burned up the town mourning a dead dog, any traces of guilt I might have had evaporated and made what happened next easy.

 

Really, though, your reply to my post shows me that your bf would be right for dumping you. That you choose to side with my ex gf shows me you do not posses the empathy to see things from your boyfriend's perspective. Men are such babies, and you are just apologizing to him to smooth over his tender, delicate, bruised, ego. He, of course, knows this, which is why your apologies are falling on deaf ears. My advice is to leave him alone. If he hasn't contacted you after all this time, he is most likely already over you and moving on. I suggest you do the same.

 

Your situation has absolutely ZERO correlation to what happened to the OP. Why did you bother bringing up your nonsense story?

[Sweetfish]

Geez Louise guys....I had no idea people could get so worked up and judgemental over a complete stranger's drama.

He too is lucky that I am also a understanding and forgiving person. All three of us are good people that had a really ****ty night, it happens and I mistakenly made a post on a forum about it before I had properly cooled off.

I really hope some of you are a little more kind and less presumptuous with other posters on here.

 

 

 

 

You are the one that came on the forum to ask strangers for advice.

 

You kinda shame the guy and painted a picture of him and people took the time to give you advise.

 

You get advise from forum members..

 

and agree he is not worth your time..

 

at the end you call the forum members strangers that are judgemental.. Isn't that what the title of the thread is? To ask for a judgement of a situation?

 

So you got your attention now and you can live happily ever after

[spaceunicorn]

You are the one that came on the forum to ask strangers for advice.

 

You kinda shame the guy and painted a picture of him and people took the time to give you advise.

 

You get advise from forum members..

 

and agree he is not worth your time..

 

at the end you call the forum members strangers that are judgemental.. Isn't that what the title of the thread is? To ask for a judgement of a situation?

 

So you got your attention now and you can live happily ever after

 

Sweetfish, perhaps you missed the part this weekend where the replies were so out of hand and posters were so riled up with each other that a moderator kicked some people off and deleted posts. Not per my request either.

There's such a thing as constructive criticism (e.g. elaine567 and committedtothis posts) which I appreciated and took to heart, some other posters here could take a lesson from them.