Breadcrumb Dilemma leading to NC - Any Advice? UPDATE: Internal struggle to ignore ex

[whichwayisup]

Thanks for the reply.

 

I wanted to post an update, at nearly 4 months of NC:

 

A few days ago she emailed me a message out of the blue. The message didn't say anything, but contained like 20 photographs of some camping trip or something - just landscape shots she took. I didn't reply.

 

Any idea behind that one? More Breadcrumbs? Do you think she might be regaining some interest because of the NC, or just misses toying with my mind and seeing if she can get me to crack?

 

She's fishing. It's all an ego feed and all about her. She's looking for a reaction.

 

Ignore. Block her or change your number. She's not in your life anymore, let all this and her stay in the past.

[jamili]

She's fishing. It's all an ego feed and all about her. She's looking for a reaction.

 

Ignore. Block her or change your number. She's not in your life anymore, let all this and her stay in the past.

 

This was another thought, but after 4 months of NC I find it odd that she would now be looking for a reaction. I find it hard to believe that she is completely over the breakup and still doing stuff like this 4 months later. I don't want to block her, as I wanted to leave a potential channel open for reconciliation if that ever happens someday in the future. In the meantime, I am getting on with my life, dating again, etc. I just do not wish to completely shut any doors.

[marky00]

This was another thought, but after 4 months of NC I find it odd that she would now be looking for a reaction. I find it hard to believe that she is completely over the breakup and still doing stuff like this 4 months later. I don't want to block her, as I wanted to leave a potential channel open for reconciliation if that ever happens someday in the future. In the meantime, I am getting on with my life, dating again, etc. I just do not wish to completely shut any doors.

 

I'm in a similar place as you.

 

 

My gut says the breaking of NC probably means my Ex probably cares at least a little but that's not enough to take me out of my Zen space (i.e. NC).

 

 

I do agree that when its that long a period of time, like 4 months or more, the greater the likelihood of the contact being more sincere.

[jamili]

I'm in a similar place as you.

 

 

My gut says the breaking of NC probably means my Ex probably cares at least a little but that's not enough to take me out of my Zen space (i.e. NC).

 

 

I do agree that when its that long a period of time, like 4 months or more, the greater the likelihood of the contact being more sincere.

 

We are on the same page. I guess all we can do is keep moving on, and just let it happen if it will happen. I personally wish I had gone full, strict NC the day of the breakup. If I could redo it all over again, I would have said "Ok, I wish you the best" and immediately moved on, instead of telling her I love her, revealing my emotions, and trying to work things out/fight for the relationship for two weeks. It was really hard because we lived together, and I had to see her every day. Wish I had found this site sooner and learned all this, maybe I would have reconciled by now :\

Edited January 7, 2017 by jamili

[marky00]

We are on the same page. I guess all we can do is keep moving on, and just let it happen if it will happen. I personally wish I had gone full, strict NC the day of the breakup. If I could redo it all over again, I would have said "Ok, I wish you the best" and immediately moved on, instead of telling her I love her, revealing my emotions, and trying to work things out/fight for the relationship for two weeks. It was really hard because we lived together, and I had to see her every day. Wish I had found this site sooner and learned all this, maybe I would have reconciled by now :\

 

Well, this is true.

 

 

But I don't really think that stuff has long-term damage. It just delays the time it takes for the dumper to see you in a better light.

 

 

Since she has broken NC and you didn't respond, you have restored your dignity fully so nothing to worry about.

 

 

Actually, I think where you go a bit crazy and show them how much you love them and then go hard NC can be a good thing sometimes. You have the comfort of knowing you laid it all on the line and now you don't even have to respond to a worthless email or SMS because you have already told her how you feel.

 

 

She's the one that now needs to jump through the hoops and tell you how she feels. Until then, let her keep jumping hoops.

[fromheart]

Thanks for the reply.

 

I wanted to post an update, at nearly 4 months of NC:

 

A few days ago she emailed me a message out of the blue. The message didn't say anything, but contained like 20 photographs of some camping trip or something - just landscape shots she took. I didn't reply.

 

Any idea behind that one? More Breadcrumbs? Do you think she might be regaining some interest because of the NC, or just misses toying with my mind and seeing if she can get me to crack?

 

 

She's reaching out to you with the photos, because you not begging her is making you strong and taking away her sense of power, which an insecure person needs.

 

As you didn't respond and time went by without you begging and pleading, she feels your strength and resolve, you standing up to her and not giving your power away.

 

Also, if you don't respond to someone who's acting like a spoiled child, they tend to reflect and become sweeter, as a child would.

An ex nice guy myself, I now work on an awards system with women. When they are being communicative, honest and respectful they get my full attention. When they are being brats I go back to my own life, and I couldn't care less whether they come back or not.

 

Hence the next set of photos being something to draw you back in. However, that might still be an attempt to get the power back and spit you back out, as opposed to a genuine attempt at reconciliation.

 

Either way, you can see that NC has caused her to calm down a bit and show a sign of respect. Bear in mind though, if she's insecure she'll just push you back out again or do something that causes you to leave her, should you become involved with her.

She might feel that she's dumped you once and got away with it, therefore she can do it again. You've then got a serial dumper on your hands, and the only thing to do with one of them is to walk away completely.

 

Personally, I'd continue to enjoy the new girl and leave the ex to be an ex. They are an ex for a good reason.

[jamili]

She's reaching out to you with the photos, because you not begging her is making you strong and taking away her sense of power, which an insecure person needs.

 

As you didn't respond and time went by without you begging and pleading, she feels your strength and resolve, you standing up to her and not giving your power away.

 

Also, if you don't respond to someone who's acting like a spoiled child, they tend to reflect and become sweeter, as a child would.

An ex nice guy myself, I now work on an awards system with women. When they are being communicative, honest and respectful they get my full attention. When they are being brats I go back to my own life, and I couldn't care less whether they come back or not.

 

Hence the next set of photos being something to draw you back in. However, that might still be an attempt to get the power back and spit you back out, as opposed to a genuine attempt at reconciliation.

 

Either way, you can see that NC has caused her to calm down a bit and show a sign of respect. Bear in mind though, if she's insecure she'll just push you back out again or do something that causes you to leave her, should you become involved with her.

She might feel that she's dumped you once and got away with it, therefore she can do it again. You've then got a serial dumper on your hands, and the only thing to do with one of them is to walk away completely.

 

Personally, I'd continue to enjoy the new girl and leave the ex to be an ex. They are an ex for a good reason.

 

 

Thanks for the insight. I think you and Marky are right. Im still interested in potential reconciliation, but i dont think her email was good enough for that. If she wants to communicate with me again, in a respectful and mature way, she can send me a message with actual words in it. Hopefully if she was serious about talking or had any actual thoughts about reconciliation, she will contact me again after this one with a more engaging message (not just photos).

 

Im hoping ignoring this one causes her to realize im a man of value and self-respect, and it will take actual words of she wants to communicate with me. If i responded now to this, all the respect and resolve i have shown might all go down the ****ter - as no self respecting man would respond to such a textless email.

[jamili]

I had a thread going in the "Breakups" section from back a few months ago after I went through a break up, including this update Im posting here, but I've been really struggling with whether or not I'm making the right choice right now, so i wanted to discuss the specific matter here in a seperate thread.

 

Quick backstory in case you didnt catch my original thread- ex dumped me after 1 year relationship, we are both in our early 30s. We lived together and I moved out and went NC.

 

I heard from her only two other times before this - just logistical stuff, which I dealt with in a a civil, calm manner with short/concise responses, and then went back to NC.

 

Few weeks ago my ex emailed me a few messages, back to back, with a bunch of photos attached. There were no words in the emails, just photos. I have no idea what the photos are from, what the context is, they dont look familiar to me, etc. Just a bunch of outdoor landscape photos from her phone, i guess. This is the first actual communication i got in over 3 months of NC that wasnt logistical. I ignored it, but now im feeling uneasy about it. I hope i made the right move, as i do want to reconcile.

 

I was very hesitant to respond for two reasons. (1) It might just be a breadcrumb, and i kept thinking responding to her at all would just give her validation that she "still has me", causing her to lose interest immediately and pull away forever (trying to avoid that). I dont really know what i could say in response to a textless message with unidentifable photographs.. "cool shots"?

 

And (2), and this is the really tricky part, the reason she dumped me in the first place was because she thinks im unable to walk away from a relationship and cut ties with an ex in a "healthy way" (after learning about my previous LTR breakup, which took place over a year before me and current ex met - since she learned we didnt go full NC until several months after the split). So now im paranoid that these emails with the photos are "bait" to test me to see if im "strong enough" to ignore them. Sounds weird, but she was super animate about how ignoring exes is the "Right thing to do" once a relationship ends. So could this be a test?

 

So basically, id like to reconcile, but im not sure if this email is a meaningless breadcrumb for an ego validation, or worse, a "test". On the other hand, I dont want to pass up what could be a legit attempt to open communication and talk about things/repair things, and i dont want her to think i have no interest in reconciliation and no longer want anything to do with her. I did get upset with her after she dumped me, before i went NC, telling her that she has insecurity issues and breaking up for a really crazy reason. Shes the shy type, and not one to be banging down my door crying on her knees to take her back... shes the "testing the waters type"... but that is just a guess. Tough call. Either way, ive heard nothing since.

 

Thoughts? Wait for something more substantial?

Edited January 19, 2017 by jamili

[MeadowFlower]

I would say don't reply. But of course it's entirely up to you. She didn't write anything in the emails, like what's with that? Surely she could've even written a small message like, Hey here's some pics I took from wherever.

Going by the book, it would be a no to reply to that.

I can understand though those thoughts about not wanting her to think you have no interest in reconciliation and not wanting anything to do with her.

If she really wanted to get back together, let her make another attempt to communicate to you at least once more.

Again, it's up to you, don't hold me accountable for anything lol.

[dumbass2]

You have done the right thing not responding. There wasn't anything even close to responding to. I don't think I'd even call it a bread crumb. At least a "hi how ya doing" is something. You don't need a "I made a terrible mistake and want you back" email, but a lot more than what you got. Stay strong.

[dumbass2]

By the way, she is right about ignoring an ex after a break up.

[LastStraw]

Hey, what's the update here?

 

 

Did your ex gf reached out after the no-text e-mail?

 

 

I'm kind of in a similar situation... My ex life-in bf started reaching out - in his case with very well thought messages - but basically blaming me for the end of the relationship?! I kept responding, maybe I should have taken your approach and let him say what he wants (I can't imagine that he REALLY wants to tell me in 10 pages how much I screwed up the relationship, and if so - why on earth if he doesn't want me back anyway?)

 

 

I had a thread going in the "Breakups" section from back a few months ago after I went through a break up, including this update Im posting here, but I've been really struggling with whether or not I'm making the right choice right now, so i wanted to discuss the specific matter here in a seperate thread.

 

Quick backstory in case you didnt catch my original thread- ex dumped me after 1 year relationship, we are both in our early 30s. We lived together and I moved out and went NC.

 

I heard from her only two other times before this - just logistical stuff, which I dealt with in a a civil, calm manner with short/concise responses, and then went back to NC.

 

Few weeks ago my ex emailed me a few messages, back to back, with a bunch of photos attached. There were no words in the emails, just photos. I have no idea what the photos are from, what the context is, they dont look familiar to me, etc. Just a bunch of outdoor landscape photos from her phone, i guess. This is the first actual communication i got in over 3 months of NC that wasnt logistical. I ignored it, but now im feeling uneasy about it. I hope i made the right move, as i do want to reconcile.

 

I was very hesitant to respond for two reasons. (1) It might just be a breadcrumb, and i kept thinking responding to her at all would just give her validation that she "still has me", causing her to lose interest immediately and pull away forever (trying to avoid that). I dont really know what i could say in response to a textless message with unidentifable photographs.. "cool shots"?

 

And (2), and this is the really tricky part, the reason she dumped me in the first place was because she thinks im unable to walk away from a relationship and cut ties with an ex in a "healthy way" (after learning about my previous LTR breakup, which took place over a year before me and current ex met - since she learned we didnt go full NC until several months after the split). So now im paranoid that these emails with the photos are "bait" to test me to see if im "strong enough" to ignore them. Sounds weird, but she was super animate about how ignoring exes is the "Right thing to do" once a relationship ends. So could this be a test?

 

So basically, id like to reconcile, but im not sure if this email is a meaningless breadcrumb for an ego validation, or worse, a "test". On the other hand, I dont want to pass up what could be a legit attempt to open communication and talk about things/repair things, and i dont want her to think i have no interest in reconciliation and no longer want anything to do with her. I did get upset with her after she dumped me, before i went NC, telling her that she has insecurity issues and breaking up for a really crazy reason. Shes the shy type, and not one to be banging down my door crying on her knees to take her back... shes the "testing the waters type"... but that is just a guess. Tough call. Either way, ive heard nothing since.

 

Thoughts? Wait for something more substantial?

[jamili]

Hi LastStraw. What ended up happening is i ignored the emails and did not reply. Then weeks later she started texting me a few times. I ignored those too. Then, she ended up texting me something purely logisitical, that i pretty much had to answer to not be a dick.. so i answered her question right to the point, politely and indifferent, in only a couple words and closed the conversation.

 

No reply. And she dropped off the face of the earth again.

 

Moral of the story: never, ever break NC no matter how convincing their logisitical questions are, its al a rouse to get you to respond, and the second you respond - they are gone (maybe forever).

 

Ignore forever imo. Dont make this mistake of trying to be mature and civil and respond in a polite way, it just pushes them further away.

[Sweetfish]

Hi LastStraw. What ended up happening is i ignored the emails and did not reply. Then weeks later she started texting me a few times. I ignored those too. Then, she ended up texting me something purely logisitical, that i pretty much had to answer to not be a dick.. so i answered her question right to the point, politely and indifferent, in only a couple words and closed the conversation.

 

No reply. And she dropped off the face of the earth again.

 

Moral of the story: never, ever break NC no matter how convincing their logisitical questions are, its al a rouse to get you to respond, and the second you respond - they are gone (maybe forever).

 

Ignore forever imo. Dont make this mistake of trying to be mature and civil and respond in a polite way, it just pushes them further away.

 

 

lesson learned

[jamili]

Just an update in case anyone was interested or following this story, i did receive more breadcrumb texts from my ex this week. This time they were more personalized and asking about my job. I have ignored them and did not respond. For the record, i find this extremely difficult to do, as even after 4 months of NC, i still have feelings for her and miss her very badly, and I would love to reconcile with her and give the relarionship another shot; but that is precisely the reason why I must not respond.

 

I really hope I'm not hurting her by ignoring, but I will not risk alleviating her guilt, boosting her ego, or being strung along. I plan to maintain NC and ignore every breadcrumb, until i get a very clear, and unambiguous message pertaining to reconciliation.

 

For me, not contacting her after the breakup was not difficult, i wanted us to have our space and sort through everything. However, when the dumper repeatedly breaks contact, i find ignoring those breadcrumbs to be the most difficult part of NC.

 

Staying strong. For everyone else out there avoiding the temptation of breadcrumbs... i feel your pain!

[Bromeo]

Jam,

 

I know we've talked privately, but I wanted to take a second to commend you on your emotional fortitude with this situation.

 

I had 0 discipline when it came to mine. I had to take action, do something, make mine see. Nothing worked, or even made a dent.

 

Like you, I wonder if cutting mine off was the right choice. A month later, I still wonder. The reality is, if they wanted us, they would say so.

 

It's amazing how accomplished we can be academically, professionally, and financially, but be so emotionally inept. For me, my 3-4 months was a period of intense growth, which is why your analysis and asking for assistance from the community, and then actually following their advice is so noteworthy.

 

I couldn't, and hurt further as a result.

 

Bravo, and Godspeed. Keep us updated.

 

Dave

[jamili]

Jam,

 

I know we've talked privately, but I wanted to take a second to commend you on your emotional fortitude with this situation.

 

I had 0 discipline when it came to mine. I had to take action, do something, make mine see. Nothing worked, or even made a dent.

 

Like you, I wonder if cutting mine off was the right choice. A month later, I still wonder. The reality is, if they wanted us, they would say so.

 

It's amazing how accomplished we can be academically, professionally, and financially, but be so emotionally inept. For me, my 3-4 months was a period of intense growth, which is why your analysis and asking for assistance from the community, and then actually following their advice is so noteworthy.

 

I couldn't, and hurt further as a result.

 

Bravo, and Godspeed. Keep us updated.

 

Dave

 

Yea man, I tend to agree with your personal philosophy of "action over inaction" when applying to general life situations. But for these tricky ex situations, I think inaction is the better way to go. It seems almost universal that any kind of pursuing or chasing has the reverse effect. Getting over it, moving on, ignoring, a relaxed nonchalant attitude, polite indifference, etc. seems to have a more powerful effect. Still doesn't really guarantee anything. I'm still super doubtful that anything will ever come of my situation. I'm just living my life. Maybe someday this girl will pop back up for real and be serious about giving something another try, but I don't see that happening for a long, long time, if ever. I'm just trying to not worry about it and let whatever is going to happen - happen. There's nothing you can do to really make that happen, but there are plenty of things you can do to prevent that from happening, like chasing or being "Friends", so it's best to maintain distance and move on with your life. That's my feeling anyways.

 

As of recently, I'm starting to care less about it either way. This whole thing in my situation was super ridiculous. We broke up over a really trivial mistake of fact and, in retrospect, this whole thing was blown way out of proportion. My ex has major insecurity and trust issues, and there is no way in hell she is going to be able to have a successful relationship of any kind until she addresses those problems. It would be easy if my situation involved a loss of attraction, incompatibility, etc., but the fact that it was something that should have been a 10 minute argument that caused the breakup is.... at this point, almost laughable.

 

I think the thing that happened in your situation was your ex was seeking attention bigtime. And she knew she could get an emotional response out of you. You've cut her off for a month and I guarantee you she has noticed. I wouldn't doubt that she has tried to contact you again during this month, and is likely baffled by the block you have in place - probably wondering why she can't get any rise out of you anymore.

 

I personally care less and less about this every day. And I have little faith that my ex will ever come back at this point, but it's whatever.

[jamili]

Just a (maybe final) update for this thread. A few weeks ago I was receiving more frequent breadcrumbs - asking about my job and stuff like that. Mind you, still nothing about reconciliation. Rather... oddly.... she was acting like nothing ever happened. After ignoring them for about a week, and ultimately ignoring most of her breadcrumbs over the past 5 months, I finally decided to respond, very simply, and answered her question, brief and to the point. She didn't say anything else in response to that. So anyways after a couple days of her silence I decided just to put an end to the breadcrumbs.

 

I finally texted her, as diplomatically and professionally as I possibly could, and I asked her if there was something behind all the recent contact from her, and if it is nothing but chit-chat, then to please cease contacting me. I worded it as politely as I could, yet wanted to be firm about it.

 

She didn't write back. So, I suppose she was playing games all along, or the contact meant nothing. But, either way, I'm just glad that next time I hear something from her, there will be no more analyzing what it means, since she knows to not contact me unless it's something meaningful. That's if I'll ever hear from her again after this.

 

It sucks because I really wanted and was optimistic about a potential reconciliation down the road with her... but by her silence I take it to mean that was never in the cards anyways. But it is easier to continue to heal without worrying about getting "breadcrumbs" to distract you.

Edited March 9, 2017 by jamili

[Bromeo]

Just a (maybe final) update for this thread. A few weeks ago I was receiving more frequent breadcrumbs - asking about my job and stuff like that. Mind you, still nothing about reconciliation. Rather... oddly.... she was acting like nothing ever happened. After ignoring them for about a week, and ultimately ignoring most of her breadcrumbs over the past 5 months, I finally decided to respond, very simply, and answered her question, brief and to the point. She didn't say anything else in response to that. So anyways after a couple days of her silence I decided just to put an end to the breadcrumbs.

 

I finally texted her, as diplomatically and professionally as I possibly could, and I asked her if there was something behind all the recent contact from her, and if it is nothing but chit-chat, then to please cease contacting me. I worded it as politely as I could, yet wanted to be firm about it.

 

She didn't write back. So, I suppose she was playing games all along, or the contact meant nothing. But, either way, I'm just glad that next time I hear something from her, there will be no more analyzing what it means, since she knows to not contact me unless it's something meaningful. That's if I'll ever hear from her again after this.

 

It sucks because I really wanted and was optimistic about a potential reconciliation down the road with her... but by her silence I take it to mean that was never in the cards anyways. But it is easier to continue to heal without worrying about getting "breadcrumbs" to distract you.

 

Jam,

 

One thing I've noticed in multiple threads, is once the crumbs start coming, the dumpee is resistant to directly asking for the dumpers intentions. Most likely for fear of pushing them away again, and being content with any contact they have.

 

You handled yours like a true gentleman, take pride in that. After my email crumbs, I worked myself up, got angry, and outlined her post-breakup bs.

 

You gave me the advice one time that now she:

 

1. Has additional respect for you;

2. Knows you will not accept her trifling behavior;

3. You have no desire to be friends, and to cease contact unless it relates to reconciliation.

 

Please accept your own advice. It truly sucks not to hear from them again, but it is clearly better than gamesmanship, confusion, and bs.

 

Dave

[jamili]

Jam,

 

One thing I've noticed in multiple threads, is once the crumbs start coming, the dumpee is resistant to directly asking for the dumpers intentions. Most likely for fear of pushing them away again, and being content with any contact they have.

 

You handled yours like a true gentleman, take pride in that. After my email crumbs, I worked myself up, got angry, and outlined her post-breakup bs.

 

You gave me the advice one time that now she:

 

1. Has additional respect for you;

2. Knows you will not accept her trifling behavior;

3. You have no desire to be friends, and to cease contact unless it relates to reconciliation.

 

Please accept your own advice. It truly sucks not to hear from them again, but it is clearly better than gamesmanship, confusion, and bs.

 

Dave

 

Thanks man. You have a point about me accepting my own advice. You know I hear all this stuff about how when an ex reaches out you have to remain indifferent, keep an outcome independent attitude and nonchalant LC in order to get them back, or to fully ignore them. The problem is when you do that, and get no response, or a slow response, it tends to make you lose faith in it's application.

 

By sending that i do agree that she should respect me more for it. She knows i wont deal with the crumbs, nor do i want to be "friends". And i tried really hard to be extremely professional and civil in the message, and to avoid being emotional or "butthurt". These are probably good things, but her lack of response to it is troubling me.

 

Yea, maybe they were games, like your ex, and this was me standing up to her. But... what if.... it was legit attempt at building up communication in order to build attraction and slowly get back together? Makes me wonder if this whole thing backfired on me and acting like i dont wamt her back actually convinced her this time and she will give up. I dont know.

 

What also troubled me was she never said "i miss you" or "how are you?" Or anything like that. She was asking me questions about my job, and they weren't personal enough to show concern for ME, which i feel she should have done. Maybe if i gave it more time, that would have happened eventually. I fear that i might have just pushed her away forever, and that was the one chance i had to get het back.

 

From my perspective i was upholding boundaries with an ex, refusing to engage in chitchat and standing up to her and asserting those boundaries. From her perspective it could very well seem like "oh hes still not over this relationship and is still bringing up old stuff like the breakup, screw this" or "damn, i was just trying to feel things out, and he just tells me to f***-off, what an a**hole". Even though i worded it politely and diplomatically, it is definitely not the "casual indifference'" that is fabled to get an ex back.

 

I just feel super conflicted and bad about my decision to send that, instead of just leaving it at the casual answer to her question and giving it more time... or, better yet, continuing to ignore and keep NC until she cracked.

 

Previously i had this overwhelming feeling i my gut that she was coming back someday. Now, after sending this, i have a gut feeling that she's done. My hope for her ever coming back is dwindling significantly.

 

And its been weeks now and i still heard nothing back. Im wondering if she just delete my number after that.

[Bromeo]

I struggle with almost the exact same thing. I had this conversation almost verbatim today.

 

In every other romantic interaction with women, I am 80% suave, 20% booty slapping little devil.

 

However, with Booger Face, I just can't. Things are too supercharged, there was too much trauma post-breakup, and there is too much emotion. After all her games and BS, I am worth more than a 4am quote, and two stupid emails, one of which linked a song about abusive men. She will have to put herself out there much further for me to respond at this point.

 

In your case, you displayed class and dignity, something I could not at the time.

 

The fact we have strong feelings mean we will accept a deplorable level of treatment for any attempt to reclaim the old love. You wouldn't give this a second thought if it was anyone other than this woman.

 

It was explained to me thusly:

 

You are actually in a position of strength, and there is no further confusion. One of two things will occur:

 

1. She will contact you regarding her intentions to reconcile.

2. She will not contact, letting you know for certain that she had no intentions in the first place.

 

Either way, your paths are clear. Clear communication defeats confusion and uncertainty.

 

Again sir, you have my respect.

[jamili]

I struggle with almost the exact same thing. I had this conversation almost verbatim today.

 

In every other romantic interaction with women, I am 80% suave, 20% booty slapping little devil.

 

However, with Booger Face, I just can't. Things are too supercharged, there was too much trauma post-breakup, and there is too much emotion. After all her games and BS, I am worth more than a 4am quote, and two stupid emails, one of which linked a song about abusive men. She will have to put herself out there much further for me to respond at this point.

 

In your case, you displayed class and dignity, something I could not at the time.

 

The fact we have strong feelings mean we will accept a deplorable level of treatment for any attempt to reclaim the old love. You wouldn't give this a second thought if it was anyone other than this woman.

 

It was explained to me thusly:

 

You are actually in a position of strength, and there is no further confusion. One of two things will occur:

 

1. She will contact you regarding her intentions to reconcile.

2. She will not contact, letting you know for certain that she had no intentions in the first place.

 

Either way, your paths are clear. Clear communication defeats confusion and uncertainty.

 

Again sir, you have my respect.

 

I agree, and this is definitely what I've preached to others. But, there is one thing that I have been thinking about lately... and maybe this is just me second guessing myself... but how often do you really think a dumper will just reach out directly with the "I want you back" stuff? I mean like straight to the point about reconciliation. Part of me wonders if all reconciliations have to start somewhere, and maybe the small talk is where it is. I flat out told mine I was not interested in chitchat, and I wonder if that destroys any opportunity of the slow, gradual building of interest that might be possible. She's not the type to lay it all on the line and be like "I want you back I love you and miss you please forgive me!!!!", with her I almost feel like it would have be a real gradual, careful treading. But I could be wrong.

 

It feels really weird inside to be wanting my ex to contact me about a non-logistical thing for so many months, and then when she finally does... I tell her to stop. It just feels super wrong. Even ignoring I think would have been better than what I did. I said it professionally and maturely, yes, but in the end the same message is conveyed - it's just "go away" in a nice way, with an ultimatum on top for extra sweetness. I just don't see it being a good move. Maybe it's too fresh for me, and that combined with the fear that I've cast her away forever... sucks.

 

All the both of us can hope is that they think about stuff more and then if they really want to reconcile, no games, then they will contact us. I'm a person that believes hope is important and I'm an optimist.. but the chances here seem rather bleak. Especially knowing my ex. I just fear I took a piss on any potential reconciliation potential for the future with that move

[Bromeo]

I agree, and this is definitely what I've preached to others. But, there is one thing that I have been thinking about lately... and maybe this is just me second guessing myself... but how often do you really think a dumper will just reach out directly with the "I want you back" stuff? I mean like straight to the point about reconciliation. Part of me wonders if all reconciliations have to start somewhere, and maybe the small talk is where it is. I flat out told mine I was not interested in chitchat, and I wonder if that destroys any opportunity of the slow, gradual building of interest that might be possible. She's not the type to lay it all on the line and be like "I want you back I love you and miss you please forgive me!!!!", with her I almost feel like it would have be a real gradual, careful treading. But I could be wrong.

 

It feels really weird inside to be wanting my ex to contact me about a non-logistical thing for so many months, and then when she finally does... I tell her to stop. It just feels super wrong. Even ignoring I think would have been better than what I did. I said it professionally and maturely, yes, but in the end the same message is conveyed - it's just "go away" in a nice way, with an ultimatum on top for extra sweetness. I just don't see it being a good move. Maybe it's too fresh for me, and that combined with the fear that I've cast her away forever... sucks.

 

All the both of us can hope is that they think about stuff more and then if they really want to reconcile, no games, then they will contact us. I'm a person that believes hope is important and I'm an optimist.. but the chances here seem rather bleak. Especially knowing my ex. I just fear I took a piss on any potential reconciliation potential for the future with that move

 

Jam,

 

I think the same thing. But then I remember how I was ghosted, and how I was treated post breakup. I, and you are as well, worth more than crumbs. And if I am really wanted, i will be told. And, in that case she has to work a bit more to offset the previous trauma, then I'm fine with that as well.

 

I imagine yours, like mine with time will turn it over enough mentally that you will hear from her again. And by then you won't care.

 

Basically when you are feeling unsure reread your thread. And then for a laugh read mine. Lol

 

Dave

[Marc878]

Fix your needy, clingy. It's unnattractive

[jamili]

Fix your needy, clingy. It's unnattractive

 

Do you think my last text conveys that?