Author Ilovepizzalady Posted March 7, 2017 Author Share Posted March 7, 2017 My ex bf (he dumped me 7 months ago) reached out to me on gmail chat after another breadcrumb email 2 weeks ago (feb 15) today, and he asked about me, my mom, my life, my job etc. etc. He was talking about how mortified he was about what happened with us. He said he was a flake and a dick. We covered a lot of ground, mostly just about what's been going on in each other's lives. I asked him about his new gf and how he was feeling about her, which he said I shouldn't ask bc it's unhealthy, but then he said he's not in love with her, and he's in a bad position at the moment, that he does flake, that i know him, and he doesn't know how to get out because he feels like a big dick. Lots of stuff about how he feels he's in a loop, he can't get out of, and he's having anxiety. I am surprised at this turn of events because he seemed very in love with her for a bit there. Not sure why he contacted me and if he is interested in anything, he did mention he looks at our pictures and messages still. I'm feeling anxiety now about it, because I don't know what his intention is but this feels like he is trying to open the door. Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 He's using you as a branch in case he breaks up with his gf. He will use you for support and sex and then carry on to someone else. Don't fall into this trap. Link to post Share on other sites
goldway90 Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 You're not his therapist he's a grown man i'm sure he'll figure it out, remember he DUMPED you so he knows how to end relationships. Delete his email address and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 He's probably feeling the GIGS or he's about to get dumped himself. He knows that you are still around waiting for him and I'm pretty sure he feels that he could have you back at any time. He's checking in to make sure about that and if things go south with his current girlfriend he'll easily have you right there. Who knows, maybe she is looking to get back with her ex and it's causing problems for their relationship. That's what I take from things you've wrote in the past. Remember this from one of you early thread posts "The man has been in a string of 1-3 year relationships that all turn out horribly" Sorry, but this should tell you that he is not good relationship material. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ilovepizzalady Posted March 7, 2017 Author Share Posted March 7, 2017 Here is exactly what he said: " I am not in love / I DO FLAKE u know me ! U know me! I am in a bad position at the moment! and i don't know how to get out because i feel like a big dick" Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ilovepizzalady Posted March 7, 2017 Author Share Posted March 7, 2017 user meaning? Link to post Share on other sites
CollegeKid101 Posted March 8, 2017 Share Posted March 8, 2017 (edited) user meaning? You need to move on... You're his emotional tampon right now. That's what AT15 meant by user. He's just texting you because his relationship isn't working out and he needs to distract himself, or he's bored. You're familiar to him, he's comfortable with you. He's not in love with you and he will never want to be with you long term. Save yourself the heart ache and cut this guy off for good. Edited March 8, 2017 by CollegeKid101 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ilovepizzalady Posted March 8, 2017 Author Share Posted March 8, 2017 You need to move on... You're his emotional tampon right now. That's what AT15 meant by user. He's just texting you because his relationship isn't working out and he needs to distract himself, or he's bored. You're familiar to him, he's comfortable with you. He's not in love with you and he will never want to be with you long term. Save yourself the heart ache and cut this guy off for good. How do you know that? Seems like you are jumping to conclusions. Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted March 8, 2017 Share Posted March 8, 2017 How do you know that? Seems like you are jumping to conclusions. Because he dumped you and is dating someone else. If he wanted to be with you for real he would not have dumped you, or he would have dumped this woman already and made it clear he wants you. Watch the movie he's just not that into you. Link to post Share on other sites
CollegeKid101 Posted March 8, 2017 Share Posted March 8, 2017 How do you know that? Seems like you are jumping to conclusions. Seems like you're delusional. Keep wasting your time then. You're just missing chances of meeting someone who actually respects and loves you. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Grathblagg Posted March 8, 2017 Share Posted March 8, 2017 How do you know that? Seems like you are jumping to conclusions. While this sounds harsh, understand that I would keep my mouth shut if I didn't feel for you and your situation. It's so easy to say "Well, that sucks for her" and go to reading a different thread, but you seem like such a nice person, and so, I'm going to take a shot in the dark: You need to start respecting YOURSELF, or nobody else will. There's a reason why you don't. Figure that out. Do you not believe that there's someone else out there who will treat you like a lady, giving you the love and respect that you deserve? Of course there isn't anyone out there like that, because you don't respect yourself. How else can one explain your behavior? Your ex left you for another woman, and you're standing at the altar as if nothing changed. If someone dumps you for someone else, knowing full well the pain and suffering that they're inflicting on you, and then comes sniffing around later on, they need to see the "SORRY, WE'RE CLOSED" sign. There's a whole world full of men out there, and many of them are potential soulmates. Until you respect yourself, find out why you feel the need to cling to a man who disrespected you, and then FIX yourself, you'll not find anyone who loves and respects you. You may find someone who is as broken as you are, but you won't find someone who loves you in a healthy way. Those who do not respect themselves cannot possibly expect respect from others. You've had enough time to understand how unhealthy your obsession is for your ex. FIX YOURSELF. Your ex is NO LONGER the problem. You are. You think that people are jumping to conclusions, but I can assure you, they're not. They've seen it all before. If you want to hear, "You go girl! Just wait for him to come back! He will after he kicks that girl to the curb! Then, everything will be perfect again!", then you're in the wrong place. This place is real. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 8, 2017 Share Posted March 8, 2017 How do you know that? Seems like you are jumping to conclusions. We clarified some stuff like when he started dating her to see if there was overlap and she wanted to know why I had doubted him so much (I told her he told white lies, and had overlapped me with his prior relationship so I thought he'd do it to me too, and he kind of did). You have to see a pattern here. He overlaps. He doesn't let go of a branch until he secures another. You are that branch, for now. He isn't doing so well in his current relationship, so he's reaching out for what's available. You. Aside from that, if this is how he's behaved and you realize he possibly overlapped you as well, where is your self-respect? Link to post Share on other sites
AT15 Posted March 8, 2017 Share Posted March 8, 2017 user meaning? I can only speak from experience. I was used many times, by men that I loved. When they don't care, they show you. He has showed you. He knows he is ****ing with your heart and his futile needs (fueled by insecurity)are more important than yours. He is using you temporarily to fill a void. My last heartbreak, which I'm still healing from, treated me like this for an entire year. Back and forth. The only thing it did to me was dig me deeper into the low self esteem hole. Interacting with a low life brings you nothing but pain. At one time he was fond of you (not love), real love never dies. If he loved you, he would be with you. He wouldn't let any thing or any person get in the way of that. When a man finds a woman he loves, trust me when I tell you, he much rather cut off a limb than let her go. It's a bitter truth, but the more you accept he doesn't LOVE YOU, like in the real unquestioned sense,the quicker you will heal. And you will feel so good when he has. I more power over you. When you sincerely could care less about him. He'll know it, and he won't be able to do anything about it. Do yourself a favor and say "thanks, but no thanks" Link to post Share on other sites
AT15 Posted March 8, 2017 Share Posted March 8, 2017 It's actually best if the ex doesn't make contact or send breadcrumbs. It's the very best thing they could do for you. Letting you move on with no hope of reconciliation is best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ilovepizzalady Posted March 12, 2017 Author Share Posted March 12, 2017 Update: He has initiated long conversations on gmail chat twice this week, and work email one day. He has asked if my family hates him. He has asked about my mom and my work, and has offered suggestions for something I mentioned I needed in my house, including googling for solutions, he has offered suggestions about my car trouble. He said he's really unhappy in life, and feels in a loop. He said that the show "Love" is back for season 2 on Netflix and he said how he loves the characters (we used to watch together). He said awwwww when talking about a picture of us. He's being emotional and confiding in me. He said he had made some poor decisions and acted so poorly. Now, I know a lot of people are in the "he is your ex, exes are exes for a reason" camp, but I'm not. I have always wanted him back all along. Many people ask the question, will he come back? Can I get my ex back? It seems like he is not just being nice but trying to show that he cares right now. I am willing to talk to him, and see where he goes with it. I know a lot of people refuse to respond until they hear "I made a mistake and want you back" but is that really the right approach when you want them back? Link to post Share on other sites
AT15 Posted March 12, 2017 Share Posted March 12, 2017 I don't know. I've done the wait and see thing with breadcrumbs and it didn't end well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
divegrl Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 Yeah idk either I've not once had a good experience with breadcrumbs. I ignored them, and I've replied back to them.... tbh it didn't seem to make a difference. Link to post Share on other sites
AT15 Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 The thing is, if someone wants to be with you, they WILL BE WITH YOU. It's really not that hard. Usually when you walk away they get desperate... if they don't want to lose you. I don't think his intentions are honorable. I think he's being selfish and trying to string you along. He's just feeling weak and wants to draw from your love some strength. Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 Ina way I'm glad he made contact because it seems like it somehow put you at ease but I've been in his position and to be honest with you if he really has the guilt I mean he's only known this girl for a few months or what not but not longer than two but I'm trying to get it is that you were here before the girl if he really wants you and wants to be with you he will not put her first he will put you first but it sounds to me like he's more interested in keeping her happy then getting back with you at least for now Link to post Share on other sites
CollegeKid101 Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 Update: He has initiated long conversations on gmail chat twice this week, and work email one day. He has asked if my family hates him. He has asked about my mom and my work, and has offered suggestions for something I mentioned I needed in my house, including googling for solutions, he has offered suggestions about my car trouble. He said he's really unhappy in life, and feels in a loop. He said that the show "Love" is back for season 2 on Netflix and he said how he loves the characters (we used to watch together). He said awwwww when talking about a picture of us. He's being emotional and confiding in me. He said he had made some poor decisions and acted so poorly. Now, I know a lot of people are in the "he is your ex, exes are exes for a reason" camp, but I'm not. I have always wanted him back all along. Many people ask the question, will he come back? Can I get my ex back? It seems like he is not just being nice but trying to show that he cares right now. I am willing to talk to him, and see where he goes with it. I know a lot of people refuse to respond until they hear "I made a mistake and want you back" but is that really the right approach when you want them back? Again, you're the emotional tampon... He's using you in order to help him get out of this "loop" (whatever that means) or just distract him for whatever isn't going right for him at the moment. The most I see coming from this is you being friendzoned hard after initially thinking he wanted you back, even though he's showed zero signs of wanting you back. Unless he says, I want you back, I messed up, can I have a second chance, or some sort of variation of showing the other person "HEY, I CARE". If you're okay being his friend, whom you may sleep with from time to time, and helping him with other girls in the future, then you should keep doing what you're doing. BTW, he does not respect you one bit. The fact you're still so easy to pull back in and have if he wants shows how little value you actually are to him. You have value, OP, don't let him shatter that. Link to post Share on other sites
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