sandylee1 Posted October 23, 2016 Share Posted October 23, 2016 They should be sandylee, but unfortunately the delusions of some concubines (like my husband's) think it endears them to their married man, that they 'care' about his children..I say that's bollocks. My daughters estranged husband, whom she found to be knocking off another woman, has a Father who thought it was perfectly okay to take him, as a tot, with him when he visited his female 'friend'....WTF?? And now he's fu***d up his own marriage?? No suprise given the terrible role model of a father he had. Children are such a gift and it makes me really cross when they get caught in all the horse s*** and I don't care what anyone says, my own are living proof as adults that they DO carry the scars of their errant parent's philandering. It really is messed up thinking. I know three brothers who witnessed their dad's serial cheating and poor treatment of their mother and none of them have been able to have a successful relationship. His dad would use them as cover .... saying he was taking them to play with the OWs son (they were family friends), while they disappeared upstairs. OW was married too and her H was sick in hospital at the time. Talk about low. They were scared of marriage in the first place and one has done just what his dad did and had a child outside of marriage. They are all messed up because of their dad's waywardness. They were petrified of their dad growing up and didn't want to upset their mum and tell her what was happening. I'm sure he thinks the kids can't remember any of this, but their in their 40s/50s now and will never forget. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 They should be kept out of the affair and I also think they should not be told about the affair by the BS, whle he/she is still married to their WS. Well if you're getting divorced a BS might decide it's the right thing to tell the kids the truth about why. All depending on their age and it should be done in an age appropriate manner too. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 My WH was involved with his AP's child. I think it is the thing that he regrets most. They (meaning he & AP) got an innocent child involved in adult mess. I still can't believe she did that to her child. I would never, ever want my child to know I was sleeping with someone else's husband. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cloudcuckoo Posted October 24, 2016 Author Share Posted October 24, 2016 My WH was involved with his AP's child. I think it is the thing that he regrets most. They (meaning he & AP) got an innocent child involved in adult mess. I still can't believe she did that to her child. I would never, ever want my child to know I was sleeping with someone else's husband. B, I can only imagine how you must have felt when you discovered that. It must have made your stomach churn... When I found out what my husband's concubine had been doing (gaining access to his email account and other personal information about my family, children and finances), it was HIS face I melted off with some select vocabulary for bringing that lunacy into mine and my children's lives. His girlfriend was seriously deluded and he was such a t**t... I do find it hard sometimes to reconcile the man my husband was during his affair to who he is now. They are poles apart... His relationship with our children is very good for the most part, but there's that look sometimes that tells me none of them will ever forget... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Whoknew30 Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 We will have to agree to disagree. I would never get involved with a married man no matter what. Not under any circumstances. If someone is that unhappy in their marriage, they can leave their spouse before they start sleeping with anyone else. Bringing another person into a marriage will never, ever, ever solve anything or make anything better and involving yourself with a married person will never be ok. Sometimes the AP doesn't know the WS is married & or is under the belief that the marriage itself is really over. Cousin was a unknowingly OW to a man that was at EVERY holiday with us & our family, she was around his kids & fell in love with them (they were little)...he had told her they were going through a divorce but BS was prolonging & how awful of a mom she was. None of it true but he spent all this time with her & the kids. How his wife didn't know was beyond all of us, kicker is whrn dday happened he tried & turn it around on her. His in laws ran into them at the mall. My cousin would have never...my point is if a person is that much of love liar & manipulater you may not know what you're involved in...look how many BS there are, that sweared they married a person that would never cheat. If people weren't able to be manipulated, there'd be no such thing as a BS either, right? If one has had a cheating spouse they were kind of in the same boat of believing a real good liar,so why is it so hard to believe it doesn't go that way with a AP? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Sometimes the AP doesn't know the WS is married & or is under the belief that the marriage itself is really over. Cousin was a unknowingly OW to a man that was at EVERY holiday with us & our family, she was around his kids & fell in love with them (they were little)...he had told her they were going through a divorce but BS was prolonging & how awful of a mom she was. None of it true but he spent all this time with her & the kids. How his wife didn't know was beyond all of us, kicker is whrn dday happened he tried & turn it around on her. His in laws ran into them at the mall. My cousin would have never...my point is if a person is that much of love liar & manipulater you may not know what you're involved in...look how many BS there are, that sweared they married a person that would never cheat. If people weren't able to be manipulated, there'd be no such thing as a BS either, right? If one has had a cheating spouse they were kind of in the same boat of believing a real good liar,so why is it so hard to believe it doesn't go that way with a AP? This is a completely different situation. We were talking about people who know that they are involved in an affair. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cloudcuckoo Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 This is a completely different situation. We were talking about people who know that they are involved in an affair. Quite Chickie.. My husband's concubine said things to my children that they should never have heard from her. Our middle daughter was utterly crushed knowing that this hideous individual had information about her terrible loss of our first granddaughter who was stillborn. That scarred her. She didn't speak to her Father when she found out for nearly a year. She blamed him for being so careless and cavalier letting her gain access to his email and computer information. Vile...just vile.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 Out of interest do your children now have stable monogamous relationships? What are their views on marriage & family? (I'm not sure about the 2nd question because in my early 20's I swore I'd never marry (not for any good reason!) & my parents have been happily married for over 55 years) Sorry it took so long, I didn't see this until today. Oldest is DD, aged 23. She went through a promiscuous phase between 17 and 21, then met her BF. They've been together a little over a year and living together the last 6 months. I know she wants to eventually marry, but I don't know what he wants. She loves kids and does want a family, but she has some hormonal issues that make conceiving without medical assistance very unlikely. It's something she isn't ready to do yet and really isn't positive is even possible, so she's a cautiously optimistic that someday she'll be a mom. Middle is DD, aged 18. She says she wants to get married and have kids, but not for a long time. She just ended a 2 year relationship, a year of which he lived with us as he had no where else to go. He was a great guy and she loved him very much, but he lacked ambition and wanted to slack off with his friends instead of work. She works as much as she legally can at her primary job and is always doing side jobs like babysitting or yard work. His lack of ambition was a dealbreaker for her. She's "getting to know herself" and is staying single by design for a while. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Southern Sun Posted November 4, 2016 Share Posted November 4, 2016 Having been on a few sides of this issue, it's quite odd to think about. As an extension of my feelings for xMM, I felt that I truly cared for his children. I still feel that way. I am even more ashamed now of the affair when I think of them. Truly, I want nothing but their success and happiness. MM did bring me into their lives, albeit in a limited capacity...through his work. I did not otherwise spend time with them, but I did get to know them somewhat because of this. I cringe now when I think of it. But I did not do this purposefully. It was MM who insisted upon it and I could not avoid it. I did not involve my children with MM, though he has met them. Again, we worked together. One of my father's OW, when I was a kid, was a close family friend. I went horseback riding with her. She taught me calligraphy and how to french braid. I literally cannot conjure up any feelings about her one way or the other. If my H had an affair and took my kids to do stuff with his OW, I would probably lose my mind. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts