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Ex left me for his sister's friend [UPDATE Should I meet with ex?]

Ilovepizzalady

By Ilovepizzalady,
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Ilovepizzalady

Ilovepizzalady

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No no, I'm looking for an explanation of why we cannot be friendly not why we broke up. I know 100% why we broke up. We were friendly until the end of November then we weren't. So something changed. He was with her since August so that is not why.

 

So it's fine if he can't talk to me because he has a girlfriend, or because it hurts him to see me hurt or what have you. But he should say why, if he is a mature adult.

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VeveCakes

VeveCakes

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We were friendly until the end of November then we weren't. So something changed. He was with her since August so that is not why.

 

So it's fine if he can't talk to me because he has a girlfriend, or because it hurts him to see me hurt or what have you. But he should say why, if he is a mature adult.

 

and it's about what 4 months now? When things get serious...and he wants to clean out his past and not have drama in his new relationship.

 

People should do a lot of things, but they don't.

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Ilovepizzalady

Ilovepizzalady

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I am feeling very sad and missing him this weekend. I miss cooking together and all his cute messages.

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Ilovepizzalady

Ilovepizzalady

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One of my best friends is still Facebook friends with my ex (the one who left me for another woman). He didn't really like her, and she never talks to him/texts. They really aren't friends in real life. She posts tons of pictures and I am in some of them. I really would prefer he not see all the stuff I am up to, guys in photos, anything like that. It's almost like he has a window into my life and I don't into his.

 

I always unfriend friend's exes after they split unless we were friends/good friends to begin with.

 

Is there some etiquette to this? She even liked one of his photos right after the breakup which really bothered me.

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Raena

Raena

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Ask her to stop posting pics of you or to unfriend your ex. If she's a good friend, she'll comply without issue. Is she aware that this is upsetting you?

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grammar error
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Blanco

Blanco

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She could just ask her friend to restrict what the ex can see.

 

I deleted and blocked my last ex, but I know most of my good friends are still FB friends with her. I don't really care. All I've asked of them is to not tell me anything about her.

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Ilovepizzalady

Ilovepizzalady

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relationship? I don't want to hear "move on", I am already doing things toward that purpose. I just want to know if they do come back to try again, EVER.

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Blanco

Blanco

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Maybe. But most self-respecting people aren't interested in being another person's Plan B. By time the ex comes back, the other person has hopefully realized they deserve more than someone's scraps.

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Ilovepizzalady

Ilovepizzalady

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Seriously depressed. I am still in love with him and I miss him so much. It's hard watching him be in love with someone else. He was so in love with me before. :(

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  • 3 weeks later...
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Ilovepizzalady

Ilovepizzalady

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I have been broken up with my ex for awhile, and debating on whether I'd take him back if he came back. Well, I saw he had friended a woman 12 years younger, who he had obviously met out, and liked one of her pics, while we were still going out. Is this an ok thing for a guy to do? He never mentioned meeting her to me or friending her. He always said I was too jealous of him but isn't that a good reason to be irritated?

 

I don't think it's ok for a guy to do that but in light of being dumped for being so "jealous", I am curious to hear thoughts on this.

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CaliforniaGirl

CaliforniaGirl

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It depends on the context. They could be just friends.

 

But either way, why are you checking up on him? You say you might consider taking him back but be realistic...it doesn't seem like he's asking. So even though this happens while you were dating, now, it is his businesses alone. You're broken up...what's done is done...no, I don't see why you should be irritated. JMO.

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Cookiesandough

Cookiesandough

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That depends on things. I don't see anything objectively wrong with a person in a relationship adding someone of the opposite sex on FB. If it's out of character for him or he has a broken your trust in the past, I understand, but a necessary component of a healthy relationship is trust.

 

But pizzalady, your bf broke up with you because of trust issues and now you're troubling yourself with whether or not your trust issues are legit so if in the hypothetical scenario he comes back you might decide to take him back ? That doesn't seem healthy... :(

Edited by Cookiesandough
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Dis

Dis

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I have been broken up with my ex for awhile, and debating on whether I'd take him back if he came back. Well, I saw he had friended a woman 12 years younger, who he had obviously met out, and liked one of her pics, while we were still going out. Is this an ok thing for a guy to do? He never mentioned meeting her to me or friending her. He always said I was too jealous of him but isn't that a good reason to be irritated?

 

I don't think it's ok for a guy to do that but in light of being dumped for being so "jealous", I am curious to hear thoughts on this.

 

When did you notice this?

 

If it was after your break up then theres no good reason why you should be checking out his social media...block him everywhere

 

IME, when my ex called me jealous and crazy etc etc...it wasnt because I was really jealous and crazy...it was because he was cheating and trying to gaslight me

 

If you still have unresolved negative emotions (and trust issues) about your ex then its probably a very unwise idea to get back together...best to just move on and stop dwelling on questions you'll never have the answer to

 

And again, block him everywhere :)

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  • 4 weeks later...
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Ilovepizzalady

Ilovepizzalady

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We broke up 6 months ago, he has been with someone else (he knew her before we broke up) ever since. Long story, but I was a bit offended he cut off contact at the 4th month with no notice or explanation, so I emailed him to ask why and told him my side of things (which I never had) and said that I had always figured we'd meet up and talk about it. He responded briefly, then I didn't respond to that. He called me at work the next day, itw as a bit hostile on the phone. Then we chatted on gmail, and he said that when I said I missed him in December, he didn't want the conversation to go in that direction, and that us chatting to go in the wrong direction (which I guess means giving me the idea that we are getting back together). After that chat i just let it go (last Monday). Well yesterday I got an email at work and said he needed a favor, so I responded yes?

 

"Well,

 

I think we need to have a face to face talk. I wanted a couple of months ago and you call me sneaky or said something like That's weird.

 

It is about all the things that weren't said and why i stop talking to you after you ran into her.

 

i need to clarify a couple of things that are going thru my head

 

But i need total discretion from you.

 

Thanks,

 

C,

 

ALSO.... I will pay you of you help me with the taxes this year.

 

Thanks again for all that help last year !"

 

I realize he's with someone else and not interested in getting back together, but I do feel the only path to someday getting back together is to keep in touch. I want him back one day, and I think his breakup is a mistake. I haven't contacted him before that for a month and before that another month, even went 45 days, so it's just a monthly contact these days. I have been on dates, working out, I'm not dwelling on him anymore. In my moment of PMS weakness I had emailed him and now I'm stuck with a meeting I don't really feel in the mood for. I am interested in his side of things, and what he wants to clarify for his own part.

 

I like doing taxes also and being paid is good too. His are easy to do. I wouldn't mind helping (not bc I think it will get him back but bc I know he is nervous about bringing them to someone else).

 

If I don't get him back, I like being friends with him too. I hate when people leave my life. I think I am feeling a lot stronger and may be able to handle it. Has anyone been through this?

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clam

clam

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Personally I wouldn't meet up with him right now. It's too soon. And besides, he's sneaking around behind his girlfriend's back -- what's that all about, insisting on "discretion?"

 

And no way should you get sucked into doing his taxes. Send him to H&R Block.

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Ilovepizzalady

Ilovepizzalady

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Yeah I had already told him about a free place right in his neighborhood where he can get them done.

 

The discretion thing I guess is him putting my/his needs over her which is a bit crazy!

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whatdeww18

whatdeww18

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So just a couple questions:

 

This is the same ex you were with for 2 years?

 

Why do you believe you should stay in contact if you want to get back with him?

 

What will staying in contact accomplish? (Not to sound like I'm asking meanly, just sincerely wondering what you think staying in touch with him will do).

 

From what I can see, he's fine being in another relationship while getting some benefits of being friends with you.

 

All I'm seeing is he is able to wean himself off of you through contact and getting into a zone of asking you for favors, talking to you, but not being with you.

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d0nnivain

d0nnivain

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No you shouldn't meet him. You want to vent. You want him to explain what happened. You want closure.

 

 

He doesn't have the words to explain to you. It won't be what you want to hear anyway. It will set your healing back. You won't get closure because it doesn't come from him. It comes from you, when you realize you are done.

 

 

There's still too much emotion swirling around.

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Been

Been

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I'll say it again: There is no such thing as full closure. He isn't going to tell the full truth and not only that he might very well tell you something that you didn't know that will cause you even more hurt.

And he wants to sneak around to meet you? WOW. That alone should have prompted a NO from you.

Your only strong enough when you don't care about your ex and your not there.

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