Did we crush his ego or is he just a sexist jerk?

[Sweetfish]

Question?

 

Was your girlfriend there to probe this guy? This maybe why it went downhill. I find it odd to bring your girlfriend to dinner with a guy you just met..

 

If he brought his best friend... would you be ok with him teasing you?

[WomenWubber]

I think your friend's teasing was just a futile attempt at getting your bf to engage you two properly.

 

I don't think your bf is sexist or misogynist and maybe he was having bad day. But if he was annoyed with your friend he could have just told you. That's what my friend's gf did when I was teasing her non-stop and she was 20 years old.

 

All that said your "do you want to get dumped tonight" response was also not the best. I'd have dumped you right there if it was me.

[winny]

 

He may want to continue the relationship but I would be surprized if he does. Good luck!

 

I would prefer him not to continue this relationship because I know how much it bothers me after spending time with people who tease you non stop and mercilessly even when you are trying to keep control over your temper... and being cool... still it is a work uphill and at times you question that if these are your friends and when they know you have a problem with a particular kind of teasing then why they repeat it.... do they like to see your humiliated face and like to see you suffer or are they so ignorant and selfish that they would rather go ahead with such useless teasing instead of being empathetic...

I generally cut off such people from my life and be with those who are more playful and less insulting in how they tease you...

[Mrin]

Just realized what last Saturday night was ... what was his alma mater? Or favorite colllege football team?

[spaceunicorn]

No it was not his college and he was sneaking peeks at the game during the night, which is not a huge deal. I only brought it up because it was part of the reason I felt he didn't want to be there.

I don't think any of us were on their best behavior that night and I did say something to my gf about her being too hard on him when he went to the restroom but by then it was too late. And she would unfortunately not leave us alone so I could talk to him privately. She knows what she crossed the line and has apologized profusely and I have sincerely apologized to him (again) on Wednesday after taking a few days to think about it and see it from his perspective.

[elaine567]

Stop apologising, he acted like an idiot from the moment he arrived. He was sulking and in an obvious bad mood which says something about him right away.

I guess your friend faced with his bad mood, on what was supposed to be a happy occasion, chose to try and tease him out of it but he was so annoyed and upset about being "forced" to be there and miss the game that he was determined to still "play the victim". Maybe she went too far but I guess she was also annoyed about how this man was spoiling her and the OPs night out.

He then decided to go on the attack to show the "women" how angry he really was, hence out came the sexist HD comments.

 

Now instead of going "I was well out of order, sorry I spoiled the evening."

he is lapping up the apologies and has taken himself off camping to underline how annoyed HE is.

 

People who deliberately choose to spoil happy occasions as they are in a bad mood or unhappy or angry or annoyed, are not fun to be around.

They are "difficult" and it often ends up that the other person has to do the apologising, has to keep making excuses for the bad behaviour, has to keep the peace and has to walk on eggshells as they are never sure when a "bad mood" may surface and spoil the event.

The embarrassment caused, means that social isolation is often the result.

Will the OP organise another dinner with her friend and her bf?

Probably not, and maybe that was his real intention.

[bachdude]

Stop apologising, he acted like an idiot from the moment he arrived. He was sulking and in an obvious bad mood which says something about him right away.

 

 

You mean that "bad attitude" while he adorningly looked at his GF while she wasn't looking? That must have been really annoying to her friend.

[elaine567]

You mean that "bad attitude" while he adorningly looked at his GF while she wasn't looking? That must have been really annoying to her friend.

 

I guess the friend was trying to make her friend feel better. Having a bf turn up to something the OP had organised in a bad mood, is horrible and embarrassing. People want to show off their loved ones to their best friend not to have to apologise for them. The friend probably thought the OP needed cheering up hence the "Oh but he looks adoringly at you".

[bachdude]

I guess the friend was trying to make her friend feel better. Having a bf turn up to something the OP had organised in a bad mood, is horrible and embarrassing. People want to show off their loved ones to their best friend not to have to apologise for them. The friend probably thought the OP needed cheering up hence the "Oh but he looks adoringly at you".

So you're saying her friend lied to her? She's just making stuff up?

[TheTraveler]

He contacted me last night and said he's not really sure what he wants to do and is going out of town camping this weekend and maybe he'll know when he gets back. I told him, well I'm not exactly sure either, perhaps when you get back we can have a face to face talk. Take some space and contact me then. His reply was, "this is just a ****ty situation, I'm sorry"

So I don't know.

Thank you for everyone's thoughtful responses, you all have given me a lot to ponder until I hear from him again....if I hear from him again. I'm not going to spend my weekend stressing about it.

 

Lets be real. He should have manned up and said, "no thanks I'm going to watch the football game tonight, you girls have fun!"

 

He didn't and shows up with a piss poor attitude. One thing leads to another, then boom!

 

You're at the 2 month relationship mark and this is trending down hard. This is way too much drama where he has to go on a walkabout to think things through. Way too early on in a relationship to be dealing with this where one is immediately choosing to distance himself. This relationship has run it's course

[kendahke]

When I know I'm not going to be good company, I don't agree to go out. I open my mouth and reschedule; I don't go and sit there and seethe then employ the "use a sledgehammer to kill a gnat" approach when I've reached my limit with someone.

 

You needed to check your girl long before it got to the point where he was pushed beyond his endurance. I never would have let my friend go on in this way in the first place. However, for him to unleash the lizard like that is quite eyeopening and is a clear view inside what he truly thinks about women. If you're cool with a guy like that, then do whatever you can to make up with him. Otherwise, I'd say quit wasting time waiting him out. He's pretty much told you that his interest is now gone.

 

This is over except for the breaking up.

[Mystique01]

It sounds to me like he was not sold on you. He went out with you and gave it the old college try with you and your friend, but when she started teasing he probably pushed the envelope to get you to dump him.

 

Not that he didn't like you or have interest at one point but it sounds like he was on the fence, agreed to go on the date, but then realized he would have rather watched the game. I think his last response about not knowing what he wanted to do before going out of town was just the start of him ghosting you.

 

You said he was in a bad mood to begin with. When I was younger I wouldn't miss the Lions game no matter how bad they were. If someone tried to schedule something, nope, it was the main thing I looked forward to. If there was a girl I had interest in, I wouldn't think twice and would happily go out with her and miss the game. His bad mood was him thinking twice due to low interest.

 

His comment about it being a crappy situation seems like a backdoor apology because he knew he acted crappy but he did so because he wanted out...like I feel bad because you are nice but I don't want to see you so I'm OK if you are pissed and dump me.

 

I'm just curious if you felt like you were more invested than him at any point before this date at all. If so I'd be fairly certain he lost interest and that was his 'last try' so to speak .

 

Yea I wouldn't be surprised if this were the case either. The fact that he was in such a BAD mood before coming tells me that he was either losing interest already (usually seeing a loved one helps to BOOST your mood, not lower it even worse), or...he just had an overall crappy day and it wasn't missing the game alone that had him being moody.

 

Either way, I get the vibe that maybe the OP and the guy aren't the best for each other.

 

Like someone else mentioned, we don't know what someone else has been through in life. I would never resort to teasing someone at their expense (even playfully) in front of a group of people if I've never met them before. That's kind of cruddy. I don't know them well enough to know if they can handle that.

 

 

 

 

No it was not his college and he was sneaking peeks at the game during the night, which is not a huge deal. I only brought it up because it was part of the reason I felt he didn't want to be there.

I don't think any of us were on their best behavior that night and I did say something to my gf about her being too hard on him when he went to the restroom but by then it was too late. And she would unfortunately not leave us alone so I could talk to him privately. She knows what she crossed the line and has apologized profusely and I have sincerely apologized to him (again) on Wednesday after taking a few days to think about it and see it from his perspective.

 

Hmmm....idk... Sounds like maybe you need to get a new friend. She reminds me of those girl friends who are "bf-repellents" or "guy-repellents". You know, the kind who will pull you away at a club if they see a guy interested in you or trying to get to know you. Or, the kind who will be all aggressive, condescending, or teasing your new guy in public and then you wonder why guys don't really like hanging out with you and your "friend".

 

Idk....sounds like a sabotager to me. But hey...if you like your friend...maybe next time just don't bring a new guy around her unless you're REALLY sure you and the guy are definitely serious and he's in it for the long haul.

 

I know guys that can get turned off pretty quickly based on who a girl's friends are. I've had some of my guy friends tell me that before. I didn't know it made such a huge difference to them, but it does. They figure that your friends are in a sense a reflection of YOU. And if you all are talking this badly about him when he's right there in PERSON with you, then imagine what he thinks you guys talk/laugh about when he's NOT around!

[spaceunicorn]

Yea I wouldn't be surprised if this were the case either. The fact that he was in such a BAD mood before coming tells me that he was either losing interest already (usually seeing a loved one helps to BOOST your mood, not lower it even worse), or...he just had an overall crappy day and it wasn't missing the game alone that had him being moody.

 

Either way, I get the vibe that maybe the OP and the guy aren't the best for each other.

 

Like someone else mentioned, we don't know what someone else has been through in life. I would never resort to teasing someone at their expense (even playfully) in front of a group of people if I've never met them before. That's kind of cruddy. I don't know them well enough to know if they can handle that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hmmm....idk... Sounds like maybe you need to get a new friend. She reminds me of those girl friends who are "bf-repellents" or "guy-repellents". You know, the kind who will pull you away at a club if they see a guy interested in you or trying to get to know you. Or, the kind who will be all aggressive, condescending, or teasing your new guy in public and then you wonder why guys don't really like hanging out with you and your "friend".

 

Idk....sounds like a sabotager to me. But hey...if you like your friend...maybe next time just don't bring a new guy around her unless you're REALLY sure you and the guy are definitely serious and he's in it for the long haul.

 

I know guys that can get turned off pretty quickly based on who a girl's friends are. I've had some of my guy friends tell me that before. I didn't know it made such a huge difference to them, but it does. They figure that your friends are in a sense a reflection of YOU. And if you all are talking this badly about him when he's right there in PERSON with you, then imagine what he thinks you guys talk/laugh about when he's NOT around!

 

I really don't think he was losing interest, (I could be wrong of course) but everything was fine up until that night. He did have a bad week at work and this was obviously not his idea of fun already but he showed up for me and then my gf starts picking on him when she doesn't think he's acting right. He could only take so much and exploded.

Like I said, nobody (including him) were on their best behavior and acting like mature adults that night. I'm sure his feelings got hurt and I have apologized twice and now the ball is in his court. I like him enough that I would at least like to have a face to face talk with him before we completely end things.

As for my gf, she knows she was out of line and went too far for a laugh. I have known her for 13 years and she has met other bf's and this has never been an issue, I think she was just feeling defensive for me due to his lackluster behavior. I really don't know and I love her but she won't be meeting any more dates anytime soon.

[elaine567]

As for my gf, she knows she was out of line and went too far for a laugh. I have known her for 13 years and she has met other bf's and this has never been an issue, I think she was just feeling defensive for me due to his lackluster behavior. I really don't know and I love her but she won't be meeting any more dates anytime soon.

 

If this was a relatively new gf then I think you may be wise to wonder if she was doing this as she had another "agenda", but as you have known her for such a long time and she has never done this before, then I guess he rubbed her up the wrong way and she was leaping to your defence.

 

This guy is definitely not worth falling out with your gf over. Kiss and make up with her, and forget him, as The Traveller said, way too much drama with this guy.

[spaceunicorn]

It's all good in the hood with the gf but jury is out on the bf. I do agree it's a lot of unnecessary drama so soon in.

[spiderowl]

He seemed to start off in a bad mood for whatever reason, maybe because he was missing the football but maybe because he did not feel sociable. If he was not feeling sociable, then your girlfriend teasing him would have been irritating and stressful. He could have easily faked an illness or something and made his excuses and left (tummy upset or something), but he didn't.

 

The mature thing for him to do would be to be pleasant and composed and then maybe later on mention to you what bothered him about your friend's behaviour, but he didn't seem able to. I'm getting the feeling he was a bit lukewarm, although your friend's comments seem to contradict that. Whatever the true situation, he could not behave himself in a stressful situation. Someone who flies off the handle like that is going to do it again, maybe when alone with you and maybe he will not just confine himself to talking loudly.

 

In summary, while I sympathise with him on the annoying girlfriend front, any sign of temper should not be taken lightly. What happens later on, what if you start to feel there are things you can't say to him for fear of an outburst? Then you start treading on eggshells ...

[kendahke]

I think she was just feeling defensive for me due to his lackluster behavior.

 

He should have just declined going out to meet you two that night.

 

As for her? Nope. She was meddling and was allowed to meddle. That would have pissed me off, too and the involvement would have ground to a stop.

 

It's all good in the hood with the gf but jury is out on the bf. I do agree it's a lot of unnecessary drama so soon in.

 

Yeah, his best bet would be to delete your number. He needs to find someone whose friends are in check and know how to act around people they don't know well at all.

[joseb]

He should have just declined going out to meet you two that night.

 

As for her? Nope. She was meddling and was allowed to meddle. That would have pissed me off, too and the involvement would have ground to a stop.

 

Yeah, his best bet would be to delete your number. He needs to find someone whose friends are in check and know how to act around people they don't know well at all.

 

Yeah he should have said no, he is probably one of those people who struggle doing that. I was like that one time. Didn't want to disappoint anyone. Now I'm more selfish, and much happier

[phineas]

Women with little dogs in home depot is beyond weird.

The hot woman i was there shopping with agree's.

[introverted1]

Why is this either/or?

 

As I see it, OP allowed her friend to insult her bf (under the guise of teasing), while adding insult to injury by threatening to dump him.

 

BF responded with passive-aggressive statements that were childish.

 

OP bears more responsibility since, as the organizer of the event, it was incumbent on her to make her bf comfortable (or at least not subject him to attack). Bf is culpable inasmuch as his response was less than gracious.

 

Doesn't sound as though OP values or respects this guy very much and should probably cut him loose so he can find someone who does. Apparently, he is considering the same.

[OatsAndHall]

1. He shouldn't have joined the two of you if he wanted to watch a football game. You two have been together for seven months and he shouldn't feel like he needs to socialize with you and your friends if he doesn't want to. Maybe this is insecurity on his part or maybe he was just being polite. But, it was his choice to do something he didn't want to. I'm not particularly comfortable in social situations with people that I don't know well and will decline and invitation from a significant other if I'm just not feeling sociable.

 

2. Not only did he show up when he didn't want to, it sounds like he acted childish while there. He should have just tapped out when he started becoming uncomfortable. There's nothing wrong with stating "well, I'm glad that I got to spend some time with you but I'd like to go watch the football game now." He made the choice to stick around in an uncomfortable situation. He may have just thought he was being polite (which he wasn't, obviously) or he could be insecure about you hanging out with a girlfriend.

 

3. I'm a pretty personable fellow but I would get a little bit testy if someone I didn't know was teasing me, even if I was in a good mood. In fact, it would probably get a little ugly as I tend to let the sarcasm flow if someone is openly picking at me, even in good fun. But, once again, he put himself in this situation. He could have tapped out an any point.

 

So, although I think your friend may have been a bit out of line, your boyfriend put himself in a spot where he'd be uncomfortable. He needs to establish some boundaries for himself in these situations, especially if he's introverted. There are certain functions where he needs to suck it up and be polite (family or work gatherings come to mind) but there are others where he should just say "no thanks".

[spaceunicorn]

If this happened to me, I would not see you again. See, from a man's point of view, it really wasn't the teasing per se. It was that you took her side against your boyfriend. This act would show me where your loyalty lies, and it wouldn't be with me. This actually happened to me once: it was my birthday, and I was planning to take my then gf out to a fancy restaurant, then take her to a show, and back to my apartment later that night... it was a plan we both knew about and had been looking forward to. My favorite tag line, which she loved, was 'It's my b-day, but you get the presents!' Well, that Friday came, then the appointed time came, and no gf. Finally, a half hour late, she calls me - she can't make it. She is on the highway, driving to an old college gf's house because her pet died and she is really, really upset - but don't worry, we can go out tomorrow night... after she told me her reason, I just didn't hear anything more except 'gibber, gabber, yadda, yadda... bye hun!' I stood there listening to the dial tone feeling like a brick was in my face. She knew I couldn't 'do it again tomorrow night', and I was already out around a couple hundred dollars (1980's dollars). The thought running through my brain was how she stood me up for an old girlfriend because of a dead dog.... yeah, right. Since I would have lost the money anyway, I wound up taking a neighbor lady out for a great time. She had no boyfriend and let me know how she would never take me for granted... and she gave me the 'puppy dog eyes'...all night long. That girl made me feel like a greek god... guess who was my nest sweetheart after I dumped my then girlfriend? Yep. Almost married that one, too.

Sure, what you did may not have been so blatant and in your face, but it still was the same thing. If I were your boyfriend, I'd wish you and your loud girlfriend much happiness together look for greener fields .

 

So you dumped someone for going to comfort a friend in need and immediately went out with another woman to boost your ego?

[OatsAndHall]

I think that people are being a little bit harsh with the OP in this situation. It's easy to be on the outside and claim that she should have been defending her boyfriend in this situation but it sounds like it was an incredibly tense and difficult situation to be a part of. And, it was a tense situation because of both of their actions. Her friend and her boyfriend were going back and forth and she was stuck in the middle of it. She was enjoying time with a friend that she has known for years and her relatively new boyfriend basically shows up and pouts. I'm a direct and blunt person but I would have had a difficult time stepping in and playing moderator without getting pretty with both of them. And, that wouldn't have solved anything.

 

Yes, her girlfriend could pick up the phone and apologize for picking at him. But, at what point does this guy just get over it? Maybe an apology through the OP isn't the most sincere way to handle it but the woman did make the gesture. This was a two-way street. He didn't want to be there in the first place, he made that abundantly clear, she started picking at him and he lashed out in an inappropriate manner. Women with little dogs not belonging at Home Depot? This whole situation is having a negative affect on their relationship and he needs to back up a bit as well.

[Poutrew]

So you dumped someone for going to comfort a friend in need and immediately went out with another woman to boost your ego?

 

I went out with another woman because I had already paid for the dinner and the table ahead of time and it was non-refundable. I also had 2 tickets for a stage play that it was too late to get my money back as well. So it was mostly an economic decision, but yeah, the puppy dog eyes sure made me feel good... and , when I found out how drunk my gf got and how the two of them burned up the town mourning a dead dog, any traces of guilt I might have had evaporated and made what happened next easy.

 

Really, though, your reply to my post shows me that your bf would be right for dumping you. That you choose to side with my ex gf shows me you do not posses the empathy to see things from your boyfriend's perspective. Men are such babies, and you are just apologizing to him to smooth over his tender, delicate, bruised, ego. He, of course, knows this, which is why your apologies are falling on deaf ears. My advice is to leave him alone. If he hasn't contacted you after all this time, he is most likely already over you and moving on. I suggest you do the same.

[LD1990]

I think that people are being a little bit harsh with the OP in this situation.

 

And an equal number of people have acted like her boyfriend is pure evil because he got sick of being taunted all night.

 

Poutrew made a great point about loyalty. This guy was clearly serious about the OP. He invited her to Thanksgiving with his family, looks at her adoringly, and he was willing to miss a football game he wanted to see to go out with her. That all tells me that this guy is looking at OP as a woman he could be with for the rest of his life.

 

Then he goes out with her and her friend. Maybe he isn't in the best mood, although he may have thought he was acting normal. Hell, maybe he's just shy. So OP's friend taunts him all night. And then he decides to say something back because he's pissed off. OP's friend asks him to stop (she talks **** all night and then tries to ask him to stop?), and when he doesn't, OP asks if he's trying to get dumped, which is basically a way of saying "I own you. Act the way I want or I'll dump you."

 

OP, you clearly took your friend's side when it mattered. Regardless of how long you've known your friend, this guy was looking for something serious, and the way you acted demonstrated that you won't have his back.