drifter777 Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 Can you even get those other texts? Is it true that she told you would divorce her if you ever read those deleted text? Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 To me it wouldn't matter. I really understand his reasoning for staying. I stayed in a marriage with a serial cheater for ten years. I let fear rule me. If I was him I would start putting money away every chance I got. I would do all I could to start planning my future once the children left the house . If I could leave her broke I would. I would do everything I could to show her the same love and respect she did me. C 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 40somethingGuy Posted October 16, 2017 Author Share Posted October 16, 2017 To me it wouldn't matter. I really understand his reasoning for staying. I stayed in a marriage with a serial cheater for ten years. I let fear rule me. If I was him I would start putting money away every chance I got. I would do all I could to start planning my future once the children left the house . If I could leave her broke I would. I would do everything I could to show her the same love and respect she did me. C As I stated earlier part of my plan to to land a job that offers better health insurance as I am on her amazing plan right now. Once I have that leverage then the next phase begins. I think some of that comment came from her not initially telling me she wanted to f him. The OM told me she said that and she confirmed but what else is in 3688 text messages? Link to post Share on other sites
GoldenR Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 I will give you some advice that I was once given.----Never judge someone by what they were before. Judge them by what they are today. But when is "before"? "Before" would still be now if she wasn't caught and if OM was willing. It's not that simple as saying, "Oh....I cheated last month, and you busted me. I'm different now". Yes, it's been a year, but what happens when she runs into her next ex-bf? Another months long lapse of judgment that she shouldn't be judged on? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 As I stated earlier part of my plan to to land a job that offers better health insurance as I am on her amazing plan right now. Once I have that leverage then the next phase begins. I think some of that comment came from her not initially telling me she wanted to f him. The OM told me she said that and she confirmed but what else is in 3688 text messages? If its just insurances you need then I would move on that quickly. I personally wouldn't stay over it. If I had to stick around for the children that would be different. Like I said. I would start blowing money or at least that would be the story I was telling her. That money would go into a account with a family members name on it. There would be no paper trail at all. Arguing over the messages isn't really going to help you. You already know the truth. She loved him. She wanted him in ways she never wanted you. Its painful to hear but its the truth. What more beyond that do you really need to know. What value will it have for you if you get it. Do you think she will drop to her knees and give you everything you have always wanted? I mean seriously. The sad reality is she doesn't love you like you do her. Had things been different she would be off with him now. You have a chance now to make your life better. You can let all this go and move on with your life. If time is the issue then save up until you can. Don't tell her anything. Just move and serve her preferably on the same day. Your a victim like us all. You don't have to live as one the rest of your life. You can go on and have a better life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 Hi 40 Something, I have been following your account for a while and I have just one question to ask you since you seem fixated on wanting to know what was in those deleted texts that your wife exchanged with her OM. Assuming you are able to recover them, what is your plan of action based on the knowledge that you will gain from viewing the contents of those texts? Are you just curious about the contents or do you have a definite plan of action based on the blandness or luridness of those texts? Alternatively, are you looking to increase the level of pain that you are already suffering from or do you want that knowledge to be able to hold against your wife in the future for anything that she may do which does not meet with your approval excluding infidelity? I do hope you have very good reasons for wanting to know the contents of those texts because if you are looking for an out you have enough on her to make your exit honourably but if you are not getting out of your marriage then those texts will only serve to increase your pain and the tensions in your daily life. I think your wife offered enough insight about those texts when she told you that if you were to read them you would definitely divorce her. I think you are just obsessing about something which is now irrelevant to your decision making process. I may be wrong and if I am please correct me. Warm regards. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 40somethingGuy Posted October 17, 2017 Author Share Posted October 17, 2017 Hi 40 Something, I have been following your account for a while and I have just one question to ask you since you seem fixated on wanting to know what was in those deleted texts that your wife exchanged with her OM. Assuming you are able to recover them, what is your plan of action based on the knowledge that you will gain from viewing the contents of those texts? Are you just curious about the contents or do you have a definite plan of action based on the blandness or luridness of those texts? Alternatively, are you looking to increase the level of pain that you are already suffering from or do you want that knowledge to be able to hold against your wife in the future for anything that she may do which does not meet with your approval excluding infidelity? I do hope you have very good reasons for wanting to know the contents of those texts because if you are looking for an out you have enough on her to make your exit honourably but if you are not getting out of your marriage then those texts will only serve to increase your pain and the tensions in your daily life. I think your wife offered enough insight about those texts when she told you that if you were to read them you would definitely divorce her. I think you are just obsessing about something which is now irrelevant to your decision making process. I may be wrong and if I am please correct me. Warm regards. I want to know what else I don't know. When I did hack her phone using DrFone I was only able to recover two topless photos (I know there were vagina pics but didn't see them) and a couple hundred of the texts but some of them were random so the context was difficult. There was one text I saw that said, 'I don't regret anything that happened. You were fantastic.' Obviously we all know what that sounded like. However, when he was breaking it off and telling her this thing is over she was trying to stay friends only. She said, 'I am not going to loose a friend especially when we never F****d' So that confirms intercourse didn't happen (which I needed to know for my health) but even though both deny oral happened, did it? I know she put it out there she wanted to have sex so that would not be a shock. All she told me was there was a lot of talk about what they want to do to each other. Did she say something like, 'I am bored of my husband's dick and want your big bad Johnson inside my wet.....' or something? I want to know how the S&m talk went. How much was withheld from me? More than anything, I just want to wrap my head around the depth of what happened and see for myself. I don't think I will get the chance as I am nervous taking up the offer for legal reasons. She has been clean since this happened but I am coming to realize that trust will be forever damaged and is it worth it? Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 As I stated earlier part of my plan to to land a job that offers better health insurance as I am on her amazing plan right now. Once I have that leverage then the next phase begins. I think some of that comment came from her not initially telling me she wanted to f him. The OM told me she said that and she confirmed but what else is in 3688 text messages? Does it really matter what is in them. You already know what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted October 18, 2017 Share Posted October 18, 2017 file for D and tell her to go live with the OM. She will not mind that she has to share him with his wife. just leave you and the kids alone. Link to post Share on other sites
kittencupcake Posted October 18, 2017 Share Posted October 18, 2017 I want to know what else I don't know. When I did hack her phone using DrFone I was only able to recover two topless photos (I know there were vagina pics but didn't see them) and a couple hundred of the texts but some of them were random so the context was difficult. There was one text I saw that said, 'I don't regret anything that happened. You were fantastic.' Obviously we all know what that sounded like. However, when he was breaking it off and telling her this thing is over she was trying to stay friends only. She said, 'I am not going to loose a friend especially when we never F****d' So that confirms intercourse didn't happen (which I needed to know for my health) but even though both deny oral happened, did it? I know she put it out there she wanted to have sex so that would not be a shock. All she told me was there was a lot of talk about what they want to do to each other. Did she say something like, 'I am bored of my husband's dick and want your big bad Johnson inside my wet.....' or something? I want to know how the S&m talk went. How much was withheld from me? More than anything, I just want to wrap my head around the depth of what happened and see for myself. I don't think I will get the chance as I am nervous taking up the offer for legal reasons. She has been clean since this happened but I am coming to realize that trust will be forever damaged and is it worth it? How does this confirm anything? Why would you believe a word she says at this point? Link to post Share on other sites
kittencupcake Posted October 18, 2017 Share Posted October 18, 2017 file for D and tell her to go live with the OM. She will not mind that she has to share him with his wife. just leave you and the kids alone. Why should the children be punished for their mother's bad deeds? Kids need their moms..there is no reason to ask her to leave her babies alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 40somethingGuy Posted October 18, 2017 Author Share Posted October 18, 2017 How does this confirm anything? Why would you believe a word she says at this point? I think was in a text to the OM that I did read when I caught her. I read some of them but too many to read all of them. Since she said to him they never did I would venture to say they did not however that was more due to him than her. She was game. Link to post Share on other sites
Dopedog Posted October 18, 2017 Share Posted October 18, 2017 I think was in a text to the OM that I did read when I caught her. I read some of them but too many to read all of them. Since she said to him they never did I would venture to say they did not however that was more due to him than her. She was game. I would make her take a polygraph ASAP. Have the two questions about Oral sex and other issues you have asked. Get the truth. Make it non-negotiable. Keep in mind most polygraphs you can only ask 1 to 3 questions. I don't think your relationship will improve until you are certain. Link to post Share on other sites
kittencupcake Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 I think was in a text to the OM that I did read when I caught her. I read some of them but too many to read all of them. Since she said to him they never did I would venture to say they did not however that was more due to him than her. She was game. The guy is your neighbor right? How difficult would it have been for her to walk the 50 feet to his front door and jump his bones without a text message? I'm guessing not very... How can you be sure that texting was their only form of communication? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dopedog Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 I would make her take a polygraph ASAP. Have the two questions about Oral sex and other issues you have asked. Get the truth. Make it non-negotiable. Keep in mind most polygraphs you can only ask 1 to 3 questions. I don't think your relationship will improve until you are certain. POLYGRAPH POLYGRAPH POLYGRAPH If I'd were you I ask if there was any sexual contact you don't know about and if she still has feeling for him. I'd be sure she understood what the definition of sexual contact was. Link to post Share on other sites
Greg_1963 Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 Or you could do what I did and destroy her phone and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Dopedog Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 Or you could do what I did and destroy her phone and move on. I would 100% advise against rug sweeping. I believe from OPs post that not matter what amount of therapy, whatever his wife tells him, etc he will never believe her. It's pretty apparent to me getting the truth is a big deal to him. Most people will be miserable in a relationship when they think their spouse is hiding details of an affair from them. Really a polygraph is the only way forward in this situation. If she is unwilling to take it that will tell him everything he needs to know. Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 Why should the children be punished for their mother's bad deeds? Kids need their moms..there is no reason to ask her to leave her babies alone. was she really thinking about her kids when she was with her lover? nothing else mattered. She made choices that were selfish and dropped the A bomb on her entire family. She did not care if she blew up their world. and so she did. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 40somethingGuy Posted October 20, 2017 Author Share Posted October 20, 2017 The guy is your neighbor right? How difficult would it have been for her to walk the 50 feet to his front door and jump his bones without a text message? I'm guessing not very... How can you be sure that texting was their only form of communication? He lives 3 streets away. yes in the neighborhood but not so close like on the same block or anything like that. Especially if she has the kids she is not doing that. Their time to get together was lunch breaks at work. They went to lunch a total of 3 times (twice to a restaurant and once at the park). Google location history confirmed that. If you look at the actual physical side of what happened it was pretty small compared to most stories of people here. For me the real violations are the EA over text where she and he talked very salty and HER INTENT and willingness to do whatever he wanted had he let her. He was very brash and sexual behind a phone but very timid and passive towards her in person. He enjoyed the attention but really was not comfortable being that guy I guess. Basically his conscience got to him and he ended it before it got physical although 2 days before the park it was he that suggested they get physical. Link to post Share on other sites
kittencupcake Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 (edited) was she really thinking about her kids when she was with her lover? nothing else mattered. She made choices that were selfish and dropped the A bomb on her entire family. She did not care if she blew up their world. and so she did. So her children should be punished and lose their mother because of HER mistakes? Do you know how devastating it is for a child to lose a parent? I agree that cheating is terrible and that SHE deserves to be punished for it but what did her kids do wrong? Why do they deserve such a heavy punishment? Edited October 20, 2017 by kittencupcake 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kittencupcake Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 He lives 3 streets away. yes in the neighborhood but not so close like on the same block or anything like that. Especially if she has the kids she is not doing that. Their time to get together was lunch breaks at work. They went to lunch a total of 3 times (twice to a restaurant and once at the park). Google location history confirmed that. If you look at the actual physical side of what happened it was pretty small compared to most stories of people here. For me the real violations are the EA over text where she and he talked very salty and HER INTENT and willingness to do whatever he wanted had he let her. He was very brash and sexual behind a phone but very timid and passive towards her in person. He enjoyed the attention but really was not comfortable being that guy I guess. Basically his conscience got to him and he ended it before it got physical although 2 days before the park it was he that suggested they get physical. If you choose to believe that they never got physical that's your prerogative. You know her and none of the rest of us does. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 .. I then found the text string between the two of them and saw 3688 messages which included nude photos of my wife sent to him, lots of talk about her telling him she wanted to f*** him or perform oral and lot of S&M talk. I think you found enough even if you believe his penis stayed in his pants. Without re reading the full 10 pages, did you show the "just a friend" ex boyfriend's wife the 3688 messages between your wife and her husband(the father of her 3 children)? What is her opinion of their relationship? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Maraud3r Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 So her children should be punished and lose their mother because of HER mistakes? Do you know how devastating it is for a child to lose a parent? I agree that cheating is terrible and that SHE deserves to be punished for it but what did her kids do wrong? Why do they deserve such a heavy punishment? You are right now using the children to pretty much excuse a cheater and let them get away with it. Pretending that otherwise "she'd vanish from their life" which simply isn't true. Stop using the children as a shield and excuse for her, they deserve better. The children will also notice that things are amiss between their parents, they will pick up on the changing mood and that they live in a broken home. Would you tell a woman with a cheating husband to "suck it up"? One with an abusive one? The hell you would. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 40somethingGuy Posted October 20, 2017 Author Share Posted October 20, 2017 .. I then found the text string between the two of them and saw 3688 messages which included nude photos of my wife sent to him, lots of talk about her telling him she wanted to f*** him or perform oral and lot of S&M talk. I think you found enough even if you believe his penis stayed in his pants. Without re reading the full 10 pages, did you show the "just a friend" ex boyfriend's wife the 3688 messages between your wife and her husband(the father of her 3 children)? What is her opinion of their relationship? I did not disclose to his wife for two reasons. Reasons you may not agree with but felt correct at the time. 1. I scared the crap out of him and exchanged staying away, answering all my many questions which was over a 7 month course of time, and being ready to answer anything that eventually came to mind in exchange for not turning evidence to his wife. I got many answers that my wife didn't disclose that way. Second. I wanted him married so her and he could never potentially get together even if we didnt stay together. With young kids I cringed at the thought they'd be around him and I wouldn't handle her and him well in the future. It's still tempting for sure but so far he has lived up to his end. Still hope he has a stroke and dies. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 I did not disclose to his wife for two reasons. Reasons you may not agree with but felt correct at the time. 1. I scared the crap out of him and exchanged staying away, answering all my many questions which was over a 7 month course of time, and being ready to answer anything that eventually came to mind in exchange for not turning evidence to his wife. I got many answers that my wife didn't disclose that way. Second. I wanted him married so her and he could never potentially get together even if we didnt stay together. With young kids I cringed at the thought they'd be around him and I wouldn't handle her and him well in the future. It's still tempting for sure but so far he has lived up to his end. Still hope he has a stroke and dies. It's your life and your call but helping hide the affair doesn't get you much IMO. Usually from what I've seen it just enables it to go underground plus if that's all that's keeping her in your marriage you don't have one anyway. He's not scared of you just grateful 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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