J dub Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by greenhorn Next time she asks you whether you are happy or Ok - ask her why is she concerned about whatever happens to you ? If she is that much concerned then why did she leave you ? Just tell her to mind her own business. Yeah I wouldnt even open the lines of communication by asking her questions because it's just a way for her to enable things to go on her terms. I'd just say "I'm fine" and leave it at that. Link to post Share on other sites
Drivetildriven Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 I agree. I'm trying that with my ex woman right now. You gotta make her wonder. Keep some degree of control. Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by Drivetildriven I agree. I'm trying that with my ex woman right now. You gotta make her wonder. Keep some degree of control. BINGO Link to post Share on other sites
Author sanne Posted July 11, 2005 Author Share Posted July 11, 2005 i feel like i'm being pulled in so many different directions. i honestly just have no idea what her motives are at this point. and if she was just sorry about things and felt badly, she wouldn't go through this much trouble. a simple email, txt message, or card would have gotten the point across, and believe me that is what she would have done. why would she be willing to spend all this money and do all this for me? it's hard for me to believe she is doing this solely out of guilt, there has to be something in it for her. Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by sanne there has to be something in it for her. Right, she wants to keep tabs on you while she still has her fun. If you allow her to touch base with you whenever she starts to feel a tinge of missing you, she'll never get the chance to MISSSS you to the point of making some real effort. Think about it -- she is offering to take you somewhere via TEXT. Why doesnt she call? Is she scared or something? Sure she may not be feeling guilty, but I promise you if you make this easy for her you'll never a) move on or b) get her back, whichever fits you best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sanne Posted July 11, 2005 Author Share Posted July 11, 2005 yea but if she wants to keep tabs she could have called me, she could have emailed me, she could have asked me to dinner. i mean there are a lot of things she could have done. going to six flags just doesnt strike me as the thing to do when you want to catch up with someone. she knows that going to six flags is an all day thing, and she knows that because it's such a far drive that we will be spending the night at my place. she even asked if the weekend we were going would be the one where there was nobody in the house but me. Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by sanne yea but if she wants to keep tabs she could have called me, she could have emailed me, she could have asked me to dinner. i mean there are a lot of things she could have done. going to six flags just doesnt strike me as the thing to do when you want to catch up with someone. she knows that going to six flags is an all day thing, and she knows that because it's such a far drive that we will be spending the night at my place. she even asked if the weekend we were going would be the one where there was nobody in the house but me. You can justify it all you want, and I'm sorry but I am a female and I'm telling you, if she wanted you back she would want to sit you down and talk to you about it. She wouldnt need to take you to an amusement park. For her to take you is like her "Treating" you so she doesnt have to feel guilty about leaving you. I have done similar things, its not that shes a mean person or anything, but if you make it easy then youre doing just that - making it easy on her. She did a number on you obviously and youre still letting her call the shots. If you dont agree then go ahead and go, who knows maybe she'll decide at some point during the day that she wants you back. Nobody can predict what she is thinking or planning, I am just giving you my perspective because I have been in her shoes many times. Link to post Share on other sites
Drivetildriven Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 You've gotta give her time to miss you. Even the smallest one word reply to an email or a text message resets the clock. My woman sent me an email last week, asking how I was, she thinks of me (whatever that means) and wishes me the best. I'm gnawing my arm off not to reply, either to say i'm fine or tell her to F off. I know though that the only chance I have of getting her back is NC, make her wonder, maybe even a little jealous. Don't make yourself too easy. Say you've got other plans or something, then NC. You've gotta make her wonder. Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by Drivetildriven You've gotta give her time to miss you. Even the smallest one word reply to an email or a text message resets the clock. My woman sent me an email last week, asking how I was, she thinks of me (whatever that means) and wishes me the best. I'm gnawing my arm off not to reply, either to say i'm fine or tell her to F off. I know though that the only chance I have of getting her back is NC, make her wonder, maybe even a little jealous. Don't make yourself too easy. Say you've got other plans or something, then NC. You've gotta make her wonder. Right on - do NOT DO NOT DO NOT respond to that, she is fishing for clues how you are doing and hoping your still miserable without her. Think about how nice that feeling would be...you have your ex totally in love with you and will do anything to get you back, even sit on the sidelines while you go out and have all the fun you want. Makes sense that they want the best of both worlds now, doesnt it? The element of mystery is the best way to ensure that they are thinking about you. Females wonder about EVERYTHING, and if youre not responding they want to know why, what youre doing instead, who you are with and what you are thinking about. I promise you, we always imagine the worst-case-scenario when we dont know whats going on, ie: 'he must've met someone better oh my god what have I done?' or 'he hates me, i am never getting him back, oh my god what have I done?' etc, etc, etc. The idea of making them wonder is just that. If you so much as say "ok" to them, it resets the clock as Drive said. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sanne Posted July 11, 2005 Author Share Posted July 11, 2005 I never said she wanted me back, nor do I want her back. Sure the sex would be nice, but other than that I have no interest. I'm just confused as to why she's doing this, we left things on as good a note as possible at the time and we both agreed that it was for the best. I think she's probably having second thoughts about cutting me out of her life which is why she reached out first. But cmon, taking someone to six flags is a bit much for just catching up no matter what the circumstance. She's already apologized before, I told her I forgave her, I mean there really isn't anything to feel sorry for. Also, that's at least $100 she's spending on this little trip. Link to post Share on other sites
Drivetildriven Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Well man, I dunno. Do what you gotta do. J dub, it's nice to get a woman's perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 :::bangs head against wall:::: Youre obviously not wanting to hear what we are saying, so thats fine. If you dont want her back, why do you care what her intentions are for taking you out? If you didnt care, you would take the invite without a second thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sanne Posted July 11, 2005 Author Share Posted July 11, 2005 Possibly get laid + have fun at six flags OR don't go What's crazy is that I'm actually having second thoughts about even going at all. I still haven't made up my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by Drivetildriven Well man, I dunno. Do what you gotta do. J dub, it's nice to get a woman's perspective. Anytime, I am going thru a similar situation and could use some male perspective, I really dont think we think a like at ALL Link to post Share on other sites
Author sanne Posted July 11, 2005 Author Share Posted July 11, 2005 hehe jdub you don't understand the male mind and how simple it can be sometimes. i haven't had sex in a month (3 weeks actually), and the prospect of getting laid all weekend is very enticing. i would say that + a free trip to six flags is what is motivating me more than anything to say yes. i don't see the harm, she's offering to drive and do all the work. since we've been broken up for well over 3 months, i'd say that those loving/romantic feelings are pretty much gone. Link to post Share on other sites
Drivetildriven Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Those feelings gone on only three months? Wow. Wish I could say the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sanne Posted July 11, 2005 Author Share Posted July 11, 2005 well the breakup was ugly when it happened, which is why i've been able to move on. i realized that romantically we could never work. Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by sanne i haven't had sex in a month (3 weeks actually), ....i'd say that those loving/romantic feelings are pretty much gone. When you put those two sentences together and throw into the equation that she left you and youre going to see her LIVE AND IN THE FLESH, I can almost guarantee that sentence about the romantic feelings being gone is going right out the window. Link to post Share on other sites
Drivetildriven Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 I agree with dub. Unless you're both using eachother, then whatever blows your hair back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sanne Posted July 11, 2005 Author Share Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by J dub When you put those two sentences together and throw into the equation that she left you and youre going to see her LIVE AND IN THE FLESH, I can almost guarantee that sentence about the romantic feelings being gone is going right out the window. Nah, I don't think so. My heart is pretty much numbed at this point. It's gonna take an amazing woman to revive it again. As far as being used goes, shoot I don't mind it if it's just for sex. Hell I don't even have to do or pay for anything at this point. Oh and the sex thing isn't even for sure anyways, that's always a 50/50. Link to post Share on other sites
Drivetildriven Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 dub, can I get your opinion on an email my ex just sent my sister? Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 yep just email me at sm4rtep4nts AT yahoo.com Link to post Share on other sites
Author sanne Posted July 11, 2005 Author Share Posted July 11, 2005 ughhh.........do you think it's possible she's already found someone else and now she feels sorry for me so she's offering to do this as some sort of consolation? if that's her motive then i sure as hell don't wanna go. not that it particulalry bothers me if she's seeing someone else, i just don't wanna go if that's her reasons for doing this. Link to post Share on other sites
Drivetildriven Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 done Link to post Share on other sites
Drivetildriven Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 If she's anything like my ex, hell yeah she's seeing someone else and that is why she wants to take you. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts